Ugh. Please help support me...

Mandmeesh · November 2013

So, for various reasons (M treating bedtime like play time, falling asleep perfectly in my arms, or nursing, then just being up for two hours at night) I'm attempting getting him to sleep in his crib. I feel like it's time. I am his comfort. I'm trying the interval method (going to him after a few minutes to soothe) blah blah blah. But I'm torn. It feels wrong to have him cry. But I also feel like he needs a normal bedtime. Please help me not feel horrible

Mandmeesh · November 2013

Or...make me feel horrible and I'll stay up til eleven til he falls asleep

nanabanana06 · November 2013

Sleep training is perfectly normal and an important skill. When everything is said and done you will enjoy the freedom. I know I have now that Cade is in his new room.

Mandmeesh · November 2013

I was thinking of you, I know you moved Cade pretty recently

nanabanana06 · November 2013

Yes. It's been so nice to have some time to myself again. I can put Cade to bed and drink, bath, play video games, and read at my leisure again. It's wonderful.

unaveragejane · November 2013

Helping DS learn to fall asleep on his own was one of the hardest but best decisions we made for our family. It only took a couple of nights for him to figure it out, and after that everyone got a lot more sleep! We also did intervals, and with him when he cried, I could tell it was a frustrated, "This is hard. Why aren't you doing this for me?" kind of cry. He wasn't scared, just mad. Once he got the idea, it was like he'd been doing it forever. He was happier and healthier, and he didn't hate me in the morning. It doesn't bother him now to lay down on his own. He just chills in his crib until he falls asleep. I will say though that we couldn't do intervals when he woke up at night. If I went to him, he just got more upset. As long as I could tell that he wasn't hungry, poopy, or hurt, I just had to let him be. On the rare occasion that he didn't put himself back to sleep within 5 minutes and stay asleep, it was b/c he was sick or dirty or hurting with a tooth, so I knew to go on in and intervene. Anyway, hugs to you!

Mandmeesh · November 2013

M is definitely not scared crying. But it is a sad cry! I've only gone in once. He keeps settling down for a minute. Which is great. And the other night I laid him down next to me and he fell asleep within twenty minutes. I know he CAN do it...but this is the first time without me. I feel awful for wanting to be able to just put him to bed at night and just leave him by himself. He's spent every night for his whole life sleeping right next to me. Oy. He's been in there for 40 minutes....and he's quiet now

Unknown · November 2013

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TJ1979 · November 2013

The first few nights are the hardest. You are doing a good thing for M. Parenting is hard. Big hugs!

Mandmeesh · November 2013

It's been two hours. He's still awake

bumpuser5078523 · November 2013

I was trying intervals with Logan and it would only make him madder. I decided to let him fuss and cry off and on for a nap and he learned in one day, with only two naps. Now he usually doesn't cry at all.

The first nap took him an hour to fall asleep. He didn't cry solid for an hour. He fussed, talked, cried, almost fell asleep, remembered he was mad and did it all over again.

His second nap he only did that for half an hour.

I don't know what your parenting style is, so this might not be your cup of tea.

I'm leery of calling it CIO, because people have different ideas as to what that entails.

Danie007 · November 2013

I've been blessed with two really good sleepers, so I'm not a lot of help for suggestions. However, like others have said it is what is best for you and for him. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but keep going with it. ::hugs:: I should really knock on wood now. Baby #3 will probably never sleep.

Mandmeesh · November 2013

Still not sleeping. Closing in on THREE hours. How long is enough to decide he's not ready? Oy

sarenu1 · November 2013

It's really hard to say what will work for you.

For us it always worked to send in my husband. He's always been the enforcer for the two of us. Our daughter always knows it serious if he comes in. But we also got her into her crib early on. I don't think I could handle co-sleeping, but that's what worked for us.

kjsmith9 · November 2013

I wouldn't judge whether or not he's ready for it on one night...

Do you usually feed him in the MOTN? When we were doing this type of interval sleep training, I would only feed her if it had been 4 hours since her last nursing session (unless I knew she was eating like crazy all day and was in a growth spurt). Things were dramatically different with us after 5-7 days.

Unknown · November 2013

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Mandmeesh · November 2013

awfully. he was still crying by 1 am after only sleeping for 15 minutes. I took that as a hunger cry because he does nurse MOTN often. so, he came to bed with me. Then was up a little after seven. so the poor baby didn't even get five hours of sleep last night.

