How involved is your hubby?

vorse · January 2014

Just looking for some outside perspective here. Are your husbands still going about their life and daily routines the same as always, or have they put most things on hold while baby is so little? Besides work during the week, on the weekends my husband has been golfing, shooting, going to the gym, and has gone out with friends at night a couple of times since our daughter was born 5 weeks ago. I understand the need for normalcy amongst the craziness that is a new baby, but I'm at home by myself all the time and I feel like his life hasn't changed much except that we now have a baby that I take care of. Are your husbands going about their lives?

Kbrittonhart · January 2014

Mine is going about his normal routine. It is frustrating but I am going to wait until I return to work and see how it balances out.

ReggieLou13 · January 2014

Hes more helpful around the house and very hands on with LO. Hes not very interested in the night life or hanging with friends unless its a family group outing where LO and I cab go.
Maybr ask him to spend a little more time at home with you guys...or start doing family outings so he doesn't feel stuck inside all day.

liz429 · January 2014

My H has prettty much been doing the norm for him. Which I was findi.g a bit frustrating. But today after he was out fishing he came home and been taki.g care of the baby so I can relax.

Lyzza350 · January 2014

That's insane to me. My husband is jut as involved as I am. It's his kid too. Craziness.

fauxvegan · January 2014

You may want to talk to him and let him know how you feel. DH is getting work done as usual but tries to be home as early as he can. He is very hands on as well (feeds and changes and helps with baths) and doesn't go out. He's always been very "homey". He will also be staying home with LO as of Monday when I go back to work.

aundrea1225 · January 2014

The norm for him but now he cleans a lot more now which is awesome. Any time I ask for help he always says yes. Except night time since he works and I'm a SAHM.

readyornot12345 · January 2014

My dh works but otherwise is heavily involved. He shares taking care of lo with me 50 50. I have gotten out with friends once and out to some stores here and there for sanity and just to get out of the house and dh has been
supportive and so helpful.

hjweber · January 2014

My DH still goes to the gym a couple times a week but he helps out at home a lot, too. I get zero me time (unless you count a shower) and he gets some him time. I get jealous but whatever. I ebf and I don't work right now so as long as he's helping with both girls and chores then it is what it is.

cammyisagirlsname · January 2014

H has been very good and involved. There was one sunday afternoon 2 weeks ago when he went to run some errands and saw a friend out. They went to get "a drink" and he came home super buzzed. I went off on him! That shit was unacceptable. And the worst part is that part of his errands was to get me a bottle of wine. He came home with no wine!!!

But besides that one issue he's been great. Yes, I wanna punch him when he sleeps more than me (which is every day) but I can't complain.

swirl25 · January 2014

DH has always been a gym rat, but he has not set foot there since LO was born. He probably won't for a few more weeks till the dust settles...he's been great about coming home right after work if I need him (which I usually do!). He did the same after DD1 was born too. Before kids he was there 5 days a week for at least an hour and a half but now he only goes 2-3 times a week max for about an hour. He also knows that he needs to give me time to get to the gym too once I am cleared and up for working out again.

As for guys night out, he's been refraining from those too for now. Though I will be going out for the first time at the end of the month for my friend's birthday, so I'm fine if he wants to go out with his friends too.

Ktrue85 · January 2014

Mine is totally involved and has skipped out on lots of hang out invites from his friends. I think your H needs to be more considerate and help out when he's not at work; or just be home with you so you can have adult interaction.

Missykisses85 · January 2014

Mine seems to think because i ebf i do everything

iranwithscissors · January 2014

My DH's normal routine is work, then home, and occasionally he has a friend or two over on the weekends. So yes, he has gone back to it, but it's a routine that works cause he rarely goes out lol. I personally would have a problem with him constantly going out like that.

margaerytyrell · January 2014

Mine is just as involved as I am. I can't imagine how much harder this would be if DH was still hitting up the gym, hanging with the guys, etc.

mavgirl_73 · January 2014

DH is as involved with all our DDs as I am minus EBFing. His kids too, with our first his "me time" changed. I think for FTM/FTDs you're both still settling into your roles. As mothers our roles are a bit more clearly defined. I think dads need some more time and a bit of education on what/how/when to kick in and help. It's never going to be 50/50 but it should be both parties doing all they can for the common good of your LO. And it's important that you remember he can't read your mind, you HAVE to communicate.

BoothBaby · January 2014

My hubby has taken a month off to be home with baby and me, so he is very involved....at least as much as he can while I BF. I am SO grateful to have him home with me. Even when he returns to work, I have already set the expectation (pre-pregnancy) that I expect him to help as much as possible.

It sounds like you need to have an earnest conversation with your DH about his role as a father.

