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May 2014 Moms
ABColeslaw
member
Angel Baby Elisabeth Adelle April 2008
So RE: The Babygaga Breast is Best thing...I have a story to share
ABColeslaw
member
I'm going to share a story with you guys and it is the only time I'm
going to do it, because honestly it is traumatic and reliving it is
painful.
I thought I would love breast feeding. I'm that kinda crunchy mom. I totally set myself up for it. Totally. Asher was born and right away it was clear that there was something wrong with him. He had difficulties sucking, swallowing, and breathing. I spent three days in the hospital, crying while my new born screamed. The lactation nazi's made me feel like shit saying things like "There is no way your milk could be bad for him, he can sense your anxiety, you need to relax" Like it was all my fault. I felt like the biggest mother fucking failure. It was depressing and it took almost all the joy out of my few few days, weeks...and so on with Asher.
We took Asher home and it was more of the same. Only now he was projectile puking blood across the room and we were changing poopy diapers streaked with red. So I was told to go on an extreme elimination diet. And I did, because I didn't want to fail my son. It was horrible. He screamed ALL DAY LONG. I remember him screaming for like 10 straight ours and just standing in the living room while he was in his bouncer and screaming "Just shut the fuck up!"
Not my best moment. But I couldn't handle it for one more second.
So we took him to an allergist that said "Pump and give his gut a break" We gave him Alimentum which is supposed to be hypoallergenic, while I pumped and froze. And I felt terrible. I would read articles like this and feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world.
Then one day a couple weeks into Alimentum, I was recovering for surgery and it was the first day I was at home with him after the surgery by myself. I had just given him a bottle and propped him up in his carseat so he wouldn't get reflux. I was washing dishes when I hear a really loud banging sound. And I turned around my, tiny baby was blue in the face, covered in bloody puke and thrashing in his car seat.
I thought he was choking. I did everything I could to clear his airway, but it wasn't helping. We didn't have a land line and I couldn't get a signal on my cell phone. So I grabbed my blue baby whose eyes were rolling in his head, jumped in my car and did rescue breathing with him out of his carseat, propped against my steering wheel as I drove for the nearest hospital. 15 minutes away.
Lucky for us, A volunteer firestation on the way actually had someone at it, I rushed it screaming about my dead baby and they took him from me, epi penned him, and transported us to a hospital, where Asher was promply transferred to an ICU clean room at TUFTS floating. He went into repeat anaphylaxis over the course of that day. I spent a week hanging over the side of his crib tent thing...
And you know what? I did that to him. The proteins of my milk built up and then the broken proteins in the Alimentum built on those and one day, BAM perfect storm. Anyway.
I got judged a lot for not nursing. People side eyed me in public when I pulled out a bottle, assumed pedialyte was fucking soda, told me I was lazy.
So my point is, all this crap is Mommy judging. The whole breast is best thing, it leads to Mommy wars. I think it is wonderful for those who can and want to breast feed, but some of that article sits very badly for me at least, for women who can't, and FFS for women who just don't want to.
And before any of you go judging other moms, you need to think of my Asher, between the allergies and the autism, not only do we as parents get judged all the fucking time, but people pass judgement on my sweet boy.
So really who the fuck cares what you feed your child, as long as you are providing good nutrition, which I assure you...formula is as well. Don't believe me? I'll post pictures of super baby "Asher" doing pull ups before the age of two. That Neocate sure builds strong muscles.
I thought I would love breast feeding. I'm that kinda crunchy mom. I totally set myself up for it. Totally. Asher was born and right away it was clear that there was something wrong with him. He had difficulties sucking, swallowing, and breathing. I spent three days in the hospital, crying while my new born screamed. The lactation nazi's made me feel like shit saying things like "There is no way your milk could be bad for him, he can sense your anxiety, you need to relax" Like it was all my fault. I felt like the biggest mother fucking failure. It was depressing and it took almost all the joy out of my few few days, weeks...and so on with Asher.
We took Asher home and it was more of the same. Only now he was projectile puking blood across the room and we were changing poopy diapers streaked with red. So I was told to go on an extreme elimination diet. And I did, because I didn't want to fail my son. It was horrible. He screamed ALL DAY LONG. I remember him screaming for like 10 straight ours and just standing in the living room while he was in his bouncer and screaming "Just shut the fuck up!"
Not my best moment. But I couldn't handle it for one more second.
So we took him to an allergist that said "Pump and give his gut a break" We gave him Alimentum which is supposed to be hypoallergenic, while I pumped and froze. And I felt terrible. I would read articles like this and feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world.
Then one day a couple weeks into Alimentum, I was recovering for surgery and it was the first day I was at home with him after the surgery by myself. I had just given him a bottle and propped him up in his carseat so he wouldn't get reflux. I was washing dishes when I hear a really loud banging sound. And I turned around my, tiny baby was blue in the face, covered in bloody puke and thrashing in his car seat.
