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Would this piss you off?

hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
in 3rd Trimester

My sister threw a baby shower for me last weekend and my husband's family did not attend.  It was held at a Tex-Mex restaurant and my sister told me that they had some serious issues with paying for their own meals. 

Last night, my hubby tells me that they are planning on throwing me a shower after the baby is born, and we can just return a lot of their gifts to Babies R' Us for store credit.

Thoughts???

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Re: Would this piss you off?

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  • MamaLlama14MamaLlama14 member
    hickchick1981 said:

    My sister threw a baby shower for me last weekend and my husband's family did not attend.  It was held at a Tex-Mex restaurant and my sister told me that they had some serious issues with paying for their own meals. 

    Last night, my hubby tells me that they are planning on throwing me a shower after the baby is born, and we can just return a lot of their gifts to Babies R' Us for store credit.

    Thoughts???

    I'm pretty sure most people with a decent sense of etiquette would have some serious issues with paying for their own meals at an event they were being invited to, while also being asked to bring a gift.  If anything, I applaud your ILs for declining the invite as a show of their distaste for the poor etiquette.

    Make it right by declining the second shower.  You've already offended the first set of guests (or maybe you had no role in it and your sister did, but either way...), don't offend another set by returning all of the gifts.
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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    Hmmm, okay, how do I reply to a quote using that big gray box like you guys do?

    I'll just have to use quotations for right now.

    "Wait, I'm confused. Were they expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant and couldn't, or were they angry that the host wasn't covering the ticket?

    Or are you pissed off because your DH wants to return their gifts for store credit? Or is it the fact that they're wanting to host a shower after the baby arrives?"
     
    They were expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant.  My quesadilla was $10, so it wasn't a really extravagant place.  They were angry that my sister was not covering their ticket.  She's a social worker by the way, not a rich girl. 
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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    "Wait, your sister threw you a shower and not only were the guests supposed to bring you presents but also to pay for their own meal? "

    Yes.  But if they couldn't afford both, I would have understood if they didn't bring a present, or just made one instead. What was important to me was that they were there.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    "You're an entitled brat. A shower is a gift, not required.

    And your sister is a twat for throwing a gift giving event plus expecting "guests" to pay their own meals."

    Ha!  Lovely, thanks.

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  • NicolewinsbingoNicolewinsbingo member
    hickchick1981 said:

    Hmmm, okay, how do I reply to a quote using that big gray box like you guys do?

    I'll just have to use quotations for right now.

    "Wait, I'm confused. Were they expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant and couldn't, or were they angry that the host wasn't covering the ticket?

    Or are you pissed off because your DH wants to return their gifts for store credit? Or is it the fact that they're wanting to host a shower after the baby arrives?"
     
    They were expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant.  My quesadilla was $10, so it wasn't a really extravagant place.  They were angry that my sister was not covering their ticket.  She's a social worker by the way, not a rich girl. 

    So you're angry that they didn't come because they didn't want to pay for their meal? It was rude to expect them to pay their own way at a shower, so no, I wouldn't be upset that they chose not to come.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    "OP - your sn is "hickchick" - if you think it's ok to return all gifts you received for store credit, and that guests should pay for their own meals at your shower plus give you gifts, and that your ILs are required to attend/throw you a shower, you are, in fact, a hick - a tacky, rude, gift-grabby, bitchy hick."

    Is that all, Sunshine?  Don't hold back now -- it's slow here at work today.  In all honesty, I really do think that the ILs are required to attend the baby shower.  They are part of my baby's family, are they not?  That really wouldn't bother you if they didn't attend?

    Also, I wasn't the one that said that we should return the gifts.  That was my husband.  He says that we should buy everything that we will need before the baby is delivered, and then if we end up with a bunch of gifts that we don't need, we should return them...rather than just put them in storage I guess.  I don't know what else we would do with multiple breast pumps and that sort of thing.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    "Wow, you really jumped to name calling quickly. Its not even clear in the OP what she is complaining about! Maybe she's complaining that DH wants to return the gifts, who knows"

    Lol, thanks, I thought she seemed a little tightly-wound, too.  =)

    To be clear, I guess what pisses me off is that they 1) Made my little sister feel like crap and 2) Waited so long to do anything.  It's like they couldn't be bothered or just didn't care.  I mean, I've been pregnant for over 8 months, why wait until I'm recovering from surgery?  Why not just attend what my sister worked so hard to throw together?

