FFFC

LoveIsAll25 · March 2014

FFFC: I hate seeing my DH be happy and fit. He has always been happy person and has always taken care of his body but lately I just want him to get fat and be miserable like me. I guess misery really does need company.

AnnieA75 · March 2014

My 20th high school reunion is this August. (GASP 20 years...take it easy on the old lady comments). In high school, I was overweight, had incredibly unruly curly hair I tried to straighten every morning which only made it worse, had big glasses, and was super self-conscious. I had a nice, small group of friends. I wanted so badly to be part of that popular crowd, but I wasn't. I blossomed in college and found my cool self. In the past few years I've lost a lot of weight and have an awesome group of friends. I'm really lucky to have a wonderful DH and am blessed with DD and soon DS. I'm truly happy now.

My FFCC: I'm friends with a bunch of HS friends on Fb. A bunch of the popular girls have turned fat and look old. Same for some of the popular football players. I love seeing how they've changed on Fb. Roles have definitely reversed and I can't wait to see them at our reunion this summer. I will be nice as pie, but I'll be feeling pretty good inside. I will of course have to work my ass of at the gym to trim back down after baby. But every single trip to the gym this summer will be so worth it to me. Oh, I'm also really hoping my first love/ex-boyfriend makes it. We're still on good terms, but I haven't seen him in person for years. He's fat, bald, and still married to the awful battleax he left me for. Poor guy.

Jennyinheaven · March 2014

My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her

spacepotatoes · March 2014

The frivolous baby item thread reminded me of my FFFC for this week: I have a Sophie gift set on my registry. And a book. Totally frivolous and unnecessary but I think it's cute and I'd be excited to get it as a gift.

Xath · March 2014

kimberlykl2009 said:
My FFFC is that if you can't write thank-you notes for gifts from a formal event (bridal shower, baby shower, etc) then I think you're kind of a dick.

I agree with this for most occasions except for funerals. I feel really guilty when I haven't written thank you notes, and it caused me major anxiety after Ellie's funeral. Any time I'd feel emotionally stable enough to write thank yous, writing one would send me spiraling again. My therapist advised that no one begrudges not getting thank yous after a funeral, and that I shouldn't beat myself up about it. She was right (at least as far as I can tell).

The funny thing is, as much as I feel the need to write thank-yous after events, I never feel offended (or even notice) if I dont get one from someone else.

Xath · March 2014

@MK1013 I know a few people who were just so miserable being pregnant that they shut themselves away from the world for the entire pregnancy. After the babies were born, they started making contact again, and all friendships returned to normal.

CamrynnsMommy · March 2014

Jennyinheaven said:
My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her

That's great that you've moved on and are happy about this LO, however, for others to participate is really celebratory, rather than dwelling on the past.

I think you're being kind of dismissive in regard to "lost babies", I understand these are YOUR feelings, but the manner in which you've phrased this is really inconsiderate.

I might be being sensitive, as I've had a first tri loss, but I don't consider that any less a baby than the baby I'm
carrying now.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

CamrynnsMommy said:

My FFFC, is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her
That's great that you've moved on and are happy about this LO, however, for others to participate is really celebratory, rather than dwelling on the past. I think you're being kind of dismissive in regard to "lost babies", I understand these are YOUR feelings, but the manner in which you've phrased this is really inconsiderate. I might be being sensitive, as I've had a first tri loss, but I don't consider that any less a baby than the baby I'm carrying now.

It sure is.

I still have days where the grief from my CP comes back to me, always mixed in with a lot of emotions related to our issues with TTC. I am very excited and thankful for this baby but it doesn't change the fact that if my CP hadn't happened, I'd have a newborn right now. That sense of loss doesn't just disappear. My situation was nothing compared to what many ladies here have gone through but it still hurts a lot, so I could not imagine being so dismissive of another person's loss.

Jennyinheaven · March 2014

CamrynnsMommy said:

Jennyinheaven said:
My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her
That's great that you've moved on and are happy about this LO, however, for others to participate is really celebratory, rather than dwelling on the past.

I think you're being kind of dismissive in regard to "lost babies", I understand these are YOUR feelings, but the manner in which you've phrased this is really inconsiderate.

I might be being sensitive, as I've had a first tri loss, but I don't consider that any less a baby than the baby I'm
carrying now.

