Baby Shower for 2nd, 3rd etc baby+

Richardsmom_817 · March 2014

I have had a couple of friends have baby showers for their 2nd baby, I had 1 shower for my first baby. What is the etiquette on this? I will be having my 4th child (my 3rd & 4th child will be 5 1/2 yrs apart) and I didn't want a full blown baby shower....I thought maybe a "meet & greet" to give everyone a chance to meet baby maybe 1 month after baby arrives...ever hear of this?

Disneygeek77 · March 2014

A meet and greet after the baby is born sounds just fine.

theimpossibleastronaut · March 2014

I have never been to a shower for a second baby.

I think if you want to have a meet and greet so your family and friends can meet the baby that's fine.

RondackHiker · March 2014

A meet and greet is fine.

Proper etiquette says showers are only for the first baby, but different groups feel differently.

You also shouldn't host your own shower, though hosting your own meet and greet is fine.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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Breakfast4dinner · March 2014

Second showers are becoming more common where I'm from. Most people call them a 'sprinkle'...I personally am against them unless there is a huge gap in age or special circumstances (like surprise your having triplets!)

Whenever a good friend of mine has a baby I also bring a gift whenever I see them for the first time (hospital or once they are home).

The meet and great is a new idea to me...exposure to germs comes to mind and then the thought that it's really just for gifts pops into my mind. Really though you know your friends and family so it's up to you.

OutOfStep81 · March 2014

My work group and the wives/girlfriends from DH's riding club each threw showers for me during my second pregnancy. I kept telling them they didn't have to do anything, but they weren't around when I was pregnant with DS and I was having a girl so they went ahead and did it anyways. I think that's perfectly fine, but only when others throw it for you. Definitely don't host your own (no matter which pregnancy it is).

I have no problem with a sip n'see after the baby is born, I think they're cute.

LovestheLou · March 2014

I had a very small shower with my second. I was a bit uncomfortable about it, but my SIL insisted. I put my foot down for the third baby though. I prefer the idea of a meet and greet for subsequent kids unless there is a huge age gap, but multiple showers aren't uncommon here.

shadypines · March 2014

Baby shower for first 2. 9 years apart. Meet and greet for 3rd. A month after she was born.

nanabanana06 · March 2014

I had one with my 2nd. I told SMIL I didn't want one, but she threw it anyways. They said it was traditional to have showers for each baby and that this was my SO's first child. I think if we have a 3rd baby I'll really put my foot down on another shower. I hate showers.

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jorkz821 · March 2014

Showers in my area are generally not held before the baby is born, unless the family needs financial help in setting up baby things. So yeah a newborn often ends up at a smallish party, being held by people. If folks are sick they don't go. I guess it's a meet and greet, but not hosted by the parents? The baby is not usually older than a couple of months.

And to answer OP, second or more showers aren't really done.

jorkz821 · March 2014

@colerose
Is that at me?

flyingsaucer · March 2014

My friend had 2 girls and then a boy. They were all within 4 years, but close friends and family wanted to get her "boy stuff" so they had a Sprinkle for her (instead of shower). It was very low key, in the back yard, no registry, bagels and that sort of thing to eat. We all just got her boy clothes, bibs, etc. I thought it was nice

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fancynewbeesly · March 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Multiple showers are common here, but they aren't full blown extravagant affairs like many hold. It's cake and gifts (which are also rare over $40 unless a group does one).

I despise the idea of meet and greets. Exposing a newborn to a bunch of people before their immune system is developed is stupid. I have never heard of anyone doing this until I came on here unless it was because the baby/babies came before the original shower was planned.

We did a meet and greet after DD was born. Being Jewish, we typically don't have baby showers before the baby is born. (It is bad luck) It was also the summer and outdoors.

RondackHiker · March 2014

We plan to have something after LO is here. A casual afternoon thing... We're thinking we'll tell our friends it's a "welcome back to having a social life" sort of thing.

We aren't expecting gifts... I just want to get back into the routine of having friends over. We are the first in this circle to have kids and since we moved right before I got my BFP and I socialized little thanks to HG, I really want to continue to develop those friendships.

flyingsaucer · March 2014

Starearedkid said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Multiple showers are common here, but they aren't full blown extravagant affairs like many hold. It's cake and gifts (whichever are also rare over $40 unless a group does one).

I despise the idea of meet and greets. Exposing a newborn to a bunch of people before their immune system is developed is stupid. I have never heard of anyone doing this until I came on here unless it was because the baby/babies came before the original shower was planned.

We did a meet and greet after DD was born. Being Jewish, we typically don't have baby showers before the baby is born. (It is bad luck) It was also the summer and outdoors.

Yes, or some Jewish mamas-to-be have a shower but don't open the gifts until after the baby comes or open them but don't set them up/put them together.

Spin313 · March 2014

With both of my mom groups, we've had dinners (and gifts) in honor of the new moms because we didn't know each when our firsts were born.

klondikebar · March 2014

The only 2nd+ showers I've heard about IRL were small gatherings. Like mom, grandma, two aunts and a couple girlfriends taking the MTB out for lunch or hanging out. Nothing formal with invites, just a girls' day.