    I mean, they really made my little sister feel bad about not being able to afford to pay for everyone.  She worked her butt off making little cupcakes that looked like rubber duckies, making a diaper cake, this diaper motorcycle thing, decorating, organizing, etc etc.  They sent her texts bitching at her about how she wouldn't pay for their meals which weren't even expensive.  I mean, why not just buy a gift that costs $10 less, make a gift, or if nothing else, just be there?  It's not really about the money, it's about celebrating and being supportive...isn't it?  What do you guys think these things are really about? 

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    "Return their gifts, as in "punish" them for not attending the "shower" your sister threw? TACKY."

    No, this is absolutely not why we would be returning gifts.  That would be crazy.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member

    Yeah, maybe I'll turn down the other shower, if there even is one.  We'll probably have everything we need by the time the baby is delivered.  We'll have to.  And if I'm in too bad of shape to be at work, I feel like I won't be able to go to a party.

    I won't apologize for my sister, though.  She worked really hard and already spent way more money that she could afford.  If we were living in Beverly Hills or something, I would say it was a given that the event would be catered or whatever, but we don't.  The girl can hardly pay her rent and she threw the shower because hubby's mother said that she might not be throwing one.  My sister just wanted me to make sure I had a baby shower, that's all. 

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  • nsteckleinnstecklein member
    If it really was about the money and too expensive for the in laws how do any if you expect them to pay for this new shower? Just a common sense question.
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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    RedheadBaker said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    Hmmm, okay, how do I reply to a quote using that big gray box like you guys do?

    I'll just have to use quotations for right now.

    "Wait, I'm confused. Were they expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant and couldn't, or were they angry that the host wasn't covering the ticket?

    Or are you pissed off because your DH wants to return their gifts for store credit? Or is it the fact that they're wanting to host a shower after the baby arrives?"
     
    They were expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant.  My quesadilla was $10, so it wasn't a really extravagant place.  They were angry that my sister was not covering their ticket.  She's a social worker by the way, not a rich girl. 
    Quote button. Two buttons to the left of the reply button. 

    And if your sister can't afford to cover everyone's meals, she shouldn't have offered to throw a shower. Or hosted a smaller event. 
    Ah!  Thanks!  Yeah, but my mom's dead so who else would have thrown it?  She could have had a smaller one, I guess, but there were only like 15 people there anyway.  She could have had a shower with half as many people, but the girl's got a big heart.  Social worker, like I said.  She wanted to invite all my aunts, the cousins I grew up with, a few friends and would never exclude the ILs.  And she knew that some kids would end up there because not everyone would seek out a babysitter.  She didn't figure on people getting upset over buying nachos or whatever.  Probably figured that everyone else had a heart like hers, but she figured wrong.  Instead, she got nasty texts about how she's rude and cheap and all that.  Maybe she is.  Just wanted to get a consensus on the matter, because I thought that paying for yourself shouldn't be that big of a deal.  Looks like I'm wrong.  Whatever -- now I know...
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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    Darbie914 said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    Hmmm, okay, how do I reply to a quote using that big gray box like you guys do?

    I'll just have to use quotations for right now.

    "Wait, I'm confused. Were they expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant and couldn't, or were they angry that the host wasn't covering the ticket?

    Or are you pissed off because your DH wants to return their gifts for store credit? Or is it the fact that they're wanting to host a shower after the baby arrives?"
     
    They were expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant.  My quesadilla was $10, so it wasn't a really extravagant place.  They were angry that my sister was not covering their ticket.  She's a social worker by the way, not a rich girl. 
    A baby shower does not require millions.  It was her CHOICE to have the shower at a restaurant.  If she couldn't afford to cover the costs of your guests' meals, then she should have picked a more affordable venue.  

