How early would you leave your newborn?

futurecody · February 2014

I went to breakfast this morning with a group of girls and was shocked to see my friend there who just had her baby last week. No baby in tow, just her out. I totally get the need for personal time and social time, but leaving an 8 day old baby with your mom for three hours so you could go socialize seems way too early for my comfort.. And a bit immature in my book. I mean i get leaving baby with DH to go run a quick errand that young, but idk something irked me that baby was left with her mom at home while she went out for girl time.

What do you all think? Maybe this is normal and I'm just again in super maternal mode right now (which is totally the truth. Full mama bear mode has been engaged the past two wks lol.) How early along would you leave your baby with somebody besides SO/DH for that long? (Not talking taking a nap/shower, but for personal/social purposes)

bingbongsmama · February 2014

I would leave my baby with DH almost immediately, no problem. I would miss her but I know DH is a great dad.

Sorry, ETA: anyone aside from DH? We didn't until year 2.

katykatykaty · February 2014

Good for her! I'm not sure when I first left DD, but I see no problem with what she did.

fish8412 · February 2014

8 days seems way too early in my opinion.

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · February 2014

Hard for me to judge as a FTM because I've yet to cross that bridge. But it doesn't strike me as totally off.....not like she left the baby with a random babysitter. I've heard the first month of adjusting with a newborn is pretty tough for a mommy. That 3 hours was probably heaven for her. As far as me personally.....right now I say that I probably wouldn't leave my newborn that early. But who knows. 8 days after I've had her I just might be ready for a couple hours with the girls being "normal" again.

PinupMomma08 · February 2014

9 days, but it was an important wedding. I won't be doing anything like that again.

ifr8955 · February 2014

I am due March 14 and am in charge of a big Certification Day presentation at my hospital on March 19 (approx 3-4 hrs). Either baby will be really young and staying with my mom or I will be the most miserable pregnant woman. While this is not ideal I don't think it's wrong to leave the baby if you are leaving him/her with a responsible person you trust.

bingbongsmama · February 2014

DisneyAddict1 said:
After a week my mom and H collaborated to get me out for a quick shopping/lunch trip for some baby things we needed. At first I was a little irked and really apprehensive of leaving DS but those couple hours were so refreshing! DS pretty much slept the entire time, my mom was/is an amazing caregiver so he was in good hands, and I got a little mental recharge.

So no judgement here! I'm sure on the inside she was nervous/apprehensive but it is good as a mom to take care of yourself still; physically AND mentally. There is no use turning yourself into a martyr and thinking you are not allowed to leave LO for more than a shower or a quick run to the store.

You're lucky to have a mom who's competent and willing. If I had someone like that I'm sure I would leave my babies sooner. Since we didn't, it took time to find a sitter and actually feel comfortable with her and build a trust.

linzerd · February 2014

I literally just said to MH that the first time I leave her for an extended period of time with my mother may be when I go to have my physical on 4/17.

futurecody · February 2014

Hmm this is interesting! Love hearing the different perspectives! I know I totally will leave her with DH early on, but right now as a FTM I don't think I will feel comfortable leaving her with anybody else for that long the first few months at least.

DTNZ4Ever · February 2014

We left DS at 2w old with my parents to go out for DH's bday. It was nice to get out of the house after 2 weeks. We had dinner and came home so we were gone a couple of hours.

myfriendscallmemeg · February 2014

It's got to be a personal call, all weighed in with who it is, how much you trust them, how much experience they have, and how long you'll be gone. I think it's a little strange, but definitely not as strange as leaving your 6 week old to go on a cruise with your H & friends. (Something I saw on FB this week that raised my eyebrow)

vacsx2 · February 2014

As a FTM, my mom has way more experience than I do in caring for an infant. I don't anticipate having any issues leaving my babe with her or my husband right away, who has exactly as much experience as I do.

No need for the judging. She's doing what's best for her and her family.

recline84 · February 2014

For me it was more what I felt like versus ready to leave my baby. I think with DD1 Ieft her with DH at 7 days for a job interview, and then with my mom and dad when she was around 10-14 days. It was a quick Marshall's run with DH.

