Baby Shower?

ajmilkent · November 2013

My son will be 6 in Feb. and baby is due in April. What are your thoughts on having a baby shower? I know the "rule" is one baby shower however there is a huge gap and we need to start over with all the baby stuff.

ksulli · November 2013

If someone wants to throw it, let them, if nobody brings it up, let it drop. If people are asking what you want/need for the holidays suggest some of the baby equipment.

AcaAwkward · November 2013

Has anyone offered to host? If not = no shower. If so, you'll have to decide if your comfortable with doing one... In some social circles, it would be considered poor etiquette while in others, people could care less.

pineconey · November 2013

AprilMay9 said:
I think second showers are rude and tacky no matter the age difference or difference in gender. It's not your friends and family's fault you didn't save things or cannot afford to outfit your child yourself.

Speaking of rude... THAT response was insanely rude.
I went to a baby shower for a woman's third child (already had a boy, age 5, and a girl, age 3) last spring and there were over 50 people there. Why? Surely not because she was gift grabby or rude, but because her mother in law throws great get-togethers and we are a part of a wonderful community of friends. The party was thrown and attended because we WANTED to - not because she couldn't afford the child.

If someone chooses to offer you a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 12th shower, that's their prerogative. Same as being thrown one for your first.

OP: I agree with the pp's -the ones who aren't being stuck up jerks- if no one offers, then no shower.

pineconey · November 2013

@aprilmay9 your opinions generally come off as completely bitchy.

Bluebird2318 · November 2013

There is no problem with multiple showers as long as you are not asking for them or planning them yourself. If people offer, then lucky you! That is all there is to it, IMO. Will it appear tacky to someone else? Well, maybe. I suppose it depends on your personal circle. But if you have no hand in it then you aren't being rude or gift grabby.

pineconey · November 2013

@aprilmay9 yes, you're being an asshole. Glad you brought it up.

If OP truly needs help from friends and family to get what she needs for her baby, then why do you think it's your job to throw that in her face? Do you know her situation?
We can't ALL buy everything from pottery barn...

Rrrrrachel · November 2013

Oh come on. Op asked for opinions and she got them. Not everyone has to agree. Surely she knew at least some people would feel that way or she wouldn't have been worried about it.

pineconey · November 2013

Rrrrrachel said:
Oh come on. Op asked for opinions and she got them. Not everyone has to agree. Surely she knew at least some people would feel that way or she wouldn't have been worried about it.

Yeah but who else would have the audacity to say, "It's not your friends and family's fault you didn't save things or cannot afford to outfit your child yourself."

That's just rude.

There's a difference between stating conflicting opinions and being a judgemental bitch.

britt33 · November 2013

pineconey said:

AprilMay9 said:
I think second showers are rude and tacky no matter the age difference or difference in gender. It's not your friends and family's fault you didn't save things or cannot afford to outfit your child yourself.
Speaking of rude... THAT response was insanely rude.
I went to a baby shower for a woman's third child (already had a boy, age 5, and a girl, age 3) last spring and there were over 50 people there. Why? Surely not because she was gift grabby or rude, but because her mother in law throws great get-togethers and we are a part of a wonderful community of friends. The party was thrown and attended because we WANTED to - not because she couldn't afford the child.

If someone chooses to offer you a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 12th shower, that's their prerogative. Same as being thrown one for your first.

OP: I agree with the pp's -the ones who aren't being stuck up jerks- if no one offers, then no shower.

I agree 100%! If someone wants to throw one, yes! It is not rude at all. In fact, at my church, any pregnant lady gets a shower thrown for them. We are a tight knot group of women who want to celebrate every baby. My friend is due 8 weeks after me, and our bible study group has ready decided and told her they are throwing her a shower in April (and she has a two year old son). Totally okay to have another one.

My husbands grandmother is miss etiquette... Very socially proper, and she had no problem attending and gift giving at my SIL second baby shower.

I say go for it. And ignore the nay Sayers.

rtv3 · November 2013

If someone offers cool. If not, sorry bit nope. You can however put baby stuff on you and your hubby's Christmas and birthday wishlists if someone wants to give your a gift.
You'll also prolly get some stuff when the baby is born as people love to bring presents when the come to meet the baby, no matter what number it is.

Serenla · November 2013

AprilMay9 said:

I think second showers are rude and tacky no matter the age difference or difference in gender. It's not your friends and family's fault you didn't save things or cannot afford to outfit your child yourself.

Huh wha?

Edit posted too soon.

Serenla · November 2013

Bluebird2318 said:

There is no problem with multiple showers as long as you are not asking for them or planning them yourself. If people offer, then lucky you! That is all there is to it, IMO. Will it appear tacky to someone else? Well, maybe. I suppose it depends on your personal circle. But if you have no hand in it then you aren't being rude or gift grabby.

I am in the who gives a fuck category, if someone else gets pissy because you get another shower fuck 'em. It isn't like you are going around kicking puppies or something. I've known people who have had more than one shower, I gave gifts and the cranky people didn't. We still have fun without them anyway.

ajmilkent · November 2013

There is no motivation at all. My husband and I are more an able to support our growing family on our own. I am asking because I have been asked by people if they can throw a shower and wanted to know others thoughts. I do not appreciate all the negativity. This is not the time or the place for any of that. I thought we were here to help each other.

