Cry It Out

trudibell

After reading through this thread, this is clearly a troll.  No one does that, that's not even how CIO is supposed to work, she(or he or it) just wanted to rile us all up.

kanned0121

My baby doesn't sttn and has never done it at 3.5 months. But someone on the Aug 13 board recommended the baby Merlin magic sleep suit and it's helped my LO sleep a little longer because he's not startling himself awake. He is Houdini and won't stay in a swaddle at all anymore. Maybe give that a try.

But please don't let your LO CIO, they need you.. Even if it is just to know you're there.

girlmama83

@caitlinebbs25

I would love to share my secret with you on how I got my baby to STTN!

Are you ready...

I don't know if you all can handle this it's a REALLY big secret....

Okay I'll tell you.

She started STTN on her own when she was ready to do so!! Imagine that? She didn't go to sleep because she was exhausted from crying or because I filled her with rice cereal, she fell asleep at the same time that she always does one night and didn't wake up for 8 hours. She's been doing it every night since.

Last night is the first time in two weeks she woke up in the MOTN. I did the weirdest thing. Instead of letting her cry, I got up and took care of her because her cries told me she needed something. I fed her, changed her, and we went back to sleep. I lost an hour of sleep but my baby had her needs filled, she was happy, and that is the most important thing in the world to me.

girlmama83

@Nicb13 if not allowing my baby to CIO makes me the worlds most perfect parent, then thank you. Not a single word of my post implied that I thought I was. It's funny though how saying I allowed my baby to start STTN on her own without training her like a dog or making her cry herself to sleep provoked that kind of comment.

FranciaM

MrsArrow: My baby turned 5 months on 11/6/13 as well! I noticed that u r giving cereal/veggies to your baby as part of your routine- how? We recently moved and my new pediatrician seems inexperienced (or overly cautious) and her reply to every question is, "Well...let me tell you what the book says..." without any other input based on research or experience. Frustrating.  How often are the mothers of 5 month olds feeding (and are you giving cereal or any other type of "solid" already)? Thanks in advance. We are still working on establishing a routine, but since we are now staying in a hotel until we move to our new home, needless to say- it is rather impossible to put her to sleep while we are all still awake. We are lucky if she sleeps from 10pm to 4:30am right now. Her poor schedule is off (she used to sleep from 11pm to 8:00pm).

Caitable25

Nicb13 said:

lindsey61811 said:

@caitlinebbs25 I would love to share my secret with you on how I got my baby to STTN! Are you ready... I don't know if you all can handle this it's a REALLY big secret.... Okay I'll tell you. She started STTN on her own when she was ready to do so!! Imagine that? She didn't go to sleep because she was exhausted from crying or because I filled her with rice cereal, she fell asleep at the same time that she always does one night and didn't wake up for 8 hours. She's been doing it every night since. Last night is the first time in two weeks she woke up in the MOTN. I did the weirdest thing. Instead of letting her cry, I got up and took care of her because her cries told me she needed something. I fed her, changed her, and we went back to sleep. I lost an hour of sleep but my baby had her needs filled, she was happy, and that is the most important thing in the world to me.

Good to know you are the world's most perfect parent and have it all figured out.

I doubt this is MUD. Lots of people use CIO. Haven't you seen 1,000 other posts on TB just like this one? I sure as hell have. Some parents just don't know.

@Nicb13 - thank you.  took the words out of my mouth.

@lindsey61811 I didn't ask for your SECRET or any magical advice, nor did i EVER say that i let my child cry it out. for the record, my baby has never cried more than a couple seconds before i held him. my son's happiness is also the most important thing in the world to me and i think everyone mom's most important thing in the world to them is their child's happiness, which is why, I believe, moms come here for advice on how to be the best mom possible.  I also never said anything about filling my son with rice cereal. I asked for advice, which is what this forum is about, and to engage in an open conversation to support one another and give success stories, trying to turn the negativity into a positive discussion. Your talking down to me is truly unwarranted. 

