Visitors - Have you set any rules, etc for delivery day?

becky3211 · December 2013

Vent: My SIL is really on my last nerve. She is 28 years old (soon to be 29) and is so spoiled...we should all feel bad for her because she is still single and she has things so hard. DH's parents still pay her rent, cell phone, etc and everyone has to tip toe around her. When we told the family that we were pregnant, she actually told DH and I that, "We didn't deserve a baby and why should people be happy for us" because we got pregnant before my other SIL and they had been married longer (she pulled something similar when we got engaged).

Anyway, we will be having a C-section on Monday at 5pm, but due to a lot of scheduled surgeries that day, we have been told that it may actually be a few hours later depending on if things get behind. DH told my spoiled SIL yesterday that she may not get to see the baby on Monday because of the surgery time and visiting hours end at 8pm. He also told her that she wasn't allowed to post anything about the baby on FB because we wanted to share the news first. She flipped out and actually stormed out of family Christmas without saying goodbye to anyone and is now not speaking to DH because he is being an "asshole."

Question: Are we out of line that we would like to spend a little time with LO before we start having visitors or that we want to be the first ones to post details about our baby? Anyone else set rules for announcing baby, visiting, etc?

amt0312 · December 2013

With her, I'd just tell her that your C-section got postponed until Tuesday or Wednesday, that way she can't just go posting all over facebook that the baby was born.

I'm lucky in that I have no family in town that will be visiting during labor and delivery, so I can control who knows what and when.

Deblondie1 · December 2013

A) Your SIL is BSC and your H needs to lock her down with a quickness. I have a crazy, spoiled, hot mess of a SIL too so I get it. Example, she's been blocked from my IG and FB because she steals my pictures of DD and posts them all over the internet.

We have no family near so I haven't given any thought to visitors. I doubt we will have any in the hospital. IF we do, they will probably call to come the following day.

cpm1223 · December 2013

Your SIL is being a brat and I don't think you should feel badly at all for asking her to wait one day to visit and to not post on FB.

Personally, no we don't have any rules for visitors (well besides don't come if you're sick, but I'm hoping thats a no brainer.) We have a lot of family nearby and I'm more than happy for them to come see our LO, in fact, I think I'd rather them come see us in the hospital than at home since they'd be less likely to hang around forever at the hospital.

Emily6778 · December 2013

DH's family and my youngest sister are local. I am hoping my sister will be able to stay with DD when we go to the hospital so if all goes as planned, she will be the only on notified that we are going in. DH's family won't be notified until labor has progressed far enough for pushing. I don't want people in the waiting room when I deliver because I want at least an hour or 2 alone with DS before accepting any visitors. When I delivered DD, we were in a nice sized room where we would stay through labor and postpartum. DH's parents and grandparents got too comfy and ended up staying for hours 2 days in a row. This time, labor room is huge and postpartum is super tiny. Two visitors, DH, DS and I will be a tight squeeze. I'm kind of thankful for it since no one can get comfortable enough to feel like hanging out. I plan on not accepting any visitors until we are moved to postpartum and only 2 people at a time will be allowed. Also, when DD comes to meet her brother, no one else is allowed in the room for that time. Just the 4 of us enjoying our first family moments together.

joynalanson · December 2013

Omg your sil sounds like a mess. She will get over it and see that the world doesn't revolve around her.

No rules as of yet, just that there would be no visitors at the house for like a week.

Momto1goofball · December 2013

Wow. Really? Somebody is a brat. You have every right to make that request. It's your baby, not hers. So you can make whatever rules you want. I would want to share the news of my LO myself not have anyone else do it for me (other than SO obivously).

tesskerr · December 2013

My delivery hospital allows no visitors. My postpartum hospital is very strict on visiting time, 2 hours in the morning, 2 hours in the Arvo, which is great!

HappyDoc · December 2013

Wow, your SIL sounds like a sweetheart (can you sense the sarcasm)? You and DH get to make any and all decisions about the birth of your child (who visits, when they visits, how many details get posted on FB etc.) and shouldn't feel guilty or wrong at all.

