Help me explain this to DH...

dmartin726 · February 2014

I currently drive a Lexus 350. It's the smaller SUV. One row in the back and a good, big trunk. I love my car. He bought it for me when I was pregnant with DD. that was about 3 years ago. When I got pregnant with DS he started talking about how I need a bigger car. I do not want a bigger car. At first, I didn't even want an SUV, but I got used to it. I definitely don't want something bigger. He is insistent that I need a 3rd row. Which I do not believe. His argument is that we will have to take 2 cars everywhere if we go out with a grandparent or someone, because without the 3rd row there is nowhere for them to sit.

He is looking at ridiculously big cars (tahoe, sequoia) and it's starting to stress me. He knows I don't want one, but won't give it up. Luckily the baby will be here before he has time to go car shopping. It will just be so like him to show up with some new car one day and I will freak.

He says he will get a car within the same payment range, so I don't need to stress out about it. But I am still stressed.

Is he being ridiculous? Or do I need a 3rd row and I'm being stubborn?

notkateanymore · February 2014

I can't live without my 3rd row and he's right when he says there won't be any room for anybody else in the car with two carseats. My best friend just went through a similar car issue and didn't want something huge, so her husband got her a Land Rover LR4? It has a third row, but is smallish. I drive a GL450 and I think it's the perfect size. My 3rd row fits adults if need be, not sure about something smaller like the LR4. I wouldn't drive something as large as a Tahoe, etc. My car feels MUCH smaller and drives like a car!

Mrs.Hizzo · February 2014

You'll probably want a third row at some point when your kids get a little older, if your experience is anything like mine, but of course you don't "need" one. And even if you do, you don't have to get some behemoth of a car to have a third row. I drive an MDX and it's really not that much bigger than the Allroad I was in before.

Arnegard · February 2014

His point is valid. However, I did not need 3rd row for dtd stuff until kid #3 was coming.

I am no help though as I drive a Suburban and love it. The Tahoe has no trunk space with the 3rd row up and if we take a long road trip all 3 girls are NOT sitting in one row (and buckling with 3 seats is nearly impossible).

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2014

We make it with a compact car and two kids. My mil and fil live separately and I can fit in the backseat between the two car seats if we want to go out when one of them is staying with us and don't want to take a second car. I imagine we will need something bigger once the kids are school age but we still have some time before that.

raraavis28 · February 2014

At first I thought this was gonna say...."that I can't be expected to cook when I have a new baby" j/k

I agree w/ PPs that it completely depends on your situation and your expectations to drive with other people. I drive a minivan with a Stow 'N Go third row, which spends most of its time folded down b/c we almost never travel with an extra person. It doesn't seem that "b/c we hypothetically might have an extra person to drive with us and it would be slightly annoying to drive more than one car" is a good enough reason to invest in a new expensive vehicle that you don't want.....but, again, I don't know your lyfe and maybe it would be a bigger issue for you guys. If it is, though, there are plenty of other cars that have a third row that aren't huge.

MomIn2013 · February 2014

We are looking for something with a third row, not so much for the extra person, but for the extra space in back when we go on trips, or even out shopping. Right now squeezing the stroller and the groceries in the trunk is impossible, I can't imagine getting two strollers in there!

dmartin726 · February 2014

Arnegard said:

His point is valid. However, I did not need 3rd row for dtd stuff until kid #3 was coming.

I am no help though as I drive a Suburban and love it. The Tahoe has no trunk space with the 3rd row up and if we take a long road trip all 3 girls are NOT sitting in one row (and buckling with 3 seats is nearly impossible).

It's funny you say that, because I tell him that with any car if the 3rd row is up, I have zero trunk space. I said I would need a suburban! God knows I cannot handle a car that big! haha.

dmartin726 · February 2014

sing4mysavior said:

We also have a minivan and always leave the 3rd row down. We were fine with our old wagon, but DH also insisted we'd need more space when we got a new vehicle. I was on the fence so went along with it. The trunk space is nice...but...i think I'd still prefer a smaller car. But I can see its benefits too. Like pp said, you need a serious sit down convo. "I am not comfortable...this is what I want." Can he not get a bigger car?

He could..technically, but he never takes DD in his car. If he goes somewhere with her, they take my car. My car is I guess the official kid car...

penguingrrl · February 2014

He's ridiculous. With 2 kids our beetle worked great! With #3 we did upgrade to a pilot for the 3rd row and the ability to get 3 in the middle row. I feel guilty about driving something so big and do have a reason it's the best choice. I couldn't imagine needing or wanting bigger than this!

joyfullyfound · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

Um, he is being ridiculous and wasteful, IMO. How often do you need to take an extra person w/ you? Big deal, you take 2 cars. It's not like you have 5 kids and need to take 2 cars everywhere.

