Cry It Out

KristinaKaye89 · November 2013

My 5 1/2 month old has never been a good sleeper... Needs to be held, wakes up every few hours... Finally at our wits end, we decided to try cry it out. The first night she cried 40 minutes and then slept 7 1/2 hours straight (in her own bed!!) and every night since has slept a straight 6-8 hours which has been AMAZING. The only problem is this... Everywhere I read says it only takes 4 to 7 nights before the baby stops crying when you lay her down. It's now been 8 nights for us and she still cries at least 10 or 15 minutes.

do I need to keep trying or is this just not ever going to get better? I'm being selfish and really don't want to lose these hours of uninterrupted sleep we've been getting!

MrsArrow · November 2013

4-7 nights is an average. All babies are different. If its on 10-15 minutes I wouldn't worry about it. the CIO method didn't work for us. The longest I would let him cry was 45 minutes...and my hubby had to practically hold me down so I wouldn't go to him, so we switched to the Shhing method. If he cries (and when I say cry...the bloody murder/hysterical crying not the whimpering, longer than 10 minutes I comfort him for a a few minutes and he goes back to sleep (usually the second his head is on my shoulder). It took about two weeks for him to STTN w/o any comforting. Its not selfish to want to sleep...its probably been a while.

My LO (just turned 5 mo on 11/6) sleeps from 8-8 now (most nights)! Hang in there!

MrsArrow · November 2013

PS: We also use a White Noise app on my iPhone... We also have a very good routine with him at night:
5:00~ Nurse
5:30~ Tummy Time w/ dad while I cook dinner
6:15~ Veggie/Cereal, while we eat
6:50~ Tummy Time w/ dad while I clean/get bath ready
7:10~ Bath/Lotion (lights are super low/ soft classical music playing)
7:20~ Book
7:30~ Nurse/Rock (white noise..he likes the thunderstorm)
8:00~ Bed!!

FarmingBride · November 2013

I would say to continue on as you have. I have referred to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book for both my 4 year old now and my 5 month old. The book talks about some kids just have to fussy a bit before they go to sleep, that's their style/nature.

Caitable25 · November 2013

Thanks for posting this! I agree that 4-7 nights is just an average, every baby is different. My pedi said we can start CIO now (he is 4 mos) but said I can wait until 5-6 if I am more comfortable. I'm scared to so it but your post gives me hope

DaniLeslie · November 2013

I have been wanting to try CIO b/c my 6 month old is waking every 2-3 hours but I'm afraid it truly is b/c she's hungry and I hate to deprive her of that. It's not like she gets up just to cry or fuss. I have a 3 year old and also work full time so I REALLY want to get some sleep. Do you fellow parents think I should try???

DaniLeslie · November 2013

Thank you, I definitely don't want her to go hungry, we're just exhausted. Have tried cereal bottles and she is eating jar foods twice a day. Growth spurt maybe?! My 3 y/o son was 9 months old before he slept through the night but he was only up once a night to eat. Thanks! I just love this message board!!

Nora1985 · November 2013

It took our lo a night to really get it. We used the ferber method and ever since then she sleep 10 hours straight. She's 5 months and we started doing it when she was 4.5 months per our pediatrician to help her not wake up 3-4 times a night for soothing.

Caitable25 · November 2013

@Nora1985 - do you mind my asking how long it took (days/weeks?) to get to the 10 hour point? I am losing my mind and researching different sleep training methods to see what would work best for my dude. he is just over 4 mos.

thanks !

Nora1985 · November 2013

It took about 2 days before she learned that mommy isn't going anywhere and for her to settle on her own. Takes patience!! It's hard hearing them cry but its worth it. trust me.

Nora1985 · November 2013

Ferber is the best btw. You go in and check on them after a period of crying and soon they don't even cry for long and/or at all! Try his book!

amandarins · November 2013

Babies who CIO sleep great from the exhaustion of crying...

MommyKristin88 · November 2013

You let your baby cry for 40 minutes, and didn't do anything?

That makes me very sad. That poor child.

MommyAmes2 · November 2013

UGH! You actually listened to your poor sweet baby crying for Mommy for 40 minutes? Of course a baby will sleep great after that, they are exhausted.

Revez · November 2013

Popping in from A13...
This thread makes me want to cry.

amandarins · November 2013

CaitlinEbbs25 said:
Thanks for posting this! I agree that 4-7 nights is just an average, every baby is different. My pedi said we can start CIO now (he is 4 mos) but said I can wait until 5-6 if I am more comfortable. I'm scared to so it but your post gives me hope

I'd consider finding a different pedi. Babies at that age are crying because they have a legitimate need.

amarissa85 · November 2013

This thread makes me sad. Your baby is crying because she needs you. She sleeps from exhaustion of crying. And she stops crying because she has worn herself out, not because she doesn't still need you.

amarissa85 · November 2013

amandarins said:

CaitlinEbbs25 said:
Thanks for posting this! I agree that 4-7 nights is just an average, every baby is different. My pedi said we can start CIO now (he is 4 mos) but said I can wait until 5-6 if I am more comfortable. I'm scared to so it but your post gives me hope
I'd consider finding a different pedi. Babies at that age are crying because they have a legitimate need.

