I hate kids' clothes with characters on them. I hate pink, especially baby pink. That said, I love baby girl clothes. My favorite are the "rompers" that are like one-piece shorts.
Of course my daughter loves pink and princess stuff. She has super tacky princess pj's and underwear, but that's it. She doesn't leave the house in character stuff. That might make me mean or stuck-up, but whatever.
@Lilygrace48 , I have a friend from high school who is this extreme with her kid right now. It makes me sad for her and her kid because she seems miserable 99% of the time. They haven't slept for more than 3 hour stints and he's 15 months? Anyway, he screams constantly unless she's holding him. At what point does a child learn independence? I plan to let my LO CIO after a certain point (3-4 months maybe?) I feel like we all have bad days where we are pissed off and we need to let it out. If she doesn't quiet after a few minutes then I'll intervene. Again, this is my plan. Who knows how I'll react lol
June '14 September Siggy challenge- Favorite things about fall
Attachment parenting. I find it really hard to explain or give a definition because to me, it all came naturally. If that makes sense. If DD was crying, I always responded. I breastfed, I bed share about half of the time (cue the horrified looks), I wear her. It's about trying to form a strong bond early on. But like I said, I had no idea any of what I was doing was AP, it's just what I felt was right for us.
Is this considered a bad thing?? I wasn't aware that I could be labeled as such?
I think the negative connotation of AP is similar to that of feminism. AP is something that most parents do anyways without even really associating with the AP label, but because of the extreme end of the spectrum where people who loudly identify themselves as AP and try to push the most extreme ideals of it on everyone, it sort of gives it a bad name. Just like most women are 'feminists' because in modern times, not many women believe they aren't equal to men. But because of the extreme end of the spectrum of the 'bra-burning, man-hating feminist', most women think that identifying with feminism equates to the extremes when it really doesn't.
1. Totally fascinating reality: basically no feminists actually ever burned their bras. It's one of those things that has become mythological and attached to this era of "extreme" feminism that never really happened en masse. I learned this as a freshman in college and totally wigged out. We reconstruct our history in really fascinating ways.
2. I may be opening a big can of worms here (I'm sorry/you're welcome), but I think the AP crazies are WAY less crazypants than the babywise people on the other end of the spectrum. I'm not into either extreme (we'll be doing most of the AP stuff, in a reasonable way), but depriving your kid of basic human necessities starting at 8 weeks or earlier is pretty fucking nutballs.
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Meh, I don't think it's a big deal if you want to dress your boys in all blue or your girls in pink and frills. They're babies. They don't care right now. I like pink, so my girl will wear pink. When she is able to tell me what she likes I am happy to accommodate her but I think people get too hyped up about it overall. DS is usually in firetrucks, baseballs, trains, etc. Not because I don't think he can like feminine stuff but because he looks darn cute in firetrucks.
So maybe this is just me being my English-major-reading-into-the-deeper-meaning-of-everything self, but this to me is problematic. It isn't about pink vs. blue, it's about the larger societal approach to all things gendered. Things have gotten so segmented, so while it doesn't really matter if your kid wears pink, it needs to be mitigated by other messaging so as to offset what they see in the media. I'm probably not articulating my thoughts clearly, I just fear where all of this color coding will lead us.
And I know I'm the crazy person in the corner, muttering to herself about the Princess Industrial Complex and the scary dangers of pink vs. blue. I just see it every fucking place I go that has something to do with children.
DISCLAIMER: this is an incredibly biased definition of babywise. I'm
sure someone out there can make it sound less horrible. Actually, I'm
not sure. But you're welcome to try.
It's basically sleep training for infants. It tells parents not to do anything on demand (feeding, sleeping, etc.), starting pretty much at birth. The people I know who do it started at TWO WEEKS. So, you create a schedule for your newborn and feed them at specific times and force them to sleep at specific times. You never feed them when they cry. You are supposed to wake them up if they fall asleep at the "wrong" time. It can lead to all kinds of really horrible stuff, like GI issues (from not learning to self-regulate feeding) and (yes, I'll be the "crunchy" one who says it) actual trust issues. Again, the people I know who do it have 2 kids with (surprise!) severe acid reflux. One time I was there when they were feeding their older son yogurt and he ate the whole can, then vomited. He never learned to eat when he was hungry and stop when he was full, so he just ate because he was given the opportunity, but his brain never told him to stop. Oh my god it makes me so sad.
