UO/Confessions

musicalmama5 · November 2013

penguingrrl said:

It's fine to wish someone a Merry Christmas if you're sure they celebrate it. It's presumptuous to wish it if you don't know. Happy Holidays is a term that embraces all celebrations. It's not about hurt feelings on the playground but rather an assumption that everyone celebrates what you do, which isn't true.

I think if I lived in a country where the dominant religion celebrated a certain holiday that I didn't celebrate and someone wished me a happy xxx, I would say it right back to them and not think twice.

The reality is that most Americans (even non-Christians, as we established earlier) DO celebrate Christmas. So it's not very far-reaching to wish someone a merry Christmas IMO.

But maybe this is something that varies depending on where you live. I'm in the south, so it's a very safe bet that whoever you're talking to has a tree set up at home.

Drea926 · November 2013

musicalmama5 said:

But that's not my confession!

My confession is that I absolutely love BFing and have a really hard time understanding why women choose never to even try.

And the bonding thing that was talked about earlier in this thread... I definitely felt a bond in the early days through BFing, but now that he's more interactive and we play games/sing/talk/fall asleep together while nursing, it's even more of a connection. And I can't see those things happening over a bottle in the same way that they do while nursing.

It's hard to feel a bond when you're child is crying out of hunger and you're on your 15th nursing session of the day and your boobs are completely soft and devoid of liquid, and you're sitting there crying feeling like the biggest failure on earth.

I know BFing is hard for most women, but for some it's harder than others. If it worked out for you then it's easy to feel a closeness.

Edited for grammar

Drea926 · November 2013

@PeanutR1 - sounds like we had very similar experiences.

octobermama87 · November 2013

musicalmama5 said:

But that's not my confession!

My confession is that I absolutely love BFing and have a really hard time understanding why women choose never to even try.

And the bonding thing that was talked about earlier in this thread... I definitely felt a bond in the early days through BFing, but now that he's more interactive and we play games/sing/talk/fall asleep together while nursing, it's even more of a connection. And I can't see those things happening over a bottle in the same way that they do while nursing.

I totally agree with you here. The first 4-5 weeks were pretty rough, but I just kept reminding myself that - it WILL get better. And it did. It definitely wasn't a breeze from the get go- I had milk blisters a couple times, a clogged duct 1-2 times (mildly), and there were 1-2 nights where, I sh*t you not -was bawling my eyes out cause of how much pain I was in, it hurt to even breathe. But I cherished (almost) every moment of it. It was our quiet time to just be alone and focus on each other and....bond. I will add that I really believe that your upbringing has a lot to do with what you decide to do BF vs FF also. I am the oldest of 4 kids and there is 10 yrs between me and my youngest brother. So I feel like I was a little mommy to him growing up. But my mom ALWAYS encouraged me to BF (when I was old enough to have these conversations). She always told me how important and healthy it was for the baby and for me to BF. And I'm so thankful for her encouragement in this area. I absolutely love BF DS. I'm going to probably cry when he weans. Lol.

musicalmama5 · November 2013

Drea926 said:

musicalmama5 said:

But that's not my confession!

My confession is that I absolutely love BFing and have a really hard time understanding why women choose never to even try.

And the bonding thing that was talked about earlier in this thread... I definitely felt a bond in the early days through BFing, but now that he's more interactive and we play games/sing/talk/fall asleep together while nursing, it's even more of a connection. And I can't see those things happening over a bottle in the same way that they do while nursing.

It's hard to feel a bond when you're child is crying out of hunger and you're on your 15th nursing session of the day and your boobs are completely soft and devoid of liquid, and you're sitting there crying feeling like the biggest failure on earth.

I know BFing is hard for most women, but for some it's harder than others. If it worked out for you then it's easy to feel a closeness.

Edited for grammar

I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I do understand where you're coming from. You tried, it sucked, you stopped. What I don't get is not even wanting to try.

But maybe PP is right that it has a lot to do with your upbringing. My mom nursed all 5 of us and I have very vivid memories of seeing my little brother nursing, so when I was pregnant, there was never a question about whether I would nurse or not. It was a given that I would.

Drea926 · November 2013

@PeanutR1 I wish we had known each other more in the early days. I think you would have helped me feel less alone.

kleigh926 · November 2013

musicalmama5 said:
But that's not my confession!

My confession is that I absolutely love BFing and have a really hard time understanding why women choose never to even try.