I know, I suck. and I should've left him in there after nursing…but he was miserable for four straight hours

TJ1979 · November 2013

Aww, so sorry for both of you. Sleep training is rough. Are you going to try again?

Mandmeesh · November 2013

yes, definitely

Unknown · November 2013

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Mandmeesh · November 2013

he naps alone…in the rock n play. (my ongoing FFFC

)

unaveragejane · November 2013

I'm sorry it didn't go well last night, @Mandmeesh. FX that it gets better soon!

One thing that helps us when DS is fighting his nap is to repeat his before-sleep routine. I go in, change his diaper, read him a story or two, sing his sleepy song, and put him back in the crib. I don't know why it works, but it seems to do the trick for him. He can have been laying in his crib goofing off and not sleeping for an hour...I go in and repeat the routine, and he's usually asleep in 15 minutes.

As for figuring out when they're ready...it's really up to you. We chose 6 months b/c the things I had read said he should be physically capable of self-soothing, he had already STTN a few times, and the timing of Christmas break was good for us. We had broken the swaddle already, and he was used to sleeping in his crib for naps and at night. Oh, we also started letting him have his sleepy bunny lovey - one that doesn't have eyes that can come off and is breathable so he couldn't smother in it. He didn't bond with it right away, but it didn't take long for him to be happy to go snuggle with sleepy bunny to fall asleep.

Unknown · November 2013

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freezorburn · November 2013

Sounds like a rough night. Hope things get better for you soon!

I gotta say that increasing intervals didn't really work for us either. What's worked for us so far is probably cobbled together from a bunch of different sources. We've tried a few things out of the No-cry Sleep Solution and The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep. I just try to be aware of baby's cues and what he needs to relax and calm down and get drowsy. Sometimes I'll find success with a particular song or book, or rocking, and that will work for a while, and then it won't, and I have to try something else.

Some examples: For a while I found that he couldn't make it past the second verse of American Pie (I find traditional lullabies to be too short, so I decided to sing him the longest song that I knew). And then DH spent a few nights sitting with him and working on his Sudoku out loud while DS fell asleep. When that stopped working, I started to read a huge compendium of British history to him. This week he really wants me close when he falls asleep, so I let him get drowsy on the daybed in his room while I read, then I rock him a bit and hopefully by the time I set him down he is too sleepy to fight it. So, don't be afraid to change things up a bit.

stoneycakes · November 2013

Everyone had good suggestions. I forget how old M is, so I'm not sure if he might be about to outgrow the sizes, but you might want to check out the Magic Sleepsuit. We used it to transition DS out of his swaddle and out of his RnP. It worked the first night. It definitely made DS feel cozy and helped him fall asleep faster on his own. Granted I was still nursing him before bed, but I could lay him down awake and he would fall asleep without crying.

cedenton · November 2013

Were you doing intervals the whole time or straight CIO? Whichever one you did, I'd try the other and be consistent.

TJ1979 · November 2013

I agree with @stoneycakes about the magic sleep suit. M is on the small side if I remember correctly so he should fit in one fine. E is shamefully still wearing hers at 15 months. (Guess that should be my fffc.) I swear it's a miracle.

LatteLady5 · November 2013

First of all, you don't suck. Sleeping baby issues are hard...really hard. Secondly CIO isn't a solution that works for everyone. We tried it, I hated it and it didn't work. We tried a lot of things and nothing worked. DD didn't start STTN until closer to 17 months after we dropped the before bed feeding and I think she was just ready. Until then every attempt made failed miserable. She was (is) a perfectly developing child, actually, most of her major milestones were accomplished after she was supposed to be asleep. She just sucked at sleeping all night.

I'm not telling you not to keep trying but if you do keep trying and it doesn't work it doesn't mean you're a bad mom or a failure. It took me awhile to realize that. Parenting is hard and there's no one size fits all approach. I hope you figure out something that works and your LO starts sleeping better for you. Good luck!

candlequeen · November 2013

LatteLady5 said:

First of all, you don't suck. Sleeping baby issues are hard...really hard. Secondly CIO isn't a solution that works for everyone. We tried it, I hated it and it didn't work. We tried a lot of things and nothing worked. DD didn't start STTN until closer to 17 months after we dropped the before bed feeding and I think she was just ready. Until then every attempt made failed miserable. She was (is) a perfectly developing child, actually, most of her major milestones were accomplished after she was supposed to be asleep. She just sucked at sleeping all night.

