Who stayed with you?

lellymine · November 2013

This is my first baby so my mom offered to come stay with us after the baby is born. So second time moms, did you have someone come stay after the baby was born to help out? How long did they stay? Did you feel like it was helpful or did they feel in the way?

I adore my mom so I feel bad that she's be using some of her vacation to do it. I just wanted to see if it's something that others have done and was helpful.

TonyaCody06 · November 2013

No one stayed. I find myself with the feeling of having to entertain them instead of being taken care of. I'm sure they would help out but I like my space and things done a certain way.

MSUMands · November 2013

Hubby was relatively new at his job and didn't get much time off, so it was a huge help having my mom come and stay with us. She stayed week 1 (baby was 7 days old) to week 3 ( baby was 21 days old). This gave us time to bond as a family of three.

chaysefaith · November 2013

With my oldest I lived with my mom still, but she didn't honestly help with anything. Not because she wouldn't have, but because I truly didn't need any help. With my youngest no one stayed with us, and I was fine. I don't plan on having anyone stay this time either, however, my bf does get 2 weeks of paternity leave so he'll be home.

On second thought, maybe I will have someone come stay with us. Mostly to keep me from killing him, because being cooped up in the house together for 2 weeks does not sound exciting.

obscurereference · November 2013

My mom stayed for about 3 weeks after DD was born. It was AWESOME. At the time, DH was working nights and had to go back after 2 days off. I don't know what I would have done without my mom there to help.

Swiftymomof3 · November 2013

I'm more of a do it myself kind of person. No one stayed with me on 1,2, or 3. Won't on 4 either as far as I know. My mom probably wouldn't offer that though.

KristaU831 · November 2013

My mom stayed 3 weeks after dd was born. We lived really far from family though. If she lived close she would totally not have stayed at our house.

KristaU831 · November 2013

But my mom did like everything and I didn't have to entertain her.
If your mom is high maintenance say no. If she's easy it'll probably be fine

lellymine · November 2013

Thanks for the responses so far. She's not high maintenance but she's a bit bossy so that's where I'm not sure about having her here. I'm trying to decide if it will it drive me crazy or if I will be so exhausted and frazzled with a newborn that I'll be grateful having someone tell me what to do.

StinaLeigh · November 2013

Totally depends on your relationship, but I loved having my mom stay and she'll come again this time. She was with us for almost a month and she is a total take charge person. Before we came home from the hospital, she and my dad ran errands picking up any needed supplies, medications, etc. She cooked, took care of the baby early in the morning so I could sleep longer. Watched the baby while I showered, helped stock my freezer - basically anything that needed doing. It was awesome.

But again it depends on the relationship. I would have died if it were my in-laws or I had to entertain, look after them, hide upstairs to nurse or pump (it took me a long time to learn how to do it fully clothed - with my mom I just stripped down to nursing tank and didn't worry).

LegalLadyBug · November 2013

Nobody stayed with us, we managed on our own. This time around my mom will help since its two plus a toddler.

katekat8721 · November 2013

We live close to family, so while they won't stay with us they'll be visiting a lot! My in laws are out of state and I'm not sure what they'll do. I've already told hubby no over night guests when they're newborns. Too stressful.

MollySm · November 2013

My sister came. The timing was tough, so she stayed for 2 weeks but a lot of it ended up being before Lucia was born. I loved having her! She kept me busy (Lulu came 5 days late), cooked and froze a whole bunch of meals for us, and was great to have in the hospital. When we got home she let us get some much needed sleep by taking shifts with the baby. I loved having her, but we are very close so I felt totally comfortable telling her exactly what I did and did not want.

tbmadeamistake · November 2013

DH stayed home for two weeks, one of vacation and one of working from home. Mom came to stay for a week when C was about a month old and it was awesome. After a week on my own it was nice to have the company. She's totally laid back and was fine letting me parent in my own way. She helped clean around the house and also helped me do things like packing away the maternity clothes and planting some things in the garden, things that I was having trouble finding time for. We've always had a great relationship, though, and she's always let me do my own thing. She helped me get out of the house a bit and gave me time to nap/relax while she bonded with C. It was really nice and I hope she does something similar this time.

