UO

[Deleted User] · November 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

@etoille hence the reason we're OAD unless my SO starts making bank at some point.

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

@maryannespier - You can differentiate between MJ and other drugs in a drug test, so you could easily say MJ is OK and the rest are not.

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

etoille said:

ceechie said:

My uo: drug testing to receive benefits is a horrific violation of civil liberties. It's judgmental and prejudice to families in need. I would be horrified if I needed food stamps and was then thought to need a drug test. I got a fed aid for college- drug test? Elected officials? To me it says: you need aid, you might do drugs. What!!? And yes, people abuse the system. Let's put the money into drug education and support and even law enforcement vs pee cups and blood work. Let's end the cycle.

Time out.

How is something it a violation of civil liberties (ie your RIGHTS) to require conditions to receive something that is by definition a BENEFIT (ie NOT a RIGHT)?

No. Just...no. You can call it unfair you might not agree with it but no, it is most 100% certainly not a violation of your civil liberties.

I soooooo wanna make babies with you! :x

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

Dccornel said:

I wasn't going to say anything but I think I will. My cousin is by definition 'mentally retarded' because she has Rett's Syndrome. I have never and absolutely will never consider her retarded because I actually think the word is vuglar in the definition people think it should be used. I, however, use it in the terms of jokingly calling someone or something 'stupid'. I am more offended by the politcally correct term over someone using it in a nonchalant way. My cousin is by no means stupid, she is disabled by her syndrome. I think it is unfair that she is thrown in a category so people feel better about themselves. She is mentally and physically incapacitated by her syndrome. Does that make her any less of a person? NO.

Thank you. I also would like to add I do not get worked up when someone jokingly says "Ugh I want to kill myself" when they are having a bad day. Could I? Sure, my Dad killed himself, it's a sensitive topic, but there's a big difference between using it in a joking vs. serious manner. I think we give words too much power, and getting worked up over using "retarded" or "gay" in a joking manner only feeds into that power.

MagickalNarwhal · November 2013

Chunkymonkeylvr said:

Chunkymonkeylvr said:

I think it is funny (not te haha kind). How up in arms people get about certain situations i.e. Hitler and the Nazi's. Not to diminish the horrific conditions and actions that these nasty people forced upon others, but the only reason we know of this is because they didn't win the war. We don't discuss the concentration camps that happened before or after, or the millions being killed on other countries in recent history and going on today. We don't discuss the Japanese camps that we had here in the US if today. I think going up in arms for the use of a word used in everyday language makes me giggle.

Actually, I do get upset over the many more millions Stalin and Mao killed. I think the way the US treated the Native Americans, the Japanese, blacks, etc, is appalling, but I do get up in arms and I wish it wasn't used every day. Like I said, I know too many people who were horrifically affected by what happened.

How would you feel if you were talking to an older person and said something about a "grammar nazi" only to find out that person had survived one of the camps? Would you still get a giggle out of it then?
I have and those who I have used that word around understand the context in which it was used. Would I be more sensitive to that person if they asked me too? Sure, but it is just a word. Like you, my family has personally been affected, and I have had the privilege of knowing a lot of amazing people who have over come such a tragedy, none of which have had any kind if adverse reaction to the word Nazi as it is used today. That generation seems to have been built with stronger bones and not too much of an attitude that everyone should change to appease a few.

As a Jew who personally lost family in the camps, I really dislike it when people casually use the word nazi. I don't jump in and "correct" people on random internet boards but if it's someone I see or talk to fairly regularly, I will say something. It's not that big on my radar though, I just dislike it and think there are easy alternatives to use to make the same point.

