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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
REDWOOD
member
Am I being silly here?
REDWOOD
member
Hey ladies!
Ok, so I need to know if I am being stupid/crazy/ridiculous.
My ILs live a few hours away and I occasionally text MIL pics of DD to pacify them until the next visit. Well, MIL texted back that they were thinking of driving in for the day next week. I told her that DH and I are working and DD will be in DC program all day. We'd only be home in the evenings. I told her that we are planning to come there for the weekend in a couple of weeks. She texted back that she was thinking that DD could stay home from DC 4 the day with them. I tolf her I'd have to think about it.
DD loves being at her DC program and thrives there. Plus, if she misses a day, I still have to pay the full weekly fee. I'm not into her staying home with the GPs while I have to still shell out the same amount. She also doesn't ever seem to be able to keep her on the same schedule that I've worked so hard to establish, even when I go over it in detail with her.
Am I being neurotic here, controlling, whatever?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I being silly here?
Actually, Think of it like this? How would you feel if it were your parents? That's probably where DH is at. Think of DH's side & try to treat them like your own. We all know it's hard sometimes but that's what I try to do.
Yeah, I think you're being a bit too...I don't know, silly. LOL!
I would let her stay with her gparents for the day. Its one day. And babies can't always be kept to schedules....they need to get tossed up every now and then so they can learn to be flexible.
I'm gonna take it that you are not too fond of your in-laws's.
I'm right there with your with keeping LO in DC just for the fact that you have to pay regardless if she is there or not.
My MIL keeps telling me she is going to start taking him out of DC on Friday's (MIL's day off) so she can spend time with him. I told her no since I'm paying for DC to watch him.
But since they do live far away and they don't get to she their GD that often I'd MAYBE think about it.
These are my thoughts exactly!
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I'd let her stay home for one day.
If I were you I would let them know you have misgivings about her staying home, just for the fact that your weekly fee does not change. Hopefully they will see that you are going above and beyond to let them spend time with LO.
One day is not going to hurt, IMO.
It's just one day. It's good bonding time for them. As they say, pick your battles, and this probably isn't worth picking!
Well I guess I'm silly then too because I wouldn't want my inlaws or my own parents just dropping on over for the day and expect me to accomodate them like that. It's one thing if you invited them, but I'm not keen on people inviting themselves over. And they live hours away so I suspect they'll have to stay in yoru home the whole day? Without you guys? What if they leave? Do they have a carseat for baby? If it were me, I'd tell her that it's a great idea they come over and spend the day but that you, your DH, and your DC aren't available for such a thing until the weekend (if that's suitable for you).
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For me, I would trust neither right now, at Liam's age. They're both BSC, and when they visit, I say that Liam stays in DC, done deal. They aren't on the "people allowed to take Liam out of DC" list either. With my mother she is a racist, lying, self-centered individual. My MIL is also BSC (she was insulted because a 5 month old found her scary), but more importantly, she is a complete klutz, and she would drop him. Not being super paranoid, but for the past four times I've seen her, she has broken random bones because of falling, and had RSD in her wrist due to tripped while walking on a completely flat surface.
This is kinda my feeling on the whole thing, especially the inviting themselves part. It's not that we never invite them to visdit. We are never given the chance! I know it's just one day and it's not that I am necessarily not fond of her,I think it boils donw to whenever she's around, i don't feel,like I have any control over the way things go in my own house. If I voice my feelings, DH doesn't understand my feelings and almost brushes them off as crazy.
It's only one day with the GP. If you have a problem with MIL keeping LO on schedule, let DH know that y'all need to be on the same page with this and to talk to his mom.
I let MIL and my mom take care of Nick whenever. It's really sad, but LO doesn't like to stay with MIL alone, and he cries a lot. I don't know why, but I get a bit of satisfaction from it. In the same regard, I want LO to spend as much time with his GP. I grew up w/o a set b/c they live so so so far, and wish I could have spent more time with them.
I guess I'm in the minority.
Both my parents and DH's parents know that since we are FT at daycare now (we started PT) that they can not longer just come visit for the day and expect us to pull DS out of daycare. We pay for it regardless and just lost a week of DC when DS was sick that we still paid for, so we are really adamant that DS not miss any days other than for illness, since we know that will happen, or if we are going somewhere for a long weekend or something.
Maybe they could pick him up like an hour early? If my mom comes in on a Friday, she will go get DS a little early and meet us at our house, so she gets a little extra time with him before bedtime and we don't have to deal with pick up - but then she stays over and sees him on Saturday too.
And my ILs are always inviting themselves to visit too. We invite them on weekends that work for us - and yet they always seem to invite themselves on other weekends. ARGH.
Happy Birthday, little man. We love you so much!
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If it was my mom to babysit, yes I'd let DD stay with her.
If it was my MIL to babysit... nope.
I get that, but I think this is an entirely separate issue. It seems to me that you're trying to exert control in the way that you feel you can (i.e. saying NO to keeping him home from daycare), when it's really about a bigger underlying issue that hasn't been addressed.
Maybe you could tell MIL that you've already pre-paid for that week at daycare, and suggest that she pick LO up at noon instead?
Exactly. I don't understand the mentality of "well its paid for already so LO has to go to daycare." I could understand if its an underlying issue with your MIL in particular, because you are still getting child care covered for that day...Like I said before I would prefer my LO spend time with family that they hardly get to see over being in daycare.
Well, I already know I have issues with my MIL. And as for the rearing of DH argument, I can't grasp that one. DH has a sister that is BSC and very dependent, whereas DH is very self-sufficient. They both had the same mother and raised in the same household....
Maybe I don't trust her. Maybe I am not 100% comfortable with the idea of her staying with DD all day. I gues this issue is ALL ME. This is just a woman that lives for being needed and I don't need her. I want DD to have a good relationship with GPs on both sides, but I don't want either of them to tell me how to run things.
I have also always felt that DH handles his family while I handle mine. At what point do I take matters into my own hands? When he won't?
What does your DH think about LO not going to daycare and spending time with grandparents?
Would he feel differently if it was your parents?
Or what about compromising and allowing MIL and FIL to watch LO for half of the day?
This. Exactly.
I haven't really spoken to him about it, but I know from past experiences with MIL that he will most likely tell me he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. This just makes me upset b/c it seems like her feelings are more important than mine(and he has to live with me)
I could compromise with the half day thing, i guess. I can't really see the my parents side, cause that would never happen. Neither of my parents would ever ask.
The family dynamics are so different, it's just hard to deal with sometimes. I mean, My parents and I have "cut the apron strings". I don't think the same has happened for DH and his(at least not MIL)
I know I'm not in your position, but from my own personal viewpoint I would let them watch LO this time and remind them that in the future if they want to spend time with LO it needs to be on a date you both agree to.
I know what you mean about the apron strings though. My SO will never tell his mom no, he will usually always accomodate her even if it drives him up the wall. That, I will never understand. But, like you said, I guess its just different family dynamics that I am not used to.