Parenting Check-In

Jazibel · February 2014

Morning Everyone!

Thought I'd jump in since I saw the thread hadn't been started yet.

Tell us a little about your LO(s). How was your weekend? Any new developments, challenges or accomplishments?

QOTD: How has being a parent changed you so far? In ways that you expected or in unexpected ways? If you could give advice to your "pre-parent" self what would it be?

JGY · February 2014

Gabe is 10 months old and a crazy walker/runner right now. He's in to everything, including the toilet bowl, all day every day. He slept through the night both Friday and Saturday nights though, so that's definitely something!

How has parenting changed me? Well, I think I'm way more humble about my parenting skills, that's for sure! And I let myself off the hook (in a good way, I think) a lot more than I ever did before. I find myself saying "J, you can only do so much" a lot. I also tell myself "There will be time for that in a few years" quite often.

Advice to my pre-parent self. Hmmmm ... I think I would have encouraged myself to get any relationship issues out on the table, and to work on them. Having a kiddo only magnifies those little pain points, and they explode into things that can seem unworkable. Figure that $hit out now!

Jazibel · February 2014

Kaden is a year and a half. Sometimes he seems like such our little baby, and other times such a big boy, doing things that just amaze us. I really love watching him grow up, and sharing our lives with him.
Parenting hasn't been "easy" though there are times where I feel so worn out, or I feel my patience frazzle. I usually take a step back and remind myself to do less (@JGY, I totally get it). I think I have a simpler and more realistic perspective now, and I appreciate that. I'm an older parent too, which I really like because I feel like I've had plenty of time to do the "single and couple" things, and now being a mom is enough.

This past weekend we hung out with K's aunt and uncle (my brother & sister-in law) on Sunday. He just loves them so much, and got lots of cuddles and attention. Having family around is so special.

QOTD: I would tell my pre-parent self to figure out my career plan. I worked a job I was okay with leaving once I had Kaden, and now I've been a SAHM for nearly 2 years and want to go back to work after LO #2 is a few months old. It's a little daunting to be raising K, and pregnant and thinking about a career change. I almost wish I had my dream career already even if I decided to take a break so that it would be easier to pick up again.

I have to second @themommymonster and @JGY regarding relationship stuff too. EV and I are really a family now, which is such a huge gift. BUT parenting together has also really magnified the weak links in our relationship. There really is little time for our marriage in our new lifestyle - we're working on it. Our marriage and our parenting involves more conscious effort than I ever thought it would. Especially since we don't escape for romantic couples vacations a few times a year anymore, and "reconnect" effortlessly. In fact we don't even have date night.. Sigh ;-) I tell myself that in the future we'll bring that one back.

trisholio · February 2014

Hello all! I wanted to jump in today since I have a little news. We had twins girls this weekend on a temporary placement, so we were full time parents for 3 days. The girls were 8 months old, but were born super early and were only the size of a 3-4 month old. They were so adorable and I wish I was able to share a million pictures of them, but I can't. Considering all they have been thru in their short little lives they were super great babies. My wife was a rock star this weekend taking care of them. I was still recovering from a bad cold and was pretty useless Friday and Saturday. But she stepped up, took over and the girls just loved her to death. It really showed me that when our little gummy bear gets here she will be much more help than I ever expected, I always knew she would be a great parents, but now I know she will be a rock star!

QOTD: We do not have our own full time kids yet, so our situation is a little different. We do our best to keep "in touch" with eachother now and learn one another signals, so that when we do have kids we don't lose touch so easily. I just think communication is the best thing, and not just talking about the kids :-)

2brides · February 2014

Is it weird that I can barely remember my pre-parent self? I told DP a few weeks ago, that I have no recollection of living i our house pre-kids and we lived there for nearly 2 years before they were born!

I would tell myself (as the parent of newborns) to realize that I had a BAD case of PPD and needed meds. I was great as masking it in public, but I was miserable. I was exhausted, grumpy, and wanted to escape. If I had been properly treated, I think I would have enjoyed the first year 100x more than I did. It wasn't until I was out of the PPD, that I realized how bad it was.

JGY · February 2014

@2brides - It's AWESOME to see you around these here parts again!

2brides · February 2014

Thanks - I lurk here and there (when I don't feel like working!) But I am so far removed from TTC and having babies, that I feel like a grandmother around here.

