STM-- Vent and honest answers please

laurasue0513 · November 2013

I have had a great pregnancy and have not bitched at all. Now that third tri is among us, we are all feeling the aches and pains and so I have voiced this to a few people, just the usual stuff....I always get "you think its hard now, wait until you have a baby. its even worse!...enjoy it now!" blah blah blah. It really gets under my skin!!

I am well aware that having a newborn is hard, and it is hard in its own way as baby grows, becomes a toddler, etc. But I really an not afraid of it and honestly can't wait to experience it, b/c it will be my baby! And I'm pretty sure caring for a baby, even with no sleep, can in many ways be better, if not, then *rewarding" than carrying a bowling ball between my legs, dealing with backache, peeing every ten minutes, 15 roids in my ass, etc.

Sooooo, give me the truth Moms- which is harder: carrying the baby or caring for the baby once he/she is here?

tootsscott · November 2013

Literally 2 minutes ago my sister posted this on my FB where my status read 'I want my body back, body back, body back, ribs!" and went on to explain that my ribs felt like they were going to explode.. among other things.

Tara: you will be uncomfrotable for the rest of your life, THIS is the easy part ENNOY IT it goes by so quick! The Hardest part is still to come! Keep PRAY they stay in as long as possible! thats what THEY need to be halthy and grow strong so YOUR heart isn't breaking when they come out Cya Sat!

2 minutes ago · Like

MrsGraham06 · November 2013

Personally, I would say the 1st week home after the baby is born is the hardest for me. I was still sore from being pregnant, I was sore from labor and delivery, I had stitches from tearing, and on top of all that I was tired. But comparing pregnancy to the 1st 6 months is like comparing apples to cucumbers (in my opinion). Which is better? Which is worse?

vstevens · November 2013

Caring for the baby once he/she is here, no question. At least for the first few weeks.

I'm not saying that in a "just wait" kind of way (that REALLY pisses me off, because it's totally awesome to have a new baby and people get so negative about things). More a "that's how it is, nothing you can do about it at this point" kind of way - the first few weeks when your body is recovering from delivery, you're adjusting to not sleeping any more, you have no confidence that you are "doing it right" can really mess with your mind...but you'll get it under control just like everyone does

juliasmama2010 · November 2013

Honestly, my DD took it really easy on me and DH and she was very easy to deal with. She was sleeping in her crib by two weeks, sleeping at least 6 hours by 10 weeks, no colic, no issues, just a very "textbook" baby. I also get annoyed at the "just you wait" comments. Keep them to yourself. IMO, being pregnant is more taxing/draining than having a newborn. I look forward to doing all the newborn stuff again! I saw a brand new baby the other day and almost ugly cried out of excitement for what's coming my way! Yes, enjoy the pregnancy because it's a miracle and it's beautiful. But continue to look forward to holding that baby in your arms because the time goes so quick and before you know it, you'll be sending that kid off to kindergarten wondering where the last 5 years went! Enjoy. Each. Moment!

MiaMyPuggle · November 2013

Def caring for the baby...hands down. You won't feel like yourself for a few weeks and will be 100% dedicated to the baby. You're going off of adrenaline for the first few days...then off of fumes. It is def worth it, but I think pregnancy is much easier than parenting!! However, everyone is different and you may be a trooper!

Unknown · November 2013

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Emily6778 · November 2013

Yeah sorry, but no matter how rewarding it is, baby is WAY more difficult that being pregnant. I am trying to happily go through 9 months of pregnancy because 9 months raising a child is MUCH more complicated, stressful, and exhausting.

BuckeyeANG · November 2013

I really try not to be THAT mom and keep my comments to myself, because I had the exact same thoughts as you when I was pregnant with DS1. I was so eager for the baby to come out and thought my pregnancy insomnia had to be so much worse than the sleep deprivation that came with a newborn. But since you asked...

I was wrong. I just had NO idea how much work a newborn is. Not to mention the exhaustion (mentally, physically, emotionally). In my experience it is way, way easier when the baby is "in" rather than out. I clearly remember actually feeling annoyed that "no one told me" how hard it is to have a newborn, but in truth they did tell me. It's just one of those things you have to experience firsthand.

I feel obligated to state the obvious: that the love you have for your baby and the amazing experience of being a mom outweighs all the exhaustion. It really does. And it must not be that bad...after all, I'm about to have two under two

bensmommy518 · November 2013

Both are very hard and cannot really be compared at all. Just tell people it is not pain Olympics or anything, you know its hard and will continue to be hard even after baby gets here. That doesn't mean you are not allowed to complain once in a while.