Caitable25

@laurendag - I didn't mean to put It out there as though I was asking for some magic solutions - if it came off like that fine, more understandable. In all honestly I was just trying to share tips etc. and try to turn the conversation into some helpful and see what has worked for other people. I think that's why most people read and respond to the sleeping posts. Just like people share tips like the magic sleep suit, musical soothers etc. just helpful tid bits to see if it helps baby sleep. I'm not an idiot I know there's so secret - Just a FTM looking for advice and trying to give it where I feel like I can.

I just didnt think it warranted be spoken to like I'm a moron. That's all

Spapeggy

Wow you should post this on the parenting board and actually get some support. You need sleep too. CIO works for some and not for others. Sheesh some of these women are so rude. CIO worked for us at 6 1/2 months and made a huge difference in our sons attitude all day he was SO much happier when he slept well!!!! How unimaginable!!!

taraleanne

I'm not here to judge but even 15 minutes of crying seems like too much to me.  I can't go 1 minute. Following my DS's cues/needs, we helped him learn to self sooth to sleep without any crying. A little fussing, sure but never crying. It took longer than 4-7 days, it took weeks and one could say it's still a work in progress. There are other methods to help sleep train baby, it takes a lot of patience, perseverance and a lot of picking up and putting back down but you don't need to let her cry if you don't want to. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't do that.  Good luck. 

Spapeggy

I don't agree with it till 6 months.

jschmidt6

There is no need for name calling and berating on this board. No one coming to this board for advice is a "shitty parent". A shitty parent wouldn't take time out of their day to post a question and seek out advice. All of us have made questionable decisions as parents as did our parents and grandparents, etc. My son didn't come out of the womb with an instruction manual and I certainly don't believe everything I read online. Go with your gut, love your child unconditionally and he will turn out just fine.

WeAreSmalls

Here are my 2 cents.....OP is getting a lot of comments from parents of 3 month olds. If your 3 month old  slept easily on his or her own, then great. OP is obviously in a different situation with a 5 1/2 month old. Yes, parenting includes sacrafice (including loss of sleep) but you must get enough sleep to function. I don't know if I could listen to a baby cry for 40 minutes withouth checking on him but there are various levels/intensities of crying ...we don't know that the baby was screaming his head off for 40 minutes. This mom read about this technique somewhere so she's not just making it up on her own. She's following a method that other people have supported so give her a break. There are extemes on both ends of the spectrum. Babies who aren't allowed to cry may grow up to be independent, happy children but I've also seen situations where parents reacted to every little noise their baby made and now the baby is an adult who is so dependent on mom emotionally that she can't truly be a responsible adult - and unfortunately her daughter is now following in the same footsteps. Anyway, I think there is a balance. I try not to judge other parents for things that they do with good intentions. I have done things as a parent that I'm not proud of and thought I'd never do. I see no point in shaming someone who is coming here for advice or support.

amiF

I don't do CIO.  I've had amazing success with the merlin's magic sleep suit (got it on amazon). When transitioning to the crib, DD had too much room to move around, kept waking up, and wasn't falling asleep on her own.  Now, I do the nighttime routine (bath, book, bf), and by that point she is either asleep or almost asleep, and I lay her in the crib, zip up the sleep suit, turn on the mobile and the constellation stars (multicolored stars on ceiling on a 10 minute timer setting), and she falls asleep on her own without any crying within 5 minutes.  I cannot recommend the sleep suit enough!!!!!  No baby should have fall asleep crying and sad, but you don't want to get used to them needing you to fall asleep, either.

amiF

My mom loves to remind me that when I was a baby, everyone did the CIO/Ferber method, and how great it is, and how it works.  I then remind her that I was not that close to her growing up, and even though I love her (she IS my mom, of course), that I did not trust her completely or confide in her, and maybe it was these techniques and parenting styles done back then that do have subliminal effects we don't realize.  Just because the baby eventually stops crying (they get used to being abandoned at night) doesn't mean that crying it out and leaving kids in front of a TV (another thing my mom claims is a good parenting technique when mom needs to be selfish and get other things done) is the best way to instill feelings of support and trust that last a lifetime.  I am sorta close with my mom now, so I don't want to sound ungrateful to her or anything, but just because that's how things were done in the past, doesn't mean that it's the best way to do things now.  We also used to do lobotomies on people who were bipolar or had other mental health issues, but that is considered barbaric and inhumane now.