Jazibel · February 2014

@trisholio - twins!!! how great. I'm so excited that you and your wife are on this journey. I might have mentioned before that I'm adopted and that I was in foster care for the first couple of months before my parents adopted me. I love picturing that as a baby I was lucky enough to have an awesome couple like you taking care of me. ;-) And from a less self-centered viewpoint I think your kids are so lucky to have you be it for a day, a weekend or a much much longer.

@2brides - It's great to hear from you. How are your boys? What's it like having 2 boys? I'm about to have 2 (they'll be about 2 years apart) and I can just see my life changing in my imagination. But actually having more than 1 kid - I can't picture clearly yet. Any survival recommendations? ;-) Also I'm glad you mentioned PPD. I don't think I had an official case last time, but I still remember how disconnected and just "not myself" I felt after K was born. I was actually just starting to worry about that again

2brides · February 2014

Well, my house is loud. There is a LOT of roughhousing/wrestling. There is a lot of (newly discovered) potty humor. There are Legos all over my basement. There are heated discussions about Minecraft (a game), Pokemon, and various video games I know nothing about. There are lots of snuggles and cuddling. There is a lot of tattling on brothers (we are working on that...) There is a lot of energy and lots of laughing.

it is awesome.

mwagner25 · February 2014

Hello all!

I wanted to make sure I check in this week since we missed last week. Oliver is 9 weeks, he has been EBF since birth. He is growing well, already over 14 lbs and 23 inches, but he has always been an eater. We have been trying to space him out but the most we could get was about every 2- 2.5 hour between meals (including at night). I have to go back to work in 2 weeks and the nighttime feeds are draining me. So for the first time last night we gave him 2 oz of formula followed by a long nursing session at bedtime. He did much better and was up only twice for MOTN feedings at 1 am, then 4, with a bedtime between 8-9. I really didn't want to give him any formula but my wife has been pushing it bc she is worried about me returning to work and not sleeping enough. It's just hard for me to let go of the idea that he would only have breastmilk, which was my goal. I know 2 oz of formula once a day isn't much so I don't know why it bothers me.

On a positive note, we got a real belly laugh for the first time yesterday. Prior to that he would occasionally chuckle in his sleep or "whisper" laugh as we called it. He would make the laughing motions but no noise would come out. Yesterday while taking a bath and washing his neck was the first time we got a true belly laugh. I think it is the best noise I have ever heard!

QOTD: Becoming a parent has forced me to let go of some of my expectations for myself. I try to do everything but have learned that slowing down and enjoying the moment while letting go of a messy house, ect is okay. The laundry will be there tomorrow. I don't have any advice yet for my pre-parent self... I am still figuring this out.

trisholio · February 2014

Jazibel said:

@trisholio - twins!!! how great. I'm so excited that you and your wife are on this journey. I might have mentioned before that I'm adopted and that I was in foster care for the first couple of months before my parents adopted me. I love picturing that as a baby I was lucky enough to have an awesome couple like you taking care of me. ;-) And from a less self-centered viewpoint I think your kids are so lucky to have you be it for a day, a weekend or a much much longer.

@2brides - It's great to hear from you. How are your boys? What's it like having 2 boys? I'm about to have 2 (they'll be about 2 years apart) and I can just see my life changing in my imagination. But actually having more than 1 kid - I can't picture clearly yet. Any survival recommendations? ;-) Also I'm glad you mentioned PPD. I don't think I had an official case last time, but I still remember how disconnected and just "not myself" I felt after K was born. I was actually just starting to worry about that again

I don't recall you mentioning being adopted before, but I have a horrible memory. We are open to fostering to adopt too. We would love to get a baby and then adopt them and raise them. Thank you for the wonderful compliments. We do our best and love having babies around!

Jazibel · February 2014

mwagner25 said:

Hello all!

I wanted to make sure I check in this week since we missed last week. Oliver is 9 weeks, he has been EBF since birth. He is growing well, already over 14 lbs and 23 inches, but he has always been an eater. We have been trying to space him out but the most we could get was about every 2- 2.5 hour between meals (including at night). I have to go back to work in 2 weeks and the nighttime feeds are draining me. So for the first time last night we gave him 2 oz of formula followed by a long nursing session at bedtime. He did much better and was up only twice for MOTN feedings at 1 am, then 4, with a bedtime between 8-9. I really didn't want to give him any formula but my wife has been pushing it bc she is worried about me returning to work and not sleeping enough. It's just hard for me to let go of the idea that he would only have breastmilk, which was my goal. I know 2 oz of formula once a day isn't much so I don't know why it bothers me.