DH and I have decided that we do not want any visitors on the day that LO is born, whether she be born at 3:00am or 10:00pm. We want time to bond with our little girl before anyone else visits, and have even debated whether we want visitors at the hospital at all.

It is a personal decision that you and DH should make together, and I hope that you get exactly what you want!

miam4 · December 2013

She is spoiled and you cannot do anything about it. Just let things go... if she is not talking to your H good for you, maybe she will not show up until you guys say how sorry you are to being right about your baby!
I think you guys did right. You spoke your mind and that's the best thing to do.

I told my husband I do not want visitors the first day (really I did not want people visiting at the hospital at all, but I know people will show up anyway!)... but I don't know how that will work.
I think I just want my own time to learn a little about our baby with my husband... plus we have my mom and my husband's brother staying with us at home for the past weeks and I think I just want some freedom!

bethughknee · December 2013

You are NOT being unreasonable. Your SIL should be ashamed of herself but it doesn't sound like she's capable of such a mature emotion.

I almost wish you could go back in time and un-tell her when your c/s is! I mean, in all reality, if she gets pissy and vengeful about visiting hours and stuff, she might just post something anyway. If it were me, I probably wouldn't tell her and details UNTIL I was okay with the possibility that she might air it out for the world to see or wait until she had already seen the baby. (Both of those scenarios would probably involve waiting until Tuesday...) But then you have to factor in the family members who coddle her and would probably just tell her any info they knew, also. Either way, if she pulls something stupid, that's on her and she will always be the rude bitch. Not you.

I have a short list of people I plan to alert when I go into labor and then again probably very shortly after Lo gets here. But none of them are people I feel like I need to say "PS - Don't forget to not post this on FB." I am so sorry you're dealing with this!

Sidenote: @deblondie1 Are you shitting me? I would be so livid if some BSC family member was stealing my pictures and putting them on the internet. I want to punch your SIL and @becky3211's! THE NERVE!

ETA: spelling fails

Ljessen13 · December 2013

We were the same way. No visitors until we had our time with LO. She is too old to be acting like that but she seems to be inabled.... U can't change that. Only the people that do it can change. Fortunately for u

not ur problem. I agree with telling her it got pushed another day or so to ensure she keeps her crazy ass mouth shut! Sorry u had to deal with that

juliasmama2010 · December 2013

I will be setting a rule about announcing it on FB. I want the first pic to come from me and I want it to be tasteful. With that said, my mom and sister are really the only two that would put anything up and I know they wouldn't do it without my permission.

Your SIL sounds like a peach. I'd tell her that if she wasn't careful with her words/actions, she wouldn't be allowed to see the baby in the hospital at all.

rowanthefrog · December 2013

No, we haven't but we don't have any family members who don't respect our boundaries. I would tell your sister your C-section was delayed until the next day if you want the time to yourself or just not tell her when the baby is born period.
A

kschref · December 2013

First of all, your SIL is nuts as other people have said. I'm going through something similar with my BFF, though she hasn't thrown a tantrum yet. She keeps trying to invite herself to the actual birth when we have stated over and over again that the only people allowed in the room are DH, our doula, and the medical staff. She keeps reminding me that she is a nurse and could be helpful. Sheesh, I'm not even having my own mother (who is awesome) there, let alone anyone not related to me.

We have told people that we won't even consider visitors until we have been moved from the labor room into the recovery room, which should be a few hours after the actual birth. Luckily everyone understands about my anxiety issues and is being pretty good about just saying "let us know when you're ready".

Unknown · December 2013

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MoCo2010 · December 2013

Wow. I'd hit her and blame hormones...

The closest family we have is 2-3 hours away, and they might come the next day. My parents will be driving down to FL from MO (20 ish hr drive) so they probably won't even make it down before we're out of the hospital (unless I end up with an emergency c/s). So we haven't set any rules yet, but we'll probably just put something on FB for friends after Baby is born simply asking to wait a few days at least before coming over. That's my plan.