I hate those huge SUVs, I realize sometimes they are necessary, but in your case it would be so silly.

I would also be pissed if my H told me, "no, you do need a bigger car," and came home w/ whatever he wanted.

I'm 100% with Lala. We have an older model CRV and I adore it... I really hate those giant SUVs. I'm hanging on to our smaller one as long as all our kids fit in it

barnwife · February 2014

Um...I drive a Saturn Ion with 3 kiddos. You don't need a bigger vehicle. And yes, we have gone on trips with it. Do we need to be careful what we pack? Yes. But if we can do with with 3 kiddos (and we CD - those suckers take up space) and a small car, you can absolutely use a small SUV with 2 kiddos.

Disclaimer: I am what (most people, apparently) would call crunchy. And I hate stuff. I hate the materialisticness (I think I made that word up.) of our culture.

blondegirl22 · February 2014

We have an armada and have been discussing how to utilize our 3rd row.. For now, someone has been climbing over a carseat.. I love having our extra space!

roxy_jj · February 2014

Your DH is the complete opposite of mine.

I would not want one of those gigantic SUVs either! My next door neighbor has a Sequoia and that thing is huge!

As someone else said, if you were in the market for a bigger car, I would consider something with a 3rd row. If you are happy with what you are currently driving, why switch? The car you have is definitely big enough for 2 kids. How often are you driving a grandparent somewhere? If it isn't that frequently, it isn't that big of a deal to take separate cars every so often.

There are definitely options of cars with a third row that are smaller than what your DH is suggesting. We have a MDX and love it. We could certainly live without the 3rd row, but it is nice to have when we're driving friends or relatives around. We actually didn't use the 3rd row much until recently.

Lilly&Co · February 2014

I lost my fight with DH a few years ago. I had a volvo wagon and loved it. H insisted we get a large SUV. so we had an arcadia, to him not big enough, So last fall we got a Yukon. I have a love hate relationship with this thing because its huge and I feel like a truck driver. Parallel parking is a bear etc. The compromise was that we traded in the wagon for a sedan and I can use it to run errands or be able to drive one of the girls to an activity. I like smaller cars better.

penguingrrl · February 2014

I'll also point out that with the right seats it's really not that difficult to seat 3 across 1 row or to seat an adult and two seats. It doesn't work with britax because they and the car industry are out to ensure you spend the most possible money whether or not you need it, but there are tons of seats out these days that are narrower and will allow you to fit more people in smaller cars. And they aren't less safe than an overpriced britax that will be outgrown years earlier.

notkateanymore · February 2014

Also, in full disclosure, DH and I are totally those people making fun of tiny little women who can not handle their massive, unnecessary cars. Especially when you are trying to park.

What about those of us who can? I personally didn't need this much space until DD was school age and carpooling started. Carpool saves your life, so a bigger car was worth it for us.

blondegirl22 · February 2014

amy052006 said:

I guess I just don't get how much space you need! I have two kids. We have a mini-van. If it wasn't for the fact we drive on vacation, especially to the beach which requires a shitton of crap because you are basically relocating your house, it would probably be too much car.

Armadas and Tahoes are meant for legit hauling shit -- not two kids, a stroller, and your Costco trip.

I'm hardly the crunchiest in the bunch, but I just think this is nuts. Of course, we have also established that I don't understand why so many Americans need to have everything so.fucking.big all the time.

I love our armada. Is it huge? Yep! We had an extera before and with one baby, planning another and two large dogs at the time and all the outdoor things we do, we wanted something bigger. This summer when we load up both kids, dog and all our camping gear, it will be perfect.

dmartin726 · February 2014

In DHs defense, he would go out bring me home a car because he assumes that is an awesome thing. Who wouldn't want a brand new car as a big surprise. It's partially my fault because I'm a shitty communicator. I'd rather uh huh him to death than start an argument. Looks like we need to have the discussion though. He will absolutely respect my decision, I just need to be clear on what I want to do.

I do think we will eventually need a 3rd row, I just don't think it's an immediate need. I would like to see how I like the current car situation with 2 kids etc, before I jump the gun.

penguingrrl · February 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

Why are minivans better than a SUV? My neighbors have a Nissan quest and that beast is way bigger than my 3 row pathfinder.

I've never understood that either. With the third row in use minivans don't look that great for storage space (and we did look at them) and unless you pay a premium you can't put 3 kids in the middle row leaving the entire back for storage, where that's standard in the pilot.

