It's not about me. I swear. No, really.
What advice would you give to a woman whose husband who found her vibrator, and was completely shocked. Exclaimed, "what the fuck is this?!" and she replied, "uh, a vibrator duh."
Then he told her it's filthy and sick, that he was beyond disgusted, and ordered her to get it out of the house and never bring anything like it back in. He said a lot of shitty things, like he doesn't want that stuff around his kids, he guarantees his mom never had anything like that, etc. Then he cold shouldered her for a week. She asked if he ever masturbates, and he said yes, but he doesn't "use anything like that."
Just looking for some good points or advice here. And really, it's not about me. DH knows my inventory and uses. :-p
Re: Hypothetical Dildo Question
Obviously counseling would be a good avenue, but I don't think it's likely they will go that route.
She tried to improve their intimate life a couple years ago, because he's an inexperienced lover (get on top, pump, get off 30 seconds later). He's not interested in trying to extend the experience for her (foreplay, or slowing down to delay coming), and he won't do oral because he says it's disgusting.
There isn't an underlying religious conflict here.
My advice would be to ask him to go see someone or fucking leave him. He clearly doesn't care to improve the sexual experience for her and now she can't take care of herself the way she likes either?!
Yeah. No. He sounds like an asshole.
There seems to be more than one issue here. My first thought was that I would feel gross and ashamed if my DH had such a terrible reaction to something related to my sexuality. He wouldn't even look at her. I would feel betrayed by him. You're never supposed to treat your spouse like that, regardless of the situation. Gross.
She seems to be mostly past being belittled. She hid her vibrator in a better place and is just at a loss for how to handle the situation, so it's stringing along with him not even looking at her. I think a talk to find out why he feels that way is the first step, then move from there.
I really could not take my husband seriously if he felt this way. I would just think...gee, you should have never married a crass broad like me, you dumbass.
I agree with hyaline that if that's his normal way of reacting to conflict, they need counseling for sure. If it's not his norm, then he has some kind of issue for reacting so strongly to one little sex toy.
I'm not saying it wasn't okay for him to be shocked over it. Sure, it made him uncomfortable, but why can't he just talk to the woman he loves about this with respect? Why get shitty and dramatic? I just think it deserves some counseling to get it all ironed out.
Dexter 08/31/2012~Summer 07/25/2011~Jack 10/21/2008~Aaron 08/12/2007
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
1. Yes, but there were other things that would have glossed over that issue. She is a farm girl that moved to the city and got into pharma. He was the 'catch' and high up in her company. I think it was always vanilla, but more exciting for other reasons.
She gained some weight after baby #1 and that's when his fitness asshole side really came out. He's a complete jerk about body image and always seemed to one-up her about his success vs hers. I've always gotten the feeling that he's so peroccupied with himself to be proud of his wife.
Actually, he was an asshole about the wedding planning too. He's a douche. He wanted everything to be elegant for his affluent family and their friends. I wasn't in the wedding and he asked her to tell me to keep a formal presence at the wedding and avoid the bar. She told me I should get drunk and come out of the bathroom with my dress tucked in my underwear. That should have been a huge red flag, and I think it was, but she felt panicked and in too deep.
2. Maybe
3. She has told me before that he thinks his mom walks on water, and he would be thrilled if she were a mirror image. It's funny because his mom is dumpy and extremely overweight, so I wonder why he's so hard on his wife about her weight. He bought her a personal trainer for her birthday. It wasn't a heartfelt gesture, trust me.
I think part of the reason I am having trouble giving her advice is because this is part of a larger problem, and I don't think it can be fixed. He is an asshole down to his bones, and that is really the problem. I never speak negatively about him because it's disrespectful and not my business. I follow her lead.
My DH thinks he is an asshole, without knowing anything about how much of an asshole he really is, and DH likes everyone.
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
...I'd tell her to find an attorney. Seriously. So, he doesn't care about her sexual pleasure, he 'bans' her from masturbating the way she likes, he rags on her for her weight AFTER SHE HAD HIS CHILD....
....I'd kick his ass to the curb.
BFP #1 Chemical Pregnancy
BFP #2 DS Bennett
BFP #3 Missed Miscarriage 8wks
BFP #4 Miscarriage 6 wks
BFP #5 Due August 10, 2015
Me too.
But then, I canceled the wedding to my ex fiancé two weeks before the date. Glad I did, too. I am not scared of being 'in too deep' if it feels wrong.
But, I'm also surprised by what people take from their husbands. I guess I'm just a get the fuck out type of person.