TTC - letting fate decide?

LunaGirl28 · December 2013

Hi ladies!

I've been on the "babies on brain" board for quite some time and decided now that I'm about to actively TTC, I wanted to pop on over here.

I've read so much info on temping, charting, tracking etc and I was wondering how many of you just let it happen without doing those things (at least for a little while)? I am ready to have a baby, but at the same time I don't want sex to become a chore and my husband despises "scheduling" it. Totally kills the mood. If you did kind of let fate decide, how long did it take you to get pregnant?

I have been off BC for about 4 months and have been having pretty irregular periods (cycles from 28 days to 40... right now I'm on day 37 w/ no end in sight). We just recently started doing the deed without protection. I guess maybe another reason why I'm hesitant to track/chart is because I'm so irregular.. and it sounds like it's going to be challenging to do all of that. If we did it every other day, that means we have a good chance, right?

mmb248 · December 2013

I did nothing for the first cycle. When my period was a week "late" I peed on a lot of tests and generally drove myself nuts wondering what was going on. Since, then I've charted because I want to know what's going on with my body.

I'm currently NTNP, so I didn't chart this cycle. And, here I am on CD57 with no clue if I ovulated or what's going on with me. So. Much. Fun.

Being irregular is actually a reason TO chart. Then you'll have an idea of what's going on each cycle and you'll know if you're ovulating and when to expect a period.

Pintobean39 · December 2013

If you are irregular then you have more of a reason to chart.

I tried "letting fate decide" for 16 months and finally got pregnant but it ended in a mc so I started charting and in the 3 cycles I tried I got preg 2 of them. There is something to that charting!

ADH0906 · December 2013

Fate's an asshole. The way my brain works is this: I'm ready to get pregnant, I find things that will help me get pregnant, I do them...so I guess to answer your question, I didn't let fate decide at all. I have, to date, never been pregnant.

Every other day for as long as you like is going to give you a very good chance of catching your fertile window. Personally, I could never maintain that schedule so it's not for me. I don't know if I understand why having irregular cycles would add to the stress of temping/OPKs, etc. For me, not having the knowledge is way more stressful than temping every morning and spending two seconds putting it into my phone, but that's an entirely personal choice. If you chose not to temp, I'd still recommend doing the tutorials at Fertility Friend and understanding your cycle, so that you understand the limits of just leaving it to chance. As the PP said, you aren't going to know how many days past ovulation you are or when your period is "due."

ETA: That first paragraph came out way more stern than I meant it to :-\ Good luck to you!

MusicFanatic · December 2013

I don't think there's anything wrong with that approach, many people do it- especially those not on a TTC board

But, not for me. I started temping immediately. I wanted to learn my body off the bat, learn what it's doing and hoped it would up my chances a bit.

I'm only on cycle 2, so I've barely started. But sex isn't a chore. I can't answer for people who have tried much longer. But even though I temp and do OPK's, I'm not "planning" sex, per se. I don't say to H "k!! my test is ++++ lets gooooo" .. I just stand naked in front of him around ovulation time, and there you go

No but really, it's not anymore a chore for me yet because I'm being pro-active.

jaytee16 · December 2013

I dabbled in temping and OPKs in the second cycle, but got serious about it in cycle 4. I have temped/OPKs for the better part of 18 months and still not pregnant.

ClaireHuxtable · December 2013

Do what you *think* works best for you. I started charting and temping last cycle. It's not "challenging", it's not difficult. You stick a thermometer in your mouth and record a temp. Temping gives me insight into my cycles and I like to track my "symptoms" and how I'm feeling and record any variations. I have a pretty accurate record for comparison and am not racking my brain trying to remember what I experienced.

As far as "scheduling" sex. You make the most of it. You can turn it into whatever you want it to be - it doesn't have to kill the mood if you don't let it. As pp stated, if my cycles were very irregular, I'd be more apt to temp than not.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

LunaGirl28 · December 2013

Thanks, ladies. I think I will start charting then. I'm so frustrated that B.C. gave me irregular cycles (I was always 28 days exactly prior to starting to it 9 years ago). Who knows if the pill is to blame.. but there certainly are days that I wish I could just be "normal" and know my window so I don't have to put in so much mental energy!

peggels24 · December 2013

I have never temped and managed to get pregnant (it ended in a MC but that has nothing to do with it). However, this time around I think that I will temp just because I would like to know that I am doing all that I can. Prior to this, I was of the opinion that if it happened - great; if not - oh well. My attitude has completely 100% changed and hence why I will be doing all that I can.