How many times a day do they complain about something. They are complaining about their job - say "Oh well at least you have one". They are complaining about salary or lack of money - "Oh well at least you are not destitute and living on the streets." Get over yourselves people!

PS: If you cant tell this makes me get stabby when know it all's tell me about how it will be after baby.

LexGator · November 2013

Depends on what kind of baby you get. My DD is what we call a "high needs" (i.e., strong willed) child and has been from day one. She didn't sleep, I didn't sleep, she fussed constantly for months, and the first several months of her life were a total blur, and I really don't know how I survived. Then, it got easier, but she still challenges me on a daily basis.

For me, the aches and pains and sleeplessness of late pregnancy was a cakewalk compared to having a newborn. You really don't know sleep deprivation or stress until you have a baby that does not sleep. You have to enter survival mode to get through those first few months. You just can't relate until you experience it.

KimberlyTX · November 2013

Caring for the baby is definitely harder. BUT, there is also a lot more reward to that than the last weeks of pregnancy. The "just you wait" comments piss me off--look, I know it's not going to be easy when the baby's here, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy that my hips and back are staging a revolt, or that my ankles are turning into cankles!

mrsjenni · November 2013

It's all hard.

laurasue0513 · November 2013

BuckeyeANG said:

I really try not to be THAT mom and keep my comments to myself, because I had the exact same thoughts as you when I was pregnant with DS1. I was so eager for the baby to come out and thought my pregnancy insomnia had to be so much worse than the sleep deprivation that came with a newborn. But since you asked...

I was wrong. I just had NO idea how much work a newborn is. Not to mention the exhaustion (mentally, physically, emotionally). In my experience it is way, way easier when the baby is "in" rather than out. I clearly remember actually feeling annoyed that "no one told me" how hard it is to have a newborn, but in truth they did tell me. It's just one of those things you have to experience firsthand.

I feel obligated to state the obvious: that the love you have for your baby and the amazing experience of being a mom outweighs all the exhaustion. It really does. And it must not be that bad...after all, I'm about to have two under two

lol, I love this response! And everyone's for that matter. The moms on this board are raw and real and awesome. I value the awesome feedback. makes me definitely think more about what is to come and to mentally prepare for the unexpected. I was just talking to my sister (she is also on her second) and we were talking about how you think you know what pregnancy will be like and then you experience it and you realize wow, you really have no clue until you go through it. I imagine, newborns and parenting in general is the exact. same. thing, isn't it!

PBP2002 · November 2013

vstevens said:

Caring for the baby once he/she is here, no question. At least for the first few weeks.

I'm not saying that in a "just wait" kind of way (that REALLY pisses me off, because it's totally awesome to have a new baby and people get so negative about things). More a "that's how it is, nothing you can do about it at this point" kind of way - the first few weeks when your body is recovering from delivery, you're adjusting to not sleeping any more, you have no confidence that you are "doing it right" can really mess with your mind...but you'll get it under control just like everyone does

This. Plus you have all of those crazy postpartum hormones/emotional swings to balance on top of everything else.

Although, I never say this kind of thing to people in real life (unless they're asking) because I don't in any way want to minimize that carrying a baby is hard work, too.

tootsscott · November 2013

Can I play the twin card and say, 'my pregnancy is worse than your pregnancy!'?

mrsjenni · November 2013

tootsscott said:

Can I play the twin card and say, 'my pregnancy is worse than your pregnancy!'?

Only if I can play the "this is my 4th baby and I feel like I might die" card.

tootsscott · November 2013

mrsjenni said:

tootsscott said:

Can I play the twin card and say, 'my pregnancy is worse than your pregnancy!'?

Only if I can play the "this is my 4th baby and I feel like I might die" card.

I 100% believe you should. You are a trooper. I don't know how people do it twice let alone 4 times!!

@mrsjenni

laurasue0513 · November 2013

tootsscott said:

Can I play the twin card and say, 'my pregnancy is worse than your pregnancy!'?

@tootsscott - yes you may! My oldest sis had twins and I witnessed how hard that was for her to carry two babies and she didn't even make it to the end- she gave birth at 31 weeks.

Hkula · November 2013

I'm a FTM, but I was living with my cousin when she had her two kids. I honestly think it depends on what kind of baby you have. Her first one was very colicky, he had a really hard time latching, and the only thing we could do to calm him down was drive around in the car. Her second one couldn't be more different. She would feed, look around a little bit, and go back to sleep. Seriously, you wouldn't even know there was a newborn in the house!

Emily6778 · November 2013

tootsscott said:

Can I play the twin card and say, 'my pregnancy is worse than your pregnancy!'?

This is probably 100% true!

