Thinking about getting a night time nanny...

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Don't judge but we really can't keep up this routine when I return to work. I'm the breadwinner for our family and I'll return to work next month and our LO hates sleeping, going to sleep, napping, pretty much anything that involves sleep. I'm considering a nighttime Nanny. LO is now 10 weeks old and going back to sleeping 1-3 hour stretches. We are at a loss, I just can't return to work on this little of sleep and continue to support our household. Has anyone else done this or have recommendations on how to find one? Care.com? I hate to resort to this but my DH is little help.

HFrizzle · December 2013

Does DH not work? I have no recommendations, other than if he is home, I would make him help out so you're not having to pay a stranger to take care of your baby.

Painterlady · December 2013

No advice other than try to split the nighttime duties with the hubby so not to have pay for outside help. I can barely swing day care so I can't even fathom what a nighttime nanny costs ugh. Good luck!

blondolphn · December 2013

I really just want to throw in that's what tim said......

And explain the dh situation....

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Yeah DH works, he's a teacher, he'll sometimes take a shift on a weekend night but never during the week while he's working.

pmarie33 · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:
Yeah DH works, he's a teacher, he'll sometimes take a shift on a weekend night but never during the week while he's working.

That's crap. He needs to step up. Especially if you need the help.

jennlin · December 2013

pmarie33 said:

Jessjames210 said:
Yeah DH works, he's a teacher, he'll sometimes take a shift on a weekend night but never during the week while he's working.
That's crap. He needs to step up. Especially if you need the help.

This. Why won't he get up during the week?

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Well I'm pretty much doing it all on my own and for now I can handle it while not working but once I return it's going to be a different story. I have a pretty high stress job that requires lots or travel, for example, I return to work on January 2nd and fly out to a 6 day meeting in Texas on the 5th. My Mom has offered to stay all week with DH because he even said there's no way he could do it. I don't know, maybe with that experience and without me doing everything he'll see how hard it is. I've told him my mom is there to help, not doing everything for him because she is our child.

I also have friends that have hired nighttime nannys either through their religious organization or from a friends' recommendation and it seemed to help the family out tremendously.

Gatorsgirl731 · December 2013

The thing is, when you have kids sometimes you have to adjust your life to fit their needs. You are the caregivers. Your H needs to step up.

mancila60 · December 2013

My H works construction most days he walks on stilts that put him up to reach anywhere from 10 foot ceilings to 12 foot ceilings. He walks up and down stairs on them all while carrying 30 lbs of mud in his hands. He needs sleep at night as his job requires him to focus so much and he still gets up with LO. We take shifts and while we are still tired it does help. LO wakes up about every 3 hours still you have to work together or else it won't work.

Welshgirl12 · December 2013

"he said theres no way he could do it"....ummmm why did he have a child? Yeah it's hard but most of the time having a child is hard. And to be fair it seems like you won't be able to do it when you return to work but you really can if you have to. No way on earth I could afford a baby right now, my baby is FAR from sttn and shazam I survive. It's not necessarily easy but I do it, with the help of dh.

pmarie33 · December 2013

Just curious, was this a planned pregnancy/baby?

amber0529 · December 2013

mancila60 said:
My H works construction most days he walks on stilts that put him up to reach anywhere from 10 foot ceilings to 12 foot ceilings. He walks up and down stairs on them all while carrying 30 lbs of mud in his hands. He needs sleep at night as his job requires him to focus so much and he still gets up with LO. We take shifts and while we are still tired it does help. LO wakes up about every 3 hours still you have to work together or else it won't work.

Exactly this!

kcs7 · December 2013

While I do agree with pp and dh stepping it up some, shoot, if you can afford it why not at least one or two nights a week so you can get a chance to rest up for the week at least?

SnoopyLuv · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:

Well I'm pretty much doing it all on my own and for now I can handle it while not working but once I return it's going to be a different story. I have a pretty high stress job that requires lots or travel, for example, I return to work on January 2nd and fly out to a 6 day meeting in Texas on the 5th. My Mom has offered to stay all week with DH because he even said there's no way he could do it. I don't know, maybe with that experience and without me doing everything he'll see how hard it is. I've told him my mom is there to help, not doing everything for him because she is our child. I also have friends that have hired nighttime nannys either through their religious organization or from a friends' recommendation and it seemed to help the family out tremendously.

Sounds like you already made up your mind. So why ask us?

hlb622 · December 2013

pmarie33 said:
Just curious, was this a planned pregnancy/baby?

You beat me to it.

hartsl01 · December 2013

Yea, kind of sounds like you have two kids at home. Between having to take a child to daycare and then having a night nurse, I would think you'd never spend time with your lo and that is heartbreaking. I understand your dh has to work, but what did he think was going to happen when you guys had a baby? Babies change your lifestyle and parents have to be willing to adjust. I'm sure he's a great husband and father otherwise, but he really needs to step up to the plate.

hlb622 · December 2013

Yeahhhh, when you started your post with, "Don't judge..." you already knew that something was off with your parental duty arrangement.