I thought he was choking. I did everything I could to clear his airway, but it wasn't helping. We didn't have a land line and I couldn't get a signal on my cell phone. So I grabbed my blue baby whose eyes were rolling in his head, jumped in my car and did rescue breathing with him out of his carseat, propped against my steering wheel as I drove for the nearest hospital. 15 minutes away.
Lucky for us, A volunteer firestation on the way actually had someone at it, I rushed it screaming about my dead baby and they took him from me, epi penned him, and transported us to a hospital, where Asher was promply transferred to an ICU clean room at TUFTS floating. He went into repeat anaphylaxis over the course of that day. I spent a week hanging over the side of his crib tent thing...
And you know what? I did that to him. The proteins of my milk built up and then the broken proteins in the Alimentum built on those and one day, BAM perfect storm. Anyway.
I got judged a lot for not nursing. People side eyed me in public when I pulled out a bottle, assumed pedialyte was fucking soda, told me I was lazy.
So my point is, all this crap is Mommy judging. The whole breast is best thing, it leads to Mommy wars. I think it is wonderful for those who can and want to breast feed, but some of that article sits very badly for me at least, for women who can't, and FFS for women who just don't want to.
And before any of you go judging other moms, you need to think of my Asher, between the allergies and the autism, not only do we as parents get judged all the fucking time, but people pass judgement on my sweet boy.
So really who the fuck cares what you feed your child, as long as you are providing good nutrition, which I assure you...formula is as well. Don't believe me? I'll post pictures of super baby "Asher" doing pull ups before the age of two. That Neocate sure builds strong muscles.
Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling
Infertility
PCOS, Progesterone Deficiency Disorder, Multiple Miscarriage
Clomid, Metformin, Ovadril, PIO, P17 Iron/Platlet Tranfusion
My Spring Babies!
Angel Baby Elisabeth Adelle April 2008 Asher Benjamin April 2010
Lola Aisling May 2014
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So RE: The Babygaga Breast is Best thing...I have a story to share
I teach students with autism and many are in special diets even as teenagers to help with many of their symptoms. The bottom line is that you do what is best for your child, not what works for everybody else.
Thank you for sharing that
BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14
And this time? People can judge all they want, but I'm not even going to try nursing. I'm traumatized. I don't want to. Maybe that makes me selfish. But it isn't for me and I'm happier going right to formula. That is what is best for my family.
Your story won't be forgotten.
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Nora - 10.26.12
Henry - 5.9.14
There is no need to fight over any of it. I just think we need to be careful when we're talking about our choices, not to marginalize a whole group of moms in the process.
I think each and every one of us just has to do our thing. When people judge, seriously, give them the mental middle finger and move on.
Interesting enough, our biggest donation came from a mom who pumped for months with a FTT baby who wouldn't take feeds & ended up with a tube. Think they ended up on neocate as well. There was a months worth of bags with his hospital tag on it. So sad, I cried most days when I was the one pouring those bags.
I don't think I'll ever be ready to retry nuts. For now I let them do blood testing, but when he is older they'll want to sort out what is an oral sensitivity vs. a true allergy.
For now Asher is in a nut free school, dairy free classroom and sits at a wheat free table. He has a 1:1 aide during all food times. And I still fear getting a call from the school.
Celiac is a hard point for me because I have celiac and I know that BFing will lower this next baby's chances of also having it, but I feel like I'm damned if I do damned if I don't you know? Like I don't know what the trade off will be. In the end I just decided that this was the devil I know best.
And I cry at least once every summer when we pass by and ice cream place and I think "Fuck I'll never get to take my kids for ice cream as a treat"
And as a side note, we got judged for having another child. Between the increased risk of autism and two genetic feeding issues...people have been very vocal about our "selfish" choice to have another child. But you know what? My kid, he can't eat a ton, but man is this boy loved. LIke crazy loved. Your children will be too
I worry about this, too. Awhile back there was a conversation about eliminating dairy during pregnancy, and I mentioned how the GI we saw over the summer said celiac was probably not DD's problem due to her age. You were surprised by that and it made me question how quickly we dismissed it. My DD still poops 5 times a day at almost 2. She has a known dairy allergy but we haven't tested her for anything else. Celiac only came up after she was hospitalized twice for dehydration due to diarrhea and vomiting over the summer.
BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
And if you need me to slap a bitch who side eyes you, I will. My Jersey can come out reeaalll fast.
Thanks for sharing this. I also felt like a failure and that's not fair. No new mom should feel like that!
Beautiful Baby Jackson born 8/25/2010
Met the LOML 11/05/2011
Expecting the LO 5/15/2014
Getting Married 10/19/2014