Gulp. Introduction. siggy warning

RayRay007 · December 2013

*Siggy Warning*

I feel as nervous about posting this introduction as I did the very first time I ever posted on TB in 2010. I'm just going to dive in and I have some questions to ask too. This is long so I have tried to put it in an orderly fashion.

DH (37) and I (31) have a 2.5 y.o. DD who was conceived after 4 cycles of "trying", including 2 cycles of temping and confirmed well-timed sex. If it's all right with you ladies, I'd like to leave her pic in my siggy; it would make me feel badly if I deleted her because I want to participate on this board (just my personal feelings about that).

We pretty much NTNP for months and months after AF returned PP. We never conceived to my knowledge but I wasn't concerned because our sex life wasn't particularly hopping and I know we didn't have very many (even any?) well-timed months. We decided this spring that we were ready to try a little harder for a second and after 4 cycles of trying - 3 well timed - we got pregnant in June. At the end of Sept. (13+ weeks) we found out it was a m/mc.

I took misoprostol and had a pretty terrible time with it and complications from retained products etc., and bled/spotted off and on for 24 days, but eventually O'd on CD 25 of that cycle (was TTA, but wanted to know what was going on so was charting) and had AF after a pretty normal 12 day LP. That was a relief to know my body went back to 'normal' relatively quickly.

The next cycle (this past cycle) I had a 1.5 day period and spotted for 8 days after, then spotted again for a couple days before O. I O'd on CD 17, and we had hit O-2. My temp dropped at 12 dpo and I thought I was out. But my temp wasn't any lower on 13 dpo so I took a IC HPT. BFN. But still no spotting or AF on 13 dpo so I bought some FRERs. Well, I spotted that night so I thought again I was out and I didn't test the next morning. But my temp was up on 14dpo! I spotted a bit that day, but still no AF, and although my temp was a bit down on 15 dpo (this past Friday), I took one of those FRERs. Very faint positive! But I was nervous. It was very faint, my temps weren't very high and I had some spotting. I went to the dr. who ordered betas and an u/s. I couldn't get in for the u/s until Monday. The beta came back at 15. Eesh. Low, but it has to start somewhere right? I was trying to be optimistic but was mostly pessimistic. I did a lot of googling. I wasn't very hopeful. Over the weekend my temps were still all over and the pee sticks didn't get darker. On Monday my hcg came back at 10. I started bleeding today. I had that ultrasound on Monday but haven't gotten the results yet.

So, long story short, first cycle trying after mmc I have a cp. I expect a call from my dr. today with the results of the u/s and will ask if we can try again right away (probably), and if there is any value in testing at this time (probably not). I think these two losses were probably caused by different things.

My thoughts are that with this cp, my lining probably wasn't good due to messed up hormones from the mm/c - I'm basing this on the fact that my period was super short and I had spotting up until O. Thoughts? If my lining wasn't good and my hormones were still messed up last cycle, would it be any better this cycle? I guess I'll wait and see what this 'period' does and whether I spot for a week afterwards like last time.

I think am going to start taking Fertilitea. I used it a bit when I conceived DD because a friend didn't finish her package before she got pg. I like the taste and figure it can't hurt. I took RRL and nettle tea at the end of the pg with DD at the suggestion of my MW, so I am comfortable taking those things and think it can help with the health of my uterus, which I think was the problem with the cp. If the mmc was a chromosome problem, that is completely random and not likely to happen again. If this cp was due to a uterus/lining problem, I'd like to do what I can and I think fertilitea could maybe help. Thoughts?

ETA: I also want to clean up my diet, lay off the booze and get some exercise. I have been seriously lacking in that department for months, but it will be hard with Christmas this month.

Thanks.

dajhughes · December 2013

I am so sorry for your losses. (((HUGS))) Although I'm sorry for what brings you here, I am glad you'll be joining us on this board. It sounds like you've really had a tough go of things for awhile and I hope that you can find some peace and comfort and that your body is ready to TTC again. I also hope you find all the love and support that you need here and more.