And the bonding thing that was talked about earlier in this thread... I definitely felt a bond in the early days through BFing, but now that he's more interactive and we play games/sing/talk/fall asleep together while nursing, it's even more of a connection. And I can't see those things happening over a bottle in the same way that they do while nursing.

Have you ever considered that some women were sexually abused and the thought of breast feeding is just unbearable? I know that's an extreme situation, but it's an example of why someone may choose to never try.

I had the opposite problem from @PeanutR1 and @Drea926. I had oversupply and overactive letdown. So every time DD nursed, she choked and gagged and I felt like I was drowning my own child. Kinda hard to feel a bond with that going on.

Drea926 · November 2013

@MusicalMama5 thanks for the understanding.

And there may be some truth to the whole upbringing thing. My brother and I were FF so the whole BFing thing was pretty foreign to me.

I read all the books and thought I was prepared. Best laid plans I guess...

Drea926 · November 2013

Whoa! Sorry to be hogging my thread here. I'm off to bed now!

Funnurse81 · November 2013

My UO is on breast feeding. It is very, very unpopular. I wish more women would give breast feeding a chance. It's one thing to quit after trying because of problems, it's another to never try at all. While formula is by no means poison, breast milk is more than just food. That's my unpopular opinion.

kleigh926 · November 2013

Funnurse81 said:
My UO is on breast feeding. It is very, very unpopular. I wish more women would give breast feeding a chance. It's one thing to quit after trying because of problems, it's another to never try at all. While formula is by no means poison, breast milk is more than just food. That's my unpopular opinion.

But see, this attitude is what drives me nuts. You don't know someone's history. You have no idea why they choose not to BF, and they may have some very valid reasons. IMO, just not wanting to do it is a valid reason. It's not for everyone. Why is that such a bad thing?

wholenewworld · November 2013

My UO is that I don't understand why we are still talking about breastfeeding. It's really not as monumental of an issue as people make it out to be. Yes, breast is best, no, it doesn't work for everyone (me included). As long as all of the babies are being fed, why does it matter? I'm all about giving support either way, but why are we still questioning everyone's decisions?

TarheelMama202 · November 2013

Here's my opinion: I'm over the Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding argument. Just feed your kid. I could care less how you do it.

Funnurse81 · November 2013

That's why they're called opinions, folks. We don't all have to agree.

eriannc22 · November 2013

Agreed. I'm over the BF v FF debate.

My UO: I hate the term "mom to be." It made me mad when I was pregnant and I still think it's a stupid term. What about moms who lose their babies? I think if you love your child, you're a mom. Whether that child is adopted, a fetus, an angel baby, a cruising 9 month old, etc.

Now that being said, first time pregnant women are definitely in a different phase of motherhood. When I see first time preggo posts on FB or elsewhere now I smile and think, ah those days. I'm glad the experienced moms here were so patient and understanding haha.

penguingrrl · November 2013

musicalmama5 said:

penguingrrl said:

It's fine to wish someone a Merry Christmas if you're sure they celebrate it. It's presumptuous to wish it if you don't know. Happy Holidays is a term that embraces all celebrations. It's not about hurt feelings on the playground but rather an assumption that everyone celebrates what you do, which isn't true.

I think if I lived in a country where the dominant religion celebrated a certain holiday that I didn't celebrate and someone wished me a happy xxx, I would say it right back to them and not think twice.

The reality is that most Americans (even non-Christians, as we established earlier) DO celebrate Christmas. So it's not very far-reaching to wish someone a merry Christmas IMO.

But maybe this is something that varies depending on where you live. I'm in the south, so it's a very safe bet that whoever you're talking to has a tree set up at home.

I live in an area where there are many people who celebrate Christmas, but also many who don't. A significant number of families in my area don't celebrate, so I grew up with being sensitive to the fact that not every kid in the room celebrated Christmas. We had winter parties or generic holiday parties at school, our winter holiday concerts for band/chorus/orchestra featured Kwanzaa songs, Hannukah songs, Christmas songs and winter songs. I guess I grew up with it being Happy Holidays and don't understand why it's so controversial to understand that while the majority do celebrate, the others shouldn't be ignored or disregarded.

Rosebean · November 2013

Drea926 said:

I always thought "happy holidays" was said because not everyone celebrates Christmas and it's a politeness of sorts. I say it to people like the grocery cashier, etc.

I should clarify.... I guess it gets my goat more when it goes to the next step of people wanting to call a Christmas tree a "holiday tree".... Happy holidays is well rounded for all who celebrate different cultural holidays in that lump of time... But asking one particular tradition to change the name of its tree in order to generalize it starts becoming ridiculous. And that's kind of where I see happy holidays swallowing up the meaning of merry Christmas. I have never heard of anyone asking the Jewish community to change the menorah to a "holiday candle".