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
I am assuming the opposite of ap like cio. Laissez-faire types.
I dont think one is worse than the other, because they are equally close minded about any other ways of parenting. I cannot STAND people like that who are totally unwilling to even consider another perspective and will judge the shit out of you if your beliefs dont line up.
It's not CIO. CIO is designed for older babies. It's depriving a hungry 3-week old newborn of food. It's way on the other end of the spectrum. I don't usually like judgmental people either, but this one borders on child abuse for me.
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
I think it is OK to vent about your spouse to a degree. Better that than taking it out on them. Now, if it is constant or it is a major issue, keep it off The Internet because The Internet never forgets.
I think extremists on either side of any issue are pretty nutso (this is when people get so close minded that they refuse to listen to any differing opinions), but I agree that the extreme babywise definitely sound much more detrimental to their child's health than the extreme AP.
I don't care if people mistake my baby for the opposite sex. I feel like most kids look pretty unisex until they are about two and the fact that people can't immediately "tell" doesn't bother me. I dress DD in plenty of "boy" colors because IDGAF and a kid doesn't need to be walking around in a pink dress all the time.
People confuse Lincoln for a girl constantly. They tell me how pretty he is, etc. And he IS pretty. I don't take it as an insult and I rarely correct them. He has long, beautiful curls that I only just had cut for the first time yesterday to appease my husband. I never mind the compliments even if they're incorrect. LOL!
I don't think babies need a crap ton of stuff. I am a minimalist I suppose. Obviously, they need the essentials like clothes, diapers, wipes, car seat, etc. But honestly all the other crap drives me crazy. The "pee pee tee pees" are dumb, the bags for your baby's diapers are a waste of plastic, the diaper genies are a waste of space and smell terrible, all the toys that your kid wont play with because they would rather play with the box... Seeing people lug around 50 lbs of baby crap makes me smh. They don't NEED it, you're only making it harder for yourself!
I never even really carry a diaper bag. I have some wipes stashed in ym car and maybe a diaper in my purse. Talk about being a minimalist, LOL!
Meh, I don't think it's a big deal if you want to dress your boys in all blue or your girls in pink and frills. They're babies. They don't care right now. I like pink, so my girl will wear pink. When she is able to tell me what she likes I am happy to accommodate her but I think people get too hyped up about it overall. DS is usually in firetrucks, baseballs, trains, etc. Not because I don't think he can like feminine stuff but because he looks darn cute in firetrucks.
So maybe this is just me being my English-major-reading-into-the-deeper-meaning-of-everything self, but this to me is problematic. It isn't about pink vs. blue, it's about the larger societal approach to all things gendered. Things have gotten so segmented, so while it doesn't really matter if your kid wears pink, it needs to be mitigated by other messaging so as to offset what they see in the media. I'm probably not articulating my thoughts clearly, I just fear where all of this color coding will lead us.
And I know I'm the crazy person in the corner, muttering to herself about the Princess Industrial Complex and the scary dangers of pink vs. blue. I just see it every fucking place I go that has something to do with children.
I'm in the corner with you, also muttering
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
I'm breaking a rule and bumping from work because I feel the need to get in on the CIO debate (which I know will only get worse and come up more often over the next 6months).
This article (https://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html) should be read by everyone regarding CIO. She talks about there being 2 types of babies, those that release tension by crying, and thus will respond to CIO, and those that Increase tension by crying, for whom CIO is one of the worst things you can do.
It is a really important perspective and can help you figure out if CIO is the right option for you and your baby.
Thank goodness I'm not alone, @deepoceanmama (although I had a feeling you'd be in the corner with me).