I have heard that minivans are safer for pedestrians if you hit them because the front of the car is lower. Not that you want to hit a pedestrian, but I can see considering that as part of overall safety.

I do know that my pilot has the same gas mileage as a minivan and better mileage than BILs 2000 subaru outback.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2014

letranger said:

I can go camping with bike so I think you are doing it wrong.

Ditto. We went away for 11 days last summer, we drove four people in a compact car (one who is 6'6) and fit clothes, camping stuff, a bike trailer, outdoor toys, a tent, and pillows and blankets. If you're organized it's not rocket science.

penguingrrl · February 2014

The four of us took a 10 day trip in the beetle, including double stroller. I don't think we could have camped with it since the trunk is really small and attachments to allow a roof rack to attach to a beetle are $$$ (over $1K when we looked) and there's nowhere a large cooler would fit, but it really wasn't hard to fit everything.

LoriLee14 · February 2014

KC_13 said:

letranger said:

I can go camping with bike so I think you are doing it wrong.

Ditto. We went away for 11 days last summer, we drove four people in a compact car (one who is 6'6) and fit clothes, camping stuff, a bike trailer, outdoor toys, a tent, and pillows and blankets. If you're organized it's not rocket science.

I am a pretty good organizer but when we go to the beach it takes up all the room in my CVR. Between my husband, myself and son we are packed in there.

Andrewsgal · February 2014

If DH brought me home a car meaning he spent 30K+ of OUR money without consulting with me I would cut his dick off. We have one sports car and a minivan. I love having the kids separated by rows my kids are assholes and will fight or scream over each other if they are next to each other.

Andrewsgal · February 2014

The sliding automatic doors for the win in carpool!

LoriLee14 · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

KC_13 said:

letranger said:

I can go camping with bike so I think you are doing it wrong.

Ditto. We went away for 11 days last summer, we drove four people in a compact car (one who is 6'6) and fit clothes, camping stuff, a bike trailer, outdoor toys, a tent, and pillows and blankets. If you're organized it's not rocket science.

I am a pretty good organizer but when we go to the beach it takes up all the room in my CVR. Between my husband, myself and son we are packed in there.
Either you take too much or this proves my point that small SUVs are useless. Get a roof top carrier! Best thing ever for the beach.

We have looked at getting a rooftop thing but I keep telling myself that it will get better the older he gets and we will get it if we have another kid. We are also only 45 mins from the beach so we bring more food with us cause there is no point in buying everything there

penguingrrl · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

I've never a full sized SUV that was smaller than a mini van. Maybe I've been comparing the wrong ones. The gas mileage can be better in a van, depends on what SUV you compare it to. I think mini vans are safer because they usually have a lower center of gravity. Re: storage and usefulness of a third row, all of my experiences have been that a minivan is better than an SUV. I'm sure that depends on what you're hauling. Also, duh, mini vans have sliding automatic doors! As far as smaller SUVs are concerned, most wagons will have far more room, again, ime. Someone upthread said they couldn't fit a double stroller in their SUV. That's insane. I can fit ours plus a Costco trip and 2 kids in a sport wagon. Team Subaru!

The Pilot and Odyssey are the same size. I think I remember reading that they're built on the same platform. I think it's technically a "mid sized" SUV although I think it's huge. But then before that the biggest car I'd ever driven was the beetle, so...

mrsrobinsontobe · February 2014

As our kids get older, I love that we have our Pilot so we can go places with my mom. It also comes in handy when someone asks me to drive their child somewhere -- we all help each other out a lot. Plus, having a car that seats 8 is great when we all want to go to the beach in the summer...it just makes life so much more convenient to not have a caravan of cars all going to the same place.

Lindsay9911 · February 2014

I let DH talk me into a Tahoe when I was pregnant. It literally has no trunk space of you're using the 3rd row and has horrible gas mileage! We are about to sell it and get something smaller. My moms accord has the same amount of space when you consider the trunk vs the 3rd row and no space!

amy1007 · February 2014

We plan to get a 3rd row SUV not because we have 3 kids but because we would like to be able to drive their friends, my friends kids, neighbors kids etc with us when needed. And tgat would be weekly now if I could fit them. But I can't.

So basically if you have 2 kids you won't ever be able to take each of their friends in the car with you for a play date or trip.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2014

amy052006 said:

We plan to get a 3rd row SUV not because we have 3 kids but because we would like to be able to drive their friends, my friends kids, neighbors kids etc with us when needed. And tgat would be weekly now if I could fit them. But I can't. So basically if you have 2 kids you won't ever be able to take each of their friends in the car with you for a play date or trip.
But as everyone pointed out, you can easily get a third row without getting a fucking monster truck. Also, who are all of these people dying to drag everyone else's rugrats around?

