Poor 3rd child: a circumcision question

karelaorange · December 2013

I am 36 weeks pregnant with our third. With the other two I've been super planner, everything ready and decided by 30 weeks. This time around, not so much. The nursery is still a mess, etc.

So it dawned on me today that we haven't even thought about circumcision. Our first two are girls so we never discussed it. I'm reading all the pros and cons, and I'm wondering what everyone is planning. My question is 1) what are you planning? and 2) what is the primary reason why? I see compelling reasons in both directions, but I'm curious how other folks balanced this. (I haven't been on here at all, so I'm sure no one knows me. What with chasing two other little ones, who has time...)

happywifemomofone · December 2013

We are planning a circumcision for our little boy. Primarily because Dad has been circumcised, but also for health/hygienic reasons. We figure that baby won't remember and it's best to get it done right away and be done with it.

waittilltomorrow · December 2013

I would never consider it. It is an unnecessary, irreversible, cosmetic surgery preformed on a person who is unable to consent or refuse. The foreskin is a necessary organ that preforms numerous functions including protecting the glans of the penis as well as being a source of sexual pleasure. Obviously sex isn't a huge factor when thinking of my infant son but that baby will grow into a man.

My research concluded that there is no merit in the hygiene argument. You don't retract an infants foreskin you clean only what you can see. Retracting the foreskin is akin to pealing a nail off the nail bed. The foreskin is the structural equivalent to the clitoral hood and removing the clitoral hood is considered female genital mutilation, the double standard is gross. I also don't understand the whole "son must match the father" thing. DH is not circumcised and his father is. DH can remember exactly zero penis comparison sessions with his father...

It's not for me to decide what other people do, but if there was a vote to outlaw infant circumcision (except in extreme medical cases) I would absolutely vote for for it.

Circumcision is a hot button issue on this forum and I might get flamed for this but that is my opinion.

ETA: this link sums it up pretty well

This post sums up how I feel about it too.

Mimaloo · December 2013

We will be circumcising our LO. We have talked a lot about it and ultimately I let DH make the final call. He has never missed his foreskin and feels zero resentment that the choice was not his.

Another reason I'm for it is because I have a family member who was in the "that's his decision to make when he's older" camp and did not circumcise her son. The foreskin ended up fusing to the head and she had to take him for the operation at 5 years old.

ScarlettV · December 2013

Honestly this is a personal decision. You're best doing some research and deciding from there. People here will have really strong feelings one way or another, but both options have their pluses and negatives.

For what it's worth, DH and I decided not to, simply because DH isn't and we didn't see it as necessary.

karelaorange · December 2013

Clearly I know it's a personal decision. This is one of few decisions on which I am very evenly torn. I am shocked to see that no one is listing the reduction in STD transmission as being part of their decision, which would be one of my biggest reasons to do it. I've also known a handful of men who had complications and had to have a circumcision later in life, and it was very traumatic. Those would be my biggest reason in favor. Against would be the fact that it's his body and is a very personal decision.

The fact that this practice sprang up independently all around the world in early peoples suggests to me that it has some merit to it and has for a long time. The feeling of mutilation is hard to shake, though.

Smores730 · December 2013

We opted to circ because I agree with the health reasons already stated. I'll add to it further by saying it was discovered at about 9 months that my son's internal tubing didn't form correctly in the womb; the 2 separate functions (urine and semen) should merge together into 1 tube but his had a thin piece of tissue separating the tubes. It was only discovered by spreading the pee hole open and looking (props to my pedi); something that would have been impossible for years to discover had the foreskin been there and it needed to be fixed surgically. It happens in ~1:125 boy births.

TeacherVicky · December 2013

joules235 said: I would never consider it. It is an unnecessary, irreversible, cosmetic surgery preformed on a person who is unable to consent or refuse. The foreskin is a necessary organ that preforms numerous functions including protecting the glans of the penis as well as being a source of sexual pleasure. Obviously sex isn't a huge factor when thinking of my infant son but that baby will grow into a man.

My research concluded that there is no merit in the hygiene argument. You don't retract an infants foreskin you clean only what you can see. Retracting the foreskin is akin to pealing a nail off the nail bed. The foreskin is the structural equivalent to the clitoral hood and removing the clitoral hood is considered female genital mutilation, the double standard is gross. I also don't understand the whole "son must match the father" thing. DH is not circumcised and his father is. DH can remember exactly zero penis comparison sessions with his father...

