3rd hand smoke

sparkles98 · February 2014

Would you allow your child in a home where the grandparents smoke inside the home? Not actively smoking while the child is around but smoking at least a pack a day in an apartment? I've seen many studies that say third hand smoke is proven dangerous. Just wondering your take on this. My mother seems to think I'm being ridiculous and I feel I'm not and that I'm protecting my baby. She refuses to quit smoking and refuses to smoke outside of of her apartment when the baby isn't around. We also have at least 3 family members who have suffered strokes in the last 3 years.

LittleLady77 · February 2014

Nope. Never.

thejewelster · February 2014

Absolutely not. We have the same issue and we won't be staying at grandma's house, period. My hubby 100% agrees. I do not want to be around it myself let alone our baby. It's going to be a tough convo for my hubby to have with his mom though. Not looking forward to that, at all.

MrsL13 · February 2014

I would do whatever makes you feel best. If you don't want your child in your moms house because of the smoke then make your mom come to your house to see LO. It's your child (although I don't think your being ridiculous at all) it's your right to be "ridiculous" if you want.

joyfullyfound · February 2014

Absolutely not. Second hand smoke is extremely dangerous, and it makes me sick to think about a infant breathing it in. Even your mom holding your LO outside her home but with the smoke in her clothing is detrimental.

My mom and her siblings grew up around a lot of second hand smoke and I've seen the terrible lifelong effects it has had on their health. It's one of those things that I'd be absolutely uncompromising on when it comes to our kids, though thankfully no one close to us is a smoker.

Avion22 · February 2014

No, I would not. Smoke (and the nasty stuff in it) can hang around in clothing, carpet, upholstery, curtains, paint, wallpaper. If they smoked OUTSIDE I wouldn't have a problem with it, but not if they smoked inside. I also wouldn't let my child ride in a car that had been smoked in.

kseccomb17 · February 2014

Never would I ever!

prettyinpink84 · February 2014

Never. Period.

Linnea503 · February 2014

Nope, never. And if a smoker even wanted to hold my baby they would have to change into clean smoke free clothes and wash their hands for me to even consider letting them.

csmily51 · February 2014

Nope, never. I don't care if its her lifestyle choice, its mine and my families to be smoke free. Oh and I completely agree with PP, on the clothes is the worst especially when so tiny and all you can do is hold the baby. Makes me cringe.

ambarnett1 · February 2014

Nope. I won't put my child at risk like that. My mother quit smoking as soon as she found out I was pregnant because she knows I won't let my son around her if she is smoking. She did it to me and I won't let her do it to him. Just my personal opinion/situation. Do what you feel is right for your family.

Beezerbop · February 2014

NOPE. My husband and I had this fight...not something I would back down on. I would pay for a hotel or stay somewhere else overnight.

Tferr02 · February 2014

Nope! My DH sisters smoke and we make them change clothes and wash like crazy before being able to hold our kids.

hordol · February 2014

I'm in this situation, too. My dad smokes cigars and my mom smokes cigarettes and although they USED to smoke outside, ever since all the kids left home they started doing it inside. I'm still not sure what to do. They would never smoke inside when there are visitors over, but the air is stale and the house smells gross. My husband and my sister think I'm being silly because "we turned out okay!"...but we are only in our 20s so who really knows.

sweetpeace13 · February 2014

Nope. Never.

Rrrrrachel · February 2014

No. Nicotine is sticky and can persist in surfaces for something like fifty years. Babies who crawl around and interact with those surfaces have nicotine in their blood stream.

AcaAwkward · February 2014

Nope, wouldn't allow it. 3rd hand smoke is no bueno!

pbandjmom · February 2014

My dad smokes, and if I told him that he couldn't hold the baby because he smokes inside of his own home, there would be hell to pay. Just saying, but changing the habits of smokers is difficult and can be a huge pain point. You have to tread lightly - especially if you're in their territory.

