DH Rant

NSAnderson0313 · January 2014

Don't get me wrong DH is great, I love him to death and he's very supportive of TTC, but tonight he made a comment that really got under my skin. I didn't blow up at him as much as I could have (trying to find some patience, I understand you need that with kids), but I kinda let him have it. He's very pragmatic when it comes to dealing with things. Me, not so much. I mentioned that I was starting to feel stressed given the upcoming 2WW & he says when you stop stressing out about it, it'll happen. WTF?!?!?! Ladies (and gents if you're out there) I nearly lost my shit. I had to count in my head before I responded. Thankfully we are not in the same state right now because I probably would have thrown something at him for his insensitive response. I know the 2WW is sometimes more stressful for women than it is for men, but a little sensitivity would be appreciated. Alright rant over (ugh)!

Emerald27 · January 2014

He was probably just trying to be nice and thought you'd feel better if you were calmer. And he may have heard someone say that before.

Men are generally clueless about TTC, but they mean well and they love us. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't being insensitive, but that he just doesn't know and he wanted to help.

And go pour yourself a glass of vino.

LilMsCantBeWrong · January 2014

Emerald27 said:

He was probably just trying to be nice and thought you'd feel better if you were calmer. And he may have heard someone say that before. Men are generally clueless about TTC, but they mean well and they love us. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't being insensitive, but that he just doesn't know and he wanted to help. And go pour yourself a glass of vino.

I totally agree with this. Honestly, this is a really common thing for women who are stressing about having a baby to be told. That doesn't make it any less irritating, but I think it's one of those things that has just been said so much that most people believe that a. it is true and b. it actually helps others feel better.

I would have been 6 kinds of pissed if H had said it to me, especially since he's also got a stake in this, so I think your reaction is totally understandable. But just try to remember that he THOUGHT he was helping. And definitely have that wine!

mrs_tacos · January 2014

I hate, hate, hate that phrase. But I'd bet anything your DH didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Sometimes my DH has a frustratingly cavalier attitude towards TTC, but I realize i'ts just very emotionally different for him. You should definitely tell him how it made you feel when he said that, and explain more of what type of support you need from him during these frustrating waiting periods. I finally told my DH that I just can't have extensive talks about TTC and future kids during the TWE, I need distraction so that if/when my period comes, I haven't been dwelling, and I can accept it more easily. I hope you feel better!

12bailey18 · January 2014

Ditto everyone else. I think he probably meant well or just didn't "get" how you're feeling. Women tend to invest much more into TTC than men. All my DH thinks is that we get to have more sex. He doesn't really know how much more emotions and waiting and even stress can be involved. I mentioned I was in the 2WW last night and he completely blew it off like it was no big deal. I just had to remind myself that it's a different process and experience for me than him. If I really want him to understand how I feel about this than I'm going to need to really explain it to him and not just assume he's going to care or react the same way I do.

NSAnderson0313 · January 2014

I chatted with DH again last night after a glass of wine (or two) and y'all are right. He hasn't quite figured out the right things to say when I have a momentary freak out about TTC. While it's annoying, I realize that the experience is very different. So happy I have y'all to vent to. $:\$ ">

Goldie000 · January 2014

I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes feel like all the pressure is on me. I think women get more stressed because so much more goes into it for us. This past weekend I asked my DH to please do some research on his own and learn everything I'm having to learn, and he did! It was nice to be able to have a conversation with him about it without me having to explain things. I think he understands more now. We'll see.

Manateearmz · January 2014

MH is very laid back. This sounds like something he would say. Our first round of TTC we were 7 months in and he was all happy go lucky with the "just relax, it'll happen when it happens". This time we're on cycle two and he's already telling me he feels pressure and if we don't get pregnant it's on him.

I do my best to remember that at this phase it's both of us that are involved and can be stressed. We both react in different ways and handle pressure differently.

mmb248 · January 2014

H used to tell me to relax. I explained that it made me want to kick his balls so far up his ass that he choked on them. Since that's not really conducive to TTC, we agreed he would never say that again.

That Christmas he gave me a "Frankie say relax" t-shirt. It's funny now.

MrsP924 · January 2014

Ohhh I've had my hubby say that to me before! I feel your pain. My DH tells me it's bc he feels like he's being supportive. Oh men!

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