What makes me fucking ragey though is when people defend the use of it, insult people who are personally hurt by something, and minimize someone's totally valid feelings. I just cannot fathom how the use of the word is THAT important to your daily life that you can justify it by saying that "only a few" are upset and apparently it's not enough for you to reconsider. How many people need to be upset by something before you would legit reconsider using it?

ceechie · November 2013

My beliefs with drug testing is that it violates a persons privacy (oh, civil liberties). Just because you need government aid, does not mean you should give up all personal privacy. I also, don't believe people need to prove their innocence. Choosing to have a job that requires drug testing is very different from a person in need of government aid.
I get it, we're not going to agree on this one. But I wanted the other side out there. I feel like it's very easy for people who have never been in that situation to pass judgment. And you cannot deny that there is a lot of stigma out there.
Like I said I'd rather use the money for drug education and better enforcement of drug laws. Rather than attacking people in need (okay, that was dramatic but I'm cool with it).

Carrie3102 · November 2013

Wow ladies... whew, long long long. U/O I hate when the thread grows so fast... girls gotta work yo!

@etoille... you are so on my brain wave today... it's uncanny, and unusual in political discussions.

@chunkeymonkeylvr I'm not sure I disagree with @ncchnat on the word nazi and use of hitler... I mean there are lots of words that are taboo because they offend people even though they are just "words" (FYI I hate... LOATH PC bullshit) so if the "n" word is so bad, why isn't nazi? IDK... IDK.... I'm just not sure where I stand on that one.

my UO I think that the 12 weeks of FMLA and any paid leave in the states is pretty good and a nice benefit. Do I hate leaving my kids? Yep sure do. But I also don't expect the taxpayers of this country to fund my decision to start a family. I knew going in I'd have to work and I knew I got x number of paid weeks (10). If I wanted to be gone from work longer, then I should have planned for that.

It is not my company or the taxpayers of the US' problem if I want to be home with my kid. It is mine and I should have either married someone who has a good enough job so that I can stay home if I want, or planed my finances according to the length of time I wanted to be away from the work force.

All that said... I wish things were more like they were when I was a kid. Most of my friends' moms (and mine) were SAHM's and that was the norm, and you were able to survive that way, but most of the time unless one partner "makes bank" (@asbromle ) Having multiple kids and SAH isn't really realilistic. I'd love to stay home, but I know I can't. So is what it is.

valstulas · November 2013

@TheLittleRedM Oh, my heart just hurts for your poor little niece and nephew!

Stina2012 · November 2013

TheLittleRedM said:
On the drug testing note: I fully agree with saying they need drug tests before receiving benefits. My ex SIL and my brother (before he got clean) frequently sold their benefits to support their drug addictions and it left my niece and nephew without food for days at a time. They were so wrapped up in themselves that they couldn't even be bothered to teach my niece how to eat solids and they gave everything to her in a bottle which tended to go bad and my nephew (they're 18 months apart) would try feeding her the bottle when she cried because he didn't understand that the stuff was bad.

My UO: I side-eye CYFD workers. I know that CYFD does a lot of good in a lot of instances but I honestly will never ever fully trust that they are doing their work for the good of the kids in need. My niece and nephew were sexually abused by their bio mom and her boyfriends on top of being emotionally abused and other physical abuse. They would come to us when her week was up with burns on their bodies because their mom use to burn them with cigarettes and cigars as a form of punishment. We found them left inside a car, both wide awake, with the windows rolled up on a 90+ degree day. Their mom decided she needed a nap and a break from them and went into the house and left them in the driveway. CYFD still did nothing. They kept saying they would but they never ever charged her with abuse or anything else. They wouldn't even testify saying that she should lose her parental rights.

ETA: There was documented evidence from doctors about the abuse that was happening to these kids both sexually and otherwise.

I could never look my brother in the eye again if I knew this happened to his kids. Even if he did get clean.

ceechie · November 2013

You're right, I don't want your long-winded reply.
I'm out and still don't believe in drug testing.

Stina2012 · November 2013

ChrissieMeas said:
@maryannespier - You can differentiate between MJ and other drugs in a drug test, so you could easily say MJ is OK and the rest are not.