Now, on the other hand, my dad is not permitted to smoke inside of my home ever. And I will ask him to wear a clean shirt when he comes to visit. I can still smell the smoke on his jacket, but what can you do? They don't realize.

sking72 · February 2014

My parents and in laws don't smoke, but my grandma and aunts on my moms side all smoke like chimneys. All of our family events are hosted at their houses. I'm not 100% sure what were going to do about it yet, I know I won't be bringing baby to their houses for a while, but I don't think I can avoid it forever. It's definitely going to be a tough battle.

*sparky* · February 2014

No way.

sking72 · February 2014

I'm very jealous of all of you that don't have smoker families and everyone that can say NO WAY with absolute certainty.

sking72 · February 2014

ebie79 said:

sking72 said:

I'm very jealous of all of you that don't have smoker families and everyone that can say NO WAY with absolute certainty.

Me too. I wish it was a non-issue.

It's impossible for me to tell my family they can't hold the baby unless they change their clothes, and I know a lot of people say "Oh stand your ground!" but it's pretty much let my smoker family members be around the baby with smokey clothes or never see them. I know it's my baby's health so I am very concerned about it and want to do what's best for her, but it's not that easy cutting your family out of your life. And I HATE thinking like this, but part of me thinks about how much I was exposed to smoke as a child and that I am ok (for right now). So I'm hoping that a happy medium of not bringing her to smoker's houses until she is older and of course never letting anyone smoke in my home but still seeing her family will help a bit...

Rrrrrachel · February 2014

It's something that will almost definitely harm your child. Not maybe. Not it's a risk. It WILL harm them, it's just a question of how much. If people are regularly smoking in the house it makes no difference if they smoke int here while your kid is actually there or not. Same thing on a smaller scale with clothes. To me that's worth hurting someone's feelings over, if it comes to that.

hordol · February 2014

sking72 said:

ebie79 said:

sking72 said:

I'm very jealous of all of you that don't have smoker families and everyone that can say NO WAY with absolute certainty.

Me too. I wish it was a non-issue.

It's impossible for me to tell my family they can't hold the baby unless they change their clothes, and I know a lot of people say "Oh stand your ground!" but it's pretty much let my smoker family members be around the baby with smokey clothes or never see them. I know it's my baby's health so I am very concerned about it and want to do what's best for her, but it's not that easy cutting your family out of your life. And I HATE thinking like this, but part of me thinks about how much I was exposed to smoke as a child and that I am ok (for right now). So I'm hoping that a happy medium of not bringing her to smoker's houses until she is older and of course never letting anyone smoke in my home but still seeing her family will help a bit...

This is how I feel, too. I wish it was something I didn't have to worry about, and I entirely agree that it's not as easy as "standing your ground" because a) they are my parents and we have a good relationship, so I want them in LO's life, and b) even if they stop smoking in the house now (which I plan to suggest but I know I can't make them), the damage is already done. Their couches/carpets/walls/etc are already saturated with smoke and besides a heavy duty deep cleaning (which will only do so much) what can you really do? I plan to not worry about the day visits and not allow overnight stays for the first year.

Rrrrrachel · February 2014

If you don't feel like they'd change their clothes, maybe they would wash their hands and put a receiving blanket between themselves and the baby. They also may not understand that exposing baby to the residue on their clothes is just as bad as lighting up around them.

pbandjmom · February 2014

For those who say "hurt feelings are worth it" - you have never dealt with angry smokers! My dad is on his last major artery to his brain at this point and STILL will not stop smoking. Hurt feelings do nothing to deter them - it's an addiction, not a fun pastime.

ETA: I'm not trying to 'stick up' for them. I think it's a nasty, dirty, awful thing. I just wanted to provide some insight that it's really not just about hurt feelings.

baileymama3 · February 2014

I am fortunate to only have one heavy smoker in the family and he does not smoke inside. I will not make him change his shirt to hold our baby, but he also won't be babysitting or visiting for long periods of time....I feel for all of you who are dealing with close family members who are heavy smokers. Especially in-laws who want to babysit. I would feel really uncomfortable having my baby in a smoke heavy house...but not sure how I would go about it.