It's not for me to decide what other people do, but if there was a vote to outlaw infant circumcision (except in extreme medical cases) I would absolutely vote for for it.

Circumcision is a hot button issue on this forum and I might get flamed for this but that is my opinion.

ETA: this link sums it up pretty well

This sums up our decision as well. And the whole hygiene "argument" for getting it done really gets under my skin.

All that being said, it is your decision and I truly feel that your decision should be based on your own proper research and not other people's opinions on a public message board.

SuperMom17 · December 2013

Oh boy here we go with this debate... DS is circumcised. All of the men in our family are, DH included and we felt this was the best option. I would rather have it done when they are too little to remember than have him decide to go do it at 17 when the pain will definitely be memorable. I hate the soap box stances people takin this... It's a personal choice. What one person decides to do with their sons penis is there business, do what you think is right for your family and for your son.

PrimRoseMama · December 2013

We were all for it but never ended up doing it. So far it's NBD & easy to keep clean.

CopperT0p · December 2013

We did not with DS and will not with this one as well. It's a personal decision, DH wanted to do it, but said he didn't want to have to see the baby in pain and didn't want to have to take care of it during healing. I didn't want to circ, so with DH's response, it was easy to just not do it. Honestly, nobody (family, DC, friends, strangers) have ever commented on it, even though it's common in our area to circ.

zou bisou · December 2013

MrsSparklebottom said:

You're going to get a HUGE range of responses here. I'll put my 2 cents in. My first isn't circ'ed but he should have been. My doctor wanted to wait 2 weeks so he could settle in to breastfeeding. But he got a UTI at 10 days old. They are about 100 times more common in uncirc'ed boys. So he never got done because he had to be admitted, then we waited for him to get better, they wanted to wait, etc.

That number looks really off. Please cite a source.

Here's what I found.

"Although an uncircumcised infant has been estimated to have 3 to 20 times the risk of developing a UTI compared to a circumcised infant, the absolute risk increase is about 1%."

Something else to think about is that circumcisions introduce a hemorrhage and infection rate of 2%.

That 1% risk sounds better.

susieandmarty · December 2013

I'm Jewish. If I had a son, I would circumsize. I really think people who rant from on high that the practice should be outlawed really need to consider how ridiculously offensive they can be to someone's religious beliefs.

That said, even if not Jewish, I would circumsize. It's my choice. My preference And Dh's.

susieandmarty · December 2013

Abraham was then commanded to circumsize his son. And it was that act that completed the mitzvah and all parents have likewise been commanded to circumsize their sons

Every choice you make for your child circumsize, religion, schooling - everything- is the preference of the parents. You can only hope your choices are good.

If I had a son and he chose not to be jewish I would be disappointed. But I am Jewish and I would make every effort to ensure my son would be welcomed in my faith. It is what I feel is a good way to be. To me having my son circumsized would be the responsible thing as it means he is a part of my faith.

I cannot imagine someone telling you or anyone to not practice your faith to the utmost if your beliefs. It is a required part if my religion.

If my son rejected his faith I would be disappointed. I have spent most if my life surrounded by Jewish men - none of them, no matter their level of practice ever questioned a patents decision to circumsize.

If he missed it. I can tell him to come back here and he could find plenty of people to tell him how his mother ruined his life.

JuneMrs · December 2013

Our first is a girl so I feel your pain it's just one more decision with so much stuff going on! Second baby is due in 2 months (a boy). We are having it done. DH is and our doctor advocates for doing it. Good luck deciding!

MayKay12 · December 2013

joules235 said:
I would never consider it. It is an unnecessary, irreversible, cosmetic surgery preformed on a person who is unable to consent or refuse. The foreskin is a necessary organ that preforms numerous functions including protecting the glans of the penis as well as being a source of sexual pleasure. Obviously sex isn't a huge factor when thinking of my infant son but that baby will grow into a man.