I hope that makes more sense.

Rynleigh · November 2013

Rosebean said:

Drea926 said:

I always thought "happy holidays" was said because not everyone celebrates Christmas and it's a politeness of sorts. I say it to people like the grocery cashier, etc.

I should clarify.... I guess it gets my goat more when it goes to the next step of people wanting to call a Christmas tree a "holiday tree".... Happy holidays is well rounded for all who celebrate different cultural holidays in that lump of time... But asking one particular tradition to change the name of its tree in order to generalize it starts becoming ridiculous. And that's kind of where I see happy holidays swallowing up the meaning of merry Christmas. I have never heard of anyone asking the Jewish community to change the menorah to a "holiday candle". I hope that makes more sense.

....No one is asking the Christian community to call their Christmas trees "Holiday trees"... It's a term that politicians and tree distributors use to avoid drama - and one that the media uses to create it. If you don't like a term, don't use the term. No one is trying to "change" it.

Rosebean · November 2013

Rynleigh said:

Rosebean said:

Drea926 said:

I always thought "happy holidays" was said because not everyone celebrates Christmas and it's a politeness of sorts. I say it to people like the grocery cashier, etc.

I should clarify.... I guess it gets my goat more when it goes to the next step of people wanting to call a Christmas tree a "holiday tree".... Happy holidays is well rounded for all who celebrate different cultural holidays in that lump of time... But asking one particular tradition to change the name of its tree in order to generalize it starts becoming ridiculous. And that's kind of where I see happy holidays swallowing up the meaning of merry Christmas. I have never heard of anyone asking the Jewish community to change the menorah to a "holiday candle". I hope that makes more sense.

....No one is asking the Christian community to call their Christmas trees "Holiday trees"... It's a term that politicians and tree distributors use to avoid drama - and one that the media uses to create it. If you don't like a term, don't use the term. No one is trying to "change" it.

Oh, but in my city they are. It's actually becoming a bit of a big deal here. Hence why it is my UO.

holly321 · November 2013

My 2 cents on the happy holidays. Saying that is also presumptuous, the person may not celebrate holidays at all. This is not related, but last year, during Hanukkah, a rabbi came into work. I went to say "happy Hanukkah" and before the words came out of my mouth, he told me Merry Christmas. I also hate how people wthink saying Xmas is taking Christ out of Christmas. I personally don't choose to use the term, it is only 5 letters.... But the origins of the term aren't anti-Christ. And my other confession. I hate how formula tells me breast milk is best. I personally could bf, but only for 5 months. I enjoyed it, but I don't pump properly, and after having a medical issues causing me to need to pump more, I lost my supply. It is insulting. Formula is fine. I only bf DS because it was free, didn't have a thing to do with health. The kid costs us about 50 a week with formula. He is a pig. And to agree with Kleigh, I wasn't breast fed due to reasons you stated a woman may have. It disgusts me that people think all women should try. It can be incredibly stressful and hurts bonding. And like others. I actually didn't feel like bf was bonding. When I give DS his bottle, he looks me in the eye, plays with my face, etc.... When he was bf, he closed his eyes and pinched me....

kleigh926 · November 2013

expatmama said:
My UO is that I think Feb BMB is hilariously anti-bump, particularly for doing its UOs on a Sunday and combining it with something else.

Mostly I think the war on Christmas just exists to give the 24 hour news networks something to talk about during the slow news weeks at the end of the year.

Haha, what? I was under the impression we were just doing this for fun because we were bored, not because we wanted to be "anti-bump" since everyone else does UO's on a Thursday. What else is anti-bump about this board?

Drea926 · November 2013

kleigh926 said:

expatmama said:
My UO is that I think Feb BMB is hilariously anti-bump, particularly for doing its UOs on a Sunday and combining it with something else.

Mostly I think the war on Christmas just exists to give the 24 hour news networks something to talk about during the slow news weeks at the end of the year.

Haha, what? I was under the impression we were just doing this for fun because we were bored, not because we wanted to be "anti-bump" since everyone else does UO's on a Thursday. What else is anti-bump about this board?

LOL. Yeah, I started the thread because the board was dry and I combined UO and Confessions because I thought everyone could just say what's on their mind. :P

I say let's keep going! Let's make this thread legend...wait for it...dary!