Gardenergirl131 · November 2013

My family all live close by. They will not stay but will certainly be by daily to help! Hubby is self employed and will need to return to work ASAP, I'm certain I will need my family support in the beginning.

lest12 · November 2013

My family all live within 5 minutes so no one will stay, but I'm sure they won't leave me alone for a minute.

MIL lives about a few hours away. It hasn't been discussed but I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to stay for a few days.

Personally I am very private and think that I'm going to want alone time, but I don't know how I could tell MIL that she couldn't spend a little time around her first grandchild. She's easy going though. I suspect I'll get anxious about it, won't say anything, work the situation up in my head, and she will be here for a day with no issues, haha. Usually how this all goes.

LindsM16 · November 2013

My mom has said she is MOVING in to be the nanny!! I haven't decided if she is joking or not...

nunzchucks · November 2013

Same as @tonyacody06 I'd rather have my own space. Those days after DH went back to work were so peaceful!

ktwils2010 · November 2013

My mom stayed with us for 2 wks. It was great!! We are really close and she's great with babies (I'm the oldest of 7) so it was so nice having the extra set of hands and the company. I bawled like a baby when she left!

ETA: She lives 5 hrs away and I still have 4 siblings that live at home so it was a special treat having her all to myself! (And dd)

Lynnja616 · November 2013

No one stayed with us after either LO. DH took 1 week off each time. It was fine and for us preferable. We did have visitors and friends/family brought us some food/meals which was nice.

Mrs_D_in_KY · November 2013

I had people stay with me the while DH was at work one day as he had to finish out the work week. But then he was off the whole next week which was nice. I'm not sure if I would want a bunch of people or my mother/MIL staying at the house. I would feel like I had to entertain them.

MNOpea · November 2013

Nobody stayed with us but dh was able to take 21 days off so that was a huge help.

Pepper6 · November 2013

Both of our families are local, so no need for anyone to come stay with us. Also, H is taking 4 weeks off. We're pretty independent so while I'm sure our parents will stop by to see the baby, it would annoy me to have someone hovering all day every day.

mom2be614 · November 2013

My MIL stayed for a week, then my mom came to town and stayed for another week. DH took a few weeks of leave that he had saved up, too. It was awesome. MIL and DH did a bunch of household cleaning, laundry and organization chores, and my mom cooked tons of freezer meals for us. Plus, they helped me get a bit more sleep. I had no problem nursing in front of them. I hope they offer to come again.

MissBHaven1024 · November 2013

No one stayed with us. People came over in the days following our arrival back home to help cook or clean, but no one consistently stayed in the house with us.

HeadRedInCharge · November 2013

I didn't have anybody come stay. Granted I did have my H home for several weeks after the birth. I had so many people tell me to have anybody come help who was willing. We managed just fine without any help. Maybe I'm too much of a control freak. Who knows how I'll feel with a newborn and a toddler though.

rmjones15 · November 2013

My mom couldn't stay long last time, but I loved it when she was with us. She was a nurse and is one of those super efficient behind the scenes types. She cooked and cleaned and helped a lot with ds (he had trouble nursing right away). This time I think she can stay a bit longer, which i will welcome.

ckbutler07 · November 2013

I think it probably depends on how well delivery goes and how you're feeling too. This is my first, but I went and stayed with my aunt after she had my cousin a couple years ago. Her husband had to go back to work right away. She had to have a c section so she couldn't lift anything heavier than the baby. She also doesn't really have anyone there were she lives, it's like 2 hours from the rest of us. I just did little things like laundry and cooked and watched the baby so she could get plenty of rest. I loved it! It let me bond with my new little cousin and brought my aunt and I closer than we already were. I cried when I left, I didn't want to leave them!

emandjp · November 2013

My best friend stayed for almost a week and then my sister came for a week too, it was amazing and I'm hoping for the same thing this time.

I'm anticipating that family members are going to offer to take my daughter to their house for a few days and I'm not going to let that happen...I don't want her feeling like the new baby is taking her place. I know she'll only be two but I'm honestly pretty worried about it.

mrsgyaray · November 2013

My mom wants to stay with us for a week. I love her and she is wonderful, but I don't know if we can get along for a week. Her calling me everyday has already been driving me nuts. I keep putting the conversation off so that maybe she'll forget about it....