Nora1985

All of you ladies who are saying cio is bad probably don't get much sleep and are in a bad mood... I have to chime in because my 5 month old sleeps through the night now for 10 hours and as a pediatric nurse it's not neglecting a child to teach them to self soothe and sleep. My daughter's ped also suggested that at 4 months we start letting her cry because if they don't get the 10-11 hours of sleep they need then its worse for them and they're crankier. We did the ferber method...the check ins at intervals and after the first night she started sleeping on her own. Babies at 4 months do not have to eat every 2-3 hours at night. They wake up for comfort because they've been used to that.

WeAreSmalls

Nicb13 said:

amiF said:

My mom loves to remind me that when I was a baby, everyone did the CIO/Ferber method, and how great it is, and how it works.  I then remind her that I was not that close to her growing up, and even though I love her (she IS my mom, of course), that I did not trust her completely or confide in her, and maybe it was these techniques and parenting styles done back then that do have subliminal effects we don't realize.  Just because the baby eventually stops crying (they get used to being abandoned at night) doesn't mean that crying it out and leaving kids in front of a TV (another thing my mom claims is a good parenting technique when mom needs to be selfish and get other things done) is the best way to instill feelings of support and trust that last a lifetime.  I am sorta close with my mom now, so I don't want to sound ungrateful to her or anything, but just because that's how things were done in the past, doesn't mean that it's the best way to do things now.  We also used to do lobotomies on people who were bipolar or had other mental health issues, but that is considered barbaric and inhumane now.

I truly don't think that the sleep training method you choose when your LO is 5 or 6 months is going to screw them up later in life. I don't buy that at all. Some many things affect the people we become as young adults and adults. Our environment, our parents, friends, school, etc.

IMO, a parent would have to be neglectful, not affectionate, never around, ignore the child's needs, etc for a kid to have issues and even then, the child might turn out "fine". 

I know it sounds like I'm defending CIO but I haven't actually done that myself with DS. I respond to him by following my gut, not what studies say or some random book.  

I agree Nicb3....and I'm impressed by your perseverence in defending OP even though you don't use the technique yourself. I used some form of CIO/ferber with DD when she was about 9 months old and went through sleep regression. I didn't wait 40 minutes but I would wait 5 or 10 minutes before going in and soothing her. She's only 6 but I don't see any damage and she is a mommy's girl to this day.

erbear

JNL$LSM said:

H's Mom would use the CIO method H would cry for hours as a time I'm talking 3 to 4 hours everyday. My Mom never did she did the whole BF, baby wearing, co sleeping my Mommy and I are super close H and his Mom iffy at most.

Correlation =/= causation. This is a ridiculous argument, akin to the "we didn't use car seats when we were babies and we're all fine" argument...

OP: I think you get it, no? Your baby is a little young for CIO. You just kind of have to deal with the lack of sleep for now and do what you can to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. It sucks. It's tough. But it's a phase, and it passes. CIO also isn't the devil when done correctly and consistently, when your child is a little older. 

steelerbaby29

I'm against CIO at that young of an age, but I think she gets it. Maybe everyone should just let it go at this point and let her read everyone's opinions and determine what she is going to do,

laciegregory

Hang in there, you are already on the down hill slope.  It only took my oldest three nights once we started CIO- 20 minutes the first 10 the second and 3 the third.  Just do the same routine every night and put them to bed.  You'll know if something is wrong.  My oldest is almost 5 now and anyone that came to our house around bed time was always shocked that I didn't have to fight for two hours to get it done.  You are setting a good pattern that will benefit everyone (especially your LO) for  years to come.

ischeer

I don't understand why so many people are judging you so harshly.  As a new mom seeking for advice, I feel these "moms" should not be censoring, instead they should offer advice.  

We all are here because we don't know everything there is to know.  We are here seeking guidance, and it's up to each of us to take it or leave it.  

And for all of those that are calling you selfish and other names, shame on them!  I would much rather let my baby cry a few times, than get so darn tired that I'd do something stupid, like shake him or something like that.

