Nanny wants to borrow $

onewayticket · February 2014

My nanny asked to borrow $1000 and I gave it to her 4 weeks ago. I have been paying her $100 less a week.

Now she wants another $1500. I know she is having a difficult time financially. What should I do?

Caitlinh27 · February 2014

Hmmm.. Are you really close with her? I would personally be pretty apprehensive to loan that much $$ but I guess it also depends on your financial situation. For us right now thats big bucks lol.

BoothBaby · February 2014

Say no. (sorry)

onewayticket · February 2014

I am not really close with her but she is a really sweet lady without any children and not much family around. She takes really good care of LO and I don't want her to suffer but I also don't want to be taken advantage of.

If she sticks around, it doesn't make too big of a difference whether I pay her up front or over time. I'm just worried she is digging her self into a financial hole that will make things awkward later. Saying no will make things awkward now.

Julesfly17 · February 2014

Why is she coming to her employer to barrow money? Things could get messy

MissJenna2011 · February 2014

I just loaned a close friend $500 bucks and we had a contract saying she'd pay it back in a month... tons of road blocks came up and it took her a while longer to pay it back... my husband & I decided right then we are not $$ loaning people... just too stressful for us.

KFED103 · February 2014

Do not loan her more. You were nice to do it once. Sorry but I'm on the skeptical side...what's preventing her from asking for even more and bailing? She survived before she worked for you and she will survive now.

onewayticket · February 2014

Julesfly17 said:
Why is she coming to her employer to barrow money? Things could get messy

I honestly think she doesn't have anyone else to ask.

lollipoppoop · February 2014

onewayticket said:

Julesfly17 said:
Why is she coming to her employer to barrow money? Things could get messy
I honestly think she doesn't have anyone else to ask.

Give it to her and don't pay her for a few weeks but your nicer than me, I would tell her no.

onewayticket · February 2014

@kfed103 any ideas how to say no without making it awkward?

BoothBaby · February 2014

onewayticket said:

I'm just worried she is digging her self into a financial hole that will make things awkward later. Saying no will make things awkward now.

And how awkward would it be if you loan it to her and she stops showing up for work? It's tough, but I would put my foot down. Just say, 'unfortunately we've had some other expenses come up, and we're not able to loan you any more.' I'm sorry you have to deal with it, because you're right, it's just super awkward all around!

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

It sounds like it could get out of control quickly. Do you have a good financial planner you could refer her to? Sounds like she has bigger money issues that need to be addressed, I don't think those things are really your problem to solve.

Brandi81012 · February 2014

That's a lot of money to be loaning out and hopefully her not bailing on you friend or not. I wouldn't loan her any more until the initial 1000 is completely accounted for. Sorry for the awkward situation!

onewayticket · February 2014

BootsOrHearts said:
It sounds like it could get out of control quickly. Do you have a good financial planner you could refer her to? Sounds like she has bigger money issues that need to be addressed, I don't think those things are really your problem to solve.

Well I work at a bank so yes! But she doesn't speak English.

notkateanymore · February 2014

No. I'm sorry but I would not loan her anymore money. Edit- Like PP said, what happens when she just stops coming? If she had been your nanny for years, my answer would be different.

Naty657 · February 2014

I was a nanny a few years ago and honestly that's very unprofessional. I don't care how old you are or close you are to your employer, you don't ask for more money on top of what you already agreed on being paid, especially a large amount like that and then to ask for an even larger amount a second time! Your much nicer than me, I would've said no the first time. What PP said other expenses have came up and you cant afford it. I would hate to think what would happen if she ran off.

KFED103 · February 2014

BoothBaby said:

onewayticket said:

I'm just worried she is digging her self into a financial hole that will make things awkward later. Saying no will make things awkward now.

And how awkward would it be if you loan it to her and she stops showing up for work? It's tough, but I would put my foot down. Just say, 'unfortunately we've had some other expenses come up, and we're not able to loan you any more.' I'm sorry you have to deal with it, because you're right, it's just super awkward all around!