    Also, do you know each and every single detail of your guests' financial situation?  To some people, that $10 meal could have gone towards a bill or gas or a meal cooked at home.  You don't know what people can/can't afford and it's ridiculous to assume what you can afford, everyone can afford.

    No one wants to show up to a baby shower empty handed (as it's a gift giving event) so they will budget for a gift.  No one should budget for their own meal.

    Decline the second shower and avoid another mess.  

    She threw it at a restaurant because if it was at her apartment she literally would only have been able to invite about 7 people.  She lives in the smallest apartment you've ever seen. 

    Yeah, you're right that I can't assume what other people can afford.  But why not budget for the meal instead of the gift?  I guess because you're answering my question regarding what the shower is really about.  Fair enough if you think it's about the gifts.  I can see if it's all about prepping for the baby with the supplies you will need and all that.  Personally, I would have budgeted $10 for food and bought a cheaper gift and then made a book of babysitting coupons or something like that, but that's just me.  Everybody's different, I guess.  What a boring world it would be if we were all the same.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    Darbie914 said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    Hmmm, okay, how do I reply to a quote using that big gray box like you guys do?

    I'll just have to use quotations for right now.

    "Wait, I'm confused. Were they expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant and couldn't, or were they angry that the host wasn't covering the ticket?

    Or are you pissed off because your DH wants to return their gifts for store credit? Or is it the fact that they're wanting to host a shower after the baby arrives?"
     
    They were expected to pay for their own meals at the restaurant.  My quesadilla was $10, so it wasn't a really extravagant place.  They were angry that my sister was not covering their ticket.  She's a social worker by the way, not a rich girl. 
    A baby shower does not require millions.  It was her CHOICE to have the shower at a restaurant.  If she couldn't afford to cover the costs of your guests' meals, then she should have picked a more affordable venue.  

    Also, do you know each and every single detail of your guests' financial situation?  To some people, that $10 meal could have gone towards a bill or gas or a meal cooked at home.  You don't know what people can/can't afford and it's ridiculous to assume what you can afford, everyone can afford.

    No one wants to show up to a baby shower empty handed (as it's a gift giving event) so they will budget for a gift.  No one should budget for their own meal.

    Decline the second shower and avoid another mess.  
    Oh yeah, and also... she looked at other venues in my area.  She read somewhere that the babyshower was supposed to be near the pregnant lady so she said she called every venue in my area.  She said that even churches were charging hundreds and the restaurant charged nothing.  May have been my fault too, because when she told me that she could throw it at her apartment I stupidly said, "Really?  But where would people sit?  Why not just tell everybody to meet up for lunch and margaritas at some restaurant."  Stupid, stupid, stupid... See, I'm the same as her.  I never even thought that paying your own bill would be an issue until she told me about the texts.
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  • NerdyLucyNerdyLucy member
    Darbie914 said:
     
    It's really simple and you don't seem to be getting it:  what your sister did was rude, whether she intended it to be or not.  Plain and simple.  

    This.  She may not have intended to be rude, but by definition, she was.

    In your OP, you seemed to be a bit confused about why your ILs didn't show, or why other guests seemed to have an issue with the shower, now the other PPs are explaining. 


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  • nsteckleinnstecklein member
    Ok. To put it like it is like paying for a meal at a wedding...that makes sense to me. I just think people are being a little harsh. Sounds like it was a tough situation since there was nowhere else really to do it. And asking to do it in someone else's home would have been really actual tacky. Problem is, how do you keep people from ordering a lot and expensive and a bunch of alcohol?
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  • nsteckleinnstecklein member
    Having them pay for own meal at least opens up the options to eat and drink whatever you want without any guilt
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  • nsteckleinnstecklein member
    Mrs. Muq, I think they did do her sister wrong if they were sending rude text messages. Had they just not attended, whatever. But attacking someone....not exactly friendly either.
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  • HelenahhandbasketHelenahhandbasket member
    MrsMuq said:
    Helenahhandbasket said:

    OK.  I don't ususally do this, but I am going to cut the OP some slack.  Hear me out.

    First, OP-- your sister didn't throw you a shower.  She invited a bunch of people to a restaurant. That's what the posters are getting up in arms about.

