What kind of mother will you be?

kcartwright12 · February 2014

5- a balance of getting dirty and exploring to develop their own independence and keeping them safe.

ricecakes1216 · February 2014

I want to be a mom that allows my child to be independent and learn. I also want to protect his innocence, he won't be a kid forever. But I will also most likely be a strict parent. I believe in discipline and respect.

ELC252011 · February 2014

I think I will be a 5. I'm a FTM so who knows how ill be after I finally have her in my arms. I feel like you have to let your kids explorer, get sick, fall down, and make mistakes. It's all a part of growing up. But I also wouldn't let them eat bugs, or stick their finger in power out lets.
Your friend seems a little too extream.

kaitlin&kurth · February 2014

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't obsess over germs. There's nothing better for a child than a good ol' dirty dog. Now, we don't go play in the mud and eat with dirty hands but I'm not OCD when it comes to wiping down everything. I try to watch my daughter but she does need to learn that she will fall down and she doesn't have to scream every time. I feel there needs to be a balance in everything and all will be happy.

Mrs_D_in_KY · February 2014

Regarding germs and the like I was probably an 8-9 with DS because he was born in the middle of flu season in 2010. The older he gets the more lax I am, so probably a 3-4. Now at 4 years old I just tell him to wash his hands after going to the bathroom and before eating if possible. But if we are at a public bathroom I am pretty much tell him do not touch anything and mommy will help you wash your hands. But even as an adult I would do the same thing because people are gross.

With discipline DH and I are pretty consistent, we probably score higher. There have been times where we've left places because DS has thrown a fit, where my mother in law would say oh he can just stay. I'm like okay how does it make sense to let him throw a fit and stay somewhere he wants to be? He can go home and sit in timeout and think about the right way to act. We are big on him using his manners and sharing. Also saying words correctly, which this could just be my own thing. I see DH's brother 3 children talking and I'm thinking they should know how to speak properly at the age of 9 and 6.

jshrop · February 2014

emotionlotion said:

jshrop said:
I'm definitely in favor of parenting like my mother in law. The kids were always playing with other kids, traveling, exploring, ect. She was nearby and watching like a hawk but she allowed them to learn their own independence. That being said we will have structure (my parents lacked this for us because they didn't know how to structure themselves). She will have an appropriate nap/bedtimes, eat as a family, ect. I can't see myself being a germaphobe because I truly believe that a kid needs to build those immunities. Anyway-- long story short, what kind of parenting style?? Common sense approach while allowing my daughter independence to explore her world???
I knew you were my labor buddy for a reason.

This. All of it.

ELC252011 · February 2014

ELC252011 said:
I think I will be a 5. I'm a FTM so who knows how ill be after I finally have her in my arms. I feel like you have to let your kids explorer, get sick, fall down, and make mistakes. It's all a part of growing up. But I also wouldn't let them eat bugs, or stick their finger in power out lets.
Your friend seems a little too extream.

Thanks for the heads up.

temursgirl · February 2014

My mom was a 1 on cleanliness and safety, but a 10 on behavior. She never cleaned stuff or child proofed, I did run into traffic (I was 18 months, neither in a stroller or supervised on a busy road), and she let us pet squirrels. On the other hand, she was one to sweat the small stuff like not permitting a certain hairstyle or saying "you have to believe..."

I think I will parent a little like that, but hopefully not so extreme, so maybe a 3 and 7. Dirt can be washed and I'm pretty sure hand sanitizer is unnecessary in most situations. I don't think it's good to pet squirrels. Likewise, good manners and learning appropriate behavior is important, but I'm more of the "choose your battles" type and don't think trying to dictate a child's opinions is correct or productive. I think DH will be pretty similar to me.

HOWEVER, when we're in India it's a different story. I always purell and worry constantly about germs. I get sick every time we're there. DH thinks LO will be fine because she'll get used to it, but I think if you're born in the US you need to be extra careful. My ILs are not good about cleanliness and refuse to believe that the doctor actually tells me to get a typhoid vaccine to go to India. Therefore, I suspect I will be about a 15 on germs over there. If LO does get sick, DH will become a 20!

EmbracingChange · February 2014

I'm not sure. I don't wipe down tables in restaurants, I do drive my child to the bus stop at the end of the block every morning, and I have made my child stand in the corner in Chuck E Cheese and Walmart...

LttleJess · February 2014

FTM here. I plan on figuring out what his temperament is before deciding what I need to enforce and what things I can be more lax about. He will learn respect and how to act in public, but as far as how things will be around the house, I just don't know yet. I don't want my neuroses and the things I stress out about to stress him. I want him to be able to be a kid, but learn age and maturity appropriate responsibilities as well. I can't control his personality so I'm just keeping as open a mind as possible

just want him to know that he is loved.

colllydon · February 2014

ElTrain5 said:

Rachel5130 said:

@eltrain5 - My H is a police officer. Im bracing myself for that portion of parenting. Lol.