SweetPriz · January 2014

It's always been 50/50 this is our third baby and his very helpful with all three.
He hasn't gone out since baby was born. When it was just our other two kids we would take turns going out and or we would go out together when they were at there grandmas but with baby here now neither of us are ready to go out.
Maybe try talking to him and let him know how you feel. Maybe he can watch baby so you can do something for your self that you like.

imrachellea · January 2014

Our little one was born right in the thick of DHs soccer season, so that unfortunately has limited some of his involvement. However, when he's home he's very helpful. On days he doesn't have games (game days he is out of the house from 6:30a-9p) he gets up with us at night. He cleans in the house, does diapers, whatever I need mostly. He has actually expressed that he has felt kind of helpless some days because LO and I are having some BFing struggles & there's nothing he can do to help with that. So those days he just hugs me a lot and tells me how I'm a great mom. He is also a gym rat, but during soccer season that is already limited. He'll probably do some lifting at school when season is over & when LO is old enough, do his cardio with running the jogging stroller. We'll both be going back to CrossFit when I get cleared, possibly going to two hour classes, taking turns with LO while the other does the WOD.

...talk to your H. He needs to know how you feel. And take LO out! You'll feel better if you do, even if it's just a Target run.

KelseyKetchum · January 2014

My SO has been very involved. I have even able to leave for a few hours here and there and he has even taken over the midnight feeding (EBF during the day and ff at night). In the beginning he didn't really know what to do with LO but once I threw him into it (I had to go to the ER our first week home) he has been more confident.

lilypienmessimy · January 2014

My DH is completely involved. He hasn't gone out with friends or worked out or anything. He had 3 weeks off and did anything and everything I needed. He has a fourth week off but is taking a few Fridays off instead which will be nice for him to have 4 day weeks. He does stuff when he gets home from work too and I'm a new SAHM. I'm still figuring out a groove and we have no routine with a 4 week old so I hope to do more but for now he does just as much as me. So thankful for an extremely involved husband!

frantastic12 · January 2014

DH has been very involved. He took 3 weeks off work and goes back this coming Monday. I had what the doctors kept calling "a traumatic delivery", so I was pretty weak the first few days home and wouldn't have been able to make it without a significant amount of help from DH. I'm exclusively pumping, and we've split the bottle feelings pretty close to 50/50; he does the middle of the night feeding while I pump so that I can get back to bed more quickly.

edenkeever · January 2014

I struggled with this when we had our first baby. I think most men just go about their normal business when baby is little. It's harder for them to relate because the bonding takes a little longer. Mommies bond almost immediately thanks to the constant care we give (we often are breastfeeding) and let's face it, we've been getting to know these little ones for 9 months now. Anyway, you should know that it will get better and your husband will become much more involved. I feel like DH really started bonding with DS1 once he started smiling and responding to us. And now that we're on #3, DH is amazing and is a total family man all the time.

clhathaway · January 2014

Missykisses85 said:
Mine seems to think because i ebf i do everything

Story of my life. Mine even sleeps on the couch so he isn't woken up. He just disappeared today to go hunting and didn't say anything. He acts like he's a babysitter and I need to ask him to "watch" lo so I can take a shower or whatever. It's annoying, and talking to him about it just makes him mad.
Sorry your dh is being a butt op.

MissJenna2011 · January 2014

This is our 3rd child, he only gets better with each one. With our first he went out a week after the baby was born, i had just has surgery and was exhausted and pissed, I called my mom & she stayed with me until 3am, things could only go up from there lol. And they did. He's always helped w. feedings & diaper changes, we switch back & forth for night feedings. With our 2nd he stayed home from work for a week to help & continued to go play basketball 2x a week in the evenings and I continued to still go play bunco 2x a month and have girls nights every 3 or 4 months, we just help each other out, so we both get a break and have a good home life. Now baby #3 is 4 weeks old, He took 2 weeks off work and we take turns at night with feedings and such. Although being on maternity leave w. 2 under 2 and 1 in school until noon, is no piece of cake either!

bishesbcrazy · January 2014

With DS, it's about 95/5, but he pretty much handles DD...getting ready for school, school drop off and pick up, taking care of a lot of her needs on the weekend. And while I cook most meals, he does all of the other cleaning. So while he's not hands on as much with DS, I actually think he's pulling more weight considering he works a pretty demanding job as well. Although, he still gets the side eye when he's sleeping and I'm up with DS...but that's bc I'm totally jelly.

lollipoppoop · January 2014

My DH has been awesome. He shares all the responsability. Having a baby with him has made me love and respect him so much more

Crgardner957 · January 2014

My DH is extremely involved. He was off for a month when DS was born & he helps tremendously with all 3 of our kids. He's very much a family man and making sure he's with us 24/7 because his father wasn't involved in his life as a child. He's constantly cleaning and making sure the kids are fed and dressed if I'm breast feeding Siler. When it was hunting season I made him go hunting at least on Saturdays since he didn't wanna go because I know how much he loves and is addicted to hunting. Mothers and fathers each have their own roles.

aessary03 · January 2014

I feel blessed to have a hubby that is really involved. We've had a horribly stressful week and when I finally broke down on Thursday night, he came home from work all hyper. He says to me "I've had a ton of coffee and an energy drink. I'm ready to take care of baby all night so you can get some sleep." It was an aw moment and much appreciated. I feel like we're in this together and he's changed his ways for the baby just as I have.