LyssRob · November 2013

PeanutR1 said:

On the Christmas/Holiday thing, I just do what I want to do. People who are that easily offended are too thin skinned to be my friend, anyway. I send out CHRISTMAS cards. Not holiday, because it's not a generic holiday tradition. My Jewish friends don't send hannukah cards. You know how I make sure people aren't inadvertently insulted? I don't send them to non Christian friends. That insults you, too? Tough cookies. Can't have it both ways. I don't walk around saying "Merry Christmas" the whole month of December, but the week of, sure I will. Hannukah isn't going on at the same time this year, so who cares. I wish people happy hannukah when it's going on. It's ok to have different holidays. Here's the part that will really get me flamed: I live in NYC, clearly a very mixed area. My husband works in a small group with 2 Catholics (he is one of them) and 2 Jews. Guess who gets ONE DAY off for Christmas if it's in the middle of the week? Yep, one of the Catholics. Someone has to be in the office all the time, but every year, the 2 Jewish guys take the entire week of Christmas off to go on vacation. So they get their high holy days, but then they get the Christian holidays, too. So just due to traffic and timing, unless the holiday falls on a Monday or Friday, we pretty much don't get to go see family on Christmas. So do I feel the need to tiptoe around other religions when every year I'm reminded that nobody tiptoes around mine? No, not really.

Uhh...are you sure your Jewish friends don't send any Channukah cards? I do, but only to my friends who celebrate it. It's not ridiculous. (And I don't get offended if I receive a Christmas card, but I appreciate it more if the person writes Happy Channukah or holidays as they know me and know what religion I am.).
Also, I'm hoping you didn't mean it like this, but your comment came across as, "I know a few asshole Jews so f- all of them." Like, "I don't like one Chinese person so now who cares about any of them and their dumb holidays."
Also, my husband isn't Jewish and I call our tree a Channukah tree. Not holiday, Channukah.

. And I put Jewish things on it and I love it. But when it comes time to take it down I tell him it's not my holiday so I don't have to clean it. There's my FFC.

LyssRob · November 2013

Also, on the holiday theme: I can't stand getting the picture cards when the sender doesn't write anything on it. You want to send me a card, at the very least put in the effort to writing my name.

LyssRob · November 2013

PeanutR1 said:

@lyssrob - maybe they just don't send them to me! Haha! No, it's certainly not an FU, I'm just really sick of everyone that considers themselves an "other" getting all offended over everything. Not everyone needs to be included in everything. It's Ok to tell Christians not to wear their faith (or holiday) because it excludes others, but nobody tells that to people celebrating hannukah or Kwanzaa or solstice, or what have you. I have a lot of respect for the Jewish faith. I have been to many weddings and even a Shabbat seder. There were many things where I said "Wow, that's really special. I love how they recognize and incorporate XYZ". However, on the Christmas thing, it's not just these two "assholes" to use your words Have you ever seen the gate areas at NYC airports going to Florida on the week of Christmas? There's a stereotype about NY Jews going to FL for a reason . I'm just saying, did anyone stop to think who is staying behind to man the fort while they soak up sun on a holiday they don't celebrate? It's the guys who handled the work when they took off for all the fall holidays, and if you work with any orthodox, who stay on Fridays in the winter when they have to leave early at 3 to get home before dark. Respecting religious observances is a 2 way street, is all I'm saying.

lol...Florida? We always just went to the movies and ordered Chinese food! But usually I think holiday travel is popular because schools/businesses are shut down.

And I don't think we should ignore Christmas, I just think in a country that prides itself on having religious freedom, we should be a little more equal about other "major" holidays. (Major as in large populations celebrating...clearly we can't shut down for every holiday for every person.). I live in a fairly diverse area, and grew up in NY (also diverse) yet still felt grossly ignored. I just want more mall decor and radio songs, okay? My holiday is the Festival of Lights, where are my sparkly things?!?

ericalee27 · November 2013

DC2London said:

It is so, so, so difficult to talk about breastfeeding without offending anyone. Some women can't breastfeed, and that's fine. Some women choose not to, and that's fine. Many women have determined that it is the best, healthiest, etc option for their baby, so they feel passionately that every baby should have that same benefit. I feel strongly about BFing MY babies, and I would love it if every baby could EBF for six months. But if that's not realistic, or desirable, or a positive experience for the mother then it's not the right choice for that family, plain and simple. But it is SO HARD to encourage women to try or to persevere with breastfeeding without stepping on the toes of women who don't BF. It sucks. I'm sure that your friend meant absolutely no harm when she posted that picture, kleigh, but your experience with BFing has led you to look at that picture through a different lens. There are so many parenting topics that are so hard to tactfully discuss, for this very reason.
Maybe that's why our grandmothers' generation simply never discussed anything beyond the trivial or mundane ;-)

Yes. YES! I hate that with some friends I feel like I have to hide my BFing experience with friends who had trouble or didn't so as not to step on toes.

