Cosleeping and bed sharing

LittleLady77 · March 2014

I don't know how I feel about this. Part of me thinks if it's practiced safely it can be wonderful to encourage BFing but there is always a risk, and a big one at that! I read an article recently saying that most women start out saying they will never do it so they don't look into safe ways to cosleep and then one night they are so tired it just happens and that's where the trouble lies. A huge number of women in my BFing support group recommend cosleeping as does my friend with her degree in child phycology and care. It kind of seems like cosleeping is making a comeback. So what are your thoughts on cosleeping? (I'm not talking about room sharing or putting your baby in some other sleeper near your bed- I'm talking about actually sharing the bed with little one).

cwm11985 · March 2014

I will never, and have never, with an infant...but sometimes once they get bigger and start going through sleep regressions (12 month, 18 month) its the only way to get them to sleep so we have let LO sleep in our bed a few times since he's been "older."

LittleLady77 · March 2014

cwm11985 said:

I will never, and have never, with an infant...but sometimes once they get bigger and start going through sleep regressions (12 month, 18 month) its the only way to get them to sleep so we have let LO sleep in our bed a few times since he's been "older."

I should have put an option for only when they are older!

BabyBsMommy · March 2014

I never thought we would bed share but at around 4 months, it just happened! I went back to work and DS wasn't sleeping well in his crib. I'm going to try not to again with this LO because at almost 3, DS is still sleeping with us...

maelic · March 2014

We're planning to co-sleep for the first couple of months, but absolutely no bed sharing. I wouldn't feel safe and I'd never be able to be comfortable sleeping (I'll worry enough with baby in its own crib).

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

We never bed shared and still breast fed fine. I don't care what other people do, I mostly don't because I like my own sleep space not because I think it's dangerous, but it's not a prerequisite for successful breastfeeding.

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

I do have the crib right next to the bed. I'm not comfortable having a brand new baby in another room, either. I tried that last time and didn't like it.

nikki912 · March 2014

We co-sleep but not bed share. Sometimes I would doze during nursing sessions when baby was older and we would bed share for a couple hours early in the morning.

thomas930 · March 2014

Before I had an outside baby I said I would never room-share, let alone bed-share.....yeah I've now done it with both kids and its what was right for my family and sanity. For me room-sharing is just easiest and bed sharing only happened when nothing else worked.

Ladybugmomma · March 2014

We bed share from day one and only bed share. No cribs etc. this is our 6th, we had a crib with the first 2 but never used it so never have had one again. For me it's easier and I sleep better. I never was comfortable with them sleeping away from me.

Emztron500 · March 2014

We are using a cosleeper. I have no issues with bed sharing but it would make me very nervous with a newborn - too many sheets and blankets and things going on. I imagine when baby's a bit older we will either transition her to her own room or just into our bed with us - whatever makes sense at that time.

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

After using a cosleeper last time I have to say I think they're a waste of money. You're much better off with a side carred crib, IMO.

Sisimama10 · March 2014

I never planned to co-sleep or bed share with DD but ended up doing it. It worked best for us. And now at almost 4 she usually still sleeps with us.

SeattleMomma · March 2014

No way!!

flyingmommy · March 2014

I got a bassinet for the bedroom this time but would never put her in my bed. I know they make specialty items for bed sharing but it's just something I've never been comfortable with.

Smores730 · March 2014

I took a few naps with my DS in my bed when it was just me and him, but I personally haven't done it intentionally at night and/or with my DH also in the bed. I don't feel comfortable with it. I have nodded off many times with my kids still latched on while I was in bed with my desk lamp on, then waking up 30 mins later or whatever and putting the baby back to bed.

fourthnlast · March 2014

Baby is in our room for the first month or so, but never the same bed. I don't even like sharing a bed with my husband some nights.

AcaAwkward · March 2014

We are co-sleepers, not bed-sharers. We keep the PNP right next to my side of the bed for as long as is practical (no time limit, but once it's clear that our sleep noises are waking baby up, we transition to the crib in the nursery -- this was 3 mo with DD; kinda hoping it's longer with this LO).

I was never able to get a good latch laying on my side so nursing in bed wasn't practical for us. Plus DH rolls constantly and our dog sleeps underneath the covers. I had major panic attack / nightmares about DD accidentally being in bed with us and getting smothered under the covers so I don't think bed sharing will ever be a good fit for us.

homediva · March 2014

Cradle next to my bed for first 4-6 months. Bed sharing only in moments of desperation when and if the "I'm
up at 4am and ready to start my day!" phase hits. I can't. Do. That. Again. (This is only when older, not infant! I'm way too scared of daddy rolling over.)