No matter what the situation, you are better off than someone else!

vstevens · November 2013

Hkula said:

I'm a FTM, but I was living with my cousin when she had her two kids. I honestly think it depends on what kind of baby you have. Her first one was very colicky, he had a really hard time latching, and the only thing we could do to calm him down was drive around in the car. Her second one couldn't be more different. She would feed, look around a little bit, and go back to sleep. Seriously, you wouldn't even know there was a newborn in the house!

Meh, I'm not sure I buy the "depends on the baby" argument. DS1 was a super easy baby - maybe not the unicorn baby that @juliasmama2010 had...seriously, 6 hours after ten weeks? - but no colic, easy BF'er, very flexible etc. etc., but life was still way easier when he was in than when he was out. But maybe that's just me.

valigrl21 · November 2013

I think every stage of pregnancy and parenthood is hard but in different ways. But I do think 3rd trimester of pregnancy is easier than the first few months with a newborn. Right now, LO comes with me wherever I go, she can come with me to work, to the grocery store, etc. and doesn't really "need" anything and doesn't cry. But doing things with a newborn means I have to figure out how/when I will feed her, pack diapers, wipes, extra clothes, get her in and out of a car seat, carry her around, etc.

But don't be afraid of it. It sounds like you have the right attitude - embrace it and enjoy it. It may feel like it's a really long time, but you only have a newborn for a few months. They grow up so fast, so just enjoy it as much as you can

brideandbreve · November 2013

IMHO, the harder part is the pregnancy.

I think that motherhood is way more rewarding. You get the smiles, you get to see them grow and change, and you see their personalities really form. For me, at least, there's more reward in that.

I'd take raising children over gestating them any day.

MrsGraham06 · November 2013

I second @mrsjenni

We went for 4 because we didn't feel the family was complete. It'll take about 6 months for that conversation to start up again. For a year before I was pregnant, we kept trying to set the table for 6 people. Not as a hint, but because that just seemed right.

juliasmama2010 · November 2013

@vstevens, trust me, I know how fortunate we were! And I anticipate the spawn of satan to exit my uterus in January!

cpm1223 · November 2013

juliasmama2010 said:

@vstevens, trust me, I know how fortunate we were! And I anticipate the spawn of satan to exit my uterus in January!

Haha @juliasmama2010 my parents basically said that if I was born first instead of my brother, that I would have been an only child. Apparently he was an angel and I was a bit of a handful (even as an infant)

juliasmama2010 · November 2013

@cpm1223, I've heard that many times from friends/family, which is why I'm preparing myself for the worst. Although my parents and my IL's say that all of their kids were pretty comparable, so maybe I'll get lucky. But I'm truly not getting my hopes up for that! I might need an exorcist on hand during delivery!

ac1259 · November 2013

Ok I'm going to contradict everyone else here...I personally felt so much better with the baby out of me. I felt like I had my body back and I had a fairly easy recovery...I also had a unicorn baby (which people like to remind me, never happens twice) who was a very sleepy preemie. I felt like I ran on adrenaline for at least the first month but I didn't feel that awful. She was sleeping 4-6 hours through the night after the first few weeks, I think I had one night where she woke up every 2 hours but it was rare. I also only made it to 36 weeks so never got to that truly miserable pregnancy exhaustion.

So..long story short, I don't think the worst is yet to come. I loved the snuggly newborn days, enough that I considered doing it again within 6 months....teething on the other hand is a bitch...lol! I'm very ready to have my body back again and feel semi normal again. Hope that helps!

Edited: mobile sucks..lol

sugarland726 · November 2013

Agree with the other mamas. An outside baby is much harder than an inside baby. First, while pregnant, you know that is a finite period of time. After birth, it's forever. Second, there aren't really any special needs for an in utero baby, but once LO is born it's naps and feeding and crying and inconsolability. So yeah, pregnancy is easier than raising a child. But pregnancy WHILE raising a child? That sucks.

MamaP19 · November 2013

I hate the "just wait" comments.. it's true, they're both hard. I definitely thought caring for a baby was harder though. In either situation you're really not sleeping much, uncomfortable/in pain (at least I was dealing with recovering from a c/s), hormonal, etc. It's more complicated when LO is here because you have to tend to someone else's needs before your own. I can't even explain how long it takes to get ready to leave the house now, even if it's only for a 20 minute trip. Of course, it's all totally worth it.

salsamommy · November 2013

wilburbud said:

I actually find the last few weeks of pregnancy harder than when the baby is here. Yeah. Im tired when baby arrives, but i feel like when baby arrives you have the OPTION of napping when baby naps. I can't sleep now even when I have the option because I cant get comfortable.

THIS!!!! I too found pregnancy to be much harder. Especially this pregnancy!!!