Your husband is a teacher and he can't get up to do a MOTN feeding?! Why in the hell not?! My husband works in the freezing cold, lugging (tasty, tasty) barrels of wine around the vineyeard all day and he manages to help out. Every. Single. Night. Kick your DH in the ass and tell him it's time to be a fucking dad.

And you know damn well that nothing will change when your mom is there in your absence. There's no way in hell I would sign my mom up to parent my child when his dad is sleeping in the other room. Maybe to come help out at dinner time, but that is it.

DETrent · December 2013

SnoopyLuv said:

Sounds like you already made up your mind. So why ask us?

Exactly. I'm not sure if this is a legit post for advice or a DH vent.

If you can afford a nanny and feel that is what is truly best for your baby, then go for it. However, you and your husband need to understand that babies completely change your way of life, from your sleeping habits to how quickly you brush your teeth. There are options other than a nanny. Tell your DH to grow a pair and help with his child.

Losing a lot of sleep is difficult, we are all there. But if you're not able to acclimate to this, how are you going to handle other issues in the future?

ETA: Major quote fail.

blondolphn · December 2013

@quartermisses sorry I just couldn't resist. Just too easy....

Ballstategrad · December 2013

Dd1 did the whole sleep for a couple hours thing right up until the day I went back to work. Then it's like she flipped a switch and started STTN. No magic seahorses. I was so anxious about how we would handle the lack of sleep, and she adapted. Babies change so fast, I guarantee today's norm will not be the same on January 2. But your h needs to be prepared to step up.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Yes it was planned. However he's never been one to step up very willingly, because if that I've always taken care of most things, the house work, bills, he ummm...mows the lawn and shovels the snow but that's about it. Now with the baby here house work has only intensified and as you know taking care of the baby is an around the clock job, I'm still doing pretty much everything plus add the baby to the mix. She was being so bad last night though that I told him I wasn't cooking dinner so he made us sandwiches. I'm just saying something has gotta give over here.

pmarie33 · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:
Yes it was planned.

Then he needs to plan on helping out with his child.

Or...... Is this something that you are wanting because your friends do it.

Does your husband want the night nanny? Do you two really want someone else sitting in the nursery taking care of your baby?

To each their own, but since you brought it up, inquiring minds want to know.

Weljadraak · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:

Yes it was planned. However he's never been one to step up very willingly, because if that I've always taken care of most things, the house work, bills, he ummm...mows the lawn and shovels the snow but that's about it. Now with the baby here house work has only intensified and as you know taking care of the baby is an around the clock job, I'm still doing pretty much everything plus add the baby to the mix. She was being so bad last night though that I told him I wasn't cooking dinner so he made us sandwiches. I'm just saying something has gotta give over here.

This sounds horrible...like, you're okay with this? Man child alert!

blondolphn · December 2013

So what does your DH do besides teach? I mean he sounds he is a child and not an adult...

Getting a night nanny may make your life easier, but it won't make him grow up and be an adult.

And do you really want your baby growing up with a Dad who is a slack ass and thinking that's ok? I know dh and I aren't perfect, we talk all the time about the bad habits we don't want our kid to have. So we want to pick up after ourselves more, cut out the junk food, etc. Your dh should really thinking of what role model he wants to be, because right now he's just a slacker.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Yes I'll admit, he needs to grow up but he's 30 so who knows if that'll change. He keeps saying he can't wait until she's a little older because he feels like the baby stage is so hard and there isn't much he can do.

pmarie33 · December 2013

What does he do while you are doing everything? Does he just sit there and watch you?

I don't get it.

DETrent · December 2013

blondolphn said:
So what does your DH do besides teach? I mean he sounds he is a child and not an adult...

Getting a night nanny may make your life easier, but it won't make him grow up and be an adult.

And do you really want your baby growing up with a Dad who is a slack ass and thinking that's ok? I know dh and I aren't perfect, we talk all the time about the bad habits we don't want our kid to have. So we want to pick up after ourselves more, cut out the junk food, etc. Your dh should really thinking of what role model he wants to be, because right now he's just a slacker.

Amen. Do you really want your DD to grow up thinking that kind of behavior is normal? She needs to see that a husband can be responsible and supportive. The nanny situation is completely up to you, but I feel like there is a bigger issue to be addressed with your husband.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

And when I say nighttime nanny I mean someone to help from like midnight to 4 am so I can get 4 solid hours of sleep before going to work until.

Weljadraak · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:

Yes I'll admit, he needs to grow up but he's 30 so who knows if that'll change. He keeps saying he can't wait until she's a little older because he feels like the baby stage is so hard and there isn't much he can do.

SOURCES SAY NO.