I totally get that not everyone sees things the way I do, which makes me even crazier when I'm stuck in the toy aisles at <insert any store name here> and I just get angrier and angrier that no one sees it. Why must there be aisles for boy toys (color code: blue) and aisles for girl toys (color code: pink). And it will kill me the day that M grabs my hand and asks to go look at the girl toys. I hope we never get there - so far, she's into EVERYTHING in terms of toys, I just don't ever want her world view to be limited.
Which is my job as a parent. But I feel like I'm pushing back against the ocean on this one.
I'm breaking a rule and bumping from work because I feel the need to get in on the CIO debate (which I know will only get worse and come up more often over the next 6months).
This article (https://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html) should be read by everyone regarding CIO. She talks about there being 2 types of babies, those that release tension by crying, and thus will respond to CIO, and those that Increase tension by crying, for whom CIO is one of the worst things you can do.
It is a really important perspective and can help you figure out if CIO is the right option for you and your baby.
THANK YOU for posting that. My daughter was and is still for the most part an awful sleeper. I don't do CIO because I know it doesn't work for her. She's the kind of kid that goes from just crying to straight up hysterics really fast. I was told by plenty of people to just let her cry and I always tried to explain that I believe it works for some, but it's not going to work for me.
I don't think AP parenting is detrimental to a child's health, I just think those that are very extreme about it do a good job of making others feel like shit. I don't need anymore mom guilt.
Meh, I don't think it's a big deal if you want to dress your boys in all blue or your girls in pink and frills. They're babies. They don't care right now. I like pink, so my girl will wear pink. When she is able to tell me what she likes I am happy to accommodate her but I think people get too hyped up about it overall. DS is usually in firetrucks, baseballs, trains, etc. Not because I don't think he can like feminine stuff but because he looks darn cute in firetrucks.
So maybe this is just me being my English-major-reading-into-the-deeper-meaning-of-everything self, but this to me is problematic. It isn't about pink vs. blue, it's about the larger societal approach to all things gendered. Things have gotten so segmented, so while it doesn't really matter if your kid wears pink, it needs to be mitigated by other messaging so as to offset what they see in the media. I'm probably not articulating my thoughts clearly, I just fear where all of this color coding will lead us.
And I know I'm the crazy person in the corner, muttering to herself about the Princess Industrial Complex and the scary dangers of pink vs. blue. I just see it every fucking place I go that has something to do with children.
Pink and blue was just a simple example that I could think of that made it easy to explain. I guess my point is that people who refuse to let their girls wear pink, or princess outfits, or watch Disney princess movies, or <insert preference here> don't make any more sense to me than people who force their children to act or dress a certain way. A lot of little girls are feminine. A lot of little girls aren't. But as babies I don't see why it's a big deal. If a five-year-old girl is being forced to only dance ballet because her mother thinks it's the girliest option, then that's an issue.
But I only have a minor in English so maybe I am wrong
I'm breaking a rule and bumping from work because I feel the need to get in on the CIO debate (which I know will only get worse and come up more often over the next 6months).
This article (https://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html) should be read by everyone regarding CIO. She talks about there being 2 types of babies, those that release tension by crying, and thus will respond to CIO, and those that Increase tension by crying, for whom CIO is one of the worst things you can do.
It is a really important perspective and can help you figure out if CIO is the right option for you and your baby.
I agree it is important to distinguish that not every technique works for every baby. Lincoln wanted OUT of our room at 6 months and slept much better in his own room even though we would've kept him with us a little longer. Around 9 months he was NOT getting adequate sleep and his pedi strongly told me that I needed to do SOMETHING because it was a disservice to him in multiple ways for him to not learn to sleep on his own. He wouldn't have been ready before then so I was OK with it at 9 months. He turned into such a good sleeper! We have had to revert back two or more times and each time he gets right back on track. But timing, and individual child were important factors.
I think it is OK to vent about your spouse to a degree. Better that than taking it out on them. Now, if it is constant or it is a major issue, keep it off The Internet because The Internet never forgets.
Even non animated ones like Grease??
Also I get venting about always leaving laundry on the floor or something but sometimes it seems like the time venting about issues on the internet could be more productively spent communicating with the spouse to try to resolve these issues.
Even non-animated ones. The singing doesn't do it for me.