With my 2nd I don't remember when I left her, but i was a Sahm then so I didn't have much of a reason to leave.

hemeyer31 · February 2014

I think it was smart of her to not bring the baby out with her so early, especially since its cold and flu season. I would certainly much rather leave my baby with my mom or other trusted family member than risk someone hacking or sneezing their head off near my teeny newborn. I think it depends on one's personal comfort level with being separated from LO that early. Some moms are more anxious about it than others, and thats ok. I personally would be ok with handing LO off for some grandma/grandpa time while I go out to eat with a friend or DH or even just go roam target by myself for a little while, haha.

futurecody · February 2014

okay! Thanks again for the thoughts! There are definitely different ways to do things, and I know I've changed my FTM mind before after reading other posts. I would rather ask you guys and broaden my perspective than be stuck in a "judge-y" rut.

futurecody · February 2014

hemeyer31 said:
I think it was smart of her to not bring the baby out with her so early, especially since its cold and flu season. I would certainly much rather leave my baby with my mom or other trusted family member than risk someone hacking or sneezing their head off near my teeny newborn. I think it depends on one's personal comfort level with being separated from LO that early. Some moms are more anxious about it than others, and thats ok. I personally would be ok with handing LO off for some grandma/grandpa time while I go out to eat with a friend or DH or even just go roam target by myself for a little while, haha.

Good point about flu season! I forget that's still relevant as it's so warm down here right now.

After reading all these replies, ya it must be an individual comfort level thing. She and I have such different personalities that this must be a part of that. To me the idea seems completely foreign, but I guess it works for her.

sebullows · February 2014

Gah I just don't wanna leave my baby that soon. But I'm not officially a mother yet so who knows. I'd be fine leaving him w DH. I hope I'm not a super clingy mom

jwls84 · February 2014

I went shopping for some baby essentials and then got a chai latte at Starbucks when B was 1-2 weeks old. It was nice to get out of the house and he was asleep the whole time I was gone!
I don't see the big deal, maybe she was having a rough time and needed some "me time", I wouldn't judge.

Brich3321 · February 2014

If someone you felt comfortable with came over and you took a 3 hr much needed nap to reenergize, would that also feel wrong to you? As other PPs have said, you have to do what's right for you but don't judge others. No matter if it's 2 days old and fresh out of the hospital or 2 weeks, if my sister who I trust with my life wants to help out to give me a physical or mental break, I'm taking it! You have to take care of yourself too.

benevolentforce · February 2014

As a first time mom I'm mostly just impressed that she was out period! Maybe most of the people I've known have had hard recoveries, but they were all not well for at least 3 weeks after their babies arrived.

All that said, if it were my mom, MIL or DH I'd feel free to go too if I wanted.

babylimas · February 2014

I couldn't drive yet at that point so it wasn't even a consideration. I don't think I left my kid with someone else until a couple months. This one gets to be left at the NICU, so I'm sure my perspective will change. I'm clingy.

jazzyexpo · February 2014

We left dd with my parents when she was 2wo to have a date night. We were back in a couple hours and eventhough, she's what we talked about the whole time, to get a break is refreshing and needed at times.

I don't see anything wrong with it. From taking care of a nb, and their constant needs, being able to get out and do something for yourself, is a nice break. It was only for a few hours, not a few weeks.

To me, it's harder to leave them when they get older, just because they are so attached and know that you're gone. At 8do all they do is sleep mostly.

CMheart1011 · February 2014

8 days would have been too early for me, though I was also recovering from a c/s and not ready to go anywhere then. We left DD with my mom at 3.5 weeks to have dinner for our anniversary. I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving her with anyone else for awhile though.

ufsandra85 · February 2014

i would do it. one of my main things i am going to make sure of is that I make ME time. my mom pretty much gave up her entire life, friends etc when she had kids. I think taking time for yourself and your interests is important. i am sure she completely trusts her mom and for mental sanity i think it is important to get out by yourself. i say good for her

SmittyPants · February 2014

How on earth is what she did immature?! She didn't leave her baby with a stranger to go blow lines in a bar bathroom, she left her baby with her mother to meet some girlfriends for lunch. She likely needed the break and I hope she had a fabulous time. I also hope she finds a less judgemental friend.

clo1982 · February 2014

Thank you @ fbw! I read this op and was like immature...wtf?!? I would completely leave lo with my mom, mil, dh, sister or trusted friend. What is the difference in their needs at 8 days or a month...or 2 months? Do you feel that they become more self sufficient in that period and going out becomes acceptable? Possibly more feedings but if that's covered what's the issue. Your recovery is the primary component in that time frame and good for her for feeling great! I'm usually not this rude but I hope your friends are less judgy of you once your child arrives and you realize that 'hey I'm still a person too and could use some time to myself,'

CruiseGirl28 · February 2014

I don't have any experience yet, so I can't say for sure. But I don't think this is something I would personally do. I trust my mom and MIL if I need a sitter, but I don't think I'm going to want to be without her. If I had to run an errand, I would leave her with DH and be back as quick as possible.

aLsMay24 · February 2014

My only issue is DS would have for sure wanted to nurse somewhere in those 3 hours at 8 days. If formula fed obviously that's not an issue but I assume most nursing moms don't have an extra bottle pumped by then and don't want to sneak away to go pump while out. I think it took me at least a few weeks for this reason to even leave DS alone with DH while I ran out for a quick errand. It's definitely a to each their own case.

wearebirds · February 2014

I feel like if she needed that 3 hours of girl time to keep some sanity then good for her. I'd rather see a woman go out for a few hours, leaving LO with a mom or sister or DH than suffer in silence and wind up with PPD. Doesn't mean she doesn't love her LO any less...she just needed that time away which is perfectly okay in my book.