Right??!! I get the appeal when you have school age kids but really with preschoolers I have zero desire to be chauffeuring their friends around.

alli2672 · February 2014

Andrewsgal said:

If DH brought me home a car meaning he spent 30K+ of OUR money without consulting with me I would cut his dick off. We have one sports car and a minivan. I love having the kids separated by rows my kids are assholes and will fight or scream over each other if they are next to each other.

Not exactly the way I would put it, but I feel the same way. I would completely lose it if DH spent $30k of our after-tax money on something I told him I didn't want.

FWIW, we had a corolla and a civic after our second child with no problems, including trips to the beach.

notkateanymore · February 2014

amy052006 said:

We plan to get a 3rd row SUV not because we have 3 kids but because we would like to be able to drive their friends, my friends kids, neighbors kids etc with us when needed. And tgat would be weekly now if I could fit them. But I can't. So basically if you have 2 kids you won't ever be able to take each of their friends in the car with you for a play date or trip.
But as everyone pointed out, you can easily get a third row without getting a fucking monster truck. Also, who are all of these people dying to drag everyone else's rugrats around?

I'm more than happy to drive one way when somebody is picking DD up or the other way around. Honestly, it's something you'll only understand when your kids are older. For instance, my best friend's sons have baseball practice this weekend...one from 5-6:30 on Friday and one at the same time on Saturday. So she has it worked out that she'll p/u on Friday and drop off boys on Saturday...then she actually has time for date night. There are tons of times when they have separate practices at different fields at the same time. If she didn't have room to carpool, she would be screwed. Somebody will take or p/u one of hers bc she did the same for them. We do it for dance and theater camp...it's great to only have to get up at 7:45 2 days in 2 weeks instead of 10.

bumpuser8448316 · February 2014

One of the reasons I pushed for a minivan over an SUV is that I wanted to be able to take MIL with us on occasion. And with a third row SUV you can't put car seats in most of them and to usually lose your cargo space.

eaglesfan700 · February 2014

Ditto Nanda, I would be totally annoyed that he is telling you what you should drive. Maybe you will want a 3rd row later, but just keep what you have and re-evaluate later

I also wouldn't make decisions about a car based on potential passengers. We are looking at vehicles with 3rd rows, but only because we are in the market for a new car (mine is 13 years old). Nothing about a minivan appeals to me, but I have three across right now and it really isn't a big deal getting them in and out

penguingrrl · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

LalaMama81 said:

I've never a full sized SUV that was smaller than a mini van. Maybe I've been comparing the wrong ones. The gas mileage can be better in a van, depends on what SUV you compare it to. I think mini vans are safer because they usually have a lower center of gravity. Re: storage and usefulness of a third row, all of my experiences have been that a minivan is better than an SUV. I'm sure that depends on what you're hauling. Also, duh, mini vans have sliding automatic doors! As far as smaller SUVs are concerned, most wagons will have far more room, again, ime. Someone upthread said they couldn't fit a double stroller in their SUV. That's insane. I can fit ours plus a Costco trip and 2 kids in a sport wagon. Team Subaru!

The Pilot and Odyssey are the same size. I think I remember reading that they're built on the same platform. I think it's technically a "mid sized" SUV although I think it's huge. But then before that the biggest car I'd ever driven was the beetle, so...
I think they're all an accord platform? The pilot still looks bigger, but I've over measured! Maybe the tires are bigger? Who knows.

I'm pretty sure they are the accord platform. The Odyssey is something like a foot longer and they're the same width and height I think. We looked at both but couldn't afford an 8 seat Odyssey and didn't want to always have to use the third row, so since the pilot comes with 8 seats standard that won!

penguingrrl · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

LalaMama81 said:

I've never a full sized SUV that was smaller than a mini van. Maybe I've been comparing the wrong ones. The gas mileage can be better in a van, depends on what SUV you compare it to. I think mini vans are safer because they usually have a lower center of gravity. Re: storage and usefulness of a third row, all of my experiences have been that a minivan is better than an SUV. I'm sure that depends on what you're hauling. Also, duh, mini vans have sliding automatic doors! As far as smaller SUVs are concerned, most wagons will have far more room, again, ime. Someone upthread said they couldn't fit a double stroller in their SUV. That's insane. I can fit ours plus a Costco trip and 2 kids in a sport wagon. Team Subaru!