I understand why your DH would get too stressed. What if you temped but kept it to yourself (don't hide it from him - just don't share every single temp and spike and dip)? He might wind up surprising you down the road.

divinemsbee · December 2013

I didn't really try for about 4 months at the very start. I don't even really count the first two we did because it was just having sex when we wanted. The second two it was lots of sex around CD14 but not really doing anything. The deal with H and I is that we realized that if we didn't do something, I was going to go nuts and it was getting depressing, so why not give ourselves the best chance possibly. I will say that I don't temp, but I do religiously use CBE Advanced OPKs and that has worked well for me. However, I also have very regular cycles, which isn't a guarantee I always will, but if mine had started off irregular I'd probably still be trying to temp. The other thing is this, H and I aim for every other day sex outside of the positive OPKs, and, trust me, that's going to start feeling like scheduling after a while anyway. It's when you start thinking about who has to work late and what else has to be done that evening and sometimes one of you just isn't in the mood so then it becomes every 2 or 3 days. And then you've blown the schedule.

Milagros315 · December 2013

I've been charting my cycles for about three years now. We've been TTC for 20 cycles and I have never been pregnant. So even with science on my side, it still hasn't happened. As long as I want to get pregnant, I won't be letting "fate" decide anything.

That said, I'm in the minority. Most people don't have as much trouble getting pregnant with charting or without. If you're not comfortable with charting, don't do it. Just don't think that having irregular cycles is a reason to not chart - as PP said it's a great reason to do it. And also be aware that your cycles can all change at random and without charting you'll never know what happened.

mmb248 · December 2013

englandxo said:

LunaGirl28 said:

Thanks, ladies. I think I will start charting then. I'm so frustrated that B.C. gave me irregular cycles (I was always 28 days exactly prior to starting to it 9 years ago). Who knows if the pill is to blame.. but there certainly are days that I wish I could just be "normal" and know my window so I don't have to put in so much mental energy!

The BCP made you regular. It was all medically-induced. It is going to throw your body for a loop. When I got off the pill (after being on it for 10 years) my first few cycles were 40-50 days. My last three cycles have been regular again (28-30). Just give it some time.

Actually, she said that she was regular prior to BC.

OP - My husband knows I chart, because he sees the thermometer on the night stand. I've only discussed +OPKs and ovulation times with him when he has asked and when he has traveled for work and wants to know why I drove 4 hours to spend the night with him.

jaytee16 · December 2013

@Milagros315 - I love the new siggy pic!!!

Nenetouti · December 2013

I'm letting fate decide. At least for now. I don't wanna have to worry about charting and temping and all that stuff. I know a lot of people who got pregnant without doing all that. So I'll try that for now and if nothing happens then we will see.

Milagros315 · December 2013

jaytee16 said:

@Milagros315 - I love the new siggy pic!!!

Thanks! This one was my favorite because it looks like they're holding hands. Or paws.

gscoville · December 2013

I've been charting, temping, OPKs etc. for over a year, and I've got one loss and no baby to show for it. Even with perfect timing it hasn't happened, so letting 'fate' decide is not an option for me, it just wouldn't happen.

LunaGirl28 · December 2013

You ladies rock - love reading your responses!

If I were to chart/temp, where do I start? Any links that were most helpful? When I start reading about it, my eyes glaze over. Seems complicated but I'm sure it's because I'm not doing it yet. Thanks!