And I agree with speaking to your spouse over legitimate issues. I just don't think blowing off a little steam is such a terrible thing. My husband supports it, LOL.
Agree on the toys. DD loves princess stuff and has some dolls / dollhouse that are princess-themed (purchased by my ILs of course), but all of her legos are primary colors and she has a gear set and a train set. She also has a neutral kitchen that I fully expect will be used by a boy (if my inside baby is indeed a boy).
That said, she is SUCH a girl. So into pink and dresses and jewelry. She won't even wear pants or shorts right now. It's driving me nuts.
@chickpea912 I agree with you on toys, shows, etc being either labeled as a boy toy/girl show, etc. Like the news story going around with the 9 year old boy who had a My Little Pony lunchbox and was bullied at school. The school made him stop bringing the lunch box. That's disgusting to me. Yet there are so many comments saying that his mother should have known better than to buy him that lunchbox. Why does My Little Pony have to be just for girls? My daughter likes TMNT and that's perfectly ok with me.
Totally agreed. M dressed up as a knight for a recent Jewish holiday (she told everyone she was Mike the Knight - it was just a generic Melissa & Doug costume, though) - why should my child be able to utilize costumes and characters that are typically seen as "boyish," but if I had a son who was into MLP or Sofia or whatever else, why should that be a problem.
I'm breaking a rule and bumping from work because I feel the need to get in on the CIO debate (which I know will only get worse and come up more often over the next 6months).
This article (https://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html) should be read by everyone regarding CIO. She talks about there being 2 types of babies, those that release tension by crying, and thus will respond to CIO, and those that Increase tension by crying, for whom CIO is one of the worst things you can do.
It is a really important perspective and can help you figure out if CIO is the right option for you and your baby.
This is an interesting perspective. We successfully did modified CIO using The SleepEasy Solution. It worked wonders for us and I'm happy to answer any questions if/when people want to use that method, but I also know it isn't for everyone.
Pink and blue was just a simple example that I could think of that made it easy to explain. I guess my point is that people who refuse to let their girls wear pink, or princess outfits, or watch Disney princess movies, or <insert preference here> don't make any more sense to me than people who force their children to act or dress a certain way. A lot of little girls are feminine. A lot of little girls aren't. But as babies I don't see why it's a big deal. If a five-year-old girl is being forced to only dance ballet because her mother thinks it's the girliest option, then that's an issue.
But I only have a minor in English so maybe I am wrong
-------------------------
Yes. Just like most items are for parents and not babies at a young age, so too are cute items of clothing etc. I will dress my kid in the things I like until he is able to voice his own opinions.
(English degree/teacher here, since apparently it matters lol)
Only referenced the English degree b/c I've had this conversation with my other BMB, and I'm usually told that I'm just over analyzing things and/or reading too deeply - I attributed it to my training as an English major, but it could very well just be me.
As I've said before, I'm constantly analyzing my own choices and behaviors because I think having a knee jerk reaction against <insert random topic here> is just as bad as going along with it blindly. I used to be 100% anti most Disney princess movies (mainly b/c I was afraid of getting sucked in - the media presence is daunting), and I've forced myself to actually look at each film individually to decide how I want to approach it.
So I don't disagree that it is important to be open minded and not just dismiss color schemes or Disney princesses out of hand, I think it's short sighted to not at least be aware and acknowledge that there might be larger societal implications of these choices.
It's not about pink. It's not about blue. It's not about the princess. It's about how we raise our children and how we mitigate the messages they receive from everywhere around them. But like I said... I can't unsee it now that I see it EVERYWHERE. It is absurd.
Attachment parenting. I find it really hard to explain or give a definition because to me, it all came naturally. If that makes sense. If DD was crying, I always responded. I breastfed, I bed share about half of the time (cue the horrified looks), I wear her. It's about trying to form a strong bond early on. But like I said, I had no idea any of what I was doing was AP, it's just what I felt was right for us.
Is this considered a bad thing?? I wasn't aware that I could be labeled as such?
I don't think its a bad thing, but there have been a lot of AP groups and/or people who worship to the alter of Dr. Sears that will poo poo any other parenting style. and if you even so much as think of suggesting or asking about sleep training you may as well have said you were planning to set your kid on fire. CIO is out of the question..
