Hello and baby #2 question

srmiller1029

Hello everyone!  I wanted to take a minute for a quick intro and question.  I'm 32 and have 1 son who is 20 months old.  When I was pregnant, my husband and I did not intend to do attachment parenting.  However, we learned quickly that it works best for our family.  My husband works out of town quite a bit and there are stretches where he can be gone for 2 weeks or so at a time.  That being said, my son and I are very connected and are used to a lot of one on one time.  My husband is really pushing for another baby.  He loves being a dad and can't imagine being one and done.  On the other hand, I'm very torn.  I also love having our family but I could be done (I'm an only child).  I'm very fearful that if we have #2 that I won't be able to give my son the attention he's used to.  I don't want to miss any part of his life.  He sleeps next to me and snuggles to sleep at night.  I don't want to push him over further so a new baby can lay between us.  I don't want him to feel abandoned.  Logically I know that I'm WAY over thinking this and most likely it's way less of a deal than I'm making it.  Has anyone else had these or similar feelings?  Did your feelings change once #2 arrived?  And, most importantly, how did your LO adjust?  TIA!

ncbelle

I always wanted more than one so my situation may be different but...I think it's pretty normal to worry about how a new baby will fit in.  But your heart always has more love to go around  Sure there are challenges but my oldest loves being a big brother (he had very few problems adjusting - I think it's because he was very confident in our attachment) and I love being a mama of more than one.

Emerald27

1. He won't be pushed over to make room for the new baby in bed. He should sleep between you and DH or on the other side of DH...so you'll be between your kids, split equally for snuggles. That's one of the rules of safe cosleeping.

2. I'm KU with #2. I always say "love multiplies", and I strongly feel that I will be able to love all the children I have equally and with all my heart.

Some families do well 1 and done, but as an only child myself, it is important to me to give DS a sibling to love, play with, share life with, etc. I envy DH and his close relationship with his brothers. It's not a relationship I can experience. I am so excited to give DS the gift of a sibling!

pixieprincss

DS1 was only 19 months when his brother was born and we had no intention of pushing him into growing up. DS1 slept between DH and I while DS2 was just next to me on the other side. I wore DS1 on my back into the same week DS2 was born and then tandem wore after that. I nursed DS1 until my milk reverted to colostrum at 37 weeks pregnant and he self-weaned. My mantra was that nothing is a problem to be solved until it's actually problematic. AP with two kids looks different, but there is just more love to go around! My boys now get to have secure attachments with each other instead of just mom and dad. It is pretty cool!

I don't know what is the right path for you, but I do know that an expanded family can be wonderfully attached and cozy.

URMySunshine77

pixieprincss said:

DS1 was only 19 months when his brother was born and we had no intention of pushing him into growing up. DS1 slept between DH and I while DS2 was just next to me on the other side. I wore DS1 on my back into the same week DS2 was born and then tandem wore after that. I nursed DS1 until my milk reverted to colostrum at 37 weeks pregnant and he self-weaned. My mantra was that nothing is a problem to be solved until it's actually problematic. AP with two kids looks different, but there is just more love to go around! My boys now get to have secure attachments with each other instead of just mom and dad. It is pretty cool!

I don't know what is the right path for you, but I do know that an expanded family can be wonderfully attached and cozy.

I'm glad to hear that moms tandem-wear their kids. We would like a second child, and baby wearing is the most efficient way for me to be close to the baby, get around the city, and walk the dog several times a day. I wondered if I would be able to do this. Awesome! 

srmiller1029

Thanks ladies for all of your thoughts and great advice!  DS does sleep between my husband and I now and only slept with me when he was teeny.  I guess it's been so long ago that I didn't give that a thought when I originally asked the question.  It's wonderful to hear other people's experience and thoughts on this issue.  

I guess what makes me nervous also is that my DH has a sister but they are not close.  She's 7 years younger than he is so that makes it more difficult but she was always #1 once she was born and she knows it.  She tends to pick fights and is just generally rude.  Since I'm an only child, I've never experienced anything like this and it makes me completely crazy.  I would be horrified if my children grew to have a relationship like this.  

Your thoughts have definitely helped to open my eyes toward the bright side of multiple children.  I do believe that my DH and I would provide a very different environment from the one he was raised in.  I would hope that would make a difference in the relationship between the children.

jmcgra06

We only have one, but I always say that the best gift my parents ever gave me was my sisters. We are each two years apart and so close, though we did have our share of fights when we were growing up   There will never be anyone who will know your son like a sibling, and that's a gift you can give him his entire life.

As a side note, it sounds like your DH's sister is just a rude person, and that likely has nothing to do with her place in the family or the age difference between them!

pixieprincss

Read Siblings Without Rivalry. Even though your kids will be younger than kids in the scenarios, applying the lessons from the start will help you grow your speaking habits so you'll be confident in it by the time they are older.

The other thing that we told ourselves is that DS1 could be a baby for as long as he wanted. We wouldn't push him to be "big". Over time, he's noticed his unique role as the older brother, and takes pride in it at times. But, he also loves to be snuggled and plays baby sometimes. When he sees that we'll dress him, offer to nurse him, let him do baby talk, etc. he usually gives it up quickly and is back to his 3-year-old self. If we're gushing over something DS2 just stared doing, I'll later tell DS1 a story about his first X. He asks to see baby pictures of himself regularly and wants to hear the story again. That affirmation that we gushed over his firsts then (and now) seems to better help him celebrate his brother's firsts.