Are nanny cams off-putting?

raguggenmos · February 2014

We just had a backup nanny/babysitter cancel on us last-minute, via care.com message, that she does not feel comfortable babysitting for us because of our nanny cameras.

In her interview we told her we have two cameras, one in the living room and one in the baby's room. They are essentially webcams which allow us to check in while at work. The reason we wanted them is we do not have any family in the city we live, so we have to hire strangers to care for our daughter.

We have googled questions about nanny cams, and what we've read in various articles is that nannys are usually fine with it as long as they are not being secretly recorded. But is that true or are they more off-putting than that?

We are especially disappointed, because this woman would have been seemingly perfect otherwise. We have a regular nanny who is okay with the cameras, and we finally had to find a backup person because our nanny will be gone for the first time since we hired her. (We also are starting to think about hiring a babysitter, so we can have a date night once in a while.)

Wondering all your thoughts. Also, if this backup person would only be used on occasion, would you consider not telling her about the cameras to avoid a situation like this?

thank you.

82Sonia · February 2014

I think it's weird that she had a problem with it. We have security cameras in our house and you can bet if I was leaving my child there with a sitter, they'd be on.

JessAnnJ · February 2014

82Sonia said:
I think it's weird that she had a problem with it. We have security cameras in our house and you can bet if I was leaving my child there with a sitter, they'd be on.

This. What is she doing in the living room and the kids room that she is not okay with being checked in on. It's not like you have cameras In the bathroom. I don't have a nanny but if I did I would have cameras. This person is alone with my child in my house. I have every right to see what is going on.

raguggenmos · February 2014

Thanks for the replies so far.

She didn't decline the job at first. We interviewed her on Wednesday, offered her the job Sunday, she said yes, then changed her mind and backed out the following Wednesday.

Makes us wish we just never mentioned the camera since she left us in a big jam when we needed child care.

It's not that we are "leaving our kid with someone we have that little faith in"... But we don't have family or neighbors to watch her so we have no choice but to hire a stranger. (Our work hours make centers and home daycares impossible)

The camera just gives a little peace of mind.

glaw · February 2014

I have nanny cams and I fully trust my nanny. We just moved and it took me a week to reset them up bc I was being lazy. I use them to see how my DD is doing and what they are up to instead of asking her a million questions. Which I still ask about their day. I also use it to see if she's napping when I come home and if so I park outside to avoid the garage door noise. I don't record anything and I've never discussed the cameras with her but they are in plain view. You would have to be blind not to see.

My kid is my priority and if a potential nanny had a prob with the camera then *I* would not hire her. I don't see any difference from having days when I'm home with the nanny around and being able to keep tabs on her vs. being away and using the cameras to do the same. Would it be ok if a nanny told you she didn't feel comfortable doing her job if you were home bc she would feel scrutinized? I don't think so. In my opinion, a nanny cam is no different.

Keep looking, you will find one that not only doesn't care but that understands why you have cameras. Also as long as they are in the open, I don't see any reason to disclose. It's not like she's blind and can't see them and decide of its a deal breaker for her.

Avion22 · February 2014

Is it even legal to remotely record someone without their knowledge? I'm not sure.

At any rate, I see both sides of this argument. The parents do have the right to know what's going on in their home with their child. But the nanny has every right to decide she's not comfortable with being watched all the time, and can turn down the job. It sounds like the nanny wasn't sure how she felt about it, so she took the job, then as she thought more about it she decided she wasn't comfortable with it.

Remember, you are strangers to HER too. She would have to trust you (as strangers) to not do anything weird with the images you collect of her, and would have to trust that there weren't any hidden cameras to go along with the exposed ones. It wouldn't surprise me if people said, "Oh yeah, we have two cameras in the nursery and living room" to give the impression that those were the only two, but actually have hidden cameras all over. There are some sickos out there....

sillygirlio · February 2014

I am also a former nanny. I wouldn't want to work for someone who was recording /monitoring my every move. In fact, I would actively avoid that situation. To me, it implies a lack of trust and definitely hints at micromanagement.

My reluctance to be recorded isn't because I do things with my charges that I don't want their parents seeing, I don't want to be recorded by anyone for any reason.