Serenla · November 2013

See if people have offered to throw you one, go for it! It is no big deal.

krazy6262 · November 2013

I would accept the shower. I'm a FTM but I've been to plenty of STM showers.

BiggerinRealLife · November 2013

Everything @britt33 said I second. Keep in mind I'm just turned 30 and live in California, so people who are older, or live in other areas may disagree. At out church every pregnant woman gets a shower, even if people don't know her well. It's a part if our community and culture that we like to celebrate each new life. Often second showers are as much about celebrating the older siblings becoming a big sib as it is about celebrating the new baby. But, as many others have said, others offer to throw the shower. The only time I've seen parents host their own it was either a sip and see, or a "celebration of life." They didn't ask for gifts nor call it a shower, and people had a great time.

Also, I'm with @Serenla. I go out of my way to not be rude to anyone, but I personally could care less what Miss Manners says about Ettiquite. I'm sure I've done things over the years that are "simply not done" and have offended people. They haven't said anything to my face, but I also haven't lost friends over it. If people think it's tacky to have a second shower, who cares? They'll get over it. I played by Miss Manners' rules for my wedding shower, and I with is done things differently. That one moment of caring about what was proper made me miss out on an opportunity for a lot of people to celebrate with me and bless me and my new marriage.

So that's my long-winded way of saying screw what people think, enjoy your shower.

kwolslager · November 2013

Shower manners are totally based on both circumstance, and your own community. While it might be rude for more than one where you live it might be weird and NOT to have more than one somewhere else.

Serenla · November 2013

Vinny424 said:

I'm inclined to somewhat agree with aprilmay9. I've seen people have second showers because someone offered and they wanted to celebrate a new baby but when your main motivation is because your starting over it doesn't seem right. The op doesn't say of someone offered or not so I do think that makes a difference.

ajmilkent said:

There is no motivation at all. My husband and I are more an able to support our growing family on our own. I am asking because I have been asked by people if they can throw a shower and wanted to know others thoughts. I do not appreciate all the negativity. This is not the time or the place for any of that. I thought we were here to help each other.

Rrrrrachel · November 2013

Yeah they added that later. I assume vinny didn't see it.

BR · December 2013

When it comes down to it, you can either care what people think or not. It's your decision what to do if someone offers to throw you one. But since you asked for opinions, I think 2nd or 3rd or however many showers are tacky. I've been to a few and went and brought a gift, but in the back of my mind that is what I thought. If my sisters offer me a 2nd shower, I will politely decline. I just don't feel comfortable with it at all. Obviously everyone is different.

Teresa1896 · December 2013

I would not accept a second shower- I wouldn't be comfortable with it, personally. But I have several friends who have literally laughed at me when we discuss this, saying "of COURSE you have a shower for each baby!" Since people are offering, they obviously want to do it for you, so let 'em!

JessSSutton · December 2013

I personally think its tacky to have a second shower. I might suggest a diaper shower? I guess if someone offers there is nothing really that wrong with it. Anyone who doesn't agree prob wont show up. Both my SILs had showers for their 4th babies. I thought it was tacky but they were fun and i politely attended so to each their own. Maybe you can make it clear that this shower is to celebrate a new baby not a grab for stuff by not registering?

HNRomance · December 2013

The world is changing. Not everyone pops out kids back to back anymore. Not everyone has storage space for a lot of baby stuff if they weren't planning on another child soon after the first. If you need/want help then why not? Even though it's still not the "norm" in my social circle for a second shower, I at least put together a "diaper drive" for my bestie when she had her second kid. They had everything else but I thought it would be a nice surprise if a bunch of her friends pitched in for diapers. Now they are done having kids and she's giving me a bunch of stuff! If you have a friend or family member that would be willing to do one then go for it!

MalyJ · December 2013

I agree with what everyone else said--totally up to you and your circle of friends. I've been to several showers/sprinkles in recent years for second babies. One was advertised as a "diaper" shower, though several people brought outfits and traditional gifts. Another was done since her boys were different seasons (one born in July, another in January). There was no registry and no large purchases, but many people buy friends a gift when they have a baby any way, why not get together and celebrate each other? Now creating and advertising a registry with large ticket items on it would be a bit different. If someone is offering, go for it!

chichi589 · December 2013

I agree completely with @JessSSutton . Second showers are a little tacky but diaper parties are fun and acceptable. Those who don't feel like they should bring a gift don't those who want to will. Men and women can come you can celebrate your blessing.

bacorrea · December 2013

I never heard that second showers were tacky until this board. I've been to several STM+ showers. As @biggerinreallife said, my churches have always thrown showers regardless. I don't see why people care so much if STM+ have a shower. I say do it!