----------
I agree just saying "I'm sorry but we aren't in a position to be able to do that". I think maybe you need to adjust your thinking in terms of your relationship. Essentially you are her employer and have to act as such. I'm not saying to be completely heartless but she is providing a service and you are paying her an agreed upon price. If she worked for a daycare there is no way an employer would be as nice as you have been.

Maybe after you tell her no, ask her if there is something specific she needs because you might have a suggestion on how to help. For an example off the top of my head...let's say if her washer and dryer broke you might know of a place to get a good discount or offer to help her find a place where she can get one on payment plans. That way you can let her know you are willing to anything you can to help (but you aren't a sucker). Might relieve some of the awkwardness too

onewayticket · February 2014

superspecialsnowflake said:
While I think it's great that you loaned her the money, and are saving it by paying her less in the future, I think that puts you in the difficult position of what to do if she suddenly quits or stops showing up for work. Your system assumes she will keep working for you, which neither of you can guarantee. I would simply say that you're not in a position to loan her any more money.

What specifically does she need it for? Do you have proof that this is the reason she needs it?

She didn't tell me why and I didn't ask. She was working for me part time before and looking for more work. When her other family/ employer moved she started working for me everyday but asked me to send an email to the Stanford parent list serve (where I found her) asking for more hours. It seems unlikely that she would just quit when she is still trying to get more hours.

cammyisagirlsname · February 2014

Totally awkward. You already gave her a nice loan. Once is enough. I'd tell her no in the nicest way possible.

TXmamatobe · February 2014

No. Just no.

onewayticket · February 2014

@superspecialsnowflake yes :-S

northport6 · February 2014

I'd get a new nanny. This seems like a red flag for a lot of different reasons.

ErinO21 · February 2014

Can you offer to pay a bill or whatever she needs the money directly? That way you know she's not blowing it? My mom had some major money troubles and she kept asking and asking for money. After loaning her money a time or two I told her I would send the money to actual places rather than give it to her. Money burns a hole in her pocket. I didn't want to put my mom out if I could help her. And if you feel it is absolutely necessary to help her again, maybe this way you'll feel better knowing where exactly the money went.

thesportsgal · February 2014

northport6 said:
I'd get a new nanny. This seems like a red flag for a lot of different reasons.

This.

KFED103 · February 2014

northport6 said:
I'd get a new nanny. This seems like a red flag for a lot of different reasons.

Inorite. I hope oneway's financial paperwork and statements are locked up tight.

onewayticket · February 2014

northport6 said:
I'd get a new nanny. This seems like a red flag for a lot of different reasons.

They are so hard to find. I interviewed 10 and she's the only one I liked.

Why is it a red flag? I'm often naive about this stuff.

ugoglencoco · February 2014

Eh, I'd say no. DH just got in a sticky spot from one of his employees asking for $200 and he would take it out of his pay when they went on a job. Now the employee has called and cancelled the last 3 moves they've done. Says he can't find a babysitter or is sick. Now we're wondering if we're ever gonna get it back..

notkateanymore · February 2014

I'd start looking for somebody else ASAP. Like Loo said, you tell her no (which you should) and it's possible she'll resort to other ways to get the money.

onewayticket · February 2014

Ugh...I really don't want a new nanny. LO likes her and is comfortable with her. Besides potentially stealing things (haha) do you guys think this is a red flag for baby's safety?

onewayticket · February 2014

superspecialsnowflake said:

KateMW said:

I'd start looking for somebody else ASAP. Like Loo said, you tell her no (which you should) and it's possible she'll resort to other ways to get the money.

OWT, do you have a nanny-cam?

No but I work from home. She is standing in the room with me now walking around with LO getting him to sleep.

notkateanymore · February 2014

You never know...the nany in NYC who killed two of the 3 kids in that family was angry with the family for some reason if I remember correctly. Crazy people do crazy things, so you can't really guess.

northport6 · February 2014

My father has a good adage: Lend money with the assumption that you'll never see it again. If you can afford to keep shelling out a grand here and there, I guess do it.