I declined all offers for baby showers. People kept trying to throw me one, but it's not my thing. I hinted when I was pregnant with my first that I'd invite everyone over after DD was here just to get them off of my back. I never did it. Also not my thing.
<------ Doesn't enjoy adult social gatherings unless poker is involved.

fancynewbeesly · March 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Starearedkid said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Multiple showers are common here, but they aren't full blown extravagant affairs like many hold. It's cake and gifts (which are also rare over $40 unless a group does one).

I despise the idea of meet and greets. Exposing a newborn to a bunch of people before their immune system is developed is stupid. I have never heard of anyone doing this until I came on here unless it was because the baby/babies came before the original shower was planned.

We did a meet and greet after DD was born. Being Jewish, we typically don't have baby showers before the baby is born. (It is bad luck) It was also the summer and outdoors.

Interesting. I did not know that. That makes more sense where that comes from then.

Yep. It is bad luck to celebrate life before the baby is born. I definitely can see how it started with many years ago and infancy survival rate not as high as it is now. My mom was definitely anxious about us setting up the nursery a month before the due date. I know in Orthodox/Hassidic Jewish families that NOTHING is set up until after the baby is born and then while the mom is in the hospital with the newborn; family and friends set up the baby's things/nursery/etc.

tattooedtragedy · March 2014

I had a shower with the new baby, I had planned on getting everything myself even though the girls are 6 1/2 years apart, and I didn't care about having a shower, or sprinkle, or whatever you want to call it but my little sisters really wanted to throw one for me. I didn't share my registry with anyone (did one for the completion discount) and really didn't expect any gifts. It was a really nice small gathering with only close family and friends and most importantly CAKE!

I understand the reasons on both sides for having or not having and I think it is a personal choice and has a lot to do with the social circle you are in.

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EandIMommy86 · March 2014

I do not think it is ever okay to have a baby shower after the first baby UNLESS it is a situation where you had a child awhile back, such as 7 years ago and you are pregnant again. That is a large gap and you most likely do not have anything that you kept to pass on to the next baby or in that same situation if you had a child of the opposite sex. Other than that, no, just have a meet and greet once the baby has arrived.

Justabean3 · March 2014

I think every baby deserves a shower.

If someone wants to throw a shower for baby 2-10 then sure why not. I don't think it should be expected or solicited though.

By shower I think many things... Diapers and wipes party, meet and greet, girl afternoon get together... Whatever that might be.

With my 2nd my BFF insisted I have one so I agreed. It was more a small get together and family brought basics like diapers, wipes and medical stuff. Nothing was expected

Justabean3 · March 2014

Darbie914 said:
I also despise parties that dictate what to bring the MTB aka 'diaper parties'.

If I want to buy you diapers, I will buy you diapers. If I want to get you something else, I will do so. Please do not tell me what to buy and how to spend my money.

I get this but at the same time don't you want to buy something the parents need? I think the title is just an idea anyway and a good start.

Id much rather go to a diapers and wipes party and know I am getting something they want and need than have no clue or buy something off the registry they want that I know will sit on the back burner.

I guess I don't see it as telling me how to spend my money as much as pointing me in a beneficial direction as a guest.

BlueRidge8 · March 2014

mbm1983 said:

i didn't see this thread but commented about it in the gigantic UO. i'm okay with a shower whether it's the first child or the 5th. whether it's gift grabby shower you put together yourself or not. you feed me, booze me, and provide some adult interaction outside of work and i will bring you a gift. i consider it a win win. if i don't want to go, i rsvp with a no thank you and move on with my life.

I'm a big hypocrite because I do judge when I get an invite to a 2+ shower but, especially if it's a close friend, I will go with this mentality.

Justabean3 · March 2014

Ya I do get that.

I don't like the required to bring a signed and noted book with gift parties.

shadypines · March 2014

For some strange reason

I saw

@somerandomchick

somerandomdick lolol

That's all!!!

Unknown · March 2014

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kcisthebombdotcom · March 2014

I've learned on the bump a lot of this is regional. People really go all out for showers here. Friends and family bought me my stroller, car seat, pack n play, etc. I spend $50-100+ when going to a shower depending on the persons relationship. To agree to a second shower after people were so generous seems awful gift grabby. A meet the baby party isn't the same concept. I went to one recently and bought a bottle of wine for the parents, an outfit and a baby toy--it's not nearly the same expectation of gifts. Based on that I'm all for a meet the baby party if the parents want to have a celebration for subsequent children--not a shower. Showers and such aren't for the baby who isn't even there--it's for the parents to be.

I also think its silly to be against meet the baby parties because of germs. Generally most second children have a preschool age sibling or older and therefore are exposed to lots of germs/illnesses so I wouldn't assume a celebration with friends and family is any more riskier than having a preschooler in the house. I'm also not a paranoid nut bag-- my first was at a Christmas party and Christmas Day with my family at four and five days old in the midst of the h1n1 outbreak and lived to tell the tale.
Eta I do think certain circumstances like a so's first child makes a second shower less of a faux pas.

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