    Second, (here's where the slack comes in) I am going to assume your sister is very young and has little to no experience with baby showers.  I am guessing she genuinely didn't know any better (and maybe you don't either.)

    Should she have done some research on baby shower etiquette?  Sure, but she didn't.  And you (OP) didn't either, which is where the confusion is. 

    To me, that's a HUGE difference than if the sister or the OP said to themselves - " I am going to commit a huge breech of etiquitte and damn every one else." 

    So, now you know.  Your sister (though she meant well) was very wrong.

    OP-- apologize to your ILs on your sister's behalf and gracioulsy accept the generous offer for a meet the baby party.  That is their way of being involved. 

    I'd cut the OP's sister some slack - I'd assume she's young and didn't think she was being rude - but the OP is being ridiculous. She's upset that people were upset they had to pay for their own food, upset her ILs boycotted a tacky shower, and thinks everyone did her sister wrong.

    I know.  That means the OP also didn't realize the huge faux pas. I am guessing she or the sister have almost no experience with showers.  Not an excuse, but now that she know I am hoping she will apologize to the offended parties. 

     

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  • HelenahhandbasketHelenahhandbasket member
    edited February 2014
    nstecklein said:
    Ok. To put it like it is like paying for a meal at a wedding...that makes sense to me. I just think people are being a little harsh. Sounds like it was a tough situation since there was nowhere else really to do it. And asking to do it in someone else's home would have been really actual tacky. Problem is, how do you keep people from ordering a lot and expensive and a bunch of alcohol?

    Weddings are not strictly gift giving events. Wedding gifts are customary, but not the entire point of the wedding, unlike a shower.

     

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    MamaLlama14 said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    My sister threw a baby shower for me last weekend and my husband's family did not attend.  It was held at a Tex-Mex restaurant and my sister told me that they had some serious issues with paying for their own meals. 

    Last night, my hubby tells me that they are planning on throwing me a shower after the baby is born, and we can just return a lot of their gifts to Babies R' Us for store credit.

    Thoughts???

    I'm pretty sure most people with a decent sense of etiquette would have some serious issues with paying for their own meals at an event they were being invited to, while also being asked to bring a gift.  If anything, I applaud your ILs for declining the invite as a show of their distaste for the poor etiquette.

    Make it right by declining the second shower.  You've already offended the first set of guests (or maybe you had no role in it and your sister did, but either way...), don't offend another set by returning all of the gifts.
    See, here's the thing.  If I were a guest, and I thought that it was rude, I would have been like, "Gee, that's rude of the hostess to make me pay for my own meal." But I would have gone anyway.  Just saying.  Not everything has to be a war, you know?
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  • SingleMom31SingleMom31 member

    Here are some thoughts on what your sister could have done: Not offered to host a shower if she couldn't afford it (and, yes, maybe that would have meant that you didn't have one... lots of people don't), co-hosted with a friend, hosted it at your house (what's closer to the MTB than her own house?), chosen a less expensive place that she could afford, or moved it all to a non-meal time and offered beverages and cake (which it sounds like she already had).  She could have done several things that would not have been tacky.

    What you can do now:  What's done is done with relation to the shower.  That being said, you owe your ILs an apology for the tacky invitation.  It doesn't actually matter if you think your sister was justified or not -- They (rightfully so) perceived it as tacky.  This isn't a hill to die on, and it'll be better in the long run if you apologize.  Then, if they want to throw you a shower later, let them (and attend and be gracious).  They'll likely mostly get you outfits, etc. since they know that you'll already have car seats, etc.  Accept them graciously.  And, send written thank you notes to all of them.  If you choose to return them, that's fine - But don't utter one word of that to anyone in attendence. 

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    Darbie914 said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    "OP - your sn is "hickchick" - if you think it's ok to return all gifts you received for store credit, and that guests should pay for their own meals at your shower plus give you gifts, and that your ILs are required to attend/throw you a shower, you are, in fact, a hick - a tacky, rude, gift-grabby, bitchy hick."

    Is that all, Sunshine?  Don't hold back now -- it's slow here at work today.  In all honesty, I really do think that the ILs are required to attend the baby shower.  They are part of my baby's family, are they not?  That really wouldn't bother you if they didn't attend?