My research concluded that there is no merit in the hygiene argument. You don't retract an infants foreskin you clean only what you can see. Retracting the foreskin is akin to pealing a nail off the nail bed. The foreskin is the structural equivalent to the clitoral hood and removing the clitoral hood is considered female genital mutilation, the double standard is gross. I also don't understand the whole "son must match the father" thing. DH is not circumcised and his father is. DH can remember exactly zero penis comparison sessions with his father...

It's not for me to decide what other people do, but if there was a vote to outlaw infant circumcision (except in extreme medical cases) I would absolutely vote for for it.

Circumcision is a hot button issue on this forum and I might get flamed for this but that is my opinion.

ETA: this link sums it up pretty well

This is how we feel too. DS1 is not and neither will this baby boy be circumcised.

mplesset23 · December 2013

karelaorange said:

I am 36 weeks pregnant with our third. With the other two I've been super planner, everything ready and decided by 30 weeks. This time around, not so much. The nursery is still a mess, etc.

So it dawned on me today that we haven't even thought about circumcision. Our first two are girls so we never discussed it. I'm reading all the pros and cons, and I'm wondering what everyone is planning. My question is 1) what are you planning? and 2) what is the primary reason why? I see compelling reasons in both directions, but I'm curious how other folks balanced this. (I haven't been on here at all, so I'm sure no one knows me. What with chasing two other little ones, who has time...)

I'm Jewish, so DS1 was circumcised, wasn't even a question. DS2 will also be.

I had a friend in college who wasn't circumcised and he told me he resented his parents for it and wished they had done it when he was a baby. Doing as an adult is a big process from my understanding.

SoMoNY · December 2013

Am I the only who thinks its odd that a religion asks for your foreskin?

I would never put my son through a cosmetic procedure.

magentawarped · December 2013

SoMoNY said:
Am I the only who thinks its odd that a religion asks for your foreskin?

I would never put my son through a cosmetic procedure.

Less odd than a religion asking you to participate in eating the body and drinking the blood of your savior? Just because it's not your religion doesn't make it odd.

On the original topic, we will be circumcising. My husband is Jewish, though not practicing, and I would like my son to look like his daddy in that regard. I don't particularly care what anyone does with their kid's junk, but I get a little stabby when people say that my decision to circ is cruel or barbaric. It is a quick procedure, the baby has no memory of it when done at birth, and it is a widely accepted practice.

zou bisou · December 2013

andrea ri 80 said:
In fact regarding the UTI situation, DD has had one UTI (she has a condition where urine refluxes from her bladder to her kidney which makes her susceptible), and DS was running a fever, so naturally, the first thing that came to mind for our case was that he also had a UTI, and during our check up, our ped said that boys don't really get them unless there is an issue with the plumbing (like what DD has)

A great point. Girls have six times the risk of UTIs than boys but that risk doesn't keep any parents up at night about what to do about surgically for their girls.

I don't understand why the UTI concern gets mentioned so much in the circumcision decision. Truthfully I think many if not most circumcision decisions are based on non-medical reasons, emotions, religion, social reasons, and then the random medical tidbits get tossed in to distract from that.

susieandmarty · December 2013

SoMoNY said:
Am I the only who thinks its odd that a religion asks for your foreskin?

I would never put my son through a cosmetic procedure.

I have a problem with people like you who question my entire religion because they don't understand it. Sorry you have such a problem with Judaism.

OP - this is a decision you should make with your husband not online with a bunch if strAngers many of whom have ridiculous agendas and are clearly going to judge your decision and you. As for me I really don't care what you choose to do with your son's penis. It has no affect on me or my life and it is not my choice. I only responded to this initially because there are other reasons to circumsize and some of them are religious and valuable to some people.

SuperMom17 · December 2013

At the end of the day, it's the parents decision and nobody has then right to judge other parents because they disagree with this choice. We circumcised DS, VERY glad we did- he barely fussed and we had no issues with the procedure during or after. As for the 'matching' thing, it was part of our consideration. Whether others understand that or not doesn't really matter to me. It is it a part of our religious beliefs, but we still felt it was important to do. I can't stand this debate... Get off your soap box and respect the decisions of others.

KBfirst1 · December 2013

I was going to leave this up to DH if it was a boy (we are having a girl)...DH is uncircumcised. I think its a personal male decision that DH would be in the best position to decide, i.e. using his own experience. I don't have strong feelings either way, but as much as I research EVERYTHING, lol, I'd probably develop strong opinions if I had to make the choice. GL!