AnnieJar · November 2013

After my first my sister and BIL came to stay for three nights. I ended up with a c-section and some complications so I was in bad shape. DS had big time trouble nursing and was jaundiced. There had just been two major blizzards (we are talking a total of 40+ inches of snow in Maryland) and so we needed help related to that as well. In some ways they were really helpful but our house is very small and so we felt crowded. It was such a stressful time I don't really have fond memories.

My mom stayed at our house with DS while we were in the hospital having DD and left as soon as we came home. Then DH was home with me for another week and then when he went back to work my mom came back up for a week. She was a HUGE help and I couldn't have done that first week alone with the two kids! Having a c-section is tough to recover from and there was no way I was up for chasing after and providing care for my three year old. I was able to pretty much stay in bed with the baby and nurse and rest. My mom took care of everything else I would normally be doing (cooking, dishes, laundry, etc). She even brought food up to me and would check on me periodically to see if I needed anything. It was amazing being waited on hand and foot and only having to worry about taking care of myself and the new baby.

kaitlin&kurth · November 2013

My mom came and then my MIL came. I loved having my mom there. I didn't mind her doing laundry or cooking and such but my MIL, I didn't enjoy so much. I felt like I had to keep everything clean, do all the cooking, laundry, everything. They both stayed for two weeks which I felt was a good amount of time to get settled, adjusted, and even begin a routine.

tnd1218 · November 2013

We had no one stay with us. Husband took a few weeks off to stay home and that was perfect for us. We live less than 20 minutes away from both our families so they would stop by from time to time just to visit there was no helping with cooking or cleaning.

lifeisbetteronthered · November 2013

Unfortunately, my mom has passed away. But if she had been still around I would have loved for her to stay with us for the first week or so. We had a great relationship, and I am sure I could have told her if she was overstepping or being unhelpful.

There is no way I would have MIL here for more then a few hours at a time, but she is too unwell to help at all (mostly obesity related) and so everyone has to wait on her.

DH took 4 weeks off last time. I don't know what I would have done without him. He is now a SAHD, so will be home the whole time this time. He is so helpful I know that it will make the transition to 2u2 much easier.

ncbelle · November 2013

My parents did stay a couple days with my first although I would have been fine without. With my second, my ILs stayed with my oldest while we were in the hospital but left when we came home.

I think it depends on your relationship with family and how they will be if they come. My parents basically cooked and cleaned the whole time. If your family isn't going to do that, they need to stay away! They should be willing to stay to take care of you and your house, not to sit around and want to hold baby

KISMET009 · November 2013

No one stayed with us. I didn't feel like I needed help, I already had experience with newborns.

flerlgirl · November 2013

my mom and MIL took turns driving me to see him but no one stayed at our apartment 24/7.

Cherylwang · November 2013

My husband passed away while I was pregnant with my first. Everyone asked to stay with me but it just made me feel worse about my situation. I was breastfeeding anyways. So what would a person at my house do anyways. I was the only one that could feed the baby or anything. When I re-married and had baby # 2 I figured I lived alone and did it all by myself the first time I surely didnt need anyone to stay the second. I got home from the hospital on a Thursday and Friday morning my husband went to work. It's not rocket science. Babies sleep almost the whole day. Other than having someone there for company I think I would rather try to sleep when I can and not entertain anyone or anything. I just think week long visitors is unnessecary. I get wanting to visit if its your mom and she lives far. I would almost think coming a week or two later when you are feeling a little better would be better.

Mommy2Elijah · November 2013

My mom came and stayed with me for about 2 weeks and then my sister came for a week. It was really nice because they cooked for us and let me take naps. Just make sure if you do have someone stay with you they will help you and not stress you out. You need to be able to relax and bond with baby and it is hard to do if you are constantly worrying about the people who are visiting.

snowpants · November 2013

My mom stayed with us for a few nights (not right away, she gave us space and didn't come until we asked her) and was really helpful. She did cleaning, laundry, and obviously did lots of grandma duty like baby cuddling and diaper changing. It was a huge help.

We also had lots of family and friends drop off premade meals and that was incredibly helpful.

YetterEA · November 2013

My mom stayed about 10 days. She was a life-saver and I never worried about entertaining her, or just going to sleep and having her watch the baby- she is my mom! That's what she was there fore.

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