Attachment Parenting
srmiller1029
member
Hello and baby #2 question
srmiller1029
member
Hello everyone! I wanted to take a minute for a quick intro and question. I'm 32 and have 1 son who is 20 months old. When I was pregnant, my husband and I did not intend to do attachment parenting. However, we learned quickly that it works best for our family. My husband works out of town quite a bit and there are stretches where he can be gone for 2 weeks or so at a time. That being said, my son and I are very connected and are used to a lot of one on one time. My husband is really pushing for another baby. He loves being a dad and can't imagine being one and done. On the other hand, I'm very torn. I also love having our family but I could be done (I'm an only child). I'm very fearful that if we have #2 that I won't be able to give my son the attention he's used to. I don't want to miss any part of his life. He sleeps next to me and snuggles to sleep at night. I don't want to push him over further so a new baby can lay between us. I don't want him to feel abandoned. Logically I know that I'm WAY over thinking this and most likely it's way less of a deal than I'm making it. Has anyone else had these or similar feelings? Did your feelings change once #2 arrived? And, most importantly, how did your LO adjust? TIA!
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Re: Hello and baby #2 question
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2. I'm KU with #2. I always say "love multiplies", and I strongly feel that I will be able to love all the children I have equally and with all my heart.
Some families do well 1 and done, but as an only child myself, it is important to me to give DS a sibling to love, play with, share life with, etc. I envy DH and his close relationship with his brothers. It's not a relationship I can experience. I am so excited to give DS the gift of a sibling!
DS1 was only 19 months when his brother was born and we had no intention of pushing him into growing up. DS1 slept between DH and I while DS2 was just next to me on the other side. I wore DS1 on my back into the same week DS2 was born and then tandem wore after that. I nursed DS1 until my milk reverted to colostrum at 37 weeks pregnant and he self-weaned. My mantra was that nothing is a problem to be solved until it's actually problematic. AP with two kids looks different, but there is just more love to go around! My boys now get to have secure attachments with each other instead of just mom and dad. It is pretty cool!
I don't know what is the right path for you, but I do know that an expanded family can be wonderfully attached and cozy.
More Green For Less Green
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
As a side note, it sounds like your DH's sister is just a rude person, and that likely has nothing to do with her place in the family or the age difference between them!
Read Siblings Without Rivalry. Even though your kids will be younger than kids in the scenarios, applying the lessons from the start will help you grow your speaking habits so you'll be confident in it by the time they are older.
The other thing that we told ourselves is that DS1 could be a baby for as long as he wanted. We wouldn't push him to be "big". Over time, he's noticed his unique role as the older brother, and takes pride in it at times. But, he also loves to be snuggled and plays baby sometimes. When he sees that we'll dress him, offer to nurse him, let him do baby talk, etc. he usually gives it up quickly and is back to his 3-year-old self. If we're gushing over something DS2 just stared doing, I'll later tell DS1 a story about his first X. He asks to see baby pictures of himself regularly and wants to hear the story again. That affirmation that we gushed over his firsts then (and now) seems to better help him celebrate his brother's firsts.
More Green For Less Green