On a positive note, we got a real belly laugh for the first time yesterday. Prior to that he would occasionally chuckle in his sleep or "whisper" laugh as we called it. He would make the laughing motions but no noise would come out. Yesterday while taking a bath and washing his neck was the first time we got a true belly laugh. I think it is the best noise I have ever heard!

QOTD: Becoming a parent has forced me to let go of some of my expectations for myself. I try to do everything but have learned that slowing down and enjoying the moment while letting go of a messy house, ect is okay. The laundry will be there tomorrow. I don't have any advice yet for my pre-parent self... I am still figuring this out.

Congrats on getting a few extra hours of sleep its so precious!!! I can relate to the formula topic - there are many things I said I wouldn't do, etc. But parenting has definitely taught me some flexibility. I commend you for giving yourself "a break". I hope there is more sleep in your future. :-)

Jazibel · February 2014

herbabymama said:

Happy Monday! Baby C is 8 weeks tomorrow, I can't believe it. She has really grown and is almost 12 lbs. She's becoming more interactive and fun to play with. She seems to mimic faces and smiles a lot. She's not really laughing or giggling yet, but she does lots of coos. @mwagner25 now I can't wait for that first belly laugh!

My current challenge is getting her to take a bottle. I pump and have tried some suggestions of other parents here on TB and IRL. I have a new bottle that I think works better. Yesterday and today she did okay but is still not that interested!

QOTD: I've seen how goofy my wife and I can get around a baby - something we didn't do before. We are constantly making up songs and dances to keep her entertained. I never even knew my wife could sing and she has a beautiful voice! Too bad she remembers so many bad songs from the '80s adn '90s that seem to come out during diaper changes or bath... It is pretty funny. If I could tell my pre-parent self anything, it would be that the struggles and heartbreak of TTC are totally worth it.

You've probably heard it all already and will be there to give me advice in a few months when the tables are turned. ;-) Kaden was really not into his bottle either. We found two he liked one of which was the Como Tomo. EV had to give him the bottle when I wasn't around because otherwise he would look at the bottle and then me as if to say "why would I want that when I can have this?" She squeezed a little into his mouth and eventually he got the hang of it.

Hope little C catches on soon :-) I can't believe she's 8 weeks already !!

songbird31 · February 2014

Hey there all! It's been a few weeks since I've checked in but I've been trying to keep up with everyone. Baby L just turned 4 months old and is weighing in at a solid 15.4 pounds and 25.5 inches. She's cute as a her button nose and is very charming. She has really made a leap in the last couple of weeks with playing and interacting , laughing, etc. it's so fun to play with her and see what will make her laugh from day to day. She's turning blonde and looks more and more like me every day. Our friends call her my mini me which is hilarious since we chose a donor with strong multi cultural genes to mix things up. I feel like she doesn't get enough music in her life and I'm working To change that with our daytime caregiver. She just rattles on and on with her little voice and I love it so much and I want her to have inspiration. We get so many great pictures and videos of her every day and I love that. I'm so thankful for the ability to work from home.

i also find myself getting frustrated when I feel I'm alone (and most of the time I'm not). I definitely feel that I'm still battling ppd just because while I'm going through the motions and I'm having some fun with L, etc i am really still not myself. Easily angered (way more than any pregnant anger), emotional, emotionally eating, and exhausted although in getting good sleep. I actually thought during a forced workout this week that I should consider again taking the meds my doc prescribed a few days after L was born. I just keep thinking I'm going to be my old self and it's not happening.

I would tell my pre pregnant self that it really is true about the sleeping thing. Even if your baby is an amazing sleeper like L is right now there are still no days of sleeping in (like epic 11:00 am sleeping in). I would also tell myself to finish many more projects like photo albums etc. there is just no time for extras for a while. The "extra" time goes to laundry or bottles or cleaning.

2brides · February 2014

Oh, and I'd also tell myself that yes, eventually you will sleep. All.night.long. And it will be bliss.