Whitterpow · December 2013

Based on my research and my husband's research and personal experiences, we will not be doing it. We found our main reasons for wanting to were cosmetic and because we were afraid of what my family would think and that was not reason enough to have that procedure done to my baby. My parents gave me grief about it, but it's not their child. We made the decision that we feel is in the best interest of our child long term. To each his own, but for us the choice was clear to not do it.

SunflowersBride · December 2013

We are planning on getting baby boy circumcised. Honestly, I don't really get why this elicits such strong opposition from those who choose not to get it done. DH and I will make all of the decisions for our child(ren) while they are growing up. I left the decision up to DH, and he wants to have it done because he has it done. I don't know if it's so much about "matching" as it is about what he knows and finds to be "normal". I really don't care that much either way.

As with most parenting decisions, those that are against it can continue to not circumcise their sons, but you aren't likely to change the minds of those of us who plan to get it done, so the debates are pretty worthless.

Meery82 · December 2013

This is one topic where you can choose to go either way and I will not judge. I believe that whichever choice you make, you are doing it because you believe that is what's best for your son.

jessib10 · December 2013

I have no son. But before we found out baby's gender it was something we had talked about. If it were left up to me alone I would not circ. I don't really see the need. That being said, I also don't have a penis. My husband does though, and so I feel he should get the final word in the matter. He feels that any son of ours should be circ'd. He listed a bunch of reasons but I stopped listening. If that's what he feels we should do then that's what we would do.

Mimaloo · December 2013

benjaminsmommy16 said:

susieandmarty said:

I'm Jewish. If I had a son, I would circumsize. I really think people who rant from on high that the practice should be outlawed really need to consider how ridiculously offensive they can be to someone's religious beliefs. That said, even if not Jewish, I would circumsize. It's my choice. My preference And Dh's.

What about your son's preference/choice? And what if he doesn't want to be Jewish and misses his foreskin someday? I'm not trying to be offensive about your religion, I'm just really curious.

It really bothers me when people talk about *their* preferences. It should really be about the person who owns the penis and what they want. Sure, they will remember it if they choose to get it done later, but they will also get pain meds and totally understand what is going on. Newborns will not.

DS is intact and we have had no problems. We just clean the outside and go on with our day. We felt that since we are going to teach him about safe sex, have running water and don't mind teaching him how to wash his body, there really wasn't a point in doing it. We have no regrets and didn't have to care for a wounded penis while trying to adjust to life with a newborn! My nephew is circumcised and stopped eating after he got it done, lost a ton of weight and they think the doctors took too much off.

I'm sorry but I find this hilarious as does my DH. He said he never even thought to "miss his foreskin".

zou bisou · December 2013

Mimaloo said:

benjaminsmommy16 said:

susieandmarty said:

I'm Jewish. If I had a son, I would circumsize. I really think people who rant from on high that the practice should be outlawed really need to consider how ridiculously offensive they can be to someone's religious beliefs. That said, even if not Jewish, I would circumsize. It's my choice. My preference And Dh's.

What about your son's preference/choice? And what if he doesn't want to be Jewish and misses his foreskin someday? I'm not trying to be offensive about your religion, I'm just really curious.

It really bothers me when people talk about *their* preferences. It should really be about the person who owns the penis and what they want. Sure, they will remember it if they choose to get it done later, but they will also get pain meds and totally understand what is going on. Newborns will not.

DS is intact and we have had no problems. We just clean the outside and go on with our day. We felt that since we are going to teach him about safe sex, have running water and don't mind teaching him how to wash his body, there really wasn't a point in doing it. We have no regrets and didn't have to care for a wounded penis while trying to adjust to life with a newborn! My nephew is circumcised and stopped eating after he got it done, lost a ton of weight and they think the doctors took too much off.

I'm sorry but I find this hilarious as does my DH. He said he never even thought to "miss his foreskin".

That's good. I wouldn't encourage him to go digging for information about it either since there's nothing he can do to change it now.

My Dh did however, and he's none too pleased with his parents' decision to circumcise him. If that's hilarious, I'd like to know why.

