Surrogacy

sschwege · March 2014

Do you think you could be a surrogate mother for someone? Do you know anyone who has done it?

I know I would never to do it for an agency, nor would I do it if biologically the child was mine. Maybe, maybe, maybe, I would consider it for a very close family member, provided it was either their egg or a donor egg.

Lilly&Co · March 2014

If a sibling or a friend could not get pregnant I would. I have offered to my friends who are a gay couple, that offer is always standing. I have fairly easy pregnancies so I would do anything for them to be able to have a family.

bhuffman · March 2014

If a sibling or close friend asked me, I would definitely consider it.

sschwege · March 2014

Lilly&Co said:

If a sibling or a friend could not get pregnant I would. I have offered to my friends who are a gay couple, that offer is always standing. I have fairly easy pregnancies so I would do anything for them to be able to have a family.

That is just amazing! Do you mind if I ask, have you looked into what's involved?

LoriLee14 · March 2014

My husband and I talked about offering when his sister had such a hard time getting pregnant but then it happened (they have a healthy 6 month old girl now)

I have thought about it but neither my husband nor my mom think that I would be able to emotional handle leaving the hospital with out the baby that I have felt kick around inside me.

But I think I would have a different mind set about the whole thing

I will probably never find out

Lilly&Co · March 2014

Not major research, know the basics of what is involved. My husband was supportive of the offer. We are all very close friends

notkateanymore · March 2014

There are a handful of people I would consider it for. Like 2. I hate being pregnant and have had not the best pregnancies, so it would have to be a situation where it was like their only chance to have a child and they couldn't adopt, etc.

eaglesfan700 · March 2014

No, I wouldn't. I had pretty easy pregnancies, but it affects our whole family. Plus going through all that and labor just to hand the baby over? No, couldn't do it

AimeeL85 · March 2014

I believe I would do it for very close family or friend...basically a sibling or one of my very best friends. Having never been in the position to have to consider it, I'm saying that without doing any research on it...so I'm sure there's things I'm not considering. I'd like to be their last resort, though...as not only do I not enjoy pregnancy but have also had some complications with both of mine.

sschwege · March 2014

Lilly&Co said:

Not major research, know the basics of what is involved. My husband was supportive of the offer. We are all very close friends

I only ask because my brother is gay and I know he wants kids. I have tossed the idea around, but I don't know. The only person I've mentioned it to is DH and he says he would be supportive.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

No my pregnancies are way too hard on me and my family. I am still throwing up after 37 weeks. Emotionally I could handle it but not physically.

notkateanymore · March 2014

sschwege said:

Lilly&Co said:

Not major research, know the basics of what is involved. My husband was supportive of the offer. We are all very close friends

I only ask because my brother is gay and I know he wants kids. I have tossed the idea around, but I don't know. The only person I've mentioned it to is DH and he says he would be supportive.

My gay best friends are one of the two couples on my list.

chardonnay24 · March 2014

I would consider it for a very close friend or family member.

penguingrrl · March 2014

If it were safe I would. Unfortunately after my last pregnancy and the hypertension issues I had my doctor advised me against ever being pregnant again.

Hollylb3 · March 2014

I couldn't. I'd just be way too attached.

sschwege · March 2014

Hollylb3 said:

I couldn't. I'd just be way too attached.

I worry about that too.

But then I think, maybe it's just a totally different mindset?

Chapter79 · March 2014

I have an online friend that just did this for a family member of hers

She's the only one I know.

I would do it as a LAST resort for a family member or my best friend. My best friend is a woman married to same.. they have went through IUI several times, 3 miscarriages. One stillborn. It was tossed up a few times as an option (for me to carry) but then they decided to foster, and now in the process of adopting. And they just want her, so they're done.

The only others I would do for is my brothers if their wives wanted and couldn't. No one else.

nonoemily · March 2014

Kimbus22 said:
No. I would be entirely too attached by the time it came to hand over the baby. And I don't even want to give birth to my own children I hate it so much. I couldn't do it for someone else. I'm just too selfish.