MrsC731 · January 2014

This isn't our first but with DS1 everything changed for both of us. I would be livid if DH was still doing whatever he wanted now more than ever because I am mentally and physically exhausted by the time he gets home from work at 6. He does sleep with our 2 year old which is a super bad habit we started so I get no help at night and that irritates me but we have to divide up our time with the two kids.
It also annoys me when people say they get up all night because DH has to go to work. Being a teacher I work and stay at home parts of the year and I can tell you going to work is way easier than staying home. So your DHs have no excuse.

KFiori1 · January 2014

DH has always been a super involved dad. This is our 3rd though so we've gotten the hang of things by now. He does go to the gym several nights a week but he has stuck to his usual time, which is after the 2 older kids go to bed, and the baby is usually asleep at that point too, so it really doesn't affect me.

tyedyeme12 · January 2014

DH is extremely involved. He works 12 hour night shifts and still finds the energy to help some during the day time before his next shift to help me when I get overwhelmed. But especially on his days that he doesn't work, sometimes I feel like he pulls more weight than me. He is a great daddy. I'm very sorry that your H isn't helping. I echo all the PPs, talk to your H...he might not know where he fits in and just needs a little guidance.

lisab613 · January 2014

We are basically 50/50 here, with the exception of the fact that he is now back to work. We ff so he does half the overnight feedings most of the time and on the weekends he suggests I go out and have some me time so I don't go stir crazy. I think he likes having some alone time with DD also. Neither of us has really "gone out" except on errands or to pick up takeout. I'd be ok with him going out on a guys night but so far I think he'd just rather soak up daddy time. I'd be pretty pissed if he was going about his regular routine: our life has changed dramatically! His routine should too.

eisma · January 2014

Missykisses85 said:
Mine seems to think because i ebf i do everything

I think this is what my hub thinks too! So exhausted doing everything!

lp0 · January 2014

My DH doesn't have a super active social life but does like working out and working on cars. It's too cold to work on cars right now and he works out at home so it hasn't been a problem. He's been helping out more around the house but mainly has stepped up tremendously with helping with DS. It definitely wouldn't fly with me if he was going out all the time.

insertclevername · January 2014

This is our second child. DH is very involved with both children. He also has been doing a lot of the household chores that I can't do with DS2 attached to me. He did ask if I will pick up DS1 from school a few times a week so he can work out after work. I have no issue with this because he could use the stress relief.

amberpro · January 2014

It was hard for him to find his place and balance his outside life with DS1, but we figured it out.

This time he's been super helpful. He's a huge help mostly with dealing with our 2 year old if I'm tied up with DS2. And he gets up with DS1 every morning so I can get an extra hour of sleep before he goes to work. Priceless.

To be fair, though, we're old and our friends have kids, too. Our extracurriculars tend to be kid friendly these days as well, so it's not like he has single friends knocking on our door for all day golf or bar hopping.

KMKaiser07 · January 2014

My DH goes about his normal routine and it's so irritating. He sleeps in until 1 pm on weekends, says he will watch the baby when he gets home so I can have a break and never fulfills that, basically he only wants LO when he is sleeping, awake but quiet, and with a clean diaper. I get so annoyed because I'm getting up all night and taking care of LO all day without ever getting a break on top of maintaining our house.

ETA: it's also very irritating to me when he talks about how tired he is after getting 10+ hours of uninterrupted sleep.

MissyC979 · January 2014

Mine is very involved. He was sick the baby's third week and I had to do everything myself--that really drove home how involved he is. He takes the late-night shift with baby so I can get some sleep, then I do the middle of the night shifts so he can sleep. He also has taken on most of the work with DS1 these days and he cooks dinner and we split the cleaning.

notkateanymore · January 2014

Work is the only thing that comes before me and the kids right now. And he took almost a month off and works from home when he can still. This week will be the first time he's traveled in almost two months. He gets up with the baby at night and right now I'm sitting in a bakery eating breakfast while they're at home hanging out. ETA- I actually wouldn't care if he went out with friends, bc I can trust him to use his judgement about when to come home, how to help when he gets here, etc.