MetrosPhoenix · November 2013

My UO-I hate the phrase "breast is best." It made me feel like I failed because I couldn't provide the "best" for my child. I struggled with latch and supply issues, DD did nothing but cry. I would look at her and feel animosity instead of the unconditional love. I wasn't sleeping because she wanted to eat every two hours. It took her 45 minutes to eat and another 45 to fall back asleep. I was only sleeping ten minutes at a time for a total of maybe an hour or so all day. I even tried EPing, but wasn't getting any more than an oz each side. As soon as I switched to formula, DH was able to help with feeding, I was able to get some sleep and I started actually loving my child. A baby needs a happy mom more than breast milk. And I dislike moms who attack other moms for not breast feeding. It's my choice how I'm feeding my child, not yours.

Funnurse81 · November 2013

ericalee27 said:

DC2London said:

It is so, so, so difficult to talk about breastfeeding without offending anyone. Some women can't breastfeed, and that's fine. Some women choose not to, and that's fine. Many women have determined that it is the best, healthiest, etc option for their baby, so they feel passionately that every baby should have that same benefit. I feel strongly about BFing MY babies, and I would love it if every baby could EBF for six months. But if that's not realistic, or desirable, or a positive experience for the mother then it's not the right choice for that family, plain and simple. But it is SO HARD to encourage women to try or to persevere with breastfeeding without stepping on the toes of women who don't BF. It sucks. I'm sure that your friend meant absolutely no harm when she posted that picture, kleigh, but your experience with BFing has led you to look at that picture through a different lens. There are so many parenting topics that are so hard to tactfully discuss, for this very reason.
Maybe that's why our grandmothers' generation simply never discussed anything beyond the trivial or mundane ;-)
Yes. YES! I hate that with some friends I feel like I have to hide my BFing experience with friends who had trouble or didn't so as not to step on toes.

I find it weird that people would be offended by the term "breast is best" when, quite literally, it is. Why would anyone argue that fact? I can understand that the ACT of breast feeding is difficult, even impossible, for many, and ultimately they do what they have to to feed their child, and that's fine. But the fact is that breast milk IS the best milk. Why this is offensive to anyone is beyond me.

wifeofadam · November 2013

The whole not understanding the TV show thing reminded me of another common parent complaint that confuses m. I don't get it when parents say "My kid will only eat chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese!" It makes no sense. Doesn't the parent have control over what their child eats? I mean, if you want them to eat something other than chicken nuggets or macaroni, don't buy that stuff and feed them what you want them to eat. It's that simple.

And yes, I realize that some kids have serious food aversions or texture issues, but those kids are a minority and usually have other issues. I'm talking about your average toddler or kid who throws a fit when you put something green on their plate. All of my kids have gone through a normal veggie aversion phase, but we push through and continue to put it on their plate without offering other options. If they are truly hungry, they will eat it. The reason they will only eat chicken nuggets is because you let them only eat chicken nuggets, IMO.

wifeofadam · November 2013

My confession for today - I'm sitting here in my robe. All of my kids are still in their PJs. The boys are in the basement playing video games, where they have been for an hour and a half. The girls are on the couch next to me watching a video. We did the bare minimum of school this morning for an hour or so, and that's all I've accomplished so far.

I'm justifying today's laziness and horrible parenting because DH left early to go deer hunting and has been gone all day. He had the day off of work for the holiday and chose to do what he wanted to do with his day. I'm bitter because I don't get holidays where I get the day "off" to do what I want. I'm letting technology babysit the kids for a while and taking my own day off, because, darn it, I deserve it!!

penguingrrl · November 2013

+adamwife+ said:

The whole not understanding the TV show thing reminded me of another common parent complaint that confuses m. I don't get it when parents say "My kid will only eat chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese!" It makes no sense. Doesn't the parent have control over what their child eats? I mean, if you want them to eat something other than chicken nuggets or macaroni, don't buy that stuff and feed them what you want them to eat. It's that simple.