This is me. Glad there are people in the world who can step up for others, but, yeah, I'm not that person.

thechickencoop · March 2014

I actually brought this up to DH last year. I loved being pregnant but hate the newborn phase so I wasn't sure if we wanted #2 (or more). We have decided now to TTC #2 this summer, but anyway....I think I could/would be a surrogate. I've never had fertility issues and I can't imagine what that's like to go through. I would feel like I would be giving someone an unimaginable gift and I think that would be an amazing opportunity.

Oh but I guess the correct term would be gestational carrier? I would NOT use my eggs. If I would ever seriously entertain the idea it would be DE/DS. And I don't think it would need to be someone close. People are matched from all over.

Along the same lines, I could never just donate my eggs. A former coworker was going to do this for extra money and, I just...can't. The possibility of having bio children that you don't know about??? Yikes, not for me.

rosesandpetals · March 2014

I would. I have considered it and I lurked on surrogacy boards. Honestly, I am partly motivated after reading the child free not by choice board. I think having kids is such a huge, life changing event. I want everyone to be able to.experience that and I want to help if I can. I actually think I am going to do it when I am 100% sure we are done.

smerka · March 2014

I'm too old and pregnancy was brutal on me. But emotionally, I don't think I'd have a problem with it.

Hollylb3 · March 2014

roses&65335678 said:
I would. I have considered it and I lurked on surrogacy boards. Honestly, I am partly motivated after reading the child free not by choice board. I think having kids is such a huge, life changing event. I want everyone to be able to.experience that and I want to help if I can. I actually think I am going to do it when I am 100% sure we are done.

I've been through IF and I still just couldn't do it. I know the heartbreak and it does suck. I would be the best champion I could be and fundraise until I couldn't raise any more for their adoption or to help them pay someone else to do it. I just couldn't myself.

cactus5 · March 2014

Only for my sister and sister in laws, but everyone now has kids so it's not going to happen.

rosesandpetals · March 2014

Hollylb3 said:

I would. I have considered it and I lurked on surrogacy boards. Honestly, I am partly motivated after reading the child free not by choice board. I think having kids is such a huge, life changing event. I want everyone to be able to.experience that and I want to help if I can. I actually think I am going to do it when I am 100% sure we are done.
I've been through IF and I still just couldn't do it. I know the heartbreak and it does suck. I would be the best champion I could be and fundraise until I couldn't raise any more for their adoption or to help them pay someone else to do it. I just couldn't myself.

I think sometimes the things I say come across wrong. I was just explaining my motivations for it, I wasn't trying to judge other people for not doing it. I completely understand why others wouldn't want to do it, pregnancy is hard, especially a surrogate pregnancy with all the extra meds, visits, self-injections, etc. But even so, for me personally, I would do it. ETA: I mean, even time wise, it is a huge commitment. They say an average surrogate pregnancy is 18 months because of the matching, meeting, psychiatric reviews, legal process, then the actual IVF and pregnancy. So that is a big deal.

barnwife · March 2014

I don't know anyone who has done it. And I could't do it myself for a variety of reasons, most of which have been mentioned by other posters.

monkeybutt61612 · March 2014

smerka said:
I'm too old and pregnancy was brutal on me. But emotionally, I don't think I'd have a problem with it.

I don't think I'd have a problem with it emotionally either. I never really felt bonded to my own children during pregnancy.

ASullivan1231 · March 2014

I've thought about this - I'd do it for my sister. She's my best friend and like a 2nd mother to DS. I also think I'd do it for my brother and his fiancée. That's it. I couldn't imagine doing it for anyone else. I also have a BIL and SIL but I don't think I have the relationship with them that it'd be comfortable.

Arnegard · March 2014

I would, yes. If my sister or DH's needed it.

I would consider it for family, like you said not with my egg.

Court0026 · March 2014

I would have considered it for my sister or my BFF. It is a non issue now though as they both have kids. BFF had some issues getting pg and I def thought about it.