You do realize that your attitude towards attachment parenting is just as dismissive as you claim they are, right?
@chickpea912, I was just teasing with the English minor thing! I do agree that every decision you make for your child needs to be one that you have thought through, whether that is the shows they watch or the food they eat or the activities you do/don't allow. You have to evaluate which concepts you really want to ingrain in them and that's different for everyone.
I think it is OK to vent about your spouse to a degree. Better that than taking it out on them. Now, if it is constant or it is a major issue, keep it off The Internet because The Internet never forgets.
Even non animated ones like Grease??
Also I get venting about always leaving laundry on the floor or something but sometimes it seems like the time venting about issues on the internet could be more productively spent communicating with the spouse to try to resolve these issues.
Even non-animated ones. The singing doesn't do it for me.
And I agree with speaking to your spouse over legitimate issues. I just don't think blowing off a little steam is such a terrible thing. My husband supports it, LOL.
----------------------
I dont get it. What do you do at a wedding when everyone is dancing and singing away to "Grease Lightning" with all the moves??
Prepare to be floored: I've never been to a wedding where that took place.
@jshrop, it depends on the child and on how you react to certain things. C we knew was fairly independent from day one. If she cried, half the time it was because she wanted to just be put down and allowed to be on her own for a bit, from day one. We also learned her limit as far as frustration/anger and while we let her get frustrated, because you have to learn and a lot of that comes from frustration, as well as learning how to cope with frustration, but we tried to step in before she lost her shit. So far it's been working really well, but her cues are easy to see. We started from day one. We never withheld food or anything, but we didn't always rush to her side if a toy was out of reach.
When we decided it was time to start having her fall asleep on her own, we started putting her down less and less asleep each night until we were putting her down awake. When she was awake enough to realize what was happening, she would cry for a bit. We did ten minute intervals as long as she was just complaining. When she starting to ramp up and was too far gone to calm herself down, it didn't matter how many minutes it had been, we went in and helped her out. For us, this probably happened around 9 months, because she was ready for it.
Every child is different, but I think you can start teaching coping and self soothing from day one without being all crazy and stiff about having baby be on your schedule and getting over stuff that they just aren't capable of getting over. I hope that makes sense!
@chickpea912, I was just teasing with the English minor thing! I do agree that every decision you make for your child needs to be one that you have thought through, whether that is the shows they watch or the food they eat or the activities you do/don't allow. You have to evaluate which concepts you really want to ingrain in them and that's different for everyone.
I love Disney and M has been to both WDW and DL already and we are currently toying with the idea of a WDW/cruise trip next year. I'm just picky about which Disney Princesses I want to be influences on her. Don't get me started on the other problematic messages in Disney films (we recently watched part of Peter Pan - I think that isn't going to be a regular in our home, and while I haven't seen it in a while and should probably view it again before I nix it - Pocohantas is also... challenging.
I was really anti-pink in the beginning, and my MIL, who was more than willing to go along with it, sometimes rags on me for "allowing" M to wear pink now. M's two favorite colors right now are pink & purple - which only made me sad b/c she dropped red - which has a meaningful connection to her middle name - and I don't really care b/c I know her likes and interests are constantly changing. (Mike the Knight is SOOOOOOO last week, it's all about Paw Patrol right now)
Attachment parenting. I find it really hard to explain or give a definition because to me, it all came naturally. If that makes sense. If DD was crying, I always responded. I breastfed, I bed share about half of the time (cue the horrified looks), I wear her. It's about trying to form a strong bond early on. But like I said, I had no idea any of what I was doing was AP, it's just what I felt was right for us.
Is this considered a bad thing?? I wasn't aware that I could be labeled as such?
I don't think its a bad thing, but there have been a lot of AP groups and/or people who worship to the alter of Dr. Sears that will poo poo any other parenting style. and if you even so much as think of suggesting or asking about sleep training you may as well have said you were planning to set your kid on fire. CIO is out of the question..
You do realize that your attitude towards attachment parenting is just as dismissive as you claim they are, right?