Finally, if I found out a family I worked for recorded me without my knowledge I would be livid and I would tell everyone in my network of providers! Most of the providers I know feel the same way I do about cameras, so I suspect that family would suddenly have a tough time finding childcare.

Mustardseed2007 · February 2014

I say, who cares if it's off putting. I would never record anyone without their knowledge, but there are lots of jobs where you are recorded that are a lot less important than being a nanny. And how do you start out trusting someone completely that you, bottom line, simply don't know? Regardless of what background checks you do or referrals you get, you don't know them and they don't know you until you've worked together for a while.

I probably sound like I don't get the other side of the coin, but I actually do. When you go into someone's home to do a job, you are making yourself vulnerable too. But the fact of the matter is, while you may miss out on some good people by having a camera, I think you will eventually find a good nanny if you have one and you'll have the peace of mind a camera provides.

Lilly&Co · February 2014

I have nanny cams. they know its around the house but I have not told them where. They have to understand it is not about them, unless they make it about them. I care more about my kids then if they are comfortable.

glaw · February 2014

sillygirlio said:
I am also a former nanny. I wouldn't want to work for someone who was recording /monitoring my every move. In fact, I would actively avoid that situation. To me, it implies a lack of trust and definitely hints at micromanagement.
My reluctance to be recorded isn't because I do things with my charges that I don't want their parents seeing, I don't want to be recorded by anyone for any reason.
Finally, if I found out a family I worked for recorded me without my knowledge I would be livid and I would tell everyone in my network of providers! Most of the providers I know feel the same way I do about cameras, so I suspect that family would suddenly have a tough time finding childcare.

But most people I know, including myself, don't record with a nanny cam. I use it as a way to check in during the day. Just like many daycares have cameras setup so parents can check in. Do you think the daycare providers there object to the cameras? If those aren't a problem then I'm not really seeing the difference btwn daycare cams and nanny cams in my own home.

Avion22 · February 2014

glaw said:

But most people I know, including myself, don't record with a nanny cam. I use it as a way to check in during the day. Just like many daycares have cameras setup so parents can check in. Do you think the daycare providers there object to the cameras? If those aren't a problem then I'm not really seeing the difference btwn daycare cams and nanny cams in my own home.

I'm NOT a nanny, but I think I would feel differently if the cameras were live-feed only and no images were being recorded, saved, or stored. I don't like the idea of strangers recording and keeping my image. Live feed wouldn't really bother me.

VOR · February 2014

So, based on your reason for having the cameras and a few people's reactions - How exactly do you tell them you have the cameras? "Youre a stranger and we don't know you" or "we just want to be able to see LO here and there throughout the day. Just makes me happy.!". And then, what do you do w the recordings? Do you keep them all or do you get rid of them daily/weekly/monthly? If any of the possible nannys have concerns about you keeping these recordings indefinitely when there is nothing of consequence, might help to discuss what you do.

sillygirlio · February 2014

I've been thinking more about this... my reaction to the idea of cameras might be based on where I live. I live in the Midwest. Everyone here knows everyone else somehow, even in the "big" (500,000-1million) cities, there is no anonymity. It's very difficult to find an actual stranger. This is much different, I imagine, from people who live in locations like NYC... I can see how a nanny camera would be desired in a place like that. I still wouldn't want to be on it.

In an area where there are actual "strangers" I think it would be more expected among the childcare community... accepted as part of the job. Where I am, the centers don't even have cameras.

Also, as the other poster stated above, a live-feed camera wouldn't be so bad. I'm leery of being recorded.

Anyway, I hope you can get some backup figured out. Hopefully cameras are more the norm where you are and that one instance was an insolated incident. Good luck.

GMH1183 · February 2014

No one has mentioned this yet. I have IP cameras in both kids rooms that I use as baby monitors during the night and naps on weekends. They stay on all the time. Our nanny is well aware if them and uses them herself as baby monitors during naps. We do not record anything so it is live feed only. This was a non issue for our nanny.

I also live in the Midwest and there are plenty of strangers in my 20,000 people town where I have lived for 12 years. I don't agree with PP on that point at all. Daycare centers around me have cameras as well.