ADH0906 · December 2013

Ditto PP's... Fertility Friend is awesome. Start with the quick video (Called Charting for Conception I think?) ... it's fairly short and gives you a crash course, and then the tutorials go more in depth.

jaytee16 · December 2013

PPs already gave you the link for FF, definitely sign up and watch the tutorials. Honestly, I was confused when I first started, but just jump in and get started. I find the more data you have in there, the more things start to make sense. Good luck!

mmb248 · December 2013

Ditto to Fertility Friend. The key is to not analyze every temp/symptom. Just temp, enter it in FF, and forget it. Oh, and don't expect to O on CD14.

ngolimento · December 2013

I personally am temping mostly because I find it fun to learn about my body, and because if I DO need it eventually, I don't have the added stress of figuring out what the heck I'm doing.

I've already seen a corrolation between my body temp and AF that I'm eager to see if it pans out as a pattern next month (never been this excited about my next period

). I can't wait to compare my pattern now to when I stop taking BC (going to start TTC in May or so). Maybe some people think it's stressful, but I find temping fascinating and kind wish I'd done this before now (to see if my age is changing data too).

AppleGrapeMSTK · December 2013

I honestly knew NOTHING about my body before charting. I POAS two weeks after having sex- pretty much every time I had sex. Thank God for $0.88 HPTs!

DS was a surprise because we weren't TTC. I find it more comfortable knowing what's going on. I save some sanity AND some money.

jnnfrrose6 · December 2013

Joy2611 said:

Some of these posts are irritating. "I was magically able to get pregnant without charting!" Yes, of course you were. Charting is a way of knowing what is going on with your cycle - nothing more. You can have lovely cycles and not chart; you can get pregnant and not chart. You don't NEED to chart to get pregnant. It's just a tool that's there - like pencil sharpeners.

Many people - like me - will chart forever because knowing exactly what is going on with my body is helpful to me. I like knowing when my period will come. I like knowing when I ovulated. My body is giving me signs so I might as well read them.

I agree! Just lurking now that I am KU, but I wanted to chime in on this. I started temping precisely to know what was going on with my body and when to expect my period. After DS was born I certainly wasn't regular and I'm really not a fan of the "hey look, my period started in the middle of my work day!" surprise. It was a bonus to be able to use the information to try and time sex better for pregnancy. As to DH's concerns about feeling like sex is on a schedule, there is absolutely no reason to tell him when you're in your FW unless he asks. I certainly didn't tell DH. He just had a week where he got it a little more than average, and I'm pretty sure he didn't mind.

Nenetouti · December 2013

Joy2611 said:
Some of these posts are irritating. "I was magically able to get pregnant without charting!" Yes, of course you were. Charting is a way of knowing what is going on with your cycle - nothing more. You can have lovely cycles and not chart; you can get pregnant and not chart. You don't NEED to chart to get pregnant. It's just a tool that's there - like pencil sharpeners.

Many people - like me - will chart forever because knowing exactly what is going on with my body is helpful to me. I like knowing when my period will come. I like knowing when I ovulated. My body is giving me signs so I might as well read them.

@joy2611 Of course you don't need to chart to get pregnant. I don't think anyone said that. Some people like to take matters into their own hand by charting and temping so they know what's happening to their body. Others, like me, don't want to know because it can be a lot of stress and pressure. So to each their own. I really don't see the need to feel irritated.

RayRay007 · December 2013

I think it's probably common to start out by winging it the first couple of cycles, but in order to be successful hopefully sooner than later you'd have to have EOD all. of. the. time. You'll soon tire of EOD and not knowing if/when you O'd, if your timing was ok, when to expect AF, etc. If your cycles are irregular all the more reason to chart - AF won't be a surprise.

If you're husband doesn't want it to be scheduled or know it baby making sex, just try to be more discreet about jumping him.

angeltennis3 · December 2013

Sign up for fertility friend. They email you "lessons" to read over a few weeks so that it's not so daunting.

I also have irregular cycles. The first two month, we pretty much just stopped using a condom (I wasn't on BCP). The second month, I decided to try OPKs and temping....that cycle lasted 78 days and only ended because I took Provera. If I hadn't been temping, I would have been driving myself crazy thinking I was pregnant. Irregular cycles make it a little harder to get the timing right, so I second, third, and fourth everyone else here saying temping has helped keep me sane!