How's that? Because I said it wasn't for us? and I know we would not be good at it therefore it would not be good for LO? Enlighten me.
I guess if you don't get how reducing anyone who practices attachment parenting down to "worshipping at the alter of Dr Sears" might be offensive there is very little I can say that would "enlighten you". I'm just referring to a general attitude in your posts.
On a similar note to clothes/toys...I hate when parents push their kids into activities they don't want to do. When I was in school, I had a friend who wanted to play softball, but her mom didn't think it was girly enough and made her take ballet instead. She hated it and completely resented her mom for making her do something she had zero interest in.
@chickpea912 I feel the same frustrations and I know what you mean. I'm pretty girly, in that I love to wear nice dresses, etc. I'm not saying girls can't be girly if they want to, whatever it really means. But I get so frustrated by the toys and clothes these days, too.
but I quickly googled "toys becoming more gendered" because I remember reading one recently that was interesting. Anyway, that being said, this one popped up on top -- but just scroll through the pictures in this article to see how much toys have changed since the 70s & 80s. Growing up back then, I never had a pile of pink crap. Now it's all that's available! Someone mentioned primary colored Legos, but I've seen the Lego aisles and you can barely find primary colored Legos anymore! It's awful! It makes me angry and it also frustrates me as a consumer. My nephew loves shopping carts and strollers, but we can't find any that aren't this hideous pink.
Just thought I'd throw out this resource, which is where I started - Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies - she just recently published a book called Redefine Girly. She's awesome.
I used it as an example there are groups of AP parents that visit forums, etc.. and then the crazies that DO worship Dr. Sears and shit all over everyone else. I didn't say all people who practice AP are like that, in fact my first statment was I didn't think it was a BAD thing.
It works for some people, and good for them.
Settle down.
Pretty sure telling someone to settle down will be about as effective as baptizing a cat
My opinion is that any sane woman put down the damn parenting books. Babywise, Dr Sears... any of them. Your instincts will speak to you if you let them. We were made to do this.
I use resources when I have a specific problem, but I only do things that appeal to my sensibilities (letting a 2 week old baby go hungry or never letting your baby play by themselves to don't fall in this category).
I'm not perfect, but I think I'm a damn good mother. I think most women can be if they just quiet all the parenting advice "noise" out there and listen to themselves and their babies.
"I went on Amazon and bought all the top books on baby sleep and development. I read through them all, as well as several blogs and sleep websites. I gathered lots of advice.
You shouldn't sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don't worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc. to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately. White noise will help them fall asleep. White noise, heartbeart sounds, etc., don't work. Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, carseat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the carseat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, carseat, stroller, or wear them."
Eh, fuck it, its Friday in New Zealand.
Those ladies are some easily pissed off moms. If you're bored and can handle hearing just how bad of a parent you are, try it sometime. I posted once when I was an actual participating member "I wasn't made for breastfeeding unfortunately". Some ladies flipped shit about how were all made for breast feeding and that I'm selfish for depriving my child. I could have worded it better, but it was in a post where a lady had a similar issue and was beating herself up about it. The fact is that my boobs are flawed. I don't produce. Two kids, two tries, no milk.
I get the sharp pains while pregnant that are supposed to be "preparation for production". I get the crusty nipple stuff. I do not get engorged and it takes me 25 minutes of pumping on each side to get a total of 1\2 ounce. My last child was 11 pounds 10oz at birth. He was hungry and after every attempt at feeding I had to supplement anyway. He slept through the night from the beginning. I was waking to pump every hour and a half like my doctor said, just to try to increase supply. It never worked. I never made more than the 1\2 ounce and I was not engorged when I finally gave up. I'll be honest, I'm not sure whether or not I'll even try this time. Its disappointing to fail.
@EmbracingChange I lost you at 11 lbs 10 oz...
P.S- pumping was a nightmare for me with DD, too. I would get about the same amount after pumping for what felt like hours.
I thought it was just a pumping issue with me because DD had latch issues and seriously fought me. She pinched me, screamed, pushed against me, at just a few weeks old. We met with two lactation consultants, tried all of their suggestions, and decided just to pump. Got 1\4 ounce those times. Then I gave up. DS latched with no issues, then I had no supply.
