Would this piss you off?

ambrown1123 · February 2014

jennish11 said:

ambrown1123 said:

People need to chill out. I don't think it's the end of the world that her sister didn't pay for the meals. They could've eaten before and not had anything at the party. You've really turned against the OP and it's ridiculous. Her sister did a nice thing, and the IL were kind of shitty.
I don't think anyone has turned against the OP because of her sister not paying for the meals. For me, it's more that she felt they were "required" to attend (which they weren't) and she lashed out pretty harshly at other people on here.

It would've been nice of them to attend. And yes, people were upset about her sister not paying the tab. Even going so far as to call her a hick. I just think people go off on these boards unnecessarily. I mean we're all a little hormonal, but why does everyone have to tear each other down?

Disneygeek77 · February 2014

I'm confused why you keep saying she is only a social worker. At least she had a steady income coming in. I understand she doesn't make much money, but hosting polite showers isn't something that is solely reserved for the rich. My friend and I were only college students when we hosted a shower for our friend and not one guest had to open their pocketbooks. We took the time to research venues, made some food, bought other food, bought decorations online and made favors. So yes it can be done.

But what is done is done. The ladies here were trying to get you to think outside of yourself and your sister and help you to understand where your ILs might be coming from.

This is what I would do when you talk to them.

Tell them you understand that they are taking time out of their day to honor you, celebrate with you and buy, wrap and give you a gift. The last thing they should be worried about is paying for their own food. Unfortunately, your sister simply didn't know. She wanted to give you a nice shower. She had kind and loving intentions, but this is the first shower she ever hosted and didn't know any better. You understand they are offended, but hope they know she had no ill intent.

FemShep · February 2014

ambrown1123 said:

jennish11 said:

ambrown1123 said:

People need to chill out. I don't think it's the end of the world that her sister didn't pay for the meals. They could've eaten before and not had anything at the party. You've really turned against the OP and it's ridiculous. Her sister did a nice thing, and the IL were kind of shitty.
I don't think anyone has turned against the OP because of her sister not paying for the meals. For me, it's more that she felt they were "required" to attend (which they weren't) and she lashed out pretty harshly at other people on here.
It would've been nice of them to attend. And yes, people were upset about her sister not paying the tab. Even going so far as to call her a hick. I just think people go off on these boards unnecessarily. I mean we're all a little hormonal, but why does everyone have to tear each other down?

It's rude to "host" a party, especially a gift-giving event, and expect people to pay for their meals. There is no circumstance that makes such a thing acceptable.

The only person lashing out was the OP. Her attack on someone, telling them "not to breed", was unacceptable.

And FTR, I'm not hormonal.

kimmee1997 · February 2014

FemShep said:

ambrown1123 said:

jennish11 said:

ambrown1123 said:

The only person lashing out was the OP. Her attack on someone, telling them "not to breed", was unacceptable.

And FTR, I'm not hormonal.
You must have missed first page of this thread. I believe twat and entitled brat were just a couple of terms of endearment given to op and her sister. Looks like she finally started to respond in kind. Good for her.

jazzyexpo · February 2014

My take on the whole "she's not rich" is you don't need to be rich to give a nice shower.
Seriously if money is an issue, make it simple. Depending on the weather, find a local park with a grill. Go get some hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, and drinks. Grill out and have a good time. It doesn't have to be fancy.

InLovewSB · February 2014

MissyMonster said:

:snip:
This post got to me the most. "A late shower is at least a sign that they care a little bit."? This will be my third pregnancy and I have never had a baby shower. It doesn't bother me a bit. Just because no one has thrown me a shower doesn't mean that they don't care.

After the birth of my oldest son, my family helped by getting things I needed if I didn't have it already, which I believe was more than enough. This time around is no different. DH and I have already bought the bigger things so our families are helping by buying us tons of diapers, wipes, etc. Which is a BIG help. Even if they didn't help at all, we've had their love and support since day one. I don't think anyone should expect others to buy things or throw them a shower. You and your SO are the ones that made the baby, so it's your responsibility to provide for that baby, not your family. They do it out of kindness, not obligation.

I am also having my 3rd baby and have never had a baby shower (or a sprinkle). I don't feel in the least like I'm unloved or missed some grand coming-of-age experience. While I suppose some women would be upset, I'm not too keen on the 'center of attention, opening presents' thing - it's boring for the guests, even when you've fed them. We received hand-me-downs, a few gifts, and bought the rest ourselves. No big deal.

It's laughable to behave as if anything to do with a shower - a silly party - is in any way indicative of how your family or your H's family feels about you or the new baby, OP. This is a New Life, and your sister and your ILs will love him/her with their whole hearts. In the end, that's all that matters.

HobokensFury · February 2014

Is anyone else wondering what the shower invite looked like? I mean how do you write guests must pay for their own food?