And who are you to decide? MJ isn't a legal drug. At least be consistent and state all illegal drugs are an issue.

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

ncchnat said:

ChrissieMeas said:
Thank you. I also would like to add I do not get worked up when someone jokingly says "Ugh I want to kill myself" when they are having a bad day. Could I? Sure, my Dad killed himself, it's a sensitive topic, but there's a big difference between using it in a joking vs. serious manner. I think we give words too much power, and getting worked up over using "retarded" or "gay" in a joking manner only feeds into that power.

So if someone repeatedly used the word "fuck" in front of your child or the n-word, you wouldn't get upset, because that gives the words too much power, right?

I was specifically thinking of conversations between grown adults, but when my child is old enough he will be taught there are appropriate and inappropriate times to use certain words.

And don't get me started on the N-word... some people get to use it and others don't?

valstulas · November 2013

ncchnat said:

ChrissieMeas said:

Thank you. I also would like to add I do not get worked up when someone jokingly says "Ugh I want to kill myself" when they are having a bad day. Could I? Sure, my Dad killed himself, it's a sensitive topic, but there's a big difference between using it in a joking vs. serious manner. I think we give words too much power, and getting worked up over using "retarded" or "gay" in a joking manner only feeds into that power.

So if someone repeatedly used the word "fuck" in front of your child or the n-word, you wouldn't get upset, because that gives the words too much power, right?

OMG, totally off topic, but one of the kids in our neighborhood taught DS1 the n-word. He's all about shock value so he uses it. A lot. It's absolutely mortifying and I'm scared he's going to say it to the wrong person someday and get his ass kicked.

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

Stina2012 said:

@maryannespier - You can differentiate between MJ and other drugs in a drug test, so you could easily say MJ is OK and the rest are not.
And who are you to decide? MJ isn't a legal drug. At least be consistent and state all illegal drugs are an issue.

Perhaps MJ shouldn't be illegal. *begin next debate*

valstulas · November 2013

lizabethann06 said:

I instantly noticed that giant tub of cheese balls I'm the background. I think I may be hungry.

littlelegslo · November 2013

I read every single post!!!!! Where's my prize?!

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

ncchnat said:

@ChrissieMeas, that's another word I wish would just disappear and no one used, but the reality is that some can and some can't. I don't think it's right, though.

I should've added it is certainly not one in my vocabulary, and I'm not saying I WANT to use it, but again it is a word that has a negative connotation only when it is convenient for some people to get worked up about it.

chiboo9 · November 2013

valstulas said:

I instantly noticed that giant tub of cheese balls I'm the background. I think I may be hungry.

Ugh, those stupid cheeseballs in this show! They have them in the kitchen/cafeteria shots too. DH and I were watching this show while PG and I literally sent him out to buy me a tub when I saw it. Walmart has them. So good.

chiboo9 · November 2013

etoille said:

ok since we're already on the subject...

has anyone seen this?

https://www.mediaite.com/tv/watch-family-feud-players-awkwardly-racial-answer-about-black-zombies/

I just about peed my pants.

Hahah, saw that the other night on The Soup. I died laughing.

Stina2012 · November 2013

etoille said:
ok since we're already on the subject...

has anyone seen this?

https://www.mediaite.com/tv/watch-family-feud-players-awkwardly-racial-answer-about-black-zombies/

I just about peed my pants.

Yes!!!! I laughed so hard. But I didn't pee my pants because I had a surgical extraction.

Stina2012 · November 2013

etoille said:

Stina2012 said:

ChrissieMeas said:
@maryannespier - You can differentiate between MJ and other drugs in a drug test, so you could easily say MJ is OK and the rest are not.
And who are you to decide? MJ isn't a legal drug. At least be consistent and state all illegal drugs are an issue.