This.

MitsB707 · November 2013

Is this real life??? Those poor babies. I can't imagine letting my child cry for 5 minutes without consoling them, let alone 45?!?!

PB102012 · November 2013

Agreed. My baby STTN on her own, but the minute she wakes up in the middle of the night (it's happened a couple of the times since she has began this longer period of sleeping), I am in there. I highly suggest you read this...
https://www.alternative-mama.com/a-letter-from-a-sleep-training-baby/

Marvel1013 · November 2013

If you were in your bed crying for 40 minutes straight and no one came to help you or feed you, wouldn't you fall asleep eventually because you're exhausted

amandarins · November 2013

Also, exhaustion is a part of parenting. You are a crappy mother if you let a helpless infant scream so that you can get some "me" time. Learn how to balance your life around your new baby, they're not trying to manipulate you.

MommyKristin88 · November 2013

OP, you're right - you are being selfish. Take care of your child.

MommyAmes2 · November 2013

I am actually shocked at the amount of support OP is getting in this thread.

My baby STTN, but she does wake sometimes. When she does I get right up for her. My other two didn't STTN until much older. Never once did I leave them cry, no matter how exhausted I was. They cried because they needed me, and I was always there, AND I still am.

Oh BTW, my 5 and 7 year old still need me sometimes at night. Should I lock them in their rooms and tell them to cry themselves to sleep?

BlondieBia21 · November 2013

KristinaKaye89 said:

My 5 1/2 month old has never been a good sleeper... Needs to be held, wakes up every few hours... Finally at our wits end, we decided to try cry it out. The first night she cried 40 minutes and then slept 7 1/2 hours straight (in her own bed!!) and every night since has slept a straight 6-8 hours which has been AMAZING. The only problem is this... Everywhere I read says it only takes 4 to 7 nights before the baby stops crying when you lay her down. It's now been 8 nights for us and she still cries at least 10 or 15 minutes. do I need to keep trying or is this just not ever going to get better? I'm being selfish and really don't want to lose these hours of uninterrupted sleep we've been getting!

Get over yourself.

amandarins · November 2013

BlondieBia21 said:

KristinaKaye89 said:

My 5 1/2 month old has never been a good sleeper... Needs to be held, wakes up every few hours... Finally at our wits end, we decided to try cry it out. The first night she cried 40 minutes and then slept 7 1/2 hours straight (in her own bed!!) and every night since has slept a straight 6-8 hours which has been AMAZING. The only problem is this... Everywhere I read says it only takes 4 to 7 nights before the baby stops crying when you lay her down. It's now been 8 nights for us and she still cries at least 10 or 15 minutes. do I need to keep trying or is this just not ever going to get better? I'm being selfish and really don't want to lose these hours of uninterrupted sleep we've been getting!

Get over yourself.

Yup. This is disgusting. Shame on you.

Cosmic+Love · November 2013

My little guy is 3.5 months old and still wakes up every two hours on the dot. I'm exhausted, but I have not considered CIO. He needs me in a big way right now.

One day it isn't going to be so cool to spend time with mom. These moments are incredibly precious and fleeting. I'll sleep later.

amarissa85 · November 2013

I'm also in that boat. LO wakes up every 2 hours on the dot and I wouldn't dream of letting him CIO. He needs me, I'm exhausted and I don't care because he needs me. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to get KU.

Revez · November 2013

MrsMuq said:
CIO is really not appropriate for babies younger than 6 months.

Personally I don't really think it's appropriate for a baby of any age. Or any person of any age for that matter.

I'm an adult and when I'm upset I still want someone to hold me. I don't care what time of the day it is. I can't imagine my H being like "nope, it's bedtime I want to sleep" then leaving and shutting the door so I have to lay in bed sobbing by myself.
But at least I could get a new H, your poor baby can't get a new mom.

mommabmb · November 2013

Seriously- go hold your baby.

henderson1026 · November 2013

You are being selfish. Get over yourself and hold your baby.

Caitable25 · November 2013

amandarins said:

Thanks for posting this! I agree that 4-7 nights is just an average, every baby is different. My pedi said we can start CIO now (he is 4 mos) but said I can wait until 5-6 if I am more comfortable. I'm scared to so it but your post gives me hope
I'd consider finding a different pedi. Babies at that age are crying because they have a legitimate need.

I love my pedi and trust her but like i said, I am waiting until he is older and its my comfort level which she also fully supports. To clarify, since people clearly have strong opinions on this, i would personally not let my child cry for 40 mins straight, I am considering a modified program using the Sleepeasy Solution. I read the book in its entirely last night and am going to try it when he is a bit older. I also think some babies do need sleep training and there are different methods for everyone, so I wouldn't call anyone an awful mother. I don't come here to offend anyone, but for support and to support other mothers.