Nenetouti · December 2013

Joy2611 said:

Nenetouti said:

Joy2611 said:
Some of these posts are irritating. "I was magically able to get pregnant without charting!" Yes, of course you were. Charting is a way of knowing what is going on with your cycle - nothing more. You can have lovely cycles and not chart; you can get pregnant and not chart. You don't NEED to chart to get pregnant. It's just a tool that's there - like pencil sharpeners.

Many people - like me - will chart forever because knowing exactly what is going on with my body is helpful to me. I like knowing when my period will come. I like knowing when I ovulated. My body is giving me signs so I might as well read them.
@joy2611 Of course you don't need to chart to get pregnant. I don't think anyone said that. Some people like to take matters into their own hand by charting and temping so they know what's happening to their body. Others, like me, don't want to know because it can be a lot of stress and pressure. So to each their own. I really don't see the need to feel irritated.

My point was that many people were acting like temping and charting was unnecessary because - hey! They got pregnant without it. That's an irritating way to look at things to me. You don't HAVE to temp and chart to pregnant - everyone knows that. But, it's a great tool that is valuable to some people and too much for others. But, acting like temping and charting is a waste of time bugs me.

But, that's me. And - hey - thanks for telling me how to "feel."

@joy2611 my apologies if you felt like I was telling you how to feel.but i just don't get why someone would get irritated by what other people are doing that doesn't have any effect on them. It just seemed liked you were judging people who are not charting and temping which would not be fair. Fyi i never thought that it was a waste of time. I just don't want to do it for now. Sorry if I offended you by anything I said, not my intention.

Lily9911 · December 2013

LunaGirl28 said:

Hi ladies!

I've been on the "babies on brain" board for quite some time and decided now that I'm about to actively TTC, I wanted to pop on over here.

I've read so much info on temping, charting, tracking etc and I was wondering how many of you just let it happen without doing those things (at least for a little while)? I am ready to have a baby, but at the same time I don't want sex to become a chore and my husband despises "scheduling" it. Totally kills the mood. If you did kind of let fate decide, how long did it take you to get pregnant?

I have been off BC for about 4 months and have been having pretty irregular periods (cycles from 28 days to 40... right now I'm on day 37 w/ no end in sight). We just recently started doing the deed without protection. I guess maybe another reason why I'm hesitant to track/chart is because I'm so irregular.. and it sounds like it's going to be challenging to do all of that. If we did it every other day, that means we have a good chance, right?

@lunagirl28 when DH and I started scheduling things he wasn't too into it, so it made things difficult when you knew it was time to have sex in order to get pregnant. So every month that I thought we didn't have sex enough times or we just missed our window was frustrating.

I tried using a BBT but I just could never stick with it for many reasons. Then we did the OPKs which worked well but I went through so many of the smiley face kind. If you drop them on the floor, they seem to just not work anymore (that was the case with me)

I always used Fertility Friend to track my period and estimate my ovulation days, which seem to be accurate for me. I believe in the "every other day" method for trying to conceive.

The last month that I decided to just "let it happen" (after 6 months of TTC) I did not use any OPKs, I just had sex every other day after my period and I used both Pre-seed and Instead cups. We did get pregnant but had a MMC at 11wks, baby stopped growing at 9.5wks.

noodlehead05 · December 2013

You know, initially I was all for fate deciding, but I am an impatient person and fate is just SLOW AS SHIT

So, here I am starting cycle 6 and have been charting/temping for the past 3 months. Do whatever feels comfortable for you, but for me, having some sort of "control" over this process helps. Good luck!

Lily9911 · December 2013

@lunagirl28 I would also pay attention to what your body is doing once you know you are ovulating (through OPKs or BBT). I do not use OPKs or BBT anymore since I now know that I get heartburn before and during ovulation, and my CM is watery. I never get EWCM, but most women do, so don't get discouraged if you don't get EWCM. I use to think I couldn't get pregnant because I didn't get EWCM.

RayRay007 · December 2013

Lily9911 said:

@lunagirl28 I would also pay attention to what your body is doing once you know you are ovulating (through OPKs or BBT). I do not use OPKs or BBT anymore since I now know that I get heartburn before and during ovulation, and my CM is watery. I never get EWCM, but most women do, so don't get discouraged if you don't get EWCM. I use to think I couldn't get pregnant because I didn't get EWCM.