What makes something legal versus illegal though? Simply a determination by Congress? One could quite probably rather successfully argue that alcohol has had a worse impact on the health and productivity of society than many 'illegal' drugs. Should we screen for 'legal' drugs too that are used illegally? (Oxycontin comes to mind?)

How does medical MJ factor in?

So many strings to pull muahahahaha.

This is the part of good debate I like.

---------------------------------
All of these questions are why I think drug testing is a bad idea. Let's try and legislate something without creating a loop hole. It'd be like the snake that eats its own tail.

I find it funny that enforcing conservative social values would seem to increase the enforcement side of government, therefore, creating.....gasp....bigger government to police social values. You can't tell me drug testing for PA would be cost effective and effective. Nyet.

Aiylin · November 2013

I don't know who Steve Harvey keeps a straight face sometimes when people answer.

They walk among us people.

Stina2012 · November 2013

Aiylin said:

I don't know who Steve Harvey keeps a straight face sometimes when people answer.

They walk among us people.

Who are these people?

jmw222 · November 2013

I don't like baby themed rooms (little animals, characters). It's just not my style and I'm cheap and don't want to have to redo the baby nursery when LO gets older.

valstulas · November 2013

Dccornel said:

valstulas said:

lizabethann06 said:
I instantly noticed that giant tub of cheese balls I'm the background. I think I may be hungry.

Or. Pregnant.

Should I POAS?

Stina2012 · November 2013

Trimming quote tree
One could argue that the method of redeeming the benefits could be more effective than drug testing in ensuring no illegal activity takes place.

One could also argue that this all amounts to a police state and red tape.

So much arguing!

Aiylin · November 2013

@ncchnat- those are too awesome! I don't think I have seen any of those episodes!

Carrie3102 · November 2013

somerandomchick said:

My beliefs with drug testing is that it violates a persons privacy (oh, civil liberties). Just because you need government aid, does not mean you should give up all personal privacy. I also, don't believe people need to prove their innocence. Choosing to have a job that requires drug testing is very different from a person in need of government aid. I get it, we're not going to agree on this one. But I wanted the other side out there. I feel like it's very easy for people who have never been in that situation to pass judgment. And you cannot deny that there is a lot of stigma out there. Like I said I'd rather use the money for drug education and better enforcement of drug laws. Rather than attacking people in need (okay, that was dramatic but I'm cool with it).
I agree with you that it violates personal privacy. The social safety net is intended for everyone, IMO. I don't think there should be conditions on it. I believe in everyone's basic humanity and their right to food, shelter and medical care. Addict, illegal alien, layabout, IDGAF. Whatever you've done with the cards life hands you, nobody deserves to starve to death. The only thing you have to do to 'earn' government assistance if you need it is to be a human being with a pulse. I also don't believe that most jobs should require drug testing. I had to get tested for an internship in software and it made no sense. I think its a violation of privacy unless working under the influence poses a real danger (working with heavy machinery, children, surgery, driving).!i work in a field where drinking at work events and then going back to work is accepted, so drug testing makes no sense. If you can produce results, who cares if you're high as a kite while doing so. (your body cares but that's NMP)

The bolded are not rights.

Aiylin · November 2013

Yeah, you want your civil liberties violated? Try going to a third world country's jail.

Then come back and talk to me about your civil liberties.

You want to talk civil liberties violations? Let's talk about the Homeland Security Act.... Good ole George taking care of our people by stripping us away of our rights(I'm an independent for the record).

Rights? let's talk about rights.. has anyone actually read the 37+ page disclosure that comes as part of your service agreement with your IPhones? ( I imagine the droids too and other smart phones of such). It basically tells you that your phone is government property and the government can check in on you when and if it feels like it. If you have an Iphone you basically have no privacy from our government.

And most of us don't even wince at pressing 'accept terms".

:-@

Edit:

Also, Google just paid out a huge fine for admitting to letting third parties stalk the interwebs users to market them. Creepy.

We're probably being watched right now. as we type.