Ballstategrad · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:
Yes it was planned. However he's never been one to step up very willingly, because if that I've always taken care of most things, the house work, bills, he ummm...mows the lawn and shovels the snow but that's about it. Now with the baby here house work has only intensified and as you know taking care of the baby is an around the clock job, I'm still doing pretty much everything plus add the baby to the mix. She was being so bad last night though that I told him I wasn't cooking dinner so he made us sandwiches. I'm just saying something has gotta give over here.

Time out.

She was being bad? No, she was being a baby. Babies cry. They have rough times. Nothing they do is "bad".

Ginormous difference. Learn it.

blondolphn · December 2013

Um I get that. My Dh is the same way. He wants the lego stage and dolls, and her being able to communicate what she wants. He is still able to bond with her though. They take the best naps together, she teases him with diaper changes and then farts all over him etc. He comes over when I'm playing with her and knocks me out of the way etc.

I'd have your Mom on stand by for emergencies, but I wouldn't have her be the primary care taker while you are gone. and I wouldn't hire a night nanny. The kid will never really bond with the dh if she doesn't spend time with him. Good times and the bad. Your dh needs to get involved more, even if it means less sleep and more coffee. Otherwise he will never appreciate the smiles or the coos.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

She was screaming for two hours, you're right. She was being a baby, not bad.

slh6363 · December 2013

Your H needs to step up, he will learn...it's all a learning experience for all FTMs too.

hlb622 · December 2013

comeongetdown said:

Jessjames210 said:
Yes it was planned. However he's never been one to step up very willingly, because if that I've always taken care of most things, the house work, bills, he ummm...mows the lawn and shovels the snow but that's about it. Now with the baby here house work has only intensified and as you know taking care of the baby is an around the clock job, I'm still doing pretty much everything plus add the baby to the mix. She was being so bad last night though that I told him I wasn't cooking dinner so he made us sandwiches. I'm just saying something has gotta give over here.
He's never going to step up because you let him not do anything by doing it all yourself.

This. All of this.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

I feel Iike our baby is always so uncomfortable and upset. She rarely smiles and I feel like I'm doing something wrong and maybe a nanny will know more about babies than me because she fusses all the time. I've never been around a baby that is so fussy and upset. I'm trying all different feeding styles, I bought six types of bottles yesterday and nipples thinking maybe that's why she's so uncomfortable and can't sleep. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep or what but I'm becoming mor depressed and just feel like I can't figure out what's wrong with her and why she screams so much. Maybe an experienced nanny who is around babies would know.

Gatorsgirl731 · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:
Yes I'll admit, he needs to grow up but he's 30 so who knows if that'll change. He keeps saying he can't wait until she's a little older because he feels like the baby stage is so hard and there isn't much he can do.

"There isn't much he CAN do"? There isn't much he WILL do! FFS lady stand up for your self and more importantly your baby. Stop accommodating your lazy husband. He won't change if you keep making things easy for him. Why would he want to? Your inableing him by doing it all. He made you a sandwich? Well thank The Lord Jesus he wasn't tired to do his damn job and take care of his family.

I'd hire a lawyer way before I hired a nanny. You both need a reality check and soon.

Gatorsgirl731 · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:
I feel Iike our baby is always so uncomfortable and upset. She rarely smiles and I feel like I'm doing something wrong and maybe a nanny will know more about babies than me because she fusses all the time. I've never been around a baby that is so fussy and upset. I'm trying all different feeding styles, I bought six types of bottles yesterday and nipples thinking maybe that's why she's so uncomfortable and can't sleep. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep or what but I'm becoming mor depressed and just feel like I can't figure out what's wrong with her and why she screams so much. Maybe an experienced nanny who is around babies would know.

God I hope this is MUD.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Nope, not mud. I feel like my baby screams so much. Even my MIL acts like I'm doing something wrong because our LO is always so fussy. She keeps telling me to switch to formula because it has to be my milk that's making her tummy upset.

SnoopyLuv · December 2013

Jessjames210 said:

I feel Iike our baby is always so uncomfortable and upset. She rarely smiles and I feel like I'm doing something wrong and maybe a nanny will know more about babies than me because she fusses all the time. I've never been around a baby that is so fussy and upset. I'm trying all different feeding styles, I bought six types of bottles yesterday and nipples thinking maybe that's why she's so uncomfortable and can't sleep. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep or what but I'm becoming mor depressed and just feel like I can't figure out what's wrong with her and why she screams so much. Maybe an experienced nanny who is around babies would know.

No one will know more about your baby than you. Have you been to the pedi to rule out reflux or any other issues? Is she fussy all day long? Maybe ask your Mom to come help you for a weekend. If you are anxious and not confident, the baby picks up on that.

You should make an appointment to talk to someone about PPD.

And tell your husband to step the fuck up.

Jessjames210 · December 2013

Yes we've been to the pedi and she said she didn't want to medicate her because she's gaining weight. I just actually called them again this morning at about 8:20 and said we NEED to try something's because I hate seeing her in pain. I'm waiting for a call back.

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