Rfox831 · March 2014

You ladies who say never ever ever make me smile. Or laugh. Can't decide. The ONLY way to get my DD to sleep was while nursing her. So yes, we co-slept! Started around 6 weeks and last til about 7months. Getting her to sleep alone was tough a few nights but ever since she loves her own space in her bed. (3.5 now). Granted, it was only her and I in a queen sized bed. This time around.... I guess time will tell. Daddy says no, for now....

Airynn Chica · March 2014

We never started a night this way but often if DD wouldn't go back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning she would be in bed with us or if I fell asleep bf, but we would move her back if we happened to wake up. I am hoping this LO will be a better sleeper! DD was a nightmare to get to sleep until about 6 months!

ksulli · March 2014

I could never sleep with baby in my bed- I need my big heavy blankets pulled right up to my chin. Baby will have a cradle a few inches away.

sayysayy13 · March 2014

My plan was to put the baby right in his crib from the start. But since there taking him 3 weeks early I got a little nervous and got a bassinet for next to the bed (for night time only) during the day he will nap in his crib. And eventually will transition into the crib for night time. I'm just a worry wart and wanted him next to me in a bassinet for night time.

BreeShipman · March 2014

My husband was a chaplain at the hospital for a year and he had to sit with several parents in that small amount of time who got tired while putting a baby or even small child to bed and they woke up on them or partially on them and the children died. He was on some tough cases but these ones shook him up the worst. This is a big no no in our house. It's just not worth it.

katieharpiceland · March 2014

Rfox831 said:

You ladies who say never ever ever make me smile. Or laugh. Can't decide. The ONLY way to get my DD to sleep was while nursing her. So yes, we co-slept! Started around 6 weeks and last til about 7months. Getting her to sleep alone was tough a few nights but ever since she loves her own space in her bed. (3.5 now). Granted, it was only her and I in a queen sized bed. This time around.... I guess time will tell. Daddy says no, for now....

Oooh! High and mighty STM+ condescension. Awesome!

I'm a FTM and in the never say never camp, but, go ahead, laugh away.

8-|

ksulli · March 2014

Just to put it out there, I'm a STM that never bed shared. Now you've 'met' one/don't have to laugh at FTMs saying 'never'.

She had an ER worthy illness (my PNP cousin was with us at the time, and our pedi told us to go, not a normal FTM freak out ER trip) at 7w and for 48 hours we pretty much didn't put her down, but even with the overnights we rotated & didn't sleep while holding her.

Sisimama10 · March 2014

Well just throwing it out there that I am a STM and have bed-shared, but I still think the "I'm laughing at you" comment was rude and condescending. To each their own.

mrscrcalli · March 2014

Mostly I don't care what any of you are going to do, currently do, or care about what I do.

This thread makes me stabby.

Love my A14 ladies but imma do what I want!!! ;;)

Eta: if it's one thing I've learned while being on this board it's I can say one thing and when I actually have my kid here it could be the complete opposite so..

BiggerinRealLife · March 2014

We will co-sleep but not bed share. @Littlelady77 Curious: How does this work with twins?

mrscrcalli · March 2014

BiggerinRealLife said:
We will co-sleep but not bed share. @Littlelady77 Curious: How does this work with twins?

I wish i was having twins simply cause tandem breast feeding would be awesome, especially in public!

mrscrcalli · March 2014

ColleenSwerb said:
We do whatever works.

I'm a STM and I never say never and I pretty much never tell anyone "just you wait" because it's fucking obnoxious.

I wish you had a Fievel gif that went with this

LittleLady77 · March 2014

BiggerinRealLife said:

We will co-sleep but not bed share. @Littlelady77 Curious: How does this work with twins?

From what I understand it doesn't. I was planning on never bed sharing but all these ladies in my BFing support group recommend it. Then I called my friend and she gave me the speech about safely bed sharing vs just doing it one night when you're tired. This is what prompted the question.

BiggerinRealLife · March 2014

Haha I posted without seeing all the crap. I have so much condescending crap in my head to say back, but condescension is wasted on the hopelessly smug. So instead I'll say this: I am a FTM with no first-hand experience to know what to expect. But I have very few hard and fast things I want to stick to. Not bed-sharing is one of them. Another is this: in 5 weeks, when I am a "real mom," with growing experience under my belt, I will do my best to support other moms. When they ask about my experiences and choices I'll gladly give them, but I won't tell them that because of my experience they are wrong. I will do my best to support them in their ideas of what kind of moms they want to be. I'll cheer them and their choices on and tell them they can EFB or FF, they can co-sleep, bed share, or nursery sleep from the beginning if that's what they want. And if, IF, she changes her mind because something else works better, I'll tell her she did her best and it's ok to change her mind instead of gloating and saying "I told you so!"