Aiylin · November 2013

giraffeluvspi · November 2013

Aiylin said:

Yeah, you want your civil liberties violated? Try going to a third world country's jail.

Then come back and talk to me about your civil liberties.

You want to talk civil liberties violations? Let's talk about the Homeland Security Act.... Good ole George taking care of our people by stripping us away of our rights(I'm an independent for the record).

Rights? let's talk about rights.. has anyone actually read the 37+ page disclosure that comes as part of your service agreement with your IPhones? ( I imagine the droids too and other smart phones of such). It basically tells you that your phone is government property and the government can check in on you when and if it feels like it. If you have an Iphone you basically have no privacy from our government.

And most of us don't even wince at pressing 'accept terms".
:-@

Edit:
Also, Google just paid out a huge fine for admitting to letting third parties stalk the interwebs users to market them. Creepy.

We're probably being watched right now. as we type.

After I saw the Human CentiPad episode of South Park I was a little afraid to read my iTunes user agreement.

valstulas · November 2013

Aiylin said:
Yeah, you want your civil liberties violated? Try going to a third world country's jail.

Then come back and talk to me about your civil liberties.

You want to talk civil liberties violations? Let's talk about the Homeland Security Act.... Good ole George taking care of our people by stripping us away of our rights(I'm an independent for the record).

Rights? let's talk about rights.. has anyone actually read the 37+ page disclosure that comes as part of your service agreement with your IPhones? ( I imagine the droids too and other smart phones of such). It basically tells you that your phone is government property and the government can check in on you when and if it feels like it. If you have an Iphone you basically have no privacy from our government.

And most of us don't even wince at pressing 'accept terms".
:-@

Edit:
Also, Google just paid out a huge fine for admitting to letting third parties stalk the interwebs users to market them. Creepy.

We're probably being watched right now. as we type.

Sweet! Hey, there! Please don't test my pee or blood!!!!
[-O<

sdtchica13 · November 2013

lizabethann06 said:

Chunkymonkeylvr said:

fklang said:

Mamasighs said:

Some (not all by any means) babies have to CIO. All these threads about the evils of it are over the top.

Preach Mama preach!! I could've written this too. I think most of us have enough common sense to know when CIO is or isn't appropriate. If you join TB for knowledge about your LO, hopefully you care enough not to neglect/damage your kid.

Yup, add me to team CIO. It's fine to start between 4 and 6 months, and honestly, your kid is not going to be emotionally scarred if they had to yell for an extended period of time for one or two nights.
Apparently I was a victim of CIO at 2 months...... I wonder if I can blame that on the shitty decisions I have made in my life.

I could not imagine letting a 4 month old CIO. And definitely not a 2 month old! We know a LOT more about the effects of CIO on cortisol levels now than our parents generation did.

Yes, but again, no child has been scarred for life by CIO, and frankly, sometimes a kid just needs to get it out of his/her system so they can sleep. I didn't have to CIO with Corri until she was 11 months old and decided 3AM was a good time to party when she has been STTN for 7 months already. Two nights of it and she was back to STTN, which she and I both needed.

This time around, we have already let Gavin CIO twice (both in the past week, and he is over 4 months old). He is a catnapper and barely sleeps during the day, so he needs sleep at night. Lately he's been waking in the MOTN and refusing to go back to sleep unless we bring him into our bed, which neither of us are okay with ( am extremely anti-cosleeping), and we both work full time and cannot spend the entire night trying to get him to sleep.

I'd rather let him be pissed off for 30 minutes until he falls asleep (which has been the case both times) and then have him sleep for 5 more hours, then spend 5 hours playing the "I'm asleep until you put me down and then I am going to wake up and yell" game.

Aiylin · November 2013

ChrissieMeas, be afraid, very afraid. You know how we always rush through singing up for something and always agree the user agreements? Those things are downright scary if you start reading them.