ETA: Your DD is a cutie and I love that name. It's on my top 3 list.

Emma2370 · December 2013

Sorry for your losses, welcome to the board. I have no answers on the lining question resulting in a cp, I know that others do get pregnant without a cycle after a mc and have healthy babies. Cp can also be a result of chromosome issues. I would talk with your dr and take her recommendation and thoughts. I am ok with your dd being in your siggy as she is a little older. But lots of women on this board myself included do not have any living children, so it may be difficult for others to see. Welcome and good luck

Frenchteachermama · December 2013

Sorry for your losses, welcome to the board!

megrae12 · December 2013

So sorry for your losses! It sounds like you have been through the ringer. Your DD is precious and she and I share the same middle name! Welcome and ((Hugs))

ETA: You might want to check out the Healthy Living Check in. It's wonderful and a good place to get motivation to get back in TTC shape as it were.

alm288 · December 2013

I'm very sorry for your losses! I don't know about the lining - there doesn't seem to be consensus among drs on how long one should wait. Maybe see what your dr has to say. Welcome to the board!

RayRay007 · December 2013

Thanks ladies. One factor complicating getting the doctor's advice is that I've seen 4 different care providers since the pregnancy that resulted in the mmc. I first saw a MW. She referred me to an OB for the NT scan and that's were we found the mc. He gave me miso and sent me on my merry way - said no follow up was necessary. Wound up in the ER 1.5 weeks later and saw yet another doc. Was given more miso for retained products - it was very little so he felt this would do the trick and no follow up necessary. I never went back to the MW after that first NT scan. So when I got pg this time I couldn't see any of those people again or didn't think they'd be helpful (I didn't feel the MW would see me right away or order any tests, even with history of loss; I'm not a patient of the OB I saw, and obviously I can't see the ER doc). My regular family doc doesn't do prenatal stuff. I was lucky to get in with another GP who does, but she doesn't know my whole history. None of these care providers do. So that makes things a little complicated I think. I'll see what she says, but she doesn't have the whole picture and she's not an OB.

Belle3184 · December 2013

So very sorry for your losses. Unfortunately, I can't answer your questions, but I just wanted to say welcome.

blackbird818 · December 2013

RayRay007 said:
If it's all right with you ladies, I'd like to leave her pic in my siggy; it would make me feel badly if I deleted her because I want to participate on this board (just my personal feelings about that).

I'm very sorry for your losses. I hope your stay here is short.

In regards to the pic of your DD, who is precious, I and most of the ladies on this board do not have any living children. For this reason seeing pics of young children can sting. Of course we can't completely avoid this IRL, but this is our safe place where we get away from the bombardment of bumps,babies,etc. There are some ladies here who have been blessed with living children but respectfully do not put pics of them in their siggies. And honestly I can't understand the bolded above. You get to see your adorable daughter every day. So why must you have her pic out there in our 'safe place'? I on the other hand should be welcoming my LO into the world today; but I'm not. This is just my opinion; other ladies may not feel the same. Maybe I'm feeling extra sensitive today with it being my EDD. :-<

RayRay007 · December 2013

ahenson818 said:

RayRay007 said:
If it's all right with you ladies, I'd like to leave her pic in my siggy; it would make me feel badly if I deleted her because I want to participate on this board (just my personal feelings about that).

I'm very sorry for your losses. I hope your stay here is short.

In regards to the pic of your DD, who is precious, I and most of the ladies on this board do not have any living children. For this reason seeing pics of young children can sting. Of course we can't completely avoid this IRL, but this is our safe place where we get away from the bombardment of bumps,babies,etc. There are some ladies here who have been blessed with living children but respectfully do not put pics of them in their siggies. And honestly I can't understand the bolded above. You get to see your adorable daughter every day. So why must you have her pic out there in our 'safe place'? I on the other hand should be welcoming my LO into the world today; but I'm not. This is just my opinion; other ladies may not feel the same. Maybe I'm feeling extra sensitive today with it being my EDD. :-<

I'm sorry for your edd today. I will reconsider my siggy pic or if this is where I should be posting. I feel like deleting her pic is like saying she isn't as important to me as ttcal. So maybe for this reason ttcal isn't the place for me yet.