I thought this was supposed to be flame free?;)First of all don't get me wrong I grevied at the time and I also pretty much thought Id never be a mom, I just don't need to taint this awesome pregnancy and the excitement I am feeling with what happened in the past, feel free to do what makes you comfortable, I would never post this on the pregnancy loss check boards or threads I just choose not to participate

CamrynnsMommy · March 2014

Jennyinheaven said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

Jennyinheaven said:
My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her
That's great that you've moved on and are happy about this LO, however, for others to participate is really celebratory, rather than dwelling on the past.

I think you're being kind of dismissive in regard to "lost babies", I understand these are YOUR feelings, but the manner in which you've phrased this is really inconsiderate.

I might be being sensitive, as I've had a first tri loss, but I don't consider that any less a baby than the baby I'm
carrying now.
I thought this was supposed to be flame free?;)First of all don't get me wrong I grevied at the time and I also pretty much thought Id never be a mom, I just don't need to taint this awesome pregnancy and the excitement I am feeling with what happened in the past, feel free to do what makes you comfortable, I would never post this on the pregnancy loss check boards or threads I just choose not to participate

Not guaranteed to be flame free. I completely understand the desire not to partake in the check-ins and such, I just think that the way it was phrased could make the ladies who do partake feel bad.

I'm very happy that you are focused on your LO and staying positive.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

@ashtog Thanks, I'm sorry about yours as well. My EDD would have been around Feb. 17th.

That post hit a sore spot for me partly because that date has been on my mind and partly because I've been frustrated lately with sorting out maternity leave hours. I think it's going to work out but when I first started doing the paperwork a couple of weeks ago, it looked like I may not actually meet all of the requirements and it made me really angry because if things had gone according to plan last year, it wouldn't even be an issue. That brought back a lot of feelings that I thought I had put to rest in the fall. Apparently not.

Empireceo · March 2014

spacepotatoes said:

The frivolous baby item thread reminded me of my FFFC for this week: I have a Sophie gift set on my registry. And a book. Totally frivolous and unnecessary but I think it's cute and I'd be excited to get it as a gift.

That Sophie might not be as frivolous as you think when that kid starts getting teeth! DS loved chewing on her feet, face, and ears and sometimes the squeaking was all that made him laugh when he was having a bad teething day.

awc1986 · March 2014

LUCKY22 said:
My DS and I just got home from Costco where we were sitting in the dining area and noticed a little girl, probably 18 months old, wandering around with not a single glance from her mom. Her mom was too busy chatting with her girlfriend, with her back turned to notice that in probably the 7-10 minutes I was watching her several people stoppped out of confusion about who this little girl was and why she was alone. At one point, a male customer picked her up and took her over to the front desk to try to find out who she belonged too. Mind you, I was watching very carefully and ready to intervene if needed for the girl's safely.
My FFFC is that I let it go on, rather than tell her mom, because I wanted her mom to feel like shit for leaving her very young daughter so unatteneded for what seemed like FOREVER! The employees finally figured out who the mom was, brouht her to the mom and the mom was like, "where were you?" Not all that concerned and went right back to chatting it up with her girlfriend. Thank God, it was someone with good intentions that picked her up...that could have gone quite differently if good people were not involved.

Having worked in retail, I've dealt with more negligent parents than I care to remember.

The worst was when I worked in a large department store. I saw a boy of no more than 2 toddling along on his own on a busy Saturday. I followed him through the store and noticed nobody was with him, so I just managed to grab him before he got out the door. Multiple radio and phone calls ensued around the store and for about half an hour we couldn't find a parent. We put him in the customer service lounge with some colouring pencils and juice and were about to call the police when someone checked the baby change rooms on the off chance.
There was momma. She'd been feeding her daughter and left the door unlocked so "he could come and go". Her actual real words were "yeah, he was coming in and out but I did start to wonder when he'd been gone about 15 minutes". I shit you not. We didn't even know what to say to that. We had to just let them on their way.