2010weddinggal · December 2013

zou bisou said:

Mimaloo said:

benjaminsmommy16 said:

susieandmarty said:

I'm Jewish. If I had a son, I would circumsize. I really think people who rant from on high that the practice should be outlawed really need to consider how ridiculously offensive they can be to someone's religious beliefs. That said, even if not Jewish, I would circumsize. It's my choice. My preference And Dh's.

What about your son's preference/choice? And what if he doesn't want to be Jewish and misses his foreskin someday? I'm not trying to be offensive about your religion, I'm just really curious.

It really bothers me when people talk about *their* preferences. It should really be about the person who owns the penis and what they want. Sure, they will remember it if they choose to get it done later, but they will also get pain meds and totally understand what is going on. Newborns will not.

DS is intact and we have had no problems. We just clean the outside and go on with our day. We felt that since we are going to teach him about safe sex, have running water and don't mind teaching him how to wash his body, there really wasn't a point in doing it. We have no regrets and didn't have to care for a wounded penis while trying to adjust to life with a newborn! My nephew is circumcised and stopped eating after he got it done, lost a ton of weight and they think the doctors took too much off.

I'm sorry but I find this hilarious as does my DH. He said he never even thought to "miss his foreskin".

That's good. I wouldn't encourage him to go digging for information about it either since there's nothing he can do to change it now.

My Dh did however, and he's none too pleased with his parents' decision to circumcise him. If that's hilarious, I'd like to know why.

How can you miss something you do not even remember having? What if he did not like it as an adult would he have the surgery then?

OP please do what you want

In the end it is up too you guys as parents to make the first few descisions in your kids life.

jess9802 · December 2013

My husband and I argued terribly over whether to circumcise. He wanted it, I did not. He looked at all the arguments for not circing and just wasn't persuaded by any of them. Ultimately, I decided that it was more important to him that we circumcise than it was to me not to do so, and so I agreed to the procedure. A few months later, at a group meet and greet with our pediatrician, she stressed that it was not a decision worth arguing over, that in our area the numbers are roughly 50/50, and reiterated the AAP stance on the procedure, saying either choice was perfectly valid and acceptable.

DS was circumcised when he was two weeks old. He handled the surgery just fine. Honestly, he was more pissed because he was hungry and we were having breastfeeding difficulties. He healed well, and it's been a non-issue ever since. I don't regret having it done. I regret that my husband and I argued so bitterly over it.

Interestingly enough, when the topic came up with my family, I learned that my brother was not circumcised, and my dad had always regretted that decision. When I asked my brother what he thought of circumcision, his response was, "It's not a big deal either way."

zou bisou · December 2013

2010weddinggal said:

zou bisou said:
My Dh did however, and he's none too pleased with his parents' decision to circumcise him. If that's hilarious, I'd like to know why.

How can you miss something you do not even remember having? What if he did not like it as an adult would he have the surgery then?

Dh wants the benefits of a foreskin. If he did not like it as an adult, he would have the choice to alter his own body. He would gladly take having the choice be his over the "but it hurts and grown men don't like pain" argument.

Sawyerplus1 · December 2013

Neither of my two boys are circumsized, and this one wont be either (if it's a boy). DH IS circ'd but the "he should look like daddy" argument holds no water for us; it's silly. We did our research and decided to leave our boys intact.

sara.r.mc · December 2013

I'm 3 days from my due date *eek!* with our first, we do not know if we're having a boy or a girl. Hubby and I discussed this a lot, but ultimately I left the decision up to him. He decided (and I agree) if we have a boy, we will not be circumcising, even though hubby is. We both feel it's unnecessary. To me it's like cutting off an earlobe, I just don't see the point. It's a part of your body that you are born with, why in the world would you remove it? It's your decision though, so weigh out the pros and cons as you see them and do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck!

Eleventy11 · December 2013

It's a personal preference and someone on here is going to judge you either way. Do whatever feels right for your family. As PP have said, it's nothing to argue or fight about.

Honestly, I've never seen an uncirc'ed in real life and I have no desire to. I only know one person who is, and he still holds that against his parents (he's in his 60s). I've never heard any man talk about it at all, other than this man.

daltosostarby · December 2013

We're not circumcising our LO because DH had a botched circumcision.

Giraffealaff · December 2013

andrea ri 80 said:

::Lurking::

We did not circ our son, since it is an unnecessary, irreversible procedure and never looked back.