The Pilot and Odyssey are the same size. I think I remember reading that they're built on the same platform. I think it's technically a "mid sized" SUV although I think it's huge. But then before that the biggest car I'd ever driven was the beetle, so...
I think they're all an accord platform? The pilot still looks bigger, but I've over measured! Maybe the tires are bigger? Who knows.

I'm pretty sure they are the accord platform. The Odyssey is something like a foot longer and they're the same width and height I think. We looked at both but couldn't afford an 8 seat Odyssey and didn't want to always have to use the third row, so since the pilot comes with 8 seats standard that won!

I totally just compared them on the honda site - the van was longer and the pilot a little taller (but only 2ish inches?). What was really interesting to me was comparing the cargo space - both w/ and w/o the third row, the odyssey had significantly more space. MPG was slightly better for the odyssey.

Regardless, for me the trunk space and auto doors are more important - and I'm not really a big SUV person. We're buying used - hoping to find an 8 seater in the budget, we will see. Our current car doesn't permit for carseats in the middle or I'd at least give it a try.

That's interesting. I haven't found the pilot lacking in cargo space at all, and didn't like that the cargo in the odyssey was tall but narrow so you have to stack everything on top of other things. I think the cargo is bigger because a van is lower to the ground and almost as tall, so there's more interior space.

I prefer the look of SUVs to minivans as well, so that played in. But really, the key was not having to deal with the 3rd row every single time we used our car, as we would have with the odyssey. I haven't regretted that at all as I love keeping all three in the same row (at least for now lol).

What car do you have that the middle seat prohibits a carseat? The beetle does because there isn't a middle seatbelt and you can't borrow LATCH, but that's one of the very few cars that truly prohibits use!

penguingrrl · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

@penguingrrl

I had to go re read my manual to be sure - I have a Saab 9 2 X which is basically a Subaru imprezza I think. Well, it's definitely a subaru, can't remember the model. Saab wanted to make an AWD vehicle and b/c both had a relationship/were owned by GM, it's basically a subaru except for some outside detailing.

Anywho, The manual says it's recommended you not use the middle back for a car seat unless absolutely necessary b/c of the hump of the seat. There is a seatbelt there, so I guess technically if it fit and the hump of the seat didn't affect the install, you could do it. I read this portion 6 years ago! So I had it is my head it wasn't allowed, when I supposed it's just not suggested.

Ah, gotcha! That's a cute car but is petite! You *might* be able to squeak 3 in, but it would definitely be tough. I wouldn't want to use that for three kids on a daily basis, especially as they move from harnesses into booster seats because then you're scraping your knuckles reaching between the seats to buckle and unbuckle!

penguingrrl · February 2014

LalaMama81 said:

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

@penguingrrl

I had to go re read my manual to be sure - I have a Saab 9 2 X which is basically a Subaru imprezza I think. Well, it's definitely a subaru, can't remember the model. Saab wanted to make an AWD vehicle and b/c both had a relationship/were owned by GM, it's basically a subaru except for some outside detailing.

Anywho, The manual says it's recommended you not use the middle back for a car seat unless absolutely necessary b/c of the hump of the seat. There is a seatbelt there, so I guess technically if it fit and the hump of the seat didn't affect the install, you could do it. I read this portion 6 years ago! So I had it is my head it wasn't allowed, when I supposed it's just not suggested.

Ah, gotcha! That's a cute car but is petite! You *might* be able to squeak 3 in, but it would definitely be tough. I wouldn't want to use that for three kids on a daily basis, especially as they move from harnesses into booster seats because then you're scraping your knuckles reaching between the seats to buckle and unbuckle!

I love the car for sure and it's part of why I love subarus so much (DH's car is as subaru, too). I could possible do 3 but it would require different seats, I think. Would not have bought the nextfit in November if that was the case! DD1 is about to drop the harness (I'm stalling) and I have no idea how buckling would go. DD2 is RF still, too.

You would need a creative combination. Probably a RF radian next to a RF graco myride next to a FF radian!

vlagrl29 · February 2014

whenever we have baby #2 (couple more years) I still plan on driving my paid off 2 door ford focus. Absolutely hate car payments.

rockyrollgirl · February 2014

Late to this, but I think your DH just wants a Tahoe and is coming up with excuses. There are other options with 3rd row seating that are not monstrous, like an Explorer.

If you love your car and do not want anything else then he needs to just drop it until you decide if you want something bigger. You will be the one to drive that gas guzzling beast all the time, so your opinion matters.

Help me explain this to DH...

Re: Help me explain this to DH...

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