And yes, I realize that some kids have serious food aversions or texture issues, but those kids are a minority and usually have other issues. I'm talking about your average toddler or kid who throws a fit when you put something green on their plate. All of my kids have gone through a normal veggie aversion phase, but we push through and continue to put it on their plate without offering other options. If they are truly hungry, they will eat it. The reason they will only eat chicken nuggets is because you let them only eat chicken nuggets, IMO.

Right there with you. I get compliments all the time for how well my kids eat fruits and veggies. I always explain that it's all I offered when they were little so that's what they developed a taste for. My middle child gave me issues with foods and my oldest has gone through periods of pickiness. But eating fruits and veggies was never optional so both always ate them. Kids eat what they're exposed to.

That's not to say my kids don't eat chicken nuggets or the like. They get that stuff too. But it was never all they would eat because they would have starved in my house. We don't keep it in the house so even if they wanted to go on hunger strike for it they would eventually have had to give in since it wasn't even available.

I also don't stress if they miss a meal or two. Probably because we don't have weight issues so we've never been pushed to feed them whatever they would eat. So if they throw a fit and don't want what I cooked for dinner they go to bed without dinner. If they wake up hungry I offer to warm their plate up (I will adapt what I make to their tastes, removing any and all sauces from their portions, less spice than DH and I like if it's really hot, etc).

penguingrrl · November 2013

PeanutR1 said:

expatmama said:

Was being over the top by calling us anti-bump but this is the most conservative, snark-free board I have ever seen on here.

That said, I have no idea who is actually trying to 'stifle' Christmas, and I have yet to see an example of actual stifling. My parent's town has the manger scene outside of town hall along with a Christmas tree, and a menorah during Hanukkah.

If there is stifling, then I understand that --- but demanding that people wish you a Merry Christmas rather than a Happy Holidays gets an eye roll from me. Seriously, spend some time as a minority anywhere before complaining about being the majority…. it may look like they get 'all the privileges' but that is only because they are trying to get halfway to where you are.

It's fine if other people want to wish me Happy holidays. Doesn't bother me one bit. But what gets an eye roll from me is when it's demanded that I not say "Merry Christmas" bc it's offensive. I'm a female conservative... In today's world, I'd say that's a minority!!

Seriously? Cry me a river. You really think being cognizant that not everyone believes and celebrates as you do is offensive? And if you think you're some persecuted minority you really need to take a walk in someone else's shoes for a day. Even NJ, a traditionally blue state, just reelected an over-the-top conservative governor. As a conservative you're most certainly not a minority in this country even if thinking about the feelings of others makes it feel that way.

Funnurse81 · November 2013

I'm also still in my pjs. It's "only" 10:45am, lol. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it lol.

Rynleigh · November 2013

+adamwife+ said:

The whole not understanding the TV show thing reminded me of another common parent complaint that confuses m. I don't get it when parents say "My kid will only eat chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese!" It makes no sense. Doesn't the parent have control over what their child eats? I mean, if you want them to eat something other than chicken nuggets or macaroni, don't buy that stuff and feed them what you want them to eat. It's that simple.

And yes, I realize that some kids have serious food aversions or texture issues, but those kids are a minority and usually have other issues. I'm talking about your average toddler or kid who throws a fit when you put something green on their plate. All of my kids have gone through a normal veggie aversion phase, but we push through and continue to put it on their plate without offering other options. If they are truly hungry, they will eat it. The reason they will only eat chicken nuggets is because you let them only eat chicken nuggets, IMO.

+++

I am among those with the extreme food aversions - it took many, many years to get to the point where I was no longer malnourished due to having no access to foods I liked. I quite literally survived on ramen, pickles, and canned green beans for about two years straight in high school and would go a few days without food, often to the point of fainting... I probably would have ended up hospitalized if my parents had been any more extreme about food than they already were... BUT, you can *still* find healthy food for picky eaters instead of giving them junk. If they'd been readily accessible to me, I'd have eaten potatoes, and broccoli, and brussel sprouts, and cheese, and tortillas... a lot of the problem comes from parents choosing cheap/easy "junk" that their kids will eat instead of taking the time to identify and utilize other foods their kids might eat. Just because they happen to like things from boxes doesn't mean they won't like healthier foods, and tastes do change over time - it's important to offer (not force, but still offer) foods they might not have liked before once every few months, imo. There are also things that can be done to whole foods to help alter texture and flavour. It's all about open communication, and seeking positive compromises.

ally2011 · November 2013

+adamwife+ said:

My confession for today - I'm sitting here in my robe. All of my kids are still in their PJs. The boys are in the basement playing video games, where they have been for an hour and a half. The girls are on the couch next to me watching a video. We did the bare minimum of school this morning for an hour or so, and that's all I've accomplished so far.