    Also, I wasn't the one that said that we should return the gifts.  That was my husband.  He says that we should buy everything that we will need before the baby is delivered, and then if we end up with a bunch of gifts that we don't need, we should return them...rather than just put them in storage I guess.  I don't know what else we would do with multiple breast pumps and that sort of thing.

    It's a baby shower, not a wedding.  

    Finnaroo said:
    @hickchick1981, had the shower been at your sister's home, she would have purchased all of the food and beverages, right? So, just because she decided to host it at a restaurant doesn't absolve her of, in fact, being a host. It was poor form on your sister's part. You really have no right to be mad at them. As far as them hosting a shower after the baby arrives and your plan to return their gifts, that's pretty shitty. It seems petty and tit for tat. ETA: why do you think that you would get multiple breast pumps? There's this thing called a registry and it's a guideline of things that you would like to have. You select how many of those things and people purchase accordingl

    Lol, my little sis told me that this was exactly what one of the texts said.  I'm thinking that if it was a shower with seven people (cuz that's all that would fit in her apartment), she would have sprung for some food with no problem.  The thing is that her apartment was too small to hold the shower.  Do you see what I'm saying? 

    I'm not sure where the idea is coming from that we are returning gifts as some form of punishment, but this is not the case.  We would return them because we wouldn't have anything else to do with them besides give them away at a yard sale or something.  Yeah, we have a registry, but we noticed that people from my sister's shower were buying things that weren't on the registry and also forgetting to tell the cashier to take their purchase off the registry.  If we didn't end up with extra stuff, we wouldn't be returning anything.  We would definitely keep everything that we needed.

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  • nsteckleinnstecklein member
    It's not necessarily a right of passage, but I think it's awful that someone basically wouldn't be allowed to throw a shower because they don't have much money. If its all about showering the mother and a gift to the mother, then lack of drama should also be a gift to the mother. So apparently what she did was a faux pas, but the in laws texting, even if it wasn't bitchy texting, I find offensive. If it was that big of a deal, a phone call was more necessary, or just simply not going makes an excellent point. I live in the same area as my in laws and my family is about an hour away. My family gets neglected and the in laws are a bit overbearing. Feelings are always getting hurt. I just feel sympathetic when someone gets put in the middle like the op. I guess op learn your lesson and move on. Best way out is a simple apology and never thnk about it again, drama breeds drama!
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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    nstecklein said:
    Ok op, I'm gonna defend you a little bit here, although it sure ill get flamed for it. It was mentioned that they should have picked a more affordable venue.... Ten bucks for a meal sounds pretty affordable. As for assuming you know someone's financial status.....its her in laws. Op probably has a pretty good idea of their financial situation. Also, I'm not a fan of going out somewhere and having someone else pay. It makes me self concious of the cost of my food choice and I never end up ordering what I want. If your sister is having a baby and you want to throw a baby shower but you can't afford to feed everyone so you don't get to.....that would suck....because of your financial situation you 'aren't allowed' to be the host for your sisters shower. Sounds to me like the haters on here may just feel entitled. You don't know the sisters situation. Should she just have had it at her home and not served anything at all? Can you imagine the hating then? Oh my this thread would be blowing up. Two more thoughts. To the woman that went off on the whole hick thing.....what exactly is your definition of hick? Because it certainly isn't mine. You should be ashamed of the way you responded. For all your talk about etiquette, you seem to be lacking more than most! Pretty easy to hide behind a computer isn't it. Final thought, op, I do think you are over reacting a bit. If your in laws want to throw you a shower, why not go to it? It's a shower. Don't make mountains out of ant hills. Drama is avoidable by not over thinking things.

    Oh my God, I just want to reach out and hug this woman.  =)

    Yeah, I was thinking, "If I'm going to turn down the ILs babyshower, how do I do that without starting a fight?  Is that REALLY what I should be doing at this point?"  I still feel lucky to be getting a late shower rather than them not showing up to my sister's and then not doing anything, I guess.  A late shower is at least a sign that they care a little bit.  Maybe they would also consider it rude if I was like, "No thanks, I'm good..."