Jennyinheaven · March 2014

Now I feel bad girls , its just I guess after having 3 I never thought Id be a mom and was basically waiting to.lose this pregnancy as well, The fact that I am finally feeling part of the mommy club and having a normal pregnancy just makes me want to be happy and move forward not look back

sparklingdiamond · March 2014

pandadair said:

I'm fighting the urge to passive-aggressively message the people (ok, my friends) that never bothered to RSVP to my shower. Not because they're not coming, but because it makes me irrationally annoyed that people don't have the courtesy to take 10 damn seconds to respond to an invitation and let the host know whether they need to add to the headcount or not.

I feel the same way! How hard is it to send a quick email saying yes or no?!

Xath · March 2014

Jennyinheaven said:
Now I feel bad girls , its just I guess after having 3 I never thought Id be a mom and was basically waiting to.lose this pregnancy as well, The fact that I am finally feeling part of the mommy club and having a normal pregnancy just makes me want to be happy and move forward not look back

Something I learned from my loss was to never judge someone from how they handle theirs. Each and every loss experience is different, and everyone responds and copes differently. I'm glad you've found peace and happiness in your new baby.

EmilyGolden1 · March 2014

My FFFC-I have had a latte from Sbux every morning since being pregnant. I don't go nuts with the caffeine-but I love my morning coffee- no decaf for this girl.

awc1986 · March 2014

FFFC: I just got home from the cinema and am lying to DH about having a good time. I'm too far along now to sit comfortably in a cramped seat next to a stranger for 2 hours. Restless legs, sore ribs, heartburn, sleepiness, over-heating...I can't even. I lied though because DH loved the movie. I think this will be our last cinema trip for a while.

cnbean · March 2014

I'm totally jealous of all you ladies who are having the 3D ultrasounds. As far as I know there isn't anywhere locally that will do them just for fun, and I'm not willing to spend the money for it anyway. And I'm definitely thankful that he is healthy so I don't need extras because of that. But...I'd love to get a peek at this baby and see if he looks like his brother!

Roufi · March 2014

Update on FIL staying with us situation: it could be up to 2 months before his repairs are done. I am hyper-freaking-ventilating at the thought. I am due in less than 2 months. We need a baby room by then. But I especially need privacy, and to spend the last 2 months that I have H to myself enjoying having H to myself.
I really don't know how to make this work. I just don't know what another option would be.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

Roufi said:

Update on FIL staying with us situation: it could be up to 2 months before his repairs are done. I am hyper-freaking-ventilating at the thought. I am due in less than 2 months. We need a baby room by then. But I especially need privacy, and to spend the last 2 months that I have H to myself enjoying having H to myself. I really don't know how to make this work. I just don't know what another option would be.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this right now.

Mrse123 · March 2014

MK1013 said:
My FFFC.. I miss my BFF who bailed on me when she got pregnant 3 weeks before me. I truly have no idea why, either. I've tried to contact her every way possible, ask what I've done wrong, apologize for whatever I may have done, what gives.. We are adults, this is just crazy. I get texts from numbers I don't know hoping it's her, but it never is.

My "BFF" who I had known from birth went MIA when I got pregnant 3 yrs ago. Haven't spoken to her since and honestly it was probably for the best though there are times I wish she was still around. I wish you the best!

mileswithmyles · March 2014

CamrynnsMommy said:

Jennyinheaven said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

Jennyinheaven said:
My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her
That's great that you've moved on and are happy about this LO, however, for others to participate is really celebratory, rather than dwelling on the past.

I think you're being kind of dismissive in regard to "lost babies", I understand these are YOUR feelings, but the manner in which you've phrased this is really inconsiderate.

I might be being sensitive, as I've had a first tri loss, but I don't consider that any less a baby than the baby I'm
carrying now.
I thought this was supposed to be flame free?;)First of all don't get me wrong I grevied at the time and I also pretty much thought Id never be a mom, I just don't need to taint this awesome pregnancy and the excitement I am feeling with what happened in the past, feel free to do what makes you comfortable, I would never post this on the pregnancy loss check boards or threads I just choose not to participate
Not guaranteed to be flame free. I completely understand the desire not to partake in the check-ins and such, I just think that the way it was phrased could make the ladies who do partake feel bad.

I'm very happy that you are focused on your LO and staying positive.

I understand not wanting to dwell, but dismissing early loss feels insensitive to me. I had an early miscarriage last summer. I like the check ins because it helps celebrate the milestones and is a good place to talk about the crazy emotions you experience when you are pregnant after a loss.