OP I agree with a PP who suggested phrasing the discussion differently and in a way that makes it sound more like you want to check on and see your kids not spy on the nanny. I think just the term nanny cam is off putting.

emberlee3 · February 2014

I think everyone who mentioned having one is talking about live-feed only. Most of the naysayers cited not wanting to be recorded, which is irrelevant. If you choose to have one, I think you need to be up front about it.

cecilyandgautam · February 2014

I get why some one wouldn't want to be on camera - do I want to be on camera at work? not really - but I think being up front about it is still the way to go.

Maybe you can couch it as "we have a home security system that allows us to check in periodically but obviously we don't watch continuously or even every day because we have work and other obligations. If we didn't we wouldn't need a babysitter, but I just wanted to let you know." A lot of daycare centers have a feature like this - parents can login a website and see what's going on in the moment, so if the babysitter has ever worked for a big center, that shouldn't be anything too new or strange.

PSU_Texan · February 2014

Hmmm... these conversations make me think I'm too laid back! I have always had a nanny and never have I used a nanny cam. I even asked my mom her thoughts because she always had a nanny for me (you know in the dark ages before all this technology). She said even very young children can signal if there is an issue, not going to the nanny, crying when they get there, etc. She used the methodology of random drop-ins during the day until she felt comfortable with the nanny. So that's what I've done. But to your question, just be up front if it's something you feel strongly about.

robyn2201 · February 2014

We have a "nanny cam" and it has the option to record but we mostly use it as a live feed. Dh travels for work and is gone a lot. He likes to be able to check in while he is gone and see what the girls are doing. We also have used a few girls off care.com for babysitting that we did not know. We did tell them up front and none of them seemed to have any issues with it.

I do check in occasionally, especially when they are new, but never watch for longer than a few seconds. One time I did check in and noticed the new babysitter looked like she was getting ready to take them somewhere. I always ask that they text me if they go anywhere, so I decided to wait and see if she would do so. I watched them on leave the house and she left the front door wide open (we do have a screen door that was closed). We live in a pretty safe neighborhood but we never leave the door wide open when not home. I am very glad I checked in when I did and we have not used her since.

Lilly&Co · February 2014

Ours records and is live feed. Now I also now have girls that communicate well, so I also use it to see if one is lying to me about something. I have played it for them if I have been told they misbehaved so they can see their behavior and fix it. so its not only to use with lack of trust with the nanny.

sillygirlio · February 2014

GMH1183 said:

I also live in the Midwest and there are plenty of strangers in my 20,000 people town where I have lived for 12 years. I don't agree with PP on that point at all.

I'm not saying all of the Midwest is like that, but it is like that where I live. Sure, there are strangers...I didn't mean that literally, but the two biggest population areas are college towns and most small town kids move to one or the other and then stay. I can get the scoop on most anyone I want with two phone calls. It's awesome... and terrible.

rodiesmum · February 2014

personally i would be all the more suspicious about a person who is overly conscious about a nanny cam. I hope that person could understand that as parents we would want to check on our kids from time to time, and that she is left with the kid in your house all by herself. If she does not understand that then thatd be an issue for me. but that is just me.

Anyway, looking from her point of view, maybe she just doesnt want to be micro managed or something. but id be suspicious (as always). HTH

VOR · February 2014

GMH1183 said:

I think just the term nanny cam is off putting.

I think this is a very good point! Don't call it that, talk about wanting to see your kids because you miss them, etc.

Also, I would try to avoid micro-managing. Obviously, if you see truly egregious behavior, that's a problem. But if your nanny sits down for 5 minutes on the couch while the kid(s) are playing contently on their own and she looks at her phone, and is normally otherwise pretty active and engaged - I wouldn't say anything.

EgoCommaAlter · February 2014

Kimbus22 said:.

Not gonna lie though, I assume you have something to hide if you're that uncomfortable with it. Maybe not something horrible but something.

This. Her discomfort being at that level, is a red flag to me.

Unknown · February 2014

This content has been removed.

VOR · February 2014

socialmediamommy said:

I can appreciate where some of you are coming from, with wanting to check on your kids and having a right to know what's going on in your home. But I'd like to offer another perspective as a nanny employer. When we hired our nanny, we chose someone who had the experience and background that made us feel comfortable having her alone in our home with our kids. Personally, nanny cams freak me out as an employer - why would I choose someone to take care of my kids that I felt I had to watch all day? I feel that if my kids are happy and healthy and look forward to the days that the nanny is at my house, then good things must be happening while I'm gone and trust the nanny to give me little updates on what they do. I have enough things to worry about with twins, working full time, and a house to run. If I had to also supervise my nanny throughout the day, why did I hire her?