    Yes, probably over-reacting.  Let's not forget that my hormones are raging over here.  I've always been overly-protective over my little sister, and I need to recognize when I'm out of line.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    MrsMuq said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    "OP - your sn is "hickchick" - if you think it's ok to return all gifts you received for store credit, and that guests should pay for their own meals at your shower plus give you gifts, and that your ILs are required to attend/throw you a shower, you are, in fact, a hick - a tacky, rude, gift-grabby, bitchy hick."

    Is that all, Sunshine?  Don't hold back now -- it's slow here at work today.  In all honesty, I really do think that the ILs are required to attend the baby shower.  They are part of my baby's family, are they not?  That really wouldn't bother you if they didn't attend?

    Also, I wasn't the one that said that we should return the gifts.  That was my husband.  He says that we should buy everything that we will need before the baby is delivered, and then if we end up with a bunch of gifts that we don't need, we should return them...rather than just put them in storage I guess.  I don't know what else we would do with multiple breast pumps and that sort of thing.

    So, you draw the line at getting gifts just to return them for store credit, but it's okay to have a party and expect gifts and expect guests to pay for their own food, and it's not okay for your ILs to decline such a klassy shower but offer to throw you one on their own?

    I stand by my original sentiments - you're a self-absorbed, entitled brat. I feel really sorry for your inlaws.

    Ha ha, you crack me up, lady. 

    We are not taking the gifts just so we can return them, lol.

    Thanks for feeling bad for my ILs, btw.  Lol.  You're too funny...

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  • nsteckleinnstecklein member
    I have tried declining a shower because I HATE showers, but then I would just sound ungrateful. Retaliation doesn't actually solve any problems.
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  • Gigi8212Gigi8212 member
    My MIL did not come to my shower. I wasn't pissed at all. I know it's not her thing and she would have been uncomfortable. Nor did I get a gift from her. I don't feel entitled to anything, so why would that bother me. She loves her granddaughter immensely, and that is all I care about. So no, I don't think you have a right to be angry.

    But honestly, I would have skipped your shower also. As PPs have said, it is extremely rude to invite your guests to a party and expect them to pay, especially considering they were bringing you gifts. I understand your sister didn't have the money. Easy solution--don't throw a shower at a restaurant. She could have used her home or someone else's and had an afternoon tea with finger food and other refreshments, which would have been way cheaper and most importantly NOT RUDE.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    RedheadBaker said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    Yeah, maybe I'll turn down the other shower, if there even is one.  We'll probably have everything we need by the time the baby is delivered.  We'll have to.  And if I'm in too bad of shape to be at work, I feel like I won't be able to go to a party.

    I won't apologize for my sister, though.  She worked really hard and already spent way more money that she could afford.  If we were living in Beverly Hills or something, I would say it was a given that the event would be catered or whatever, but we don't.  The girl can hardly pay her rent and she threw the shower because hubby's mother said that she might not be throwing one.  My sister just wanted me to make sure I had a baby shower, that's all. 

    Still not sympathetic. You're not entitled to a shower. 

    She should have A) thrown a shower she could afford, B) asked someone to co-host, C) NOT offered to throw a shower. 

    Not have a baby shower rather than have people buy their own tacos?  That's so sad...

    She originally did ask my ILs to co-host.  MIL said that she didn't think the weather would be good enough to have one, and if she did have one, she didn't want to invite anyone except the ILs.  So, my sister threw the shower because she wanted me to know what it was like to have one.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    MrsMuq said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    "Wow, you really jumped to name calling quickly. Its not even clear in the OP what she is complaining about! Maybe she's complaining that DH wants to return the gifts, who knows"

    Lol, thanks, I thought she seemed a little tightly-wound, too.  =)

    To be clear, I guess what pisses me off is that they 1) Made my little sister feel like crap and 2) Waited so long to do anything.  It's like they couldn't be bothered or just didn't care.  I mean, I've been pregnant for over 8 months, why wait until I'm recovering from surgery?  Why not just attend what my sister worked so hard to throw together?