@Muffinhny, I'm pretty sure she didn't flat out accuse you of having "attitude". She equated your dismissive air in regards to AP as the same as APs dismissive air to anything Not AP. That's not saying you have an attitude.
Who needs to settle down now?
I'll say it. She has an attitude *shrugs*
It's not so much the fact of having a difference in opinions, it's how that difference has been presented. I don't care how you raise your kid, but if you're going to dimiss parenting styles just take the time to know what you're talking about first.
DISCLAIMER: this is an incredibly biased definition of babywise. I'm sure someone out there can make it sound less horrible. Actually, I'm not sure. But you're welcome to try.
It's basically sleep training for infants. It tells parents not to do anything on demand (feeding, sleeping, etc.), starting pretty much at birth. The people I know who do it started at TWO WEEKS. So, you create a schedule for your newborn and feed them at specific times and force them to sleep at specific times. You never feed them when they cry. You are supposed to wake them up if they fall asleep at the "wrong" time. It can lead to all kinds of really horrible stuff, like GI issues (from not learning to self-regulate feeding) and (yes, I'll be the "crunchy" one who says it) actual trust issues. Again, the people I know who do it have 2 kids with (surprise!) severe acid reflux. One time I was there when they were feeding their older son yogurt and he ate the whole can, then vomited. He never learned to eat when he was hungry and stop when he was full, so he just ate because he was given the opportunity, but his brain never told him to stop. Oh my god it makes me so sad.
I just have to address what you said about reflux. We do AP, we don't do CIO or forced feedings. We feed on demand etc. Both of my kids have severe GERD. My son was especially bad, he could eat a whole cup of yogurt, or two bites...it didn't matter because it was coming back up either way. I had MANY MANY people tell me that I was causing the GERD (that my son still has), it broke my heart and made me feel like a really shitty parent. I had people tell me maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom, because it shouldn't be that hard. Those people NEVER had a reflux baby. Then when he was two we had an EGD done and found out that the little flap in there was very weak and that was causing his problems. There was not a damn thing I could have done differently, other than to tell those people to back off.
All this to say: be careful how you word things because you may, completely unintentionally, hurt a parent who is struggling with a reflux baby. True, severe, GERD is really hard to deal with and reading a statement like that when we were in the midst of the struggle would have really hurt me.
Also, my son struggled with learning to stop eating because he was in pain and ate to comfort himself. It made him feel better to eat...until he got too full and started getting miserable. Then he would want to eat to make it stop hurting again. Reflux is a painful jerk that makes life hard.
Huge apologies and hugs. My sister has had acid reflux her whole life resulting from causes similar to your DS's--I would never, EVER attribute that to parenting choices or anything like that! Babywise does have negative affects on the GI tract & can cause or exacerbate acid reflux issues (according to what I've read), so it was hard for me to watch with the kids I know. But, you're totally right, those issues are often 100% biological and nothing parents do or don't do can help matters. Again...very sorry to hit a nerve there. I should have been more careful with my wording!
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Re: UO Thursday
2. I may be opening a big can of worms here (I'm sorry/you're welcome), but I think the AP crazies are WAY less crazypants than the babywise people on the other end of the spectrum. I'm not into either extreme (we'll be doing most of the AP stuff, in a reasonable way), but depriving your kid of basic human necessities starting at 8 weeks or earlier is pretty fucking nutballs.
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Zoe Johannah, born 6/3/2014
It's basically sleep training for infants. It tells parents not to do anything on demand (feeding, sleeping, etc.), starting pretty much at birth. The people I know who do it started at TWO WEEKS. So, you create a schedule for your newborn and feed them at specific times and force them to sleep at specific times. You never feed them when they cry. You are supposed to wake them up if they fall asleep at the "wrong" time. It can lead to all kinds of really horrible stuff, like GI issues (from not learning to self-regulate feeding) and (yes, I'll be the "crunchy" one who says it) actual trust issues. Again, the people I know who do it have 2 kids with (surprise!) severe acid reflux. One time I was there when they were feeding their older son yogurt and he ate the whole can, then vomited. He never learned to eat when he was hungry and stop when he was full, so he just ate because he was given the opportunity, but his brain never told him to stop. Oh my god it makes me so sad.