I was devastated when I lost our first baby. I would be due in 2 weeks if I had carried that pregnancy to term. I still struggle with answering the question "is this your first". I only knew I was pregnant for 5 days and I loved that baby so much. I can't imagine how amplified those feelings are for those who have had a later loss, but it doesn't make mine hurt any less.

mileswithmyles · March 2014

My FFFC is that I stayed late at work today. A woman in my department who annoys me called my classroom around 4:30. I ignored it and didn't feel bad one bit. I continued writing my grammar test in peace!

Mamazon2014 · March 2014

I have a friend who I just don't know how to deal with anymore. Late last year she suffered a mc and Having also lost a pregnancy, I tried to be there for her as much as I could while still being sensative to the fact that it might be hard for her that I am pregnant.

Lately though, she has almost become an AW when it comes to her loss. I understand it's good to talk to people, but she will mention it on FB on a regular basis and find a way to bring it into random conversations even with people she hardly knows or mention it in the comments of other friends' pregnancy announcements. She will also ask me how my pregnancy is going just to bring up her mc. I try to be empathetic, supportive, and I've even suggested that it might be good for her to talk to a professional since we usually have the same conversation at least once a week that always ends awkwardly because I run out of things to say or ways to offer my condolences.

I feel horrible because I know how hard a loss can be, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but at the same time, it's frustrating to constantly be made to feel guilty about a pregnancy that took DH and I 5+ years to achieve, or that no friend of hers is allowed to have a moment of pregnancy joy or frustration without being reminded that she had her loss.

I know I'm probably going to get flamed, but I am just sick of her texts and constant posts drawing attention to herself. I block my pregnancy updates on FB from her so that I don't have to see her frown emoticon in the comments, and some days I ignore texts from her because they are emotionally draining and lead to me saying "I'm sorry" at least a dozen times in a 15 minute conversation. I honestly don't know what to do or say anymore that doesn't come off as trite because I have said it so many times already.

awc1986 · March 2014

Jennyinheaven said:
My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her

You have to be careful with this because some people will be very offended. I understand your point though.

My 1st pregnancy was a blighted ovum, which was discovered at my 1st scan at almost 13 wks - on my birthday. It was a major mind fuck. I was pregnant, but there was no baby. I don't want to re-live that situation, so I don't participate in the threads. I feel like I didn't lose a baby, but I can't bear to think about having to make that phone call from the hospital to my parents. Telling my mum that there was no baby after she'd started knitting a blanket during her cancer treatments (she never got to finish it as she passed a month later). Having to try and comfort DH, when we were both so confused. Watching my dad cry to the point where he couldn't breathe because he'd just buried his mother the day before and his father 10 weeks earlier, but Now i'm telling him the only shred of positivity in his life was a cruel joke by nature. Having to tell the rest of my family who had been so excited. I felt so humiliated. That's why I prefer not to do check ins. It's not a part of my life I want to remember.

I appreciate that it helps others though. It's just not for me.

Jennyinheaven · March 2014

awc1986 said:

Jethe nnyinheaven said:
My FFFC,
is I refuse to participate in the previous pregnancy loss check ins and it sort of annoys me, I have had 3 miscarriages and this is my first pregnancy that I've carried this far but I'm just not want to dwell I feel like it happened I moved on and I'm happy about this baby I don't want to cry about something that happened before . Also all my miscarriages were in the first trimester , so I don't really think of them as lost babies, I guess it would be different if something were to happen now that I can feel her
You have to be careful with this because some people will be very offended. I understand your point though.

My 1st pregnancy was a blighted ovum, which was discovered at my 1st scan at almost 13 wks - on my birthday. It was a major mind fuck. I was pregnant, but there was no baby. I don't want to re-live that situation, so I don't participate in the threads. I feel like I didn't lose a baby, but I can't bear to think about having to make that phone call from the hospital to my parents. Telling my mum that there was no baby after she'd started knitting a blanket during her cancer treatments (she never got to finish it as she passed a month later). Having to try and comfort DH, when we were both so confused. Watching my dad cry to the point where he couldn't breathe because he'd just buried his mother the day before and his father 10 weeks earlier, but Now i'm telling him the only shred of positivity in his life was a cruel joke by nature. Having to tell the rest of my family who had been so excited. I felt so humiliated. That's why I prefer not to do check ins. It's not a part of my life I want to remember.