Yeah, this. Once you chart for a few cycles you'll really get to know your other fertile signs. Like I get EWCM, but usually a few days before O, and not on O.

TJD12 · December 2013

I definitely agree with PPs that said do what you feel is right. I know some women that started NTNP (basically what you described) when they got off BC to let their cycles regulate. They had the attitude that if it happens, it happens, but we're not going to push it right now.

As for me, DH and I started TTC because we wanted to get pregnant right away, so I wanted to do everything I could to make that happen. I started charting a few months prior to TTC, but wasn't as religious about it as I am now. If there was one thing I would've done differently, it would've been to temp regularly before TTC- I thought that entering my temp a few times a week would be enough.

This is cycle 5 for us, so I'm glad I charted since the beginning. There was also a learning curve for me. Even though I went through FF's tutorials, I still didn't fully understand everything until actually recording my info and learning on this board. I still reference the tutorials or TCOYF when I'm confused.

Sorry for the novel. Welcome to the board and good luck!

AngeliaG8 · December 2013

I got pregnant without charting. I didn't know anything about it. UO here but I like sex a lot so DH and were pretty active throughout my cycles (like at least EOD. Yes for 18months. Actually longer because we'd HIO like that before TTC)so I don't think charting would have helped me get pregnant faster. That being said I wish I had been charting. Just knowing what was going on would have saved me a lot of stress. And a lot of disappointment when I had a "late" period.

babybunny91 · December 2013

Lily9911 said:
@lunagirl28 I would also pay attention to what your body is doing once you know you are ovulating (through OPKs or BBT). I do not use OPKs or BBT anymore since I now know that I get heartburn before and during ovulation, and my CM is watery. I never get EWCM, but most women do, so don't get discouraged if you don't get EWCM. I use to think I couldn't get pregnant because I didn't get EWCM.

Sort of off topic... So have you ever been pregnant? Just curious because I don't have EWCM either. When I was a teen I had it in excessive amounts and hated it, but now I feel like since I don't get EWCM anymore that means Im not fertile. I'm the same way and get watery CM around ovulation. Just wondering if there is still hope for me... Coming up on a year of pregnancy just not happening for me.

Lily9911 · December 2013

@babybunny91 I was pregnant for the first time in September, hoping to try again in January. I have never ever ever had EWCM, even when I was a teen. Watery CM is still fertile CM, just not as fertile as EWCM, that's why I use Pre-seed which acts like EWCM and guides the sperm through where they need to go. I can say that worked for me (along with the Instead cups)

amyvalentine22 · December 2013

I wish I could just let things happen on their own, but I'm way too impatient to do it. Once I decide I want something - I go out and I get it. Now I can't do that and it drives me nuts. Anything to help me get there I may as well try it.

jjsmommy0714 · December 2013

We let fate decide with DS but since I breastfeed it's not really an option now. Because bf can screw with your hormones it can delay O which makes your period "late". It's not really late but without charting there is no way of knowing that and I would rather not waste a crap ton of money peeing on every sick in the store.

jjsmommy0714 · December 2013

Just realized that this thread was dead and I fat fingered the next button. Sorry y'all!

kibylou · December 2013

I am letting fate decide for these first 4 months because I am still trying to lose weight and run 5K's, but after March, I will definitely be charting! Go to fertilityfriend for info!

Unknown · December 2013

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PrimRoseMama · December 2013

@lunagirl28 said:

"If you did kind of let fate decide, how long did it take you to get pregnant?"

I suppose fate decided for DD. She was a BC failure. So I didn't TTC for her. For DS I was charting off & on. I was not committed to it as I feel I should have been. I guess you could say Fate stepped in there too. Started in August 2012 & got my BFP for DS in November 2012. He was born August 2013.

My experience may or may not be yours. It can take the average couple with good timing a year to get pregnant.

No matter how often you have sex I believe your odds of achieving conception are 20% each month.

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TTC - letting fate decide?

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