Again, so sorry for your loss and edd today.

rmpar29 · December 2013

I'm very sorry for your losses! I know that your DD is very precious to you, but it can be very hurtful to some of the women here without living children. If you want to keep her in your signature, please add the following

***WARNING: CHILD PICTURE BELOW****

with a good number of spaces before her picture. You will also need to add a signature warning in the title of any of your posts. You may find that some women will not read your posts because of her picture purely because they don't want to be hurt. Just something to consider...

I do not have any advice with regards to Fertiletea, but have been eying such products myself lately. I would recommend that you find an OB or RE to show all of your history too just to make sure that there's no issues that need to be checked out before TTC again. I hope your stay here is short!

HeyMrsPotter · December 2013

Welcome, Ray Ray. I'm very sorry for your losses.

I hope you'll consider reframing the way you're thinking about using your DD's photo. Deleting her picture wouldn't suggest that she's less important to you than TTCAL. Instead, it would be an act of honoring and respecting the importance of the feelings of the women here who may be hurt by seeing the photo.

ETA: No one's suggesting you shouldn't celebrate the love you have for your daughter. But given the nature of this board, and the impact the photo has on others here, please consider whether you feel you absolutely must do so here.

I think you'll find this community to be a great place, and I hope you'll decide to stay and be part of it. Perhaps you can keep the photo on your desk or your phone instead, where you can enjoy it without worrying about its impact on others.

For you, I can only imagine that her sweet photo evokes feelings of love, joy and pride. But imagining is all I can do, as I'm one of the women here with no living children whose photos I can enjoy. For some of us, that sweet photo can evoke feelings of loss and grief. Having been through this yourself, I'm sure you wouldn't intentionally want to open those wounds for anyone else. In short, please consider that when it's posted here, you're not the only one who sees it. And please take another moment to really consider the feelings of those who do.

I say all of this with no snark or malice, just a hope for some mutual understanding.

stefuge · December 2013

I am so sorry for your losses and that you find yourself here. Welcome to the board.

gscoville · December 2013

rmpar29 said:

I'm very sorry for your losses! I know that your DD is very precious to you, but it can be very hurtful to some of the women here without living children. If you want to keep her in your signature, please add the following

***WARNING: CHILD PICTURE BELOW****

with a good number of spaces before her picture. You will also need to add a signature warning in the title of any of your posts. You may find that some women will not read your posts because of her picture purely because they don't want to be hurt. Just something to consider...

I do not have any advice with regards to Fertiletea, but have been eying such products myself lately. I would recommend that you find an OB or RE to show all of your history too just to make sure that there's no issues that need to be checked out before TTC again. I hope your stay here is short!

The lovely rmpar29 has said it very well - it's certainly not that those of us with living children don't consider them to be as important as TTCAL, it's really a respect and caring thing for those who have yet to have even one take home baby. You can most certainly leave her in your siggy if you choose, you just have to follow the proper conventions when doing so, which rmpar29 has outlined perfectly. Place a warning with some space at the top of each post you make, and those who need to avoid it will be able to do so. As you lurk and become a part of the community, you will likely come to a greater understanding of the reasoning behind the etiquette than we can outline with mere words here; getting to know these awesome women and learning about all that they go through as they experience and cope with loss, it becomes easier to comprehend why we all need a safe place to come to without triggers to make our losses even worse.

E&B0811 · December 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I posted on your thread in TTGP. I'm glad you decided to come here. Welcome to the board.

peggels24 · December 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.

Dally101109 · December 2013

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your losses. Your daughter is adorable

I would definitely suggest finding a knowledgeable ob/gyn/GP/MW (whatever you are comfortable with) to help you with this journey. I really like my small town ob/gyn, but a lot of times it seemed like I knew more about miscarriage and loss than he did. I'm really happy with the reproductive endocrinologist that I'm seeing now, but you may not be ready to make that jump yet. Having someone who knows my full history and is working with us to reach our goal of a healthy little one has really helped me feel like we are doing everything we can to move forward toward a healthy pregnancy.