Mizoo · February 2014

HobokenBride2012 said:

Is anyone else wondering what the shower invite looked like? I mean how do you write guests must pay for their own food?

I've been following this thread for entertainment, and have been wondering this same thing!

BellaBeeBaby · February 2014

RedheadBaker said:

hickchick1981 said:

Yeah, maybe I'll turn down the other shower, if there even is one. We'll probably have everything we need by the time the baby is delivered. We'll have to. And if I'm in too bad of shape to be at work, I feel like I won't be able to go to a party.
I won't apologize for my sister, though. She worked really hard and already spent way more money that she could afford. If we were living in Beverly Hills or something, I would say it was a given that the event would be catered or whatever, but we don't. The girl can hardly pay her rent and she threw the shower because hubby's mother said that she might not be throwing one. My sister just wanted me to make sure I had a baby shower, that's all.

Still not sympathetic. You're not entitled to a shower.

She should have A) thrown a shower she could afford, asked someone to co-host, C) NOT offered to throw a shower.

Mothers may not be "entitled" to a shower but every mom deserves one and should have one if someone is willing host one for you. First child or fifth child! Having a baby is expensive and it's a real blessing to have family and friends shower you with gifts for you and your baby.

Now to the OP, I agree with other people that your sister should have thrown a shower in another venue or at home and cut costs on some things to be able to afford light refreshments for the guests. You may or may not have had more people come to celebrate with you? But it's done and over, you said your sister worked hard and it sounds like it was a success besides the lack of family support. I do agree that you're family should have been there no matter what. They could have ordered appetizers and water or nothing at all to just show support. I definitely would expect my family to come and support me but I also have a pretty good relationship with my husbands side of the family too so that could make a difference?

However, I think that you are over reacting a tad on being thankful that they want to throw you another shower/event. I think that's a nice way to make up for their lack of appearance. You should try your best to make whatever day they pick and make it work since they're doing this for YOU and baby. And if you can't before baby then you should communicate with them about a sip and see event instead.

Don't worry too much about being too sore or whatever else. You should always be welcoming to family when they want to come see the new baby. They can do a lot of help for you around the house and they're the ones you call when you need help so keep the relationship positive!

rainydayluck · February 2014

melainiandmark said:

HobokenBride2012 said:
Is anyone else wondering what the shower invite looked like? I mean how do you write guests must pay for their own food?
I've unfortunately been to several little kid bday parties, one surprise 30th party, one 25th wedding anniversary party, and one wedding reception (at a restaurant) where we had to pay for ourselves. We received an invitation to each party and we found out when we got there and either had to pay in advance for our food or received a bill at the table. SO DAMN TACKY. All were DH family. I had a straight up attitude every time.

Yeah, I'm going to agree and bet that the guests didn't know until they got there and ordered.

nstecklein · February 2014

......this thread is STILL garnering new posts....??? This is now less about sharing your opinion on who messed up and who has a right to be upset (when really who cares if you have a 'right' to be upset. You are upset, that's how you feel, you don't need to be granted the 'right' to have the feelings you do) and turned into an argument about 'I'm right. You need to acknowledge I'm right. And everyone needs to know I'm right. And everyone needs to agree with my opinion, because its right.'

nstecklein · February 2014

Wow jumping to 'better than us' already. This has people all sorts of riled up! Never said I was better than anyone....I just can't believe its still going! Chill out.

NerdyLucy · February 2014

hickchick1981 said:

Look, I said I'm done, and I am.

Yes, dear. You've said this repeatedly. You're done. You're done. You're done.

And yet, you're still posting.

NerdyLucy · February 2014

BellaBeeBaby said:

Mothers may not be "entitled" to a shower but every mom deserves one and should have one if someone is willing host one for you. First child or fifth child! Having a baby is expensive and it's a real blessing to have family and friends shower you with gifts for you and your baby.

I laughed, and then realized that this is serious, not a joke.

8-|

undianormal · February 2014

Seriously? You people are so rude. I understand that no one is entitled to a baby shower or gifts or any of that. But I don't understand why it is such a big deal that they would have to pay for their own meal. Not only that, but I think it's rude that they would then go on to throw their own shower. It's like saying the first one wasn't good enough for them, and it's not about them. It's about the baby and mom to be.

Empireceo · February 2014

undianormal said:

Seriously? You people are so rude. I understand that no one is entitled to a baby shower or gifts or any of that. But I don't understand why it is such a big deal that they would have to pay for their own meal. Not only that, but I think it's rude that they would then go on to throw their own shower. It's like saying the first one wasn't good enough for them, and it's not about them. It's about the baby and mom to be.

Oh yeah we're rude and the classy broad throwing around words like cunt and tard is a pristine blameless victim of bullying. Pick up the clue phone, it's ringing.