For the moms who posted that are strongly against CIO - do you have other methods that work? I have been researching sleep training techniques and would love to hear what worked for you! Specifically my child refuses to sleep without being held these days! So I haven't slept in 4 nights! (and i work FT) suggestions welcome!

henderson1026 · November 2013

CaitlinEbbs25 said:

amandarins said:

Thanks for posting this! I agree that 4-7 nights is just an average, every baby is different. My pedi said we can start CIO now (he is 4 mos) but said I can wait until 5-6 if I am more comfortable. I'm scared to so it but your post gives me hope
I'd consider finding a different pedi. Babies at that age are crying because they have a legitimate need.

I love my pedi and trust her but like i said, I am waiting until he is older and its my comfort level which she also fully supports. To clarify, since people clearly have strong opinions on this, i would personally not let my child cry for 40 mins straight, I am considering a modified program using the Sleepeasy Solution. I read the book in its entirely last night and am going to try it when he is a bit older. I also think some babies do need sleep training and there are different methods for everyone, so I wouldn't call anyone an awful mother. I don't come here to offend anyone, but for support and to support other mothers.

For the moms who posted that are strongly against CIO - do you have other methods that work? I have been researching sleep training techniques and would love to hear what worked for you! Specifically my child refuses to sleep without being held these days! So I haven't slept in 4 nights! (and i work FT) suggestions welcome!

I cuddle my baby and I have learned how to sleep and hold her at the same time.

Cosmic+Love · November 2013

CaitlinEbbs25 said:

amandarins said:

Thanks for posting this! I agree that 4-7 nights is just an average, every baby is different. My pedi said we can start CIO now (he is 4 mos) but said I can wait until 5-6 if I am more comfortable. I'm scared to so it but your post gives me hope
I'd consider finding a different pedi. Babies at that age are crying because they have a legitimate need.

I love my pedi and trust her but like i said, I am waiting until he is older and its my comfort level which she also fully supports. To clarify, since people clearly have strong opinions on this, i would personally not let my child cry for 40 mins straight, I am considering a modified program using the Sleepeasy Solution. I read the book in its entirely last night and am going to try it when he is a bit older. I also think some babies do need sleep training and there are different methods for everyone, so I wouldn't call anyone an awful mother. I don't come here to offend anyone, but for support and to support other mothers.

For the moms who posted that are strongly against CIO - do you have other methods that work? I have been researching sleep training techniques and would love to hear what worked for you! Specifically my child refuses to sleep without being held these days! So I haven't slept in 4 nights! (and i work FT) suggestions welcome!

No solutions here, just empathy!

MommyBolty · November 2013

This thread makes me want to cry. And gives me anxiety that people actually let their babies cry.

amandarins · November 2013

Nicb13 said:

amandarins said:

Also, exhaustion is a part of parenting. You are a crappy mother if you let a helpless infant scream so that you can get some "me" time. Learn how to balance your life around your new baby, they're not trying to manipulate you.

Super classy comment. What good do you think this will do?

I'm pretty sure it was right on point. Tell people that you let your infant scream for the better part of an hour so that you can get good sleep, I bet they would call you "classy" too.

bluegirl0429 · November 2013

CIO DOES NOT WORK for babies this age. Why must we keep talking about this? Please pick up your baby. The baby needs you right now.

I have no idea when my son will STTN. I really miss my sleep. But you know what? I know he needs to be loved, fed, rocked, whatever and I am happy to help him. So I get up every night and let DH sleep.

Lilmrslay · November 2013

You are being totally selfish.

There could be any number of reasons your baby is waking in the night still, and needing to feel secure and safe could be one of them. How do you think CIO is helping them to feel that? Your baby is sleeping after CIO because of exhaustion and because they have given up on hoping you will come to them. One of your biggest jobs right now is to teach your child that they can rely on you, that they are safe and can trust you to tend to their needs. By letting them CIO you are going against all attempts to provide this.

I can barely let my baby cry for 5 minutes in the car when she wants out of the car seat, or when my husband is trying to soothe her and she wants me. I just don't know how anyone can listen to their baby cry for 45 minutes.

rh10264706 · November 2013

I don't believe in cio and especially not for a baby this young. But the part I really cannot wrap my head around is letting a baby cry for 45 minutes. That is absolutely insane. I can't imagine how that poor little baby was feeling that whole time. Heartbreaking.

Michelle N · November 2013

My advice::

https://nurshable.com/2012/07/19/the-wio-wait-it-out-method-of-sleep-training/

trudibell · November 2013

Maritza707 said:

Is this real life??? Those poor babies. I can't imagine letting my child cry for 5 minutes without consoling them, let alone 45?!?!

Yeah this stinks of MUD. It's pretty well known that CIO is not ok for babies under 6 months and I honestly don't know anyone who could tolerate a baby crying that long.

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