As far as what I'll do goes, I'm not really sure. I'm a FTM so I couldn't tell you from experience. I was just invited to a wedding when LO will be about a month old...that isn't allowing children, and I don't imagine that I'll be ready to leave her with someone other than DH (since DH would be with me).

We'll have to cross that bridge when it gets here.

kelley72 · February 2014

As a nursing mom hell no I would not, yes I'm judgemental.... find it odd as well but I will say good for her for feeling up to being out and about sociailizing 8 days post partum... not my priority in life though

pepperedmoth · February 2014

I am strongly in favor of women taking care of themselves and enjoying time with friends while baby is safe and cared for.

AriaAmante143 · February 2014

My DH actually WANTS me to leave her with him for an hour or so at a time a few weeks after she's born. His reasoning is "you'll need the break, and I need to learn how to take care of my daughter". I think it makes total sense, but as a scared FTM I think I'll spend those first few times taking a long bath or a nap so I'm still in the house, just in case

But honestly if she needed the break and had a caregiver she trusted I don't see anything wrong with it.

Kristen61607 · February 2014

I left my twins with DH and his parents to get my staples removed (my mom drove me) - I think a week or less after delivery. I was still sore and didn't see how I could manage 2 infant carriers to get to the dr. and back (since you have to park in a garage and walk a bit). I missed them like crazy!

KariB509 · February 2014

I don't think i'd leave my baby after only 8 days, not with anyone but DH at least. And not for 3 hours. I think my boobs would be leaking by then. But I really don't see anything wrong with someone else doing it. To each his own. I bet her mom was in heaven too.

Andreabills · February 2014

Brich3321 said:
If someone you felt comfortable with came over and you took a 3 hr much needed nap to reenergize, would that also feel wrong to you? As other PPs have said, you have to do what's right for you but don't judge others. No matter if it's 2 days old and fresh out of the hospital or 2 weeks, if my sister who I trust with my life wants to help out to give me a physical or mental break, I'm taking it! You have to take care of yourself too.

This! My niece was about a week old when my sister was crying right along with her because they had both been up all night and she was exhausted. I managed to convince her to let me take the baby and she got about 3&1/2 hours of sleep with me taking care of the baby in another room of the house. That nap refreshed her and made her a better mom for the rest if the day than she otherwise would have been. I'm a FTM and I don't see myself leaving the house without my newborn so soon but who knows what I'll do if the opportunity is presented to me.

ProudMommy030614 · February 2014

I would leave LO with H right from the beginning but he doesn't lactate. We don't have anyone else but I see no problem and actually think its necessary for new moms to have adult time.

futurecody · February 2014

Okay so it sounds like most moms (least the first time around) wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, but are definitely giving props to somebody else doing it. I'm glad she felt comfortable doing it (not going to lie I've missed her!) even though it seemed odd to me. (I should have used odd instead of immature in the OP, as this one incident alone definitely is not immature but with more backstory why I used the word might make more sense.)

I guess I'll see what works for me in a few weeks!

thanks for the feedback.

kls33145 · February 2014

I'm not sure how I'll be, as a ftm. I feel like I can't even give an opinion as to if I think that's too early to leave baby.
If baby's mom felt well enough to go and trusted who baby was with, I see no harm...
I might feel differently once my LO arrives but to each their own!

If I were you, I'd be more bummed that she left baby home and I couldn't hold him/her!! I love babies

dancer7889 · February 2014

LO is 6 days old and I couldn't imagine leaving her for long right now. Maybe in another week, but we've had many people visit so I feel like I'm still getting some socialization and time with friends/family.

Plus I couldn't go that long without nursing. The thought of it makes my boobs hurt.

Stephrm1231 · February 2014

There are a million reasons that person may have needed to get out of the house. My midwife actually suggest and encourages the dads to make moms get out of the house after the first week. What your perception of your friends outing could be something totally different. Also remember that post partum deppresion is real and is always a likely reason people soho mothers out of the home to help them through those tough first weeks.

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