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Zoe Johannah, born 6/3/2014
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Zoe Johannah, born 6/3/2014
I like giant headbands on baby girls.
I think it is OK to vent about your spouse to a degree. Better that than taking it out on them. Now, if it is constant or it is a major issue, keep it off The Internet because The Internet never forgets.
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Zoe Johannah, born 6/3/2014
I don't think AP parenting is detrimental to a child's health, I just think those that are very extreme about it do a good job of making others feel like shit. I don't need anymore mom guilt.
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.
And I agree with speaking to your spouse over legitimate issues. I just don't think blowing off a little steam is such a terrible thing. My husband supports it, LOL.
I don't think its a bad thing, but there have been a lot of AP groups and/or people who worship to the alter of Dr. Sears that will poo poo any other parenting style. and if you even so much as think of suggesting or asking about sleep training you may as well have said you were planning to set your kid on fire. CIO is out of the question..
You do realize that your attitude towards attachment parenting is just as dismissive as you claim they are, right?
О Привязать! Z!
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.
@jshrop, it depends on the child and on how you react to certain things. C we knew was fairly independent from day one. If she cried, half the time it was because she wanted to just be put down and allowed to be on her own for a bit, from day one. We also learned her limit as far as frustration/anger and while we let her get frustrated, because you have to learn and a lot of that comes from frustration, as well as learning how to cope with frustration, but we tried to step in before she lost her shit. So far it's been working really well, but her cues are easy to see. We started from day one. We never withheld food or anything, but we didn't always rush to her side if a toy was out of reach.
When we decided it was time to start having her fall asleep on her own, we started putting her down less and less asleep each night until we were putting her down awake. When she was awake enough to realize what was happening, she would cry for a bit. We did ten minute intervals as long as she was just complaining. When she starting to ramp up and was too far gone to calm herself down, it didn't matter how many minutes it had been, we went in and helped her out. For us, this probably happened around 9 months, because she was ready for it.
Every child is different, but I think you can start teaching coping and self soothing from day one without being all crazy and stiff about having baby be on your schedule and getting over stuff that they just aren't capable of getting over. I hope that makes sense!
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14
How's that? Because I said it wasn't for us? and I know we would not be good at it therefore it would not be good for LO? Enlighten me.
I guess if you don't get how reducing anyone who practices attachment parenting down to "worshipping at the alter of Dr Sears" might be offensive there is very little I can say that would "enlighten you". I'm just referring to a general attitude in your posts.
О Привязать! Z!
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14
"I went on Amazon and bought all the top books on baby sleep and development. I read through them all, as well as several blogs and sleep websites. I gathered lots of advice.
You shouldn't sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don't worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc. to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately. White noise will help them fall asleep. White noise, heartbeart sounds, etc., don't work. Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, carseat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the carseat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, carseat, stroller, or wear them."
I thought it was just a pumping issue with me because DD had latch issues and seriously fought me. She pinched me, screamed, pushed against me, at just a few weeks old. We met with two lactation consultants, tried all of their suggestions, and decided just to pump. Got 1\4 ounce those times. Then I gave up. DS latched with no issues, then I had no supply.
It's not so much the fact of having a difference in opinions, it's how that difference has been presented. I don't care how you raise your kid, but if you're going to dimiss parenting styles just take the time to know what you're talking about first.
Signed,
Sassy non-English major
Huge apologies and hugs. My sister has had acid reflux her whole life resulting from causes similar to your DS's--I would never, EVER attribute that to parenting choices or anything like that! Babywise does have negative affects on the GI tract & can cause or exacerbate acid reflux issues (according to what I've read), so it was hard for me to watch with the kids I know. But, you're totally right, those issues are often 100% biological and nothing parents do or don't do can help matters. Again...very sorry to hit a nerve there. I should have been more careful with my wording!
"And all the house elves came to help, and THAT was the day Voldemort was defeated!"
Zoe Johannah, born 6/3/2014