Rrrrrachel · February 2014

Of you don't feel like they'd change your clothes, maybe they would wash their hands and out a receiving blanket between themselves and their clothes. They also may not understand that exposing baby to the residue on their clothes is just as bad as lighting up around them.

sandbridge1030 said:
For those who say "hurt feelings are worth it" - you have never dealt with angry smokers! My dad is on his last major artery to his brain at this point and STILL will not stop smoking. Hurt feelings do nothing to deter them - it's an addiction, not a fun pastime.

ETA: I'm not trying to 'stick up' for them. I think it's a nasty, dirty, awful thing. I just wanted to provide some insight that it's really not just about hurt feelings.

I wouldn't expect someone to quit smoking. But I don't think changing your shirt and being understanding when I don't want to come to your house is a lot to ask. That's not a matter of addiction, it's a matter of valuing your own convenience way too highly.

sking72 · February 2014

Rrrrrachel said:
If you don't feel like they'd change their clothes, maybe they would wash their hands and put a receiving blanket between themselves and the baby. They also may not understand that exposing baby to the residue on their clothes is just as bad as lighting up around them.

Yes I am definitely going to insist on this. And I understand its not a matter of if it will effect my LO, I know it will. And it's heartbreaking to think of it in black and white: knowingly harm my child or cut out half my family. And the worst part? My family is not understanding of it at all. Even my father, who's entire family is riddled with cancer DIRECTLY related to smoking, (he doesn't smoke) doesn't understand why I won't be bringing baby to my grandmas. "They only smoke in the kitchen when we're there" uhh that's not even the beginning of the problem. And all my smoker relatives are going to play the "oh well my kids survived me smoking around them" and "oh this grandchild doesn't have problems being at grandmas." They are going to be offended no matter what I do, so I'm not really afraid of hurting their feelings, I just want to still be able to have my family.

LittleLady77 · February 2014

I'm really sorry that so many of you are dealing with this. I don't have any smokers in my family so I don't know what it's like to have to stand my ground on that topic.

I do have a similar situation. My mom was in major pain for years and became totally addicted to perscription pills. It was pretty bad. We have been consistantly and firmly telling her she will not be babysitting and will never be alone with the kids. She can come and hold them with supervision but that's it. There have been tears and name calling but we stood our ground. 2 months ago she finally got major back surgery to correct her pain problem and she's in a rehab program. For us standing our ground helped change her behavior. I know it certainly won't work for everything but so far it's been the best thing for our family.

Rrrrrachel · February 2014

If you don't feel like they'd change their clothes, maybe they would wash their hands and put a receiving blanket between themselves and the baby. They also may not understand that exposing baby to the residue on their clothes is just as bad as lighting up around them.
Yes I am definitely going to insist on this. And I understand its not a matter of if it will effect my LO, I know it will. And it's heartbreaking to think of it in black and white: knowingly harm my child or cut out half my family. And the worst part? My family is not understanding of it at all. Even my father, who's entire family is riddled with cancer DIRECTLY related to smoking, (he doesn't smoke) doesn't understand why I won't be bringing baby to my grandmas. "They only smoke in the kitchen when we're there" uhh that's not even the beginning of the problem. And all my smoker relatives are going to play the "oh well my kids survived me smoking around them" and "oh this grandchild doesn't have problems being at grandmas." They are going to be offended no matter what I do, so I'm not really afraid of hurting their feelings, I just want to still be able to have my family.