I'm not telling you not to keep trying but if you do keep trying and it doesn't work it doesn't mean you're a bad mom or a failure. It took me awhile to realize that. Parenting is hard and there's no one size fits all approach. I hope you figure out something that works and your LO starts sleeping better for you. Good luck!

this is fabulous! this lady is a genius!

Mandmeesh · November 2013

LatteLady5 said:

First of all, you don't suck. Sleeping baby issues are hard...really hard. Secondly CIO isn't a solution that works for everyone. We tried it, I hated it and it didn't work. We tried a lot of things and nothing worked. DD didn't start STTN until closer to 17 months after we dropped the before bed feeding and I think she was just ready. Until then every attempt made failed miserable. She was (is) a perfectly developing child, actually, most of her major milestones were accomplished after she was supposed to be asleep. She just sucked at sleeping all night.

I'm not telling you not to keep trying but if you do keep trying and it doesn't work it doesn't mean you're a bad mom or a failure. It took me awhile to realize that. Parenting is hard and there's no one size fits all approach. I hope you figure out something that works and your LO starts sleeping better for you. Good luck!

Thank you so much. To you and everyone else.

Mandmeesh · November 2013

I don't understand! This is not teaching him to self soothe! He's just crying until he's exhausted. That's not putting yourself to sleep. Ugh. I hate this

Danie007 · November 2013

It does change over eventually. Lyla had to have a little tag blanket she liked to hold onto. Jazz sucks his thumb, but he also has a bunny that he likes to have at bed time. Does M have anything he finds soothing, other than you, that he might do better if it is with him?

Mandmeesh · November 2013

Well, he does have a thin receiving blanket in there that we slept with last night. He's never liked objects much at all. Just me. Oy lol

Mandmeesh · November 2013

And @danie007, you're right. He was doing a lot of talking to himself tonight. I'm just a freak. Lol

bumpuser5078523 · November 2013

I didn't read all the replies, so sorry if I duplicate.

Since he sleeps in his RnP, maybe try putting him to bed in that. It sounds like that is working for naps. Maybe try doing that for night. Once he gets the hang of sleeping there and going to sleep by himself, move him to his crib. It might be too much all at once.

Mandmeesh · November 2013

doeie04 said:

I didn't read all the replies, so sorry if I duplicate. Since he sleeps in his RnP, maybe try putting him to bed in that. It sounds like that is working for naps. Maybe try doing that for night. Once he gets the hang of sleeping there and going to sleep by himself, move him to his crib. It might be too much all at once.

It's definitely a lot for him. But if he gets upset in the rnp I'm afraid he'll get to the point of launching myself out of it. He's okay right now. ASLEep for 12 minutes!

Mandmeesh · November 2013

Okay, now, I know m still nurses in the MOTN. And it's really eating, not just comfort. How do I do that? Nurse him and out him back down and then that's it?

Mandmeesh · November 2013

Never mind...got it

unaveragejane · November 2013

Oh, hugs, hon! I honestly probably would have had to switch tactics if DS didn't handle intervals well. But then they say to be consistent. Argh. Just follow your gut. We're pulling for you!

How does he do if you just sit next to the crib, pat him, and talk to him? Maybe you could try the technique where you sit close to the crib, then move away a little at a time each night until you are outside the room.

Mandmeesh · November 2013

That actually is what I was going to try tonight. He FREAKS out though. As soon as he leaves my arms, hysteria. It's best for me to leave the room. Even though I went in to soothe him (he just needed it one time after five minutes ) he gets worse with me in there. He fell asleep after only 30 minutes off off and on whimpers. Yay!

Mandmeesh · November 2013

Then he woke up an hour later, fussed for six minutes and he's been down again for thirty minutes. Slowly but surely, we are getting there. It feels so good to know I'm not the only one. My biggest hurdle was family making me feel like my choice to bed share was problematic. I had SIL and sister say M had us wrapped around his finger and he gets whatever he wants from us. Duh! He's seven months old.

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