One of my kids didn't sleep through the night until he was 3.5 years old (yep, years) despite sleep training (we did manage to train him to go to sleep on his own around 2y.) But now? In bed at 8pm and they sleep till 6amish. And on the weekends, they get up and go downstairs and play quietly till we get up around 7-7:30. awesome.

So, all of you who don't get to sleep? You will. I promise.

JGY · February 2014

stringy813 said:

Can I just vent about a lack of sleep? I think I got 4 hours of sleep last night. M ended up sleeping in her stroller in our room from 3-5 am because she kept waking up crying in her crib every half hour, and cosleeping means playtime in her book now. Never thought i'd lie in bed and with one hand be pushing a stroller back and forth. Then when she woke up soon after 5 and had soaked through her pjs because she'd already nursed like 8 times since bedtime - and screamed bloody murder while we changed her clothes, we realized we weren't going back to sleep. Luckily she did - but we had to go to work She's not usually this bad - but has a cold and couldn't clear her nose so I think that kept waking her up.

Related - has anyone had any luck teaching an older baby who fights sleep to actually put themselves to sleep on their own? I kind of thought we'd be there by now. She just screams if we try it (so we havent in a while).

This. Exactly. Last night. Except instead of the stroller, S went downstairs (which she does anyway most nights with the dog) and Gabe and I coslept. Because seriously, he was waking up every half hour and nursing.

@stringy813 I have exactly the same questions/doubts/confusions/frustrations.

2brides · February 2014

stringy813 said:

@2brides its reassuring to hear that particularly because you have twins, so I'll assume that you parented them in the same way. B/C I hear so often from certain people about how we can or should do this or that because it worked for someone else - and I do have days I feel like we should be doing something better. But clearly if only one of your kids didnt sleep through the night and the other did, it just goes to show how they are individuals with their own temperaments. (unless they happen to be identical in which case its very interesting!). M has fought sleep ever since she was born, she wakes up at the drop of a hat -and is happy and developing otherwise. So she's fine. Moms just need to find a way to make it through the day.

Then again, not sure I can handle 3 more years of it

They are fraternal and completely different kids.

One fought sleep like it was his job and would do anything to sleep in our bed. The other hated sleeping in our bed and really had no issues putting himself to sleep/waking during the night. fast forward 7y and now our kid who hated sleep tends to be the one who declares that he is tired and will turn out his light before we ask them to.

JGY · February 2014

@stringy813 We are sharing the parent of the year award. Did you know Barney is on at 2am? Sprout Channel. My trick has been to lie on my side and sit him by my chest. I wrap an arm around him so if I fall asleep I wake up any time he moves. It's 100% pathetic, and it's the only thing I've found that I can do to get through it. Luckily I only resort to that about once a month.

And yes, he slept through the night twice within the last week. And only woke once on the other nights. I really thought we were heading into a new phase of better sleep. ARGH!!!!

It's the worst when they're congested like that and nursing isn't a calming or productive experience. Last time Gabe was like that, we tried vicks rub on his feet (the infant kind) and it actually seemed to do some good. Not sure if you've tried that or not.

@2Brides - thank you for the encouraging words. Even though 3 years seems like an awfully long time, when I think about it I've been battling insomnia for that long already so at least I know I can live through this and there is light at the end of that sleepless tunnel!!

JGY · February 2014

@stringy813 - Barney is the one thing I swore up and down that I would never have on in our house. Another thing I have found myself to be wrong about!

@jrtmom - you have perfectly described my sleep deprivation struggles. I feel like I have early onset dimentia, I have to put so much energy into searching for the right word, and the word will be, like ... "Pink." Or something that simple. I still can't believe I interviewed for (and got) a new job while in this state.

I can't really answer your cosleeping question because we typically don't cosleep unless there's an issue. But I will say that I find it easier in some ways now that he's older, because I worry less about him getting smothered. But I worry more about him being mobile and me not waking up in time. He doesn't seem to sleep quite as well while cosleeping these days as he used to, but that's just maybe because when he's in our bed it means he's been up a lot and there's likely something bugging him. Sorry I can't be more helpful!