OSUWifey09 · December 2013

Your SIL sounds like quite the gem. Goodness. I agree that you guys need to put your foot down now - and if she gets mad, oh well. That's so annoying.

We will not be sending any pictures to friends or family until we are ready to post on social media ourselves. We aren't even texting or calling anyone until we are settled and know everything is OK [it'll be a few hours]. I'm OK having visitors, but we probably won't have any at the hospital since I don't anticipate being there longer than a couple of days. My parents and sister will be there with me, but they won't make any calls/texts until we say, so we're OK having them there.

BABYROSEJEANS17 · December 2013

I don't know why you're asking for permission to have "dibs" on posting information about YOUR child's birth on FB let alone setting ground rules for visitors. This is YOUR child, not hers. Clearly she doesn't like being told what to do and, honestly, she needs to grow up. To avoid all of this, I'm sending a text message letting immediate family when we're on our way to the hospital and either my SO or I will send a follow up message after the baby is born. I don't plan on sending a follow up message until all of the chaos is over and we've had time to bond. As far as visitors are concerned, we can determine whether or not we want visitors, but the hospital also has a scheduled "nap time" for the families twice a day.

pennstated912 · December 2013

Your SIL is acting BSC. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's your child and you are allowed to set ground rules.

We aren't calling anyone til we go to the hospital (we live less than half a mile from the hospital and I'm staying home as long as humanly possible)

I don't want anyone in the room with me while in active labor except for DH. As for visitors afterwards, it depends what time little dude comes. If it's after 8pm, we will have no one until the next day, but not until late-morning.

growingmybun · December 2013

Maybe I'm alone on this perspective, but I liked having a few hours before people came to visit so everyone could get cleaned up. To me, it would be awkward to be fresh out of delivery and have people knocking down the door.

RedSaffron · December 2013

Your SIL is a douche canoe. You made your request and if she's gonna act like a brat towards them..tough titties. Why would she want to come anyway if she said you guys don't deserve this baby.

Our hospital has a locked doors into L&D and postpartum wing, no one can just come in..they have to push a button and tell the nurses who they are and if they are not on your list of people you want in your room, then they are denied access. Im sure if you don't want visitors, let your nurses know and they can help.

Shannahbee · December 2013

We plan to call our parents when I go into labour to let them know, and then once the baby is born and we are ready to take visitors, we'll call them again to let them know they can come down to the hospital. We actually haven't told anybody this yet (and nobody has asked) but we know they will respect it. And we have both have a lot of siblings, so we're not sure our hospital visitors would include them... We' re thinking grandparents only. But we'll only be in the hospital for 24-48 hours from the time of admittance, so there's not much time for a party. We would definitely have them over to the house soon after we got home though.

casholmes · December 2013

RedSaffron said:

Our hospital has a locked doors into L&D and postpartum wing, no one can just come in..they have to push a button and tell the nurses who they are and if they are not on your list of people you want in your room, then they are denied access. Im sure if you don't want visitors, let your nurses know and they can help.

Ours is the same, and I'm definitely taking advantage. I don't want anyone in the room while I'm in labor (despite MIL thinking she's going to be there- NOPE). I also want to have some alone time with LO before everyone comes in, so even though everyone wants me to call them when I get admitted, I don't want to tell them when LO gets here until we've had our family time.

If I have to have a c-section, I've told DH that the family can come in and see LO in the nursery while I'm in recovery, but only through the window. He's under strict threats to makes sure that no one else holds LO before I've had the chance to.

I'm with PP's. I'd lie to her about when your c-section is so she can't be petty and post anyway.

last14real · December 2013

What a brat!! No it's not unreasonable, you will have just had surgery and don't need her lurking around stressing you out more. You deserve to have a little time with your new family if that's what you want. No one knows what's best for your family but you, follow your gut. Don't let her bully you into making it a crappy day, good luck!!

jgraham80 · December 2013

No rules here, but my family is relatively normal.