tiffy81 · December 2013

I don't get the whole gift grabby thing. Gifts ARE expected at a shower. Whenever I get an invite for a shower/wedding birthday party, I immediately look for a registry or inquire about what that person wants or needs. Why is it gift grabby to expect a gift when you register??? Ive never thought someone had their hand out when I went to a shower!! That's insane. Maybe I just have strange friends and family that buy each other things for special occasions and sometimes no reason at all. Three of my closest girlfriends jumped at the chance to throw a shower for us and you better believe that they are putting my registry cards in with the invites because that's what my friends and family will expect otherwise they will get inundated with phone calls and emails asking what we need. I mean have any of the naysayers really gone to a shower or wedding and not brought a gift because they thought it was tacky???

pineconey · December 2013

@tiffy81 well there are definitely a lot of different people out there... my MIL didn't even COME to my bridal shower. she lives 5 minutes away. i don't think DH's parents bought us anything as a wedding gift and we paid for our own wedding. i could definitely see her not attending our shower or coming but not getting us anything.

seannasmommy16 · December 2013

I'm a STM and my daughter is almost 4, they don't have the same dads but my MIL offered to throw me co-ed second hand shower so that's what we will be doing. If people are offering go for it! It may seem tacky or rude to other people but it's your life and your child so I say to hell with what they think and enjoy your second baby shower.

tiffy81 · December 2013

It's been said so many times on this board and people have been ripped new ones for wanting or allowing people to throw them a second shower. I've said before that we are a blended family and between us we have three kids, 14, 11 and 11 and we have twin boys on the way and I didn't expect a shower but I knew that my friends would throw me one....who am I to say no?!?! LOL

these posts have always rubbed me the wrong way because when you care about someone, IMO, it doesn't matter how many kids they have or how much money they have, you get a present to celebrate because it's not about etiquette, it's about celebrating!!! Yay babies!!!

mommy2twox3 · December 2013

I've never heard anyone say having a baby shower is tacky. What if your first was a boy and second is a girl? Or if you had a baby with a previous marriage and you're now remarried or something? Both are my situation. My son is 4 and I'm pregnant with a girl & you can bet your booty I'm having a baby shower lol. DO IT! My fiancé mother has 4 children, and she had 4 baby showers. Who cares. I don't see it as tacky, I think they're fun and it's very helpful.

Mustardseed2007 · December 2013

I've been to a couple "sprinkles" for 2nd time moms. They were smaller affairs but very nice. The "want" lists were shorter and included clothes, diapers, new nipples for her Dr. Brown bottles, wipes. Some of the attendees brought hand me downs as well and those were also very much appreciated by the mom.

If you are concerned you could do this as a compromise. Or do whatever is common in your circle.

kseccomb17 · December 2013

I'm a STM and my best friend wants to throw me a baby shower. I think it's more inconsiderate to tell someone that "Sorry, I had one 3 years ago" than it is to have a second one? I know of mother's who had 2 baby showers with one child. I don't see anything wrong with someone wanting to celebrate you and your growing family's lives. If someone wants to bring a gift- cool! that would be awesome.. If someone doesn't want to/can't bring a gift cool! I'll enjoy their company. I'm happy to spend time with my family and friends and I'm so glad that they want to spend time with me.

Rrrrrachel · December 2013

It is a little interesting that having four baby showers for one kid is fine, but having one for each kid is tacky.

tiffy81 · December 2013

All these baby shower rules are ridiculous.

Cecilbear · December 2013

Maybe I'm naive, but I always thought that every baby has a shower...? It's more about community and celebration to me and less about ticking items off a registry. Who wouldn't want to celebrate a new baby? My good friend is expecting baby number two in February and I was thinking I'd offer to throw her a shower again like I did for her last three years ago. But I guess I should rethink.

eireyes · December 2013

We're throwing a "Suprise Sprinkle" this weekend for my friend's third baby. She didn't ask, and neither did we - we're just doing it! A lot of our girlfriends weren't able to go to her first baby's shower (didn't know her then, or distance). We know she has all the essentials, and really only needs clothes. My girlfriends have asked to throw a shower for me, so we're going out to lunch under the pretense of planning that and then - SURPRISE! :-D

:P To anyone who thinks it's tacky. I don't care, and besides, they aren't invited!

tiffy81 · December 2013

@cecilbear I don't think you need to rethink anything. If you want to throw your friend another shower then you should. And you're right.....who doesn't want to celebrate a new baby??

I'm always ready to have a party to celebrate anything!! Party on ladies!!!

runningyogimama · December 2013

I was just lurking here from May, but...the reason 2nd+ showers are considered tacky is a baby shower is to shower a mother with gifts to welcome her to motherhood, not to celebrate a baby. If you already have a child, you're already a mother.

If 2nd+ showers are the norm in your social circle for whatever reason, you're probably not going to be seeking approval for one online.

*sparky* · December 2013

I personally am not offended by 2nd showers but the ones I have attended have been sprinkles with a much smaller guest list and smaller gifts - mostly outfits, etc. I was just invited to a baby shower for a distant cousin I barely know, whose wife I have never met, and even though they are first time parents I found that a lot tackier than getting invited to a close friend's 2nd or 3rd shower. But guess what I did - declined the invitation and went on with my life.

The people who want to celebrate with you will and if friends are offering I don't see why you can't accept their offer.

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