  

I know there are some supermoms out there, but as a human, I need to sleep to be able to be a better mom. 

My baby is four months old and he only wakes up once during the night.  My routine includes: 

15-20min bath time (he loves taking a bath!)

3-5min gentle massage

feed him 

and once he's almost asleep (sometimes he is fully asleep), then I put him on his crib.  And if I see that he's about to wake up, I gently pat him on the chest until he falls asleep. 

The whole process takes about 30-40min.  I find that consistency is the key for him.  He has to go to bed between 8-8:30; otherwise, he becomes very fussy. 

Note, however, that it takes sometime for baby to get used to a routine.  It took my little guy about 2 weeks before he got it.  Just hang in there and ask your partner, friend, or family to give you a hand once in a while. 

Good luck with your baby, and ignore all the negative comments, obviously those people do not understand your situation.

PrimRoseMama

That little letter broke my heart in two. CIO has never worked for us. I don't have the heart to let my babies cry. (

Nora1985

Just an FYI...once the baby gets used to the sleeping etc from sleep training they don't cio. They sleep. 

BelhurstBride

MommyAmes2 said:I am actually shocked at the amount of support OP is getting in this thread.

I'm not. When I had DD1 the masses on the board were pro CIO at 4 months. I managed to stick around until she was 6 months, but then I had to take a break. I couldn't deal.

CaitlinEbbs25 said:

For the moms who posted that are strongly against CIO - do you have other methods that work? I have been researching sleep training techniques and would love to hear what worked for you!  Specifically my child refuses to sleep without being held these days! So I haven't slept in 4 nights! (and i work FT) suggestions welcome! 

Check out the No Cry Sleep Solution. It's not as fast of a "problem" solver as CIO and like CIO is something you may have to re do from time to time, but it does work. 

But honestly? Your LO isn't going to sleep through the night until developmentally ready to do so. For DD1 that was at 3 years old. 

For those seriously considering CIO there's a dirty little secret mom's don't like to share... for many kids it's not a one and done solution. You may have to re do it after a vacation, or sickness, or teething, or developmental leap... 

Baby's wake up because they have a need to be met. It may be hunger, it may just be your LO needs your company. Either way, it's a need to them. Your job as a parent is to meet their needs. 

ischeer

amandarins said:

Also, exhaustion is a part of parenting. You are a crappy mother if you let a helpless infant scream so that you can get some "me" time. Learn how to balance your life around your new baby, they're not trying to manipulate you.

MommyKristin88 said:

OP, you're right - you are being selfish. Take care of your child.

BlondieBia21 said:

KristinaKaye89 said:

My 5 1/2 month old has never been a good sleeper... Needs to be held, wakes up every few hours... Finally at our wits end, we decided to try cry it out. The first night she cried 40 minutes and then slept 7 1/2 hours straight (in her own bed!!) and every night since has slept a straight 6-8 hours which has been AMAZING. The only problem is this... Everywhere I read says it only takes 4 to 7 nights before the baby stops crying when you lay her down. It's now been 8 nights for us and she still cries at least 10 or 15 minutes. do I need to keep trying or is this just not ever going to get better? I'm being selfish and really don't want to lose these hours of uninterrupted sleep we've been getting!

Get over yourself.

amandarins said:

KristinaKaye89 said:

My 5 1/2 month old has never been a good sleeper... Needs to be held, wakes up every few hours... Finally at our wits end, we decided to try cry it out. The first night she cried 40 minutes and then slept 7 1/2 hours straight (in her own bed!!) and every night since has slept a straight 6-8 hours which has been AMAZING. The only problem is this... Everywhere I read says it only takes 4 to 7 nights before the baby stops crying when you lay her down. It's now been 8 nights for us and she still cries at least 10 or 15 minutes. do I need to keep trying or is this just not ever going to get better? I'm being selfish and really don't want to lose these hours of uninterrupted sleep we've been getting!

Get over yourself.

Yup. This is disgusting. Shame on you.

And those posts are not bullying???

CIO is a very serious issue.  In the end, however, the parent has to make an educated decision as to whether to use it or not.  

Bullying is not the way to stop its use.  Educating the parent as to the negative consequences of such method, might help.