You and YH are being more than reasonable. What's the big deal if she has to wait until the next day? If anyone announced my LO's birth before I did, I can't even imagine the wrath they would feel. It definitely sounds like no matter what she would've found something to flip out about.

megs12914 · December 2013

My mom and sister posted Facebook pics while I was getting moved to my room after my c/s. I literally had no time and had barely seen him so I was not super happy. I get where you are coming from and she needs to get a grip!

megngregk · December 2013

First, I'd disable your FB capabilities for people being able to tag you and/or post on your wall. Second, I'd tell her to grow the hell up.

To answer your question, yes, I've got "rules". Everybody knows that nobody will be coming to the hospital (aside from my mom and bff who will be there with me) until after LO is born and I have skin-to-skin time with him. I was met with a little resistance at first, but I stuck to my guns and just kept reiterating when people talked about coming to the hospital. They all get it, so it shouldn't be a problem and they understand my reasoning.

Piach · December 2013

I had a c-section scheduled for noon & nobody was going to be coming to the hospital on delivery day.

Now, I ended up with a c-section a few days early and my daughter was born at 8:30 at night, so it was easy to avoid visitors.

With a c-section, I feel like I didn't feel "normal" for 12 hours-ish. I didn't need anyone visiting during that time.

mj0413 · December 2013

Ugh! I'm sorry. I hate having to deal with psycho family members!

I think it's 100% reasonable to set boundaries. It's amazing to me how many people just assume that because someone's being born, they can just do whatever they want. (I'm having some similar issues!)

I say you just allow her to be pissy and focus on bonding with your new baby! Let her be the lunatic acting crazy. And def set up restrictions on FB. I think my hospital only allows people we've granted access, so maybe try to only let her back the next morning. I'd ask the nurses.

brideandbreve · December 2013

Our rules for delivery day?

-Nothing is posted on FB. DH and I posted nothing on FB until about 5 hours after DS was born, and it was great. We weren't bombarded with texts from friends/family and we weren't glued to our cell phones.

-Co-workers are not kept in the loop unless the info comes from me or DH. (This is because last time, my SIL [who works in the same office I do] who over-shares everything was sharing the updates DH was sending her about my labor with our co-workers, who had no business knowing I "just had an internal and is still about 3cm." I was pissed that my business got around, even though my SIL had good intentions.)

That's about it, really.

joynalanson · December 2013

this reminds me of when i got engaged and even though i told my mom and my brother at different times (minutes after it happened) they both said "omg!! did you post it on facebook?"

uh, no. i thought i would tell you first.

and when i told my brother i was pregnant it was on twitter by the time i got back home. omg i think i need to post a warning.

MamaP19 · December 2013

I learned my lesson with FB posts when I told family I was pregnant with DD. My mom and MIL knew right away, but we waited until 12 weeks to tell everyone else. I told my brother and SIL (who is also BSC) about an hour before posting it myself on FB. SIL got on not even 2 minutes after me and posted something like, "OMG SO happy the cat is finally out of the bag! I'm an aunt.. blah, blah, blah" She had already been an aunt for like 16 years and has 4 other nieces... I told her at least 20 times not to post anything when DD was born. She got so offended that she hasn't posted anything about DD ever again. So, yay for that!

My rule: assume I don't want you there unless I say otherwise.

JennaRaek · December 2013

Your SIL sounds like a brat!

We're doing what some PPs have said... Plan on calling our parents when we're on our way to the hospital. We'll keep them updated but they are to stay home (about 30 minutes away from the hospital) until we call and tell them we're ready for visitors. I want to be able to get to know my LO and bond with him and DH before everyone else gets there. My mom wasn't too happy when I first told her but now she understands.

COgirl29 · December 2013

becky3211 said:
Vent: My SIL is really on my last nerve. She is 28 years old (soon to be 29) and is so spoiled...we should all feel bad for her because she is still single and she has things so hard. DH's parents still pay her rent, cell phone, etc and everyone has to tip toe around her. When we told the family that we were pregnant, she actually told DH and I that, "We didn't deserve a baby and why should people be happy for us" because we got pregnant before my other SIL and they had been married longer (she pulled something similar when we got engaged).

Anyway, we will be having a C-section on Monday at 5pm, but due to a lot of scheduled surgeries that day, we have been told that it may actually be a few hours later depending on if things get behind. DH told my spoiled SIL yesterday that she may not get to see the baby on Monday because of the surgery time and visiting hours end at 8pm. He also told her that she wasn't allowed to post anything about the baby on FB because we wanted to share the news first. She flipped out and actually stormed out of family Christmas without saying goodbye to anyone and is now not speaking to DH because he is being an "asshole."

Question: Are we out of line that we would like to spend a little time with LO before we start having visitors or that we want to be the first ones to post details about our baby? Anyone else set rules for announcing baby, visiting, etc?

No. Not at all. We already told family we will update them through labor, and if they want to be in the waiting room at the hospital that's up to them- but they will not be coming into our room or meeting LO until 2-3 hours after she is born. We want time for skin to skin for me, breastfeeding attempt, and DH to spend time holding her too before the grandparents and aunts and uncles swarm in. Also, we are only allowing the grandparents and aunts come to the hospital...everyone else needs to wait until we get home.

shortstuff15 · December 2013

Um, no you are not out of line. We don't even call parents until we are at the hospital or needing to go to the hospital, seeing as my mom does need to know when to come pick up our kids. Other than that, we call nobody else until after baby is already born and we are settled in our recovery room.

And as far as announcing on facebook, I turn off the capability for anybody to write on our walls so nobody can write a "congratulations" on our wall, and our family knows, and respects, that we want to announce it first. So I would say you are completely 100% normal.

Kismc · December 2013

Your SIL sounds like a real peach! I agree with others about telling her a day after.

We're going to take a little bit of time to bond with baby and then after I've showered we'll have my parents bring DD to the hospital to meet her new sister. Only then will we let others know that the baby has been born.

The only "rule" we've set is no kids (other than DD obviously) visiting at the hospital. And we won't be handing the baby around for others to hold. They can look and admire and hold her later. I know I won't feel guilty telling people they can't hold her but I WILL feel guilty if my newborn catches someone's cold. Sorry, not sorry. Lol

Kbrittonhart · December 2013

You are not out of line because it is your baby. Do whatever makes you and DH happy because if you begin pleasing other people you will set that expectation for this LO and all others.

Our rule is that DH doesn't call anyone until we arrive at hospital and no one is allowed to visit for at least an hour after we get settled in the recovery room.

ashleywiz · December 2013

After reading all of this I have just one thing to say--- Thank the heavens above that we are a 10 hour plane ride away from our family right now. I would go absolutely bananas if they were close enough to bombard me the day of birth or even the week around it. Not that I wouldn't love sharing the special moment of a new baby, but my family is so high maintenance I'd probably lose my shit.

You have every right to sent rules and boundaries on who/what/when someone visits, most especially in the hospital and the first few weeks. It's such a delicate time. Stick to your guns and hopefully they will be understanding.

hopeful808 · December 2013

I haven't told my DH/his family yet but there will be no pictures unless I want them taken. His family take far too many pictures and they all refuse to share the pictures so everybody takes the same f'ing picture and it drives me nuts. All pictures will be taken with my camera and uploaded to photobucket or something and they can get them off that. His family has made me hate pictures.

twobluelines · December 2013

My husband and I just discussed this tonight. I have just been scheduled for a c- section and so we told my parents that information. The first thing my mom said was that my father had a doctor's appt at the same time the next hospital over so they could come right over when he was done. My mother is on staff in infection control at the hospital I am delivering at so she doesn't even need to go through regular channels to get to me. So my husband and I have decided that we are going to tell them they can't come until we are in a post partum room, until my husband has had a chance to call all his family (the local ones are not being permitted to visit because they don't vaccinate at all) and that we have had some time to rest and bond. I have promised my husband I will tell my parents this information so that he doesn't have to.

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