LittleLady77 · March 2014

We will room share or I guess co sleep for sure though. We have a few options to try (one of the cribs, a twin pack n' play, two Rock n' plays).

strawberrytree · March 2014

We cosleep for the first 6ish month. Like DS1, he will have his own bed in there and be put to bed alone, but after we're in bed he will probably end up joining us most nights. It's easier for me to nurse a baby multiple times a night if I can do it by just popping a boob in. Before DS1 was born I did lots of research to make sure we were going about it safely. It's a lot safer, IMO, to bed share following the bedsharing rules (baby only sleeps next to mom, no pillows or blankets nearby, etc) than it is to doze off in a glider with baby in your arms.

Eta: ooh, posted this before reading the second page. I don't mean this in a condescending way...just, if you bed share, regardless of whether it's every night or you just get desperate enough to try anything to get baby to sleep one night, please follow the regulations and do it safely.

Lovelife14 · March 2014

I was against it based on safety concerns, but when I returned to work & baby wanted to nurse all night, I started bed-sharing. We practice safe bed-sharing and we were both happier.

haziedaze · March 2014

I was very anti-bedsharing as a FTM. Professionally it was a big no-no, most of my friends and colleagues talked about it as if it were a certain death sentence or at least would permanently ruin my son's sleep. But he just wouldn't sleep for longer than 15-30mins in the cosleeper and we were all exhausted and miserable.

So I read a LOT, I found McKenna's perspective to be esp. helpful: https://cosleeping.nd.edu/ and after DH and I both drifted off in less than safe conditions decided it was time to embrace what felt like it would work and do it in as safe a way as possible.

I was seriously freaked out that I was going to kill my child and no one would ever forgive me, but then I realized that SIDS can happen in a crib too and as morbid as it sounds, having him pass away snuggled up to me sounded less awful that having it happen in a crib, esp in another room, and then always thinking about how he was alone. Yes, those early weeks at home were very dark sometimes.

I say all this to say, it's so sad that we can't have a civil conversation about this and acknowledge that like with all parenting there is no right and wrong, there's only you, your baby, and your best decision in the moment. I agree with McKenna's position that telling people not to do it probably isn't as effective a public health strategy as talking about what it takes to do it safely. I've even changed my tune professionally and while I don't think I ever convinced a bed sharing momma not to bedshare, I have convinced many to take some important safety steps.

When you have a high needs, boob addicted baby, sleep just isn't easy to come by. Every parent will face challenges and hard decisions, I wish we could all be more supportive of each other!

avidkeo · March 2014

dani+california said:

Haha I posted without seeing all the crap. I have so much condescending crap in my head to say back, but condescension is wasted on the hopelessly smug. So instead I'll say this: I am a FTM with no first-hand experience to know what to expect. But I have very few hard and fast things I want to stick to. Bed-sharing is one of them. In 5 weeks, when I am a "real mom," with growing experience under my belt, I will do my best to support other moms. When they ask about my experiences and choices I'll gladly give them, but I won't tell them that because of my experience they are wrong. I will do my best to support them in their ideas of what kind of moms they want to be. I'll cheer them and their choices on and tell them they can EFB or FF, they can co-sleep, bed share, or nursery sleep from the beginning if that's what they want. And if, IF, she changes her mind because something else works better, I'll tell her she did her best and it's ok to change her mind instead of gloating and saying "I told you so!"
You would have made an excellent First Lady, cause girl, you is classy.

bugger first lady, BIRL for President!

ETA: says the non-american!

fourthnlast · March 2014

LalaMama81 said:

celticlullaby said:
DH reads infant mortality reports as part of his job, so we know some pretty tragic cases, and absolutely no way to bed sharing. We've both had jobs where part of the gig was educating people not to do this. The baby will be in his own bassinet in our room.

@rfox831 we have a 2 year old, and we never ever had him in bed with us, period. Don't be condescending to the FTMs about their choices. If it's an important issue to them, then they'll make it work. It wasn't even a particularly tough issue to stick it out on.
Have any of these tragic cases occurred when someone has bed-shared safely, following all recommendations?

I generally agree with not telling a ftm, "just you wait..." But I also don't know any parents who have never, ever bed shared. Even those who don't do it regularly often try it on a bad night.

Well, now you have met one. Three kids, none have ever slept in our bed with us.

maelic · March 2014

I feel like we're talking about apples and oranges.

Will I have a two year old napping in bed with me at some point? Sure.

Will I sleep in the same bed as a six month old or a newborn? No. And I'm pretty damn firm on that one.

nicole mackenzie · March 2014

I live in an 1846 farm house and my floors are crooked. I'm lucky I don't roll off the bed at night :P

So baby will be in a co-sleeper to avoid rolling downhill.

Want a personalized experience?

Cosleeping and bed sharing

Cosleeping and bed sharing 340 votes

Re: Cosleeping and bed sharing

Choose Another Board

Search Boards