Anytime you update an app (most anyway) on your smartphone you have to give it permission to locate you and it may or may not (read- it does) record your activity.

We're puppets.

Aiylin · November 2013

sdtchica13 · November 2013

lizabethann06 said:

sdtchica13 said:

lizabethann06 said:

Chunkymonkeylvr said:

fklang said:

Mamasighs said:

Some (not all by any means) babies have to CIO. All these threads about the evils of it are over the top.

Preach Mama preach!! I could've written this too. I think most of us have enough common sense to know when CIO is or isn't appropriate. If you join TB for knowledge about your LO, hopefully you care enough not to neglect/damage your kid.

Yup, add me to team CIO. It's fine to start between 4 and 6 months, and honestly, your kid is not going to be emotionally scarred if they had to yell for an extended period of time for one or two nights.
Apparently I was a victim of CIO at 2 months...... I wonder if I can blame that on the shitty decisions I have made in my life.

I could not imagine letting a 4 month old CIO. And definitely not a 2 month old! We know a LOT more about the effects of CIO on cortisol levels now than our parents generation did.

Yes, but again, no child has been scarred for life by CIO, and frankly, sometimes a kid just needs to get it out of his/her system so they can sleep. I didn't have to CIO with Corri until she was 11 months old and decided 3AM was a good time to party when she has been STTN for 7 months already. Two nights of it and she was back to STTN, which she and I both needed.

This time around, we have already let Gavin CIO twice (both in the past week, and he is over 4 months old). He is a catnapper and barely sleeps during the day, so he needs sleep at night. Lately he's been waking in the MOTN and refusing to go back to sleep unless we bring him into our bed, which neither of us are okay with ( am extremely anti-cosleeping), and we both work full time and cannot spend the entire night trying to get him to sleep.

I'd rather let him be pissed off for 30 minutes until he falls asleep (which has been the case both times) and then have him sleep for 5 more hours, then spend 5 hours playing the "I'm asleep until you put me down and then I am going to wake up and yell" game.

We both work full time as well. I don't view that or the "he needs to get it out of his system" as excuses for letting a baby cry without providing them comfort, especially when they're only 4 months old. There's so many other ways to help your child learn to sleep. CIO is not the magic answer. As you know from having an older child, there's many many many many phases ahead where your little one is going to wake up even though you did CIO or will continue to do it.

To each their own. I get that you're tired. We all are!

There is a difference between needing comfort, and wanting to play at 3AM. I didn't just ignore him upon hearing him wake, FFS. I went in, made sure he wasn't wet, tried to get him to go back to sleep, and then when he woke up three seconds after I returned to my room, I let him CIO, since I knew all of his basic needs had been met. He had also been STTN since 2.5 months, and this new MOTN thing is because we caved a few time in the past two weeks and brought him into our bed. This is a habit we needed to break ASAP, since we are anti co-sleeping and frankly, I am a nervous wreck when he's in our bed.

Maybe you can function at your job on no sleep, my husband and I can't, and I'd rather not get fired. Your eyeroll gif was a tad unnecessary...

sparkymcgeee · November 2013

I guess I disagree that there is a right to housing and medical care.

Stina2012 · November 2013

I'm going to lose my fucking mind if I have to keep rocking Riley to sleep. We are on hour 2 of me attempting to get her an afternoon nap. I want to fucking scream!!!!!!!

Is there an issue with Mommy CIO? Cuz I'm going to lose my shit.

NKF312 · November 2013

SASSY1JA said:

ramy3695 said:

@KKinATX can you PM me your friend's etsy shop with the bandana bibs? I've been wanting to get some.

Me too please! We are going through at least 3 outfits a day even with bibs on for most of the day.

Haven't gone through all ten pages yet, so someone else might have said this but, h&m sells bandana bibs and amazon has a brand "zippy absorbent" that are great!

Want a personalized experience?

UO

Re: UO

Choose Another Board

Search Boards