Oh boy, it'll be fun

My dad was definitely a member of the "I've just seen too much" crowd. My sister and I were incredibly restricted until we turned 18. Now my sister is a probation officer that works with juveniles and sex-crimes stuff, so I'm assuming her daughter won't leave the house until 35. Everytime my DH tells stories about his carefree childhood (Like, "We used to just ride out bikes to the comic book store two towns over...") I'm like yeah... that isn't happening.

I come from a family of cops and firemen. I have carried mace since I was 12 and I'm pretty sure I'm still not allowed to light a candle in my parents house unless it's for a birthday haha.

crestedlady · February 2014

I'm about a 3 on the cleanliness and outdoor play spectrum, within reason since our son is 16 months old and seems to be a bit of a daredevil at heart. On the discipline and guidance spectrum, I probably fall around a 7; I hope/plan to instill manners, respect, a well balanced sense of responsibility, etc. while encouraging them to draw their own conclusions and form their own opinions.

brooklyngirl46 · February 2014

I've babysat, helped and hung out with my sister and her kids. From her, I learned very quickly that there is the over-kill way, the waaay lax way, and the realistic way that things are actually going to go down.

I'm probably going to be a 5. DH is a nurse, studying to be an NP, so he's big on sanitizing, and hand washing when we come home, or before we eat. But the amount of time you touch your face/eyes/ears/nose, it's impossible to be germ free. We plan to make sure LO is safe, babyproofing, etc (actually, this thread is reminding me about window guards). But there's only so much that you can do without getting burned out, and germs are a part of life.

The only real cleanliness rule my parents had was no shoes on the bed, and change into playclothes (not clothes you were in when you went on the bus/subway) before sitting on your bed. After having strangers sneeze on me when I go home from work, I'm cool with that rule.

Silvermystique13 · February 2014

I'm a FTM, so I want to *say* I think I'll be a 5 with the cleanliness and exploration, but that'll just have to remain to be seen, lol. Now, when it comes to manners and politeness, I'll definitely be on the upper end of the scale. Probably about a 7 or 8. It's really important to me that my children be decent people and well-mannered. I *really* do not want to raise brats!

lucreciac · February 2014

My son is 15 mos old and I'm pretty much like you. He's in everything and I just shadow. Yes, he's accidentally eaten Cheerios off the floor or grass. It's not the worst. I feel like you have to let them explore, get dirty and be exposed to things (within reason if course - I'm not letting him crawl around a gas station bathroom or anything).

jshrop · April 2014

I'm digging up this thread because I just read an awesome article (I'm pretty sure I read it a few months ago). This completely encapsulates the parent I want to be. I don't understand the helicopter parent or the child led parenting things (not that they're wrong, I just don't understand them). I feel like kids need to be prepared to be responsible independent adults.

https://www.umbrelr.com/young-mother-giving-kids-dont-blame-her/

RaeJ004 · April 2014

Ehhh I'm probably a 3. We're very go with the flow, whatever happens happens. I'm not dead set on schedules in that it runs our life, if we're out and about her nap will just wait. I don't run to her when she falls, I let her pick herself up. We're outside all the time so she is always getting dirty/germy.

BUT it is getting to the point where I can say her name a certain way, and she knows she better stop whatever it is she's doing. One thing that I am very strict on is food. She eats what I make, if she doesn't like it she doesn't eat. She definitely knows who the parents are.

kbellizio3 · April 2014

LoHerrim said:
Hmmm ths is interesting. As far as exploring and sanitizing, I'm a 3. I let my kids do their own thing (always supervised). They get dirty, they play in the mud, they even eat things off the floor sometimes (that used to freak me out but sometimes you just can't stop them fast enough!)

But on a discipline level, I'm an 8. I am strict and very consistent with them. I enforce manners and respect (not fear, respect). They are well behaved in public and at home. Yes pleases and no thank yous. Yes ma'am and no sir. Excuse me and let me open the door for you, stranger.

They seem well adjusted and happy. I'm by no means perfect, but I hope to do them (and society) justice!

This. I'm a FTM but I really hope to be like this. It was very similar to how DH and I were both raised, and it seemed to have us turn out ok

and I also can't afford to be a germophobe because DH is a mechanic and ALWAYS comes home dirty and I can't expect him to full on shower before interacting with his DD. especially when she's old enough to greet him at the door. And considering we have a dog I'm sure she'll have a dog toy in her mouth at some point or the dog will lick hers or whatever. And we will definitely have schedules for things too.

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