Everyone made those comments to me when I was pregnant with DS, I wanted to punch them in the throat!!! I don't bother complaining to friends about my aches and pains. It comes with the territory of being pregnant.

You get SOMEWHAT of a pass in my books, if you're a first time mom, but STMs +, you knew what to expect, you DTD, you got pregnant, you deal with it!!! It annoys the hell out of me when this one friend of mine kept complaining about everything pregnancy related on Facebook, and now more dramatic posts about recovery/twins/how thankful she is!! *GAG* This is her 3rd time around!!! I've hidden her status updates from my feed, because I just can't take her anymore!

ChuggingWater · November 2013

I find parenting to be more emotionally exhausting (and rewarding) than pregnancy.

nbbride06 · November 2013

The two are really two different things to me. But it's definitely harder to have an outside baby or toddler. Even with GD, SPD, hemorrhoids, sleep issues, etc. But truly what is hardest....having a toddler and being pregnant with HG for the first 20 weeks. Now that, and only that, is the reason I have considered stopping at 2.

wifetomrb101 · November 2013

I think it depends on the pregnancy. With DD I had an easy pregnancy - not even aches and pains other then baby in ribs. I was lucky, I know. After her I'd definitely have said it was easier before she was born. I sat with my feet up the last few weeks before she was born (canadian mat leave rocks

). This pregnancy will be the opposite. I was sick until 19 weeks, had a few weeks of easy pregnancy, and now everything hurts. Literally. I have headaches from my shoulders being tense, I walk funny because I hurt from my belly button down. It's not cool. Barring a c-section recovery, I'm fairly certain this baby will be easier out then in. Of course you never really actually know, but this pregnancy sucks compared to my last one.

I think it kinda depends on what you think is hard

but I hate it when people say 'just wait' to me. I always groan and think just cuz YOU thought that was hard doesn't mean I will!

moosebaby2011 · November 2013

I had a super easy pregnancy with DS, so I'd definitely say that taking care of an infant was harder than being pregnant.

AnnikaD20 · November 2013

As a FTM, I can't answer your question (although I have a lot of friends with kids, and the general consensus is that a lot of things are physically better shortly after birth like using stairs and sleeping comfortably, but emotionally and logistically it's a lot more difficult.)

I'm just going to agree that I can't stand that type of comments. When I completed a graduate degree and was celebrating, I got a "just wait until you have kids, then you'll have a different perspective on what's a real accomplishment." If I complained about being sick "that's nothing compared to being sick when you have kids." I could give a dozen examples.

It's not a contest. Stop being a martyr and trying to one-up everyone around you.

secret214uWed28879 · November 2013

having a newborn is definitely harder than being pregnant. pregnancy is cake compared to actually having kids . I have 3 boys 12,10 and a 2 year old and it's pretty exhausting at the end of my day.

LimeDrops · November 2013

I loved when DD was a newborn. She was easy, I was a SAHM, and we had nothing else to do all day but bond. With DS I had a horribly uncomfortable third trimester. Like, begging my midwife to induce me while sobbing hysterically at my 40w appointment. I though for sure he would be easier out, but then he was colicky, had food allergies, weight gain issues, and I had a 14m toddler. It was pure hell for a good six months. So, I don't really think there's a way to universally answer this, but for me, overall, I feel like pg is more predictable and convenient than infancy.

LexGator · November 2013

vstevens said:

Hkula said:

I'm a FTM, but I was living with my cousin when she had her two kids. I honestly think it depends on what kind of baby you have. Her first one was very colicky, he had a really hard time latching, and the only thing we could do to calm him down was drive around in the car. Her second one couldn't be more different. She would feed, look around a little bit, and go back to sleep. Seriously, you wouldn't even know there was a newborn in the house!

Meh, I'm not sure I buy the "depends on the baby" argument. DS1 was a super easy baby - maybe not the unicorn baby that @juliasmama2010 had...seriously, 6 hours after ten weeks? - but no colic, easy BF'er, very flexible etc. etc., but life was still way easier when he was in than when he was out. But maybe that's just me.

Baby in general is harder, hands down. But, maybe ... just maybe ... if you had a really rough pregnancy and were blessed with some amazing sleeper/nurser, you'd at least enjoy the fact that all of the pregnancy discomfort, etc. is gone. I don't know -- I had a hard baby, so I can't imagine what an easy one was like. I have totally romanticized that I could've swung it with an "easy" baby much better. But, you're right that even an easy baby is way more demanding on the outside than the inside.

Armyratt · November 2013

Every part has its different challenges. Carrying the baby is the easy part cause when the baby comes it you have this tiny being to take care of and who is completely dependant on you. The just wait comments are so stupid though cause no one knows what your experiance will be.

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