Hollylb3 · March 2014

Roses, I know what you meant. I was just explaining my side too.

roxy_jj · March 2014

No I would not. I had some health issues following my last pregnancy and I would be worried about that happening again. I'm fine now, but at the time it was scary.

caybeh · March 2014

No, I couldn't do it. I would also have a hard time giving up the baby at the end.

trizzie · March 2014

I have a friend who did for strangers. She went through secondary infertility and wanted to help couples going through a similar journey.

I couldn't do it. Physically or emotionally.

jenniann87 · March 2014

I would for a few people but not an agency. I actually have told one of my close friends that if him and his fiancé ever want I would do it for them. They are the most loving couple and want kids in the future.

tantdylf · March 2014

No I would not ever consider that.

zbeesma86 · March 2014

Yes I would. It would have to be their ingredients. I'd just be the oven

.

I would probably want to go through an agency to keep things straight.

I've watched two friends of mine suffer with infertility & I consider myself fortunate to be able to conceive & carry a baby. I would be happy to give someone hope of being a mom!

bumpuser8448316 · March 2014

I have a dear friend struggling with IVF right now. If I didn't have the pregnancy/loss history that I do I would volunteer to be a surrogate for her. My heart just breaks for her

jillyjill1026sr · March 2014

My next door neighbor had a baby girl about a year ago for a couple in London. She is gearing up for baby #2. She said it was a great experience and since she already has a child, and doesn't want more, it was easy to give the baby to the parents. It was the mom's egg and the dad's sperm; my neighbor just carried the baby. I have considered becoming a gestational carrier if/when DH and I decide DD is really it for us.

rosesandpetals · March 2014

Leftie22 said:

I'm three weeks post-partum, and the only thing keeping me going is snuggling my adorable baby. I can't imagine going through this recovery with no baby. Mind you, I'm having a pretty unlucky recovery, because I also have shingles. But you just never know.

Okay, serious question, wouldn't the recovery be easier without a baby? You could sleep through the night and feel rested, you wouldn't have to get up and do stuff for the baby... Babies are great but they are not conducive to relaxing. In some places, your husband would still qualify for leave so even though his work wouldn't pay him, you can have it written in your surrogacy contract that the parents reimburse for lost wages, so you'd have help for a week or so PP.

I mean, I'm not trying to talk you into it. I just think it sounds easier than recovering with a newborn.

sschwege · March 2014

roses&65335678 said:

Leftie22 said:

I'm three weeks post-partum, and the only thing keeping me going is snuggling my adorable baby. I can't imagine going through this recovery with no baby. Mind you, I'm having a pretty unlucky recovery, because I also have shingles. But you just never know.

Okay, serious question, wouldn't the recovery be easier without a baby? You could sleep through the night and feel rested, you wouldn't have to get up and do stuff for the baby... Babies are great but they are not conducive to relaxing. In some places, your husband would still qualify for leave so even though his work wouldn't pay him, you can have it written in your surrogacy contract that the parents reimburse for lost wages, so you'd have help for a week or so PP.

I mean, I'm not trying to talk you into it. I just think it sounds easier than recovering with a newborn.

Yes, I have to agree, recovery would be a lot easier IMO without a newborn. Being able to sleep through the night, not BFing around the clock, the constant worry, etc.

At the hospital I had both my babies at they had a 'rooming in' policy. After DD was born we were in the hospital for 36 hours, I slept for 3 hours total and that wasn't even consecutive sleep. It was awful! With DS he ended up being in the Special Care Nursery for most of the 48 hours we were in the hospital. So I could visit when I wasn't sleeping and they called me during the night to nurse him. But the diaper changes and general care other than feeding was left up to the nurses. I can tell you I felt a lot better leaving the hospital and recovered quicker I think because of all the extra sleep I got. I would never wish to have my child in the Special Care Nursery, but I looked at it like the best I could do for him was to nurse/pump and sleep/recover and I was able to to do that because someone else was caring for him.

babywisher · March 2014

The only one I would do it for is my sister.I had a difficult time conceiving before dd. I had a very easy pregnancy and delivery. She has been ttc for about 7 years now. I would do it in a heartbeat for her.

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