Good luck!

BethKate2 · December 2013

@RayRay007, TTCAL will never be more important than your daughter, and no one is suggesting that it should be. It's not about importance. It's about respecting the other members of this community. This is a great community, and it would be a shame for you to miss out on that because you don't want to take a picture out of your siggy.

Welcome to the board. I hope you decide to stick around.

HeyMrsPotter · December 2013

ninthgirl said:

@ahenson818, @kistyW12 - huge ((hugs)) to my December ladies. I wish I could give them in person, loves.

** DD mentioned **

@RayRay07, I've overlapped with you on Mc/Pg. Loss twice, which should never happen to anyone but it has to us and I'm so sorry. I think you'd be a great TTCAL member. With that said, please reconsider your stance that removing your daughter's picture would send some sort of message about her not being important. It wouldn't. Maybe I am different because I don't put pictures of my DD online in general, but there are so many ways to celebrate your daughter in your signature that won't cause pain to anyone here. You would be welcome to replace her picture with a ticker (toddler+ tickers are considered acceptable even without a warning), for example. TTCAL is a community where we try to consider our emotionally weakest members, and act with deference to them. Sometimes that means making hard choices, I know myself.

If you do decide to stay on TTCAL, there is a PM check-in for those with living children to discuss the overlap of TTCAL and having living children for active TTCAL-ers. PM me for more information.

If you don't decide to stay, that is understandable.

@ninthgirl, I agree in principle with everything you're saying here. But I'd like to offer some feedback on word choices. Those of us with no living children may be vulnerable to being hurt by such photos, but I don't think it's fair to say we're emotionally weaker. I'd say that every woman on this board is necessarily pretty damn strong. As such, we've made it a priority to maintain our safe place here.

I don't mean to quibble over semantics, but words do matter, especially in this virtual community. Around here, our words are all we have to create and shape our connections to one another.

That said, I know that it wasn't your intent to belittle or minimize, and I appreciate your efforts to advocate for protecting the feelings of those here on the board. I know that board members like you and many others make some big compromises when it comes to sharing about the hugely signifiant part of your life that is your living children, and that does not go unrecognized or unappreciated. So, most importantly, thank you for understanding, and for your commitment to helping protect our safe place.

HeyMrsPotter · December 2013

ninthgirl said:

@HeyMrsPotter - thank you for understanding the intent behind my words, and I appreciate your much better phrasing. You are absolutely correct.

Thanks for taking my feedback in the spirit it was intended, @ninthgirl.

buggirl72 · December 2013

Welcome and I am so sorry for your losses (((hugs))). I agree with the PP about trying to find an OB that you can go over all of your history that way you get the best advice based on your history.

jap618 · December 2013

Hiiiiii :-h @Rayray007 I'm glad you decided to intro! I'm sorry you have to be here but welcome

@ahenson818 & kistyW12 >:D< Hugs ladies

RayRay007 · December 2013

I'm sorry I took a while to reply. I was feeling a little defensive and like I had to explain myself to you, but I realized that wouldn't help anything. Instead, I'll leave it alone and just say that you're right, it's not about me, it's about being kind to other people. I have edited my siggy and I hope it's acceptable.

After my mmc I went back to ttgp because I was just going to 'ttgp' like 'normal'. I didn't need to or want to focus on the AL part of it. I was just pretending that we were starting from scratch. But we weren't. And after two losses now I can't pretend anymore. Things are different when you are ttcal. I realize that now and I want to be on this board because I have and will have questions or issues that only you will be able to answer or relate to and I think I will need you. And I hope that I can help meet your needs as well.

megrae12 · December 2013

@ktloves You are so eloquent

HeyMrsPotter · December 2013

To echo PP's, I'm glad you decided to stay. TTCAL is indeed a journey unlike others, and I hope you find what you need to help you through it here.

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