The reason I said it's a red flag is that it speaks to a certain level of irresponsibility -- if I were to ask anyone for that amount of money, I'd sure as shit make sure they understand what it's for, and would work out some kind of plan to pay them back. If your nanny isn't responsible enough to consider these things, I would be skeptical of her level of responsibility to follow whatever directions you give her for your child. Maybe that's just me, but I think you would be wise to be more suspicious.

shoeflypie · February 2014

Also, double check everything. I hate to label her but my uncles nanny of 5 years suddenly asked for money. Then she started stealing jewelry and pain meds from my aunts post partum stash. She also set off their house alarm, got the code and used it to take money from my aunts bank account. This all happened after a 5 year relationship. She brought the kids to hock the jewelry too... And they we're push presents.

74dragonfly · February 2014

It sounds fishy to me. Like drugs or gambling. In any event it sounds like she wants to take advantage. Say no. And look for new help

Marchmellow2 · February 2014

I agree with PP's that's very fishy! I wouldn't trust someone who had no problem asking me for $2500 within the first year of knowing me. Creepy, fishy, scary, awkward. There are lots of words to describe the feelings I'm getting about your nanny. I'd find a replacement stat. Good luck!

NurseKMM · February 2014

So I'm confused, you got her through am agency? Are you paying her weekly or is the agency?

I wouldn't lend out anymore money. I'm sorry she's going through tough financial times, but you've got bills and a baby now. She needs to figure out answers to her own money problems, other than asking you. Not appropriate, and she's lucky you don't report it, if she is through an agency. FWIW, Mcdonalds and target are always hiring.

Also, loolaide has a point, I'd keep my eyes open and watch if anything is missing.

onewayticket · February 2014

So I think you guys are right. This is actually the second red flag. When she first started there was this weird situation where I called her number and somebody (I thought her) answered. We arranged to meet for the interview and she came. I had also emailed her the same info. She interviewed and had this book full of amazing letters of recommendations and I reached out to a few who all had great things to say. The day before she was supposed to start I got a text saying "I can't make the interview bc of an emergency" which was weird bc she wasn't interviewing.

She showed up on time and looked really confused when I showed her the text. She said it wasn't her. I figured she was canceling on somebody else so she could work for me. I asked if it was her number and she said no. Then I sent a message to the phone saying sorry I thought you were Julia. The person responded saying this is Julia. So confused! I never figured out what was going on. I thought maybe she used her sisters phone bc she didn't have her own-- oh yea, she doesn't have her own phone.

Anyways.. I'm super sad but I guess I would be a real chump not to find a new nanny now.

onewayticket · February 2014

As an aside, I took off my engagement ring because it was scratching LO and have been keeping it on a shelf in the bathroom visible to anyone who uses the upstairs bathroom (just me, DH and nanny). Definitely wearing it now!!

onewayticket · February 2014

Ok... Now I'm paranoid but he always sleeps a LOT more with her than with me. Like all day. Could she be giving him something?

jy725 · February 2014

onewayticket said:
So I think you guys are right. This is actually the second red flag. When she first started there was this weird situation where I called her number and somebody (I thought her) answered. We arranged to meet for the interview and she came. I had also emailed her the same info. She interviewed and had this book full of amazing letters of recommendations and I reached out to a few who all had great things to say. The day before she was supposed to start I got a text saying "I can't make the interview bc of an emergency" which was weird bc she wasn't interviewing.

She showed up on time and looked really confused when I showed her the text. She said it wasn't her. I figured she was canceling on somebody else so she could work for me. I asked if it was her number and she said no. Then I sent a message to the phone saying sorry I thought you were Julia. The person responded saying this is Julia. So confused! I never figured out what was going on. I thought maybe she used her sisters phone bc she didn't have her own-- oh yea, she doesn't have her own phone.

Anyways.. I'm super sad but I guess I would be a real chump not to find a new nanny now.

Yikes! Is she really the Julia from the agency? You should contact them to check on her.

KFED103 · February 2014

Now I'm creeped out for you. Have you ever seen a photo ID or a drivers license? Background check? Did you google search her references to see if they actually exist?

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