I appreciate that it helps others though. It's just not for me.

I agree, I get that the way I feel isn't going to the accepepted norm or the way most feel, that is why I posted it under confessions;) everyone grieves and handles lifes challenges differently

spacepotatoes · March 2014

@Mamazon2014 I don't think that's flame-worthy at all. That's a tough position to be in. She is obviously still trying to process things but I would agree that it sounds like it's getting out of hand. You shouldn't have to feel bad about where you are at now.

frugalwife · March 2014

Roufi said:

Update on FIL staying with us situation: it could be up to 2 months before his repairs are done. I am hyper-freaking-ventilating at the thought. I am due in less than 2 months. We need a baby room by then. But I especially need privacy, and to spend the last 2 months that I have H to myself enjoying having H to myself. I really don't know how to make this work. I just don't know what another option would be.

His insurance should pay for a hotel or a rental while his place is being fixed.

awc1986 · March 2014

Oh FFSC: I don't like it when my DH daytime drinks at home. I just got in from running errands in town and his friend is over. There's an empty half bottle of rum on the table and they've used all my caffeine free coke. It's 4:15pm here. It's a beautiful day outside and they're sat here with the blind closed watching wrestling videos and getting wasted. We need to go buy paint so we can paint baby's room tomorrow. MEN!!!!

sisterjanet · March 2014

Kimbus22 said:

My DH and I were both slacking on eating well and exercising when I got pregnant. We've continued the entire pregnancy.

DH wants us to get back on track together after the baby is born. I don't want to. I want to get back on track but not with him. We're going to do the same things and he's going to lose 5lbs for every 2 I lose and I'm going to want to kick him in the nuts daily.

This is me, except that my husband wants to lose 15 or 20 lbs and I want to lose... I can't subtract, but I think I want to lose about 80 pounds from where I am right now, and at that point I would still technically be overweight on the BMI scale. DH has never in his whole life been overweight on the BMI scale. He wants to start running again. I do too, but I think I need to lose a bunch of weight first or my knees will never forgive me. Basically, I feel like a grumbly grumbler when I think about the long road of getting healthy post-baby.

Something to think about: If you were getting on track without you, do you think you'd be more pissed with him for eating crap and sitting around while you're being healthy? Or would you be more pissed with both of you doing it right and him getting man results?

JoelleOK · March 2014

Mamazon2014 said:
I have a friend who I just don't know how to deal with anymore. Late last year she suffered a mc and Having also lost a pregnancy, I tried to be there for her as much as I could while still being sensative to the fact that it might be hard for her that I am pregnant.

Lately though, she has almost become an AW when it comes to her loss. I understand it's good to talk to people, but she will mention it on FB on a regular basis and find a way to bring it into random conversations even with people she hardly knows or mention it in the comments of other friends' pregnancy announcements. She will also ask me how my pregnancy is going just to bring up her mc. I try to be empathetic, supportive, and I've even suggested that it might be good for her to talk to a professional since we usually have the same conversation at least once a week that always ends awkwardly because I run out of things to say or ways to offer my condolences.

I feel horrible because I know how hard a loss can be, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but at the same time, it's frustrating to constantly be made to feel guilty about a pregnancy that took DH and I 5+ years to achieve, or that no friend of hers is allowed to have a moment of pregnancy joy or frustration without being reminded that she had her loss.

I know I'm probably going to get flamed, but I am just sick of her texts and constant posts drawing attention to herself. I block my pregnancy updates on FB from her so that I don't have to see her frown emoticon in the comments, and some days I ignore texts from her because they are emotionally draining and lead to me saying "I'm sorry" at least a dozen times in a 15 minute conversation. I honestly don't know what to do or say anymore that doesn't come off as trite because I have said it so many times already.

Grief can become an addiction as destructive as drugs. I'm not a mental health professional but perhaps there is somebody in her life you can mention your concerns to? I think healing is easier the earlier the process starts.

My personal experience with grief as addiction is a woman in our church who lost a granddaughter to a drunk driver.

I understand your frustration and I hope your friend starts to heal soon.

Edit: hit post too soon.

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