I'm justifying today's laziness and horrible parenting because DH left early to go deer hunting and has been gone all day. He had the day off of work for the holiday and chose to do what he wanted to do with his day. I'm bitter because I don't get holidays where I get the day "off" to do what I want. I'm letting technology babysit the kids for a while and taking my own day off, because, darn it, I deserve it!!

I am being beyond lazy so far today and my dh is not off so I feel very guilty too. My excuse is that we had a foster child with us all weekend (we are getting licensed but do respite only right now) and I am beat. But hubby doesn't get a break so I feel like a jerk. Any minute now I'm gonna mobilize....

wifeofadam · November 2013

My kids skip meals often. I remember when my oldest was a toddler and DH and I had the "you must clean your plate before you get up" policy. One day we looked at each other after a battle of the wills over something on his plate and we decided it was stupid. I mean, no one makes me finish my plate. If I'm not hungry for it, I don't eat. At that point we decided to change our policy to "If you don't want to eat it, you don't have to, but you don't get an alternative". It's worked well for us. My kids often skip meals if they don't want to eat something (and we eat some crazy stuff, like organ meats and stuff) and that's fine. But I've noticed that after putting something on their plate a few times, they end up trying it eventually. My kids will eat just about anything now - DD1 will eat whole cloves of garlic and green onions - basically she loves anything pungent. They LOVE sauerkraut and liver. When DS1 got to pick his birthday dinner in August he wanted spinach and broccoli. These kids are less picky than I am now. lol

I think it helps that we have food allergies in the family. We can't eat at restaurants, so my kids aren't used to highly sugary or salty convenience foods. They are used to mom's crazy food.

MetrosPhoenix · November 2013

Funnurse81 said:

ericalee27 said:

DC2London said:

It is so, so, so difficult to talk about breastfeeding without offending anyone. Some women can't breastfeed, and that's fine. Some women choose not to, and that's fine. Many women have determined that it is the best, healthiest, etc option for their baby, so they feel passionately that every baby should have that same benefit. I feel strongly about BFing MY babies, and I would love it if every baby could EBF for six months. But if that's not realistic, or desirable, or a positive experience for the mother then it's not the right choice for that family, plain and simple. But it is SO HARD to encourage women to try or to persevere with breastfeeding without stepping on the toes of women who don't BF. It sucks. I'm sure that your friend meant absolutely no harm when she posted that picture, kleigh, but your experience with BFing has led you to look at that picture through a different lens. There are so many parenting topics that are so hard to tactfully discuss, for this very reason.
Maybe that's why our grandmothers' generation simply never discussed anything beyond the trivial or mundane ;-)
Yes. YES! I hate that with some friends I feel like I have to hide my BFing experience with friends who had trouble or didn't so as not to step on toes.

I find it weird that people would be offended by the term "breast is best" when, quite literally, it is. Why would anyone argue that fact? I can understand that the ACT of breast feeding is difficult, even impossible, for many, and ultimately they do what they have to to feed their child, and that's fine. But the fact is that breast milk IS the best milk. Why this is offensive to anyone is beyond me.

I don't find it offensive, I don't like how I'm shamed for choosing to formula feed. How I'm not giving my child the best, I didn't try hard enough, etc etc. I felt like a total fucking failure and couldn't stop crying when we took my daughter to the pedi and they told us she lost a pound, and she wasn't that big to begin with. Just because I chose to switch to formula doesn't open me up to criticism.

penguingrrl · November 2013

Sagen said:

I think people sometimes go over board with getting their kids to do certain thing. I like the way you do it adamswife, it is how I do as well. I don't make more than one dinner, you eat what we have. I don't force them to either. Almost always they eat what we have really well. Sometimes they will eat a couple bites and be done. I had a friend post a picture of her 3 year old in tears on facebook. She finally at 10 at night decided to eat her dinner. They put it in the fridge and wouldn't let her out of her room, or go to bed till she ate it. I thought it was really weird. I think there is something between eat this or else, or eat whatever, and that is the happy place to be.

I have a friend whose father had that rule. You weren't allowed to leave the table until you had eaten everything on your plate. Once his sister was up until 2 am sitting in her dinner chair. I don't get it. My job as a parent is to provide my children with a healthy meal. If they choose not to eat or simply aren't hungry I can't and won't force it. I don't offer an alternative (unless it's something they try and truly can't eat, gag as they swallow it, then they'll get something else) and they sit at the table with us while we eat no matter what. Whether they eat is their choice.