    I mean, they really made my little sister feel bad about not being able to afford to pay for everyone.  She worked her butt off making little cupcakes that looked like rubber duckies, making a diaper cake, this diaper motorcycle thing, decorating, organizing, etc etc.  They sent her texts bitching at her about how she wouldn't pay for their meals which weren't even expensive.  I mean, why not just buy a gift that costs $10 less, make a gift, or if nothing else, just be there?  It's not really about the money, it's about celebrating and being supportive...isn't it?  What do you guys think these things are really about? 

    It's called a shower - to "shower" the MTB with gifts. And celebrate her impending motherhood. Not to bring the MTB a gift and pay for their own food.

    Not everyone gets a baby showre. They're not a right. If your sister couldn't afford to throw you a proper (read, follow the rules of shower etiquette) she shouldn't have thrown you a shower, or should have thrown a smaller party. If she could afford to make little duck cupcakes and make multiple diaper cakes, maybe she should have scaled that back in favor of covering the basics, you know, like drinks and food.

    Not everybody has a babyshower?  Really?  I thought they did.  If this is true, that actually clears things up a little.  I really did think it was like, something that everybody has when they carry their first child. 

    The second part of what you said is sinking in, too.  Yeah, I think maybe you're right.  But why would people get so angry over a little faux pas?  Why are you guys so angry, lol?  Not the person who I quoted above, you're cool lady, but as for a lot of the people on this board...I'm just in awe here.  Is this what forums are?  Everybody gets hyped up over nothing and jumps down each others throats?  On what miserable unhappy planet is that fun?  I feel so bad for some of you...  Just cheer up, y'all.  Life's not that bad!  =)

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  • kstar83kstar83 member
    yeah sorry, my SIL had my shower at her house (and its not huge, we do not live in Beverly Hills, as you stated). I only had 11 people at my shower and that was just fine. She made it at brunch time and did a waffle bar and some desserts that I liked, that she made. It was perfect for me. I found it incredibly rude that some of my friends RSVP'd and did not show. But I apologized to my SIL for them and moved on.

    I don't think it is "so sad" to not get a shower, I think it is something that a lot of women "deal" with on a regular basis. I do think it is sad that your sister probably feels badly for not being able to provide you with the shower you both felt you "deserved". That makes me feel sad.

    It also makes me sad that your guest chose to belittle her for her choices. But that is me, I would never purposefully make someone feel badly because they don't subscribe to the same etiquette I do. I may choose to decline an invitation, but that is as far as I could go. I can't imagine someone making my SIL feel badly for this, even if it was tacky.
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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    nstecklein said:
    If it really was about the money and too expensive for the in laws how do any if you expect them to pay for this new shower? Just a common sense question.

    Ha!  I was thinking the exact same thing.  I was kind of like, okayyyyy.... but whatever.  It could be about them wanting to control everthing for all I know.  I should just shut up and be happy I'm getting gifts from them. 

    And I won't say anything to my husband, my ILs or anyone else outside of this board about any of this.  I'll just let it go.  My sister did something that was apparently rude.  It's not the end of the world.

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  • hickchick1981hickchick1981 member
    MrsMuq said:
    hickchick1981 said:

    Yeah, maybe I'll turn down the other shower, if there even is one.  We'll probably have everything we need by the time the baby is delivered.  We'll have to.  And if I'm in too bad of shape to be at work, I feel like I won't be able to go to a party.

    I won't apologize for my sister, though.  She worked really hard and already spent way more money that she could afford.  If we were living in Beverly Hills or something, I would say it was a given that the event would be catered or whatever, but we don't.  The girl can hardly pay her rent and she threw the shower because hubby's mother said that she might not be throwing one.  My sister just wanted me to make sure I had a baby shower, that's all. 

    Seriously - your sister could have had a tea party and just put out tea and coffee and maybe some punch and small desserts and still called it a shower. If you invite people tp a party, you feed them . That means you pay for/are responsible for their food. Unless it's labeled a "potluck," any other way is tacky. (And a potluck shower would be tacky, too).
    Lol, is anyone else getting a kick out of this?  Are you mean-muggin' the computer while you type, lol?
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