I don't disagree with anything you've said. But at the same time - there are also people who are REALLY good at selling themselves. But the reality of who they are/ what they do may differ than what they sold you.

You say "why did I hire her if I have to supervise her". well, if you're a manager and you hire a new employee... you supervise them, right? Why wouldn't you want to have some supervision over your nanny - the person taking care of your children?

Nanny cam aside - anyone who has a nanny DOES supervise to a degree. If part of their job is to clean up after lunch and they don't do that? Well, you're going to talk to them about it, right?

But this also goes back to the person who said they hate the term "nanny cam". I feel like having a camera in your home really should be about wanting to see your kids because you miss them. And the side benefit, at least w/ a new nanny, is to make sure they are basically doing what they are supposed to be doing. But I would hope that in time, you're concern over that would lessen once the nanny has proven herself.

glaw · February 2014

socialmediamommy said:

VOR said:

socialmediamommy said:

I can appreciate where some of you are coming from, with wanting to check on your kids and having a right to know what's going on in your home. But I'd like to offer another perspective as a nanny employer. When we hired our nanny, we chose someone who had the experience and background that made us feel comfortable having her alone in our home with our kids. Personally, nanny cams freak me out as an employer - why would I choose someone to take care of my kids that I felt I had to watch all day? I feel that if my kids are happy and healthy and look forward to the days that the nanny is at my house, then good things must be happening while I'm gone and trust the nanny to give me little updates on what they do. I have enough things to worry about with twins, working full time, and a house to run. If I had to also supervise my nanny throughout the day, why did I hire her?

I don't disagree with anything you've said. But at the same time - there are also people who are REALLY good at selling themselves. But the reality of who they are/ what they do may differ than what they sold you.

You say "why did I hire her if I have to supervise her". well, if you're a manager and you hire a new employee... you supervise them, right? Why wouldn't you want to have some supervision over your nanny - the person taking care of your children?

Nanny cam aside - anyone who has a nanny DOES supervise to a degree. If part of their job is to clean up after lunch and they don't do that? Well, you're going to talk to them about it, right?

But this also goes back to the person who said they hate the term "nanny cam". I feel like having a camera in your home really should be about wanting to see your kids because you miss them. And the side benefit, at least w/ a new nanny, is to make sure they are basically doing what they are supposed to be doing. But I would hope that in time, you're concern over that would lessen once the nanny has proven herself.

Well, yes, obviously I am supervising my nanny to some degree, since she is my employee. I just find cameras to be a strange feature. While I am supervised at work, I'd find it weird and off putting if there was a camera in my office watching my every move. But I guess it's just one of those "To each their own" situations.

Yes but at work your supervisor is presumably at work with you and can call or stop by your office at any time. Usually you can't do that with a nanny. And as someone with a nanny cam, I don't use it to monitor her all day. Obviously I work and have other things to do which is why I have a nanny. But I do like to check in around lunch and see what they are up to or see if she's sleeping and how/what time her naps are. My nanny takes her to the park so obviously I'm not monitoring her every movement as they spend a big chunk of the day outside. I think you're assuming (incorrectly) that people with nanny cams watch every movement all day long and then use it as a tool to micromanage their nannies when in fact most of us just want to check in on our kids and feel a little connected during the day.

jldcjs · February 2014

I can see both sides to this. On the one hand, I wouldn't hire someone who I felt I need to watch with a nanny cam. Also, I wouldn't really want to "catch" the nanny drinking from the milk container or something. I wouldn't want the nanny to feel awkward and like she was on display.

However, I realize I am fortunate and have family/friends around so wouldn't just be hiring a stranger that I didn't know.

As a former nanny I always assumed that there was a camera, but it did make me uncomfortable. NOT because I was doing anything wrong, but because I didn't want to be watched while eating my dinner or whatever. It is just uncomfortable when you don't know if you are being recorded or not.

That being said, if a family had told me they had a nanny cam I would be ok with it and would appreciate them letting me know.

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