Rynleigh · November 2013

+adamwife+ said:

My kids skip meals often. I remember when my oldest was a toddler and DH and I had the "you must clean your plate before you get up" policy. One day we looked at each other after a battle of the wills over something on his plate and we decided it was stupid. I mean, no one makes me finish my plate. If I'm not hungry for it, I don't eat. At that point we decided to change our policy to "If you don't want to eat it, you don't have to, but you don't get an alternative". It's worked well for us. My kids often skip meals if they don't want to eat something (and we eat some crazy stuff, like organ meats and stuff) and that's fine. But I've noticed that after putting something on their plate a few times, they end up trying it eventually. My kids will eat just about anything now - DD1 will eat whole cloves of garlic and green onions - basically she loves anything pungent. They LOVE sauerkraut and liver. When DS1 got to pick his birthday dinner in August he wanted spinach and broccoli. These kids are less picky than I am now. lol

I think it helps that we have food allergies in the family. We can't eat at restaurants, so my kids aren't used to highly sugary or salty convenience foods. They are used to mom's crazy food.

That's pretty much the way we did it for many years - we offer everyone the same foods at each meal, and the kids eat what they want from it - no other food until the next snack or meal.. My girls are older than most of your kids, now, so they get free reign over their own breakfasts and lunches, but they do so with the food in the house, not specialized made to order meals

DD#2 likes almost everything out there, except for mushrooms, of all things... kid will eat oysters and raw peppers, but no mushrooms... DD#1 has about as much food aversion as I do, but she eats a LOT of quality food because I have taken the time to actually try to find things she likes that don't necessarily come out of a box; she prefers veg, bread, and dairy - she isn't keen on meats or potatoes or fish, so we do a lot of protein/iron supplementing with legumes/nuts. The boys seem to like most things - Simon will eat anything we give him. James doesn't seem to like anything "tangy" right now - no yogurt, no peaches, no pickles. We still try him on them once a week, tho. If he doesn't want them, we don't force them.

penguingrrl · November 2013

DC2London said:

penguingrrl said:

Sagen said:

I think people sometimes go over board with getting their kids to do certain thing. I like the way you do it adamswife, it is how I do as well. I don't make more than one dinner, you eat what we have. I don't force them to either. Almost always they eat what we have really well. Sometimes they will eat a couple bites and be done. I had a friend post a picture of her 3 year old in tears on facebook. She finally at 10 at night decided to eat her dinner. They put it in the fridge and wouldn't let her out of her room, or go to bed till she ate it. I thought it was really weird. I think there is something between eat this or else, or eat whatever, and that is the happy place to be.

I have a friend whose father had that rule. You weren't allowed to leave the table until you had eaten everything on your plate. Once his sister was up until 2 am sitting in her dinner chair. I don't get it. My job as a parent is to provide my children with a healthy meal. If they choose not to eat or simply aren't hungry I can't and won't force it. I don't offer an alternative (unless it's something they try and truly can't eat, gag as they swallow it, then they'll get something else) and they sit at the table with us while we eat no matter what. Whether they eat is their choice.

I am strongly against "clean your plate" rules. My H was raised in a family where he was required to eat everything on his plate, and he wound up overweight as a child and unable to read his body's signals for fullness. He had to learn as a young adult how to tell the difference between "my plate is empty" and "my stomach is satisfied." We don't want to take that self-awareness away from our children. My concern is more that I'm not letting them choose what they want to eat at all times, and to choose junk. There is a time and place for chicken nuggets. It's not, "Every afternoon" or "In place of lean, whole proteins."

I have been very lucky that Jack is really not a picky eater. And, in some ways, his food allergies are an asset bc it eliminates most packaged foods as an option entirely. I can definitely see how food becomes a power struggle for many families. We eat an absolute ton of produce in this house (I mean really, my grocery bill is...ugh), and I try to offer Jack a lot of choices, but I also know that I just lucked out with a good eater.

My mom had the clean plate rule, too. She gave us reasonable portions and we weren't heavy as kids, but I've struggled with keeping to a healthy weight as an adult because I'm accustomed to finish everything on my plate. Now I premeasure, preweigh, pre portion everything on my plate so I eat enough and not too much because my body doesn't read the signal appropriately. It's a pain to have to do that every meal! I hope my kids never reach that point and I don't insist they finish even a small plate, but rather they eat to satisfied.

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