DS has NEVER had a UTI, and it hasn't caused any extra work for us in any way whatsoever. If we ever had any more boys, we would not even hesitate with our decision, it would clearly be not to circ for our case.

In fact regarding the UTI situation, DD has had one UTI (she has a condition where urine refluxes from her bladder to her kidney which makes her susceptible), and DS was running a fever, so naturally, the first thing that came to mind for our case was that he also had a UTI, and during our check up, our ped said that boys don't really get them unless there is an issue with the plumbing (like what DD has)

Unrelated, but does she have VUR? I was diagnosed with this really really late in life (when I was 15) and had to undergo surgery to correct the uterine valves in my bladder.

Karadee1 · December 2013

My son was circumcised, and if I have more boys they will be too. OP, Do what you feel is in the best interest of your son.

@joules235 you need to chill out. This is what the AAP actually says:

"After a comprehensive review of the scientific evidence, the American Academy of Pediatrics found the health benefits of newborn male circumcision outweigh the risks, but the benefits are not great enough to recommend universal newborn circumcision. The AAP policy statement published Monday, August 27, says the final decision should still be left to parents to make in the context of their religious, ethical and cultural beliefs."

Karadee1 · December 2013

joules235 said:
I would never consider it. It is an unnecessary, irreversible, cosmetic surgery preformed on a person who is unable to consent or refuse. The foreskin is a necessary organ that preforms numerous functions including protecting the glans of the penis as well as being a source of sexual pleasure. Obviously sex isn't a huge factor when thinking of my infant son but that baby will grow into a man.

My research concluded that there is no merit in the hygiene argument. You don't retract an infants foreskin you clean only what you can see. Retracting the foreskin is akin to pealing a nail off the nail bed. The foreskin is the structural equivalent to the clitoral hood and removing the clitoral hood is considered female genital mutilation, the double standard is gross. I also don't understand the whole "son must match the father" thing. DH is not circumcised and his father is. DH can remember exactly zero penis comparison sessions with his father...

It's not for me to decide what other people do, but if there was a vote to outlaw infant circumcision (except in extreme medical cases) I would absolutely vote for for it.

Circumcision is a hot button issue on this forum and I might get flamed for this but that is my opinion.

ETA: this link sums it up pretty well

This is what gets me - that link you posted. Female genital cutting/mutilation and circumcision are not at all the same thing.

"FGM is a violation of the human rights of girls and women."

"Procedures can cause severe bleeding and problems urinating, and later cysts, infections, infertility as well as complications in childbirth increased risk of newborn deaths."

"FGM is in many communities believed to reduce a woman's libido and therefore believed to help her resist "illicit" sexual acts. When a vaginal opening is covered or narrowed (type 3 above), the fear of the pain of opening it, and the fear that this will be found out, is expected to further discourage "illicit" sexual intercourse among women with this type of FGM."

https://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs241/en/

Compare that to what the AAP says about circumcision, there is no comparison.

Winnieella · December 2013

All I am going to say is this is a personal decision op. Everyone has different views on this topic but in the end it is up to you and your H.

WashingtonQueen · December 2013

cfwesolowski said:
My son was born premature at 29 weeks, I had already decided he would be circumcised before he was born. Done deal, get that taken care of while he's young and never look back. I made this decision for numerous reasons and the first is probably really selfish and maybe a little offensive to some but here it is: because I broke up with every guy I ever dated once I found out he was not circumcised. As a woman it just totally grossed me out, it was weird, I could not deal. I mean I broke up with the guy who was sweeping me off my feet because I could not handle that.. I didn't want my son to go through that one day. I realize super trivial, and for all I know he might meet a girl who loves a guy with foreskin and she can be pissed at me for having him circumcised. But probably not gonna happen. My BFF-her husband was the first man she was ever with who was circumcised.. so I mean we are all different, but she did like his cash n prizes more than the other guys lol

I am 100% totally ok with a woman breaking up with any of my sons because he is not circumcised. At least he gets to find out sooner rather than later that she is not worth his time and he can find someone who actually deserves him.

Want a personalized experience?

Poor 3rd child: a circumcision question

Re: Poor 3rd child: a circumcision question

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards