I am in grad school for my MEd in Special Education. I found this gem. How am I supposed to respond to this professionally?
...congrats on getting thru this section and being the first post. I agree
with what you said about Gould explaining his "why" for writing this
book. Your first paragraph was great and reminds me of the quote "you
don't have to be great to start, but starting makes you great" something
along those lines. I AGREE with what you also said about how so many
disabilities are growing and diagnosis are becoming more and more common
yet these people who are labeled are suddenly SO DIFFERENT! With the
increasing amounts of people with a disability it is interesting to see
how poorly they are still treated in today's society. I am 100% against
sterilization. I am however all for proud parenting and believe there
are so many people out there "unfit" for being a parent. I have seen
many through my days as a preschool teacher. They claim they know their
child but when I have your child 60+ hours a week and you take them
home maybe feed/bathe them and they go straight to bed only to return
the next morning. I'm sorry but I may know your child more than you
do. I even had parents who didn't work or worked from home and their
child was still found in the daycare for over 10 hour days. Call me old
fashioned or wrong but my mom stayed home with me and it made all the
difference in my life avoiding daycare and having excellent parents.
They weren't always perfect (no one is) but they did their best and
loved me and if a parent can't make time for something THEY chose to
create, that's too bad.
It makes me sad because I know people who totally think this about me. If every woman who works didn't have kids, there would be a lot of kids missing out on having awesome moms.
Wow to this person. Maybe something along the lines of: though as teachers I do believe it is great to get to know our students the best we can, I do think it is too far and respectfully disagree that teachers "know your child more than you do." Many parents work very hard to provide the best for their children and sometimes they do not have the means to stay at home with their children and must work to make sure their child has everything and anything they need. The time working moms spend with their children is invaluable and allows them to know their children at a level that a teacher really could not.
Or something like that....
I'm not sure there is a diplomatic way to respond to that load of horse shit. I think I could muster, "thank you for sharing your perspective." & that's it.
I am not sure that I wouldn't say something that would compromise me. That email/correspondence is insanely offensive. Yuck.
You'd be surprised at people who get into grad school.
Now, as a teacher. Yes, we may spend more hours in a day with your child. Does that mean we know them better? No, but we may find different aspects out about them. They may share different parts of themselves that they don't share with their parents. I find that especially true with teens. But no, I would never know your kid the way you do.
And yes, reach through your computer and punch her.
It makes me sad because I know people who totally think this about me. If every woman who works didn't have kids, there would be a lot of kids missing out on having awesome moms.
Omg my first bump crush. Thank you for saying this!! Obviously I agree
Is this like a group discussion post? This can't be an actual grad level educator speaking....
This! How can you respond professionally to such an unprofessional statement? I would probably ignore the post or else, do as Prim said "thanks for sharing your perspective". There is no way to acknowledge any kind of valuable input from this person.
Surprise BFP on 11/02/12 EDD 07/06/13 --> Express wedding on 12/29/2012 --> G was born on 07/15/13
*Multicultural family raising a multilingual toddler: Spanish, Italian, Dutch and English
Also, this winner is a real jerk. I would politely debate the topic. It's a discussion. I'd start with a positive about their post to yours and then respectively state that I disagree with their comment. I may even go as far as to look up statistics from valid sites about daycare kids vs kids at home. ( not to knock SAHM- I envy you!) but to show that daycare doesn't equal crappy childhoods or parents.
You all made awesome points. There is no way I am letting this one slide! I get class credit for responding to discussion threads. The assignment was to write an analysis of a book which critiques how scientists over the centuries have misinterpreted data in order to support their prior preconceptions, particularly using prejudice and racism.
@newbiemommie I'm definitely looking up those stats! That is a great idea! The whole argument reminded me of how much of a hard time our work from home bumpies have while trying to take care of their babies. That is like working two jobs simultaneously!
@stina2012 it is. Now it makes sense as to why I get a 100 percent on every writing assignment.
@danielledunning forget those people! You are doing awesome! Hugs @mommy1sttimer that was a great response! I may borrow some of that...
It makes me sad because I know people who totally think this about me. If every woman who works didn't have kids, there would be a lot of kids missing out on having awesome moms.
Omg my first bump crush. Thank you for saying this!! Obviously I agree
Yeah, I'd let that turd float on its own. No need to poke it. I'd sit back and see what others say. I bet the professor is shaking her head over that comment!
I work from home and there's no way I could keep my DS home full time with me during the day--I wouldn't be giving either of my "jobs" 100%. Good luck with your response...
Agree with @mainerocks. My old boss had her own practice and she was always sooo scatterbrained. I would think "just stay home" now I want to go back and c u next Thursday punch myself. People just don't get it. Mom life is hard no matter what choice you make there's always some asshole telling you how wrong you are.
@jemasa33 I just finished my MEd in English Ed this past summer (39 weeks preggo) so I got way too much practice responding to ignorance like this. I was never one that could just ignore either, so I had to do just what you're doing now & find a professional way to explain what a dumbass someone could be. Good luck. I'm glad to help whenever, if you ever need
You all made awesome points. There is no way I am letting this one slide! I get class credit for responding to discussion threads. The assignment was to write an analysis of a book which critiques how scientists over the centuries have misinterpreted data in order to support their prior preconceptions, particularly using prejudice and racism.
@newbiemommie I'm definitely looking up those stats! That is a great idea! The whole argument reminded me of how much of a hard time our work from home bumpies have while trying to take care of their babies. That is like working two jobs simultaneously!
@stina2012 it is. Now it makes sense as to why I get a 100 percent on every writing assignment.
@danielledunning forget those people! You are doing awesome! Hugs
@mommy1sttimer that was a great response! I may borrow some of that...
She clearly misinterpreted the data to support her prior preconceptions! .
Maybe a snarky quasi-professional response such as:, "Like many of the scientists in question, Ms. X has a preconceived idea that a woman cannot be a good parent if she works outside the home and relies on daycare or other people for help. She supports her conclusion based on data she "collected" while she worked in a daycare, and based on her positive experience growing up in a one-income household.
By using data limited solely off of her experience, she does not realize that her sweeping conclusions are seeped in bias. Since she bases her conclusions off of data limited to her experience of the third-party family, she does not consider other facts and dynamics outside of her personal view of the parental interaction with their children. Rather, she considers her data in a vacuum and compares it to that of her own upbringing which she views as positive, leading her to the assumption that time is the barometer by which a good parent is judged. Since a working parent's time with the child is limited, in her mind, the parent cannot truly know the child, who she has seen during more hours of the week. She does not address or consider the differences of length of time versus the quality of the interaction on the relationship. For example, while a working parent may not see the child for 8-10 hours a day during the work week, the parent's one on one interaction, morning and bedtime routines, weekends, or during night wakings, are all interactions of an intimate and loving nature that may in fact result in more meaningful time to that child. The quality of the interaction spent outside of Ms. X's personal view, although limited is not affected by an audience of other children or strangers in a daycare setting, so the child may be more comfortable revealing their true selves. In reaching her conclusion, Ms. X also failed to consider other research that weakens her argument, specifically cross-cultural studies, which focus on child rearing as part of a community or multi-generational family effort..."
I typed out a lot of things. But nothing is quite grasping how much I'd like to throat punch her.
So I'm going to leave it at, she's an idiot, if no one worked, and instead kept their kids home like she thinks they should, she would have never had that job in the first place. Job security, it's a nice thing.
because it didn't fucking snow enough for me to build my own
So this is in a course where you are dealing with multicultural considerations, yes?
I think I would (love if my students would) reflect what you heard and politely share your perspective.
For example, own your appreciation that she shared her perspective and that the values her childhood experiences. Then, own your response. "As a mother and future working mother, I found myself having both personal and professional reactions to your assertion that ...mProfessionally, (it is our responsibility to understand and honor the many ways families work),,, personally, (what got to you). Maybe something about financial realities of today's families. Personally, I heard your statement to mean... " Then, end with an invitation to explore how her beliefs and perceptions might get in the way of year abilities to build relationships with families / show cultural sensitivity / or other link to. What it is you are talking about.
Sorry for atrocious punctuation. Leah is nursing to sleep and helping to type wither her flailing limbs.
Wow, lots wrong with my writing, but can't fix. Sorry.
@casey78 - I think I have a bump crush on you. I wouldn't be able to sit idly by either, but would want to be professional. Perfect formation for a respectful response!!
@2012ames and all...
I went with a response more similar to @sharkababy. I highlighted how the whole point of the book is that so many historical studies were flawed and influenced by bias and prejudice. The authors main point is that we should not repeat history's mistakes. I pointed out the flaws in her argument from a research perspective (making generalization from a small sample size of her work and her home life). I took a few digs at her but from a noon personal perspective, without including my experience.
Throughout The Mismeasure of Man, Gould
thoroughly discusses the flaws in historical research that surfaced
when scientists went into a study trying to prove a predetermined point.
Some of the studies he critiqued were conducted by researchers who
excluded or included information in order to better support their
agendas. This data was later used to support theories of genocide,
sterilization, and reducing or eliminating funding for programs such as
early childhood education and special education (376). If you want to
study a group, you would gather a large sample size, include all of the
data, and examine the statistics as they are; without letting your
predetermined views affect it.
Gould
highlighted the importance of conducting research with good reliability
and validity in order to learn from the ”fallacious ideas” and so that
history’s missteps are not repeated (352). It seems as if you are basing
your opinion of parents who have children in daycare on a very small
group of people you experienced at your job and with your own particular
childhood. Without gathering a large enough sample size, interviewing
parents to determine environmental factors, making direct observations,
gathering additional statistics on the children, or perhaps having
children yourself while working and needing day care, it is impossible
to make a valid conclusion about how “fit” a parent is.
One is unable to make generalizations about how well teachers know
their students and/or the quality and amount of time working parents
spend with their children without conducting thorough research. Unless
you have observed someone’s home life, you don’t truly know the quality
and amount of time spent with the child. Teachers don’t know 100% of
what a child is doing from 6pm to 7:15am on the weekdays and throughout
the entire weekend. The majority of parents leave their kids at day care
because they need the job in order to create a better life for their
children. It does not make a person a bad parent just because they are
working long hours to support their children. If putting the child in
daycare is necessary in order to make sure there is enough food in the
cupboard, is it truly such a negative life decision?
" If putting the child in daycare is necessary in order to make sure there is enough food in the cupboard, is it truly such a negative life decision?"
I could stay home and still put food on my table. Is being a working mom only OK if you have no other choice? Am I a bad mom because I chose this not out of necessity?
I know that is not what you meant, but every time I see a statement like that, I get a little stabby.
@mainerocks That is a good point. I already posted it or else I would change it. If I were in the position where I didn't need to work, I would still work as well.
Re: HELP! how to handle drama like a professional
I am not sure that I wouldn't say something that would compromise me. That email/correspondence is insanely offensive. Yuck.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Now, as a teacher. Yes, we may spend more hours in a day with your child. Does that mean we know them better? No, but we may find different aspects out about them. They may share different parts of themselves that they don't share with their parents. I find that especially true with teens. But no, I would never know your kid the way you do.
And yes, reach through your computer and punch her.
:x
No I wouldn't...but I'd like to.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
Maybe a snarky quasi-professional response such as:, "Like many of the scientists in question, Ms. X has a preconceived idea that a woman cannot be a good parent if she works outside the home and relies on daycare or other people for help. She supports her conclusion based on data she "collected" while she worked in a daycare, and based on her positive experience growing up in a one-income household.
By using data limited solely off of her experience, she does not realize that her sweeping conclusions are seeped in bias. Since she bases her conclusions off of data limited to her experience of the third-party family, she does not consider other facts and dynamics outside of her personal view of the parental interaction with their children. Rather, she considers her data in a vacuum and compares it to that of her own upbringing which she views as positive, leading her to the assumption that time is the barometer by which a good parent is judged. Since a working parent's time with the child is limited, in her mind, the parent cannot truly know the child, who she has seen during more hours of the week. She does not address or consider the differences of length of time versus the quality of the interaction on the relationship. For example, while a working parent may not see the child for 8-10 hours a day during the work week, the parent's one on one interaction, morning and bedtime routines, weekends, or during night wakings, are all interactions of an intimate and loving nature that may in fact result in more meaningful time to that child. The quality of the interaction spent outside of Ms. X's personal view, although limited is not affected by an audience of other children or strangers in a daycare setting, so the child may be more comfortable revealing their true selves. In reaching her conclusion, Ms. X also failed to consider other research that weakens her argument, specifically cross-cultural studies, which focus on child rearing as part of a community or multi-generational family effort..."
So I'm going to leave it at, she's an idiot, if no one worked, and instead kept their kids home like she thinks they should, she would have never had that job in the first place. Job security, it's a nice thing.
Throughout The Mismeasure of Man, Gould thoroughly discusses the flaws in historical research that surfaced when scientists went into a study trying to prove a predetermined point. Some of the studies he critiqued were conducted by researchers who excluded or included information in order to better support their agendas. This data was later used to support theories of genocide, sterilization, and reducing or eliminating funding for programs such as early childhood education and special education (376). If you want to study a group, you would gather a large sample size, include all of the data, and examine the statistics as they are; without letting your predetermined views affect it.
Gould highlighted the importance of conducting research with good reliability and validity in order to learn from the ”fallacious ideas” and so that history’s missteps are not repeated (352). It seems as if you are basing your opinion of parents who have children in daycare on a very small group of people you experienced at your job and with your own particular childhood. Without gathering a large enough sample size, interviewing parents to determine environmental factors, making direct observations, gathering additional statistics on the children, or perhaps having children yourself while working and needing day care, it is impossible to make a valid conclusion about how “fit” a parent is.
One is unable to make generalizations about how well teachers know their students and/or the quality and amount of time working parents spend with their children without conducting thorough research. Unless you have observed someone’s home life, you don’t truly know the quality and amount of time spent with the child. Teachers don’t know 100% of what a child is doing from 6pm to 7:15am on the weekdays and throughout the entire weekend. The majority of parents leave their kids at day care because they need the job in order to create a better life for their children. It does not make a person a bad parent just because they are working long hours to support their children. If putting the child in daycare is necessary in order to make sure there is enough food in the cupboard, is it truly such a negative life decision?