I guess it seems to me asking them to change their shirt/use a receiving blanket/avoiding their house isnt the same as cutting them out of your life. I get that you're in a tough position, though, I really do.

sking72 · February 2014

The receiving blanket is definitely do-able. Shirts changing, I just don't see it happening seeing as they'll be smoking at family get togethers. (Outside if im there!) Also, all of our family get togethers are held at their houses and my house isn't an option because they aren't willing to drive an hour away. A lot of it could be avoided/helped/changed if I had a more understanding family. I don't know a nicer way to say it other than they are all overly sensitive, dramatic, close minded and stubborn. I do appreciate all the advice and any help from you guys. I haven't given up hope, I'm still going to try and make sure my family understands how to keep their smoking habits away from my child, I just know it's gonna be a tough one.

Rrrrrachel · February 2014

The receiving blanket thing may be better than a new shirt, anyway, since presumably it would be their shirt from their house and probably still full of smoke!

nycgirlkat · February 2014

My mother has been a smoker for a long time and smoked while pregnant with me and smoked around us constantly. I'm talking in the car, windows rolled up, puffing away. And believe it or not, she can't understand for the life of her why my sister was a "healthy" 8 plus pounds (she didn't smoke during that pregnancy) versus my just 6 pounds with my gangly little legs and arms. Hello!!!! You were feeding me chemicals!!!! Even after having a malignant tumor removed from her kidney last year she walked out of the hospital and lit up immediately. It seriously is an ugly addiction. And what's worse is she also won't give it up especially because "it controls her appetite"....

If my mom brings up this whole weight thing around the birth of my daughter I want to tell her flat out how I resent her for smoking while pregnant with me, but my sister says "why bring it up now, what's done is done don't make her feel bad". This coming from my sister who very publicly berated me for kissing her newborn's head one time because I was going to get her sick.....

I plan on asking my mother to wash her hands after every cigarette and using a clean burp cloth or receiving blanket when she holds my LO. And my mother will never smoke in my house. She will have to go out in my backyard if she wants to smoke. My house, my ground rules. Smoke all you want in your home (400 miles away).

sayysayy13 · February 2014

im dealing with the same thing. my MIL smokes at least a pack a day. she will be watching the baby 1 day a week and refuses to come to our house. im struggling with what to do. i cant really afford to keep the baby in daycare 5 days a week and were planning on 2 days in daycare 2 days with my mom (who dosent smoke and keeps a clean house) and 1 day with my MIL but me and my husband are trying everything we can to not keep the baby with her :-( its stessful

Ksandz777 · February 2014

Never ever. I personally can't stand the smell of smoke and I don't want my child smelling anything that can even remotely harm them. My husbands brother smokes and I threatened his godparent-ship unless he quit. Here's hoping!

amhah09 · February 2014

I'm pretty cut and dry about smoke. The answer is always no. No, you may not smoke around my children. No, you may not hold my babies when your clothes wreak of smoke. No, I will not take my babies in your car if it still smells like smoke from the friend who was in your car last week. No, no, no. That shit makes ME sick. I'm not going to expose my children to it either. Yuck.

nicole mackenzie · February 2014

Ewww. Youd smell bad from visiting.
No way would I let baby in that house.

They can shower and wear freshly laundered clothes that they haven't smoked in and then they can visit.

mrsB68 · February 2014

I've avoided the conversation so far. It's going to turn into a fight because I'm 100% again any smoke-1st, 2nd or 3d hand. My DH I'm sure will argue that washing hands while his parents are here is sufficient. As badly as I want to say 'change your clothes' I don't think he's going to agree and I don't know how if tell his parents to do that without his support...so maybe receiving blanket is the way to go. I jut don't get how anyone can still smoke. Addiction? They have programs...

Rachel71189 · February 2014

I have family like this and my child won't be going to their house. My father in law smoke outside his home but doesn't wash his hands after and I think that's gross and I'm sure it wil have to be talked about sooner or later

snowclouds · February 2014

You're not being ridiculous. Babies are tiny and are exposed to a lot of the toxins on people's clothing because they're held so much at the beginning. Their little systems also can't deal with as much stuff as our adult systems can.

I know it can be super hard to lay down the law for this type of stuff, but you have to decide what is best for you and your family.

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