Mystjava · February 2014

Well, I don't want to scare you guys, but my LO and I still co-sleep in our bed while my partner sleeps in the other room. She has sleeping issues which interfere with our sleep. I've been co-sleeping with Little Bear since birth. He doesn't always sleep through the night but I do get stretches where he'll sleep for at least four to five hours straight before he wants to nurse in the early morning hours. I get him into bed between 8 - 10 pm. Most times he'll fall asleep just before 10pm and be in bed until 830 am. (Sometimes he'll get up early or later, depending on what time he falls asleep).
Anyway, as for us, we've been alright. We've been going to the doctor's office for my partner's health problems. LB has been playing with legos and I'm having a tough that he'll turn four in two months.

2brides · February 2014

We co-slept (out of a desire to sleep vs a desire to co-sleep!) with one of our kids until 3.5y. He always slept in the middle between us (thank goodness for a king sized bed) and only fell out once (at around a year when he'd crawled on top of DP during the night and she rolled over and he plopped out.) He was more annoyed at being awakened and then not being able to go back to sleep due to my DP's crying and apologizing. He was fine.

Other than that, I always woke when he started to move/crawl/etc. I became a VERY light sleeper. As he got older, he moved a lot and while I wasn't afraid he'd fall out of bed, I was afraid of being kicked in the face. :P It wasn't until he was out of our bed that I realized how tired I was.

he slept with us recently after a bad dream (7.5y) and he moved so much and kicked so much, DP went to the couch.

Jazibel · February 2014

We co-slept off and on with K, but I never managed to get really good sleep when he was in our bed and I don't think he did either. He also wanted to nurse nonstop if he co-slept which was fine, as a little guy but as he got older became less comfortable. I do know lots of people that very happily co-sleep though. Part of me wished it worked for us.

We started researching no-cry sleep solutions. In fact I think that is the name of a book we read that helped. It really became about a routine in putting him down, and it didn't take after the first day or week or even month. It took a while to get him to fall asleep on his own and to stay asleep in his crib. He did wake up at least 1x per night until he was 1 (and weaned). He often woke 2-3 times. Usually when he woke between 5 and 12 months it was to eat and maybe get changed and then back to sleep. I really tried not to change him at night as it woke him more.

Since he turned a year he's been a great sleeper and napper. I'm super grateful to have had a little sleep between him and the next one. Gasp - so afraid of sleepless nights again

Friends of ours paid a consultant to come up with a plan for their daughter who had always fought sleep. I think it was a couple hundred dollars, but the plan included detailed instructions that fit their personal parenting style (i.e. cry it out, no-cry method, etc.) If you're interested PM me and I'll find the persons contact info (I think it was an online thing).

Here's to a better nights sleep tonight!

ATXmommas · February 2014

I'm way late to the party. Been feeling under the weather the past couple days, but feel much better today. Not feeling well is partly because I'm congested and partly because I'm an idiot and ran 3 miles on Saturday when I haven't run in about 9 months. Utter stupidity. Ah well.

So, LO will be 11 weeks on Thursday. We had his two month appointment last Wednesday, which was a little late due to his original appt being canceled due to the ice. My peanut weighed in at 9.10 and is in the 4th percentile for weight. The doctor was perfectly happy with that and so am I. I'm officially okay with my little kiddo. He is perfectly happy, healthy, and strong and is meeting and surpassing milestones. What else could i ask for?

We're traveling on Thursday to visit my family in Mississippi for a week. Just me and him. I'm remembering all the tips that were shared in this thread a few weeks ago and am feeling pretty calm about it. Will you know how it goes later.

I mentioned last week (I think) that I might go see a LC again to get a plan for going back to work. I met with one yesterday and it was all very reassuring. While I don't think it was a 100% necessary, it was good for my peace of mind and she gave me some good tips. I've been reading a lot about day care providers overfeeding babies since it is so easy for babies to overeat by the bottle and offering a bottle is about the easiest way to calm a fussy baby. I'm pretty sure that I'm only going to be able to pump as much as he actually needs (ounce per hour) so I can't risk the day care giving him too much. Anyway, we discussed how to deal with that and I'm feeling better about the whole situation.

Good to ready everyone's updates!

JGY · February 2014

@ATXMommas good luck today with your travel! I'll be sending calming thoughts to you and Ash. Enjoy the time with your family.

ATXmommas · February 2014

Oops! We're actually traveling tomorrow, but I will go ahead and accept your calming vibes as I pack today! Thanks for thinking of us!

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