New here :( — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

New here :(

Hi All,

First a little intro-I'm 30, I live in NC, DH is in the military, we have 2.5 year old boy/girl twins. I used to be a nestie/bumpie regular (military nesties/multiples, etc), but I haven't been on much in the last couple years.   

I posted here a looong time ago in Jan 2009 when I lost my first pregnancy to a ruptured ectopic.  IVF 1 brought us our twins and last month we began FET 1.  It worked and despite low/wonky beta's we saw a heartbeat and a perfect little one at 6 weeks.  Sadly 2 days later, while taking our littles trunk or treating, I felt a big gush and passed our sweet baby not long after.  Its been two days and physically I'm doing ok, but emotionally I'm all over the place.  One minute I'm a mess and the next I feel ok.  I have been through this before, but it never gets any easier.  I have an appointment tomorrow to follow up with a u/s and bloodwork to make sure things are going down. 

I hope its ok that I post here. 

B/G twins born 3.22.11
TTC #3
M/C 10.26.13 @ 6w2d
 
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Re: New here :(

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you many thoughts and prayers as you try to process. The ladies here have provided such comforting words. I hope you can find peace and support here. ::hugs::

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  • Thank you, I appreciate it :)  I've been lurking and this seems like a very supportive and loving place. 

    B/G twins born 3.22.11
    TTC #3
    M/C 10.26.13 @ 6w2d
     
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  • First of all I'm very sorry for your loss and that you are here again. Secondly of course it's okay if you post here! No worries. I hope your appt goes well.

    The emotional healing process can be a difficult journey but I believe we will grow out of this process stronger than before. (That's what I tell myself to help get through.) The women here are great listeners and supporters, as we've all had similar losses. I wish you all the best and big hugs!
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to ride that emotional rollercoaster. Good luck at your appt today <3
    J15 January Siggy Challenge: Pinterest Fails

    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
    BFP#1: 9/21/13  EDD: 5/31/14 m/mc @ 7w6d on 10/27/13
    BFP#2: 10/4/14  EDD: 6/7/15  Praying for this little junebug to stick around ♥
  • Thank you ladies.  I'm sure bummed to be here (again), but I appreciate all your love and support :)
    B/G twins born 3.22.11
    TTC #3
    M/C 10.26.13 @ 6w2d
     
    image


     



     

  • Welcome.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's a roller coaster of emotions for sure.  Thinking of you.

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  • I am so sorry for your loss! It sucks that you are going through again, I could not imagine. T & P's to and your DH. ((Hugs))
    Multiple TTCAL 1IF 3
    imageimage
    DX: stage 2 Endo 2012, PCOS 7/2/14,  HSG 6/11/14, Lefty open!!
    BFP#1, EDD: 4/27/14, Missed EP confirmed: 9/23/13, R tube removal: 9/25/13 
    Clomid/TI #1=BFN, 
    Clomid/TI#2=BFN, Clomid/TI #3=CP
    BFP #2 CP, EDD 7/12/15
    On a treatment break: 2 natural cycles. Saving money, sigh*

    Goodbye my sweet babies. We miss you so much. 
    All Welcome


  • Thank you ladies. 
    Appointment went well.  Confirmed that I have an empty ute :'( and my betas are dropping (in the 700's today).  The worst part about the appointment was sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of happy pregnant women.  I'm thrilled for them, truly I am, but it made for a tough morning.  I know I'll be there again soon, but its sucks being on this side of things right now. 

     

    B/G twins born 3.22.11
    TTC #3
    M/C 10.26.13 @ 6w2d
     
    image


     



     

  • I'm so sorry. It is hard walking through that waiting room, I couldn't even make eye contact with anyone.
    *S15 Siggy January Siggy Challenge - Happy Dance*
    justin timberlake omeletteville gif

    image
  • @MommaInNC - the waiting room with PG women happened to me yesterday... I was nearly in tears and I had to wait 40 mins... it was a mess... I understand being thrilled for them and I would wish this pain on no one, but I'm jealous and it hurts being on this side of things at the moment and seeing it... It makes me want to be more cognizant of others when I'm pregnant again if that makes sense... 

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  •  Oh I'm so sorry you had to go through that, its the worst :(  I have two two and a half year olds, so people automatically assume I'm taking this in stride.  I think that having children helps take my mind off of the loss sometimes, but I wanted and loved this baby, too.  Sometimes I feel incredibly selfish for hurting so much, but at the same time, I'm allowed to grieve for my lost little, too.  I just hate feeling like this and while I'm not rushing the grieving process, I can't wait to feel better, if that makes sense. 

    Having been through a loss prior to the twins, I was def more aware when I was pregnant. 

    @MommaInNC - the waiting room with PG women happened to me yesterday... I was nearly in tears and I had to wait 40 mins... it was a mess... I understand being thrilled for them and I would wish this pain on no one, but I'm jealous and it hurts being on this side of things at the moment and seeing it... It makes me want to be more cognizant of others when I'm pregnant again if that makes sense... 

    B/G twins born 3.22.11
    TTC #3
    M/C 10.26.13 @ 6w2d
     
    image


     



     

  • MommaInNC said:

    Thank you ladies. 
    Appointment went well.  Confirmed that I have an empty ute :'( and my betas are dropping (in the 700's today).  The worst part about the appointment was sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of happy pregnant women.  I'm thrilled for them, truly I am, but it made for a tough morning.  I know I'll be there again soon, but its sucks being on this side of things right now. 

     

    I am sorry you had to deal with that today. ((Hugs)) to you. 
    Multiple TTCAL 1IF 3
    imageimage
    DX: stage 2 Endo 2012, PCOS 7/2/14,  HSG 6/11/14, Lefty open!!
    BFP#1, EDD: 4/27/14, Missed EP confirmed: 9/23/13, R tube removal: 9/25/13 
    Clomid/TI #1=BFN, 
    Clomid/TI#2=BFN, Clomid/TI #3=CP
    BFP #2 CP, EDD 7/12/15
    On a treatment break: 2 natural cycles. Saving money, sigh*

    Goodbye my sweet babies. We miss you so much. 
    All Welcome


  • MommaInNC said:

     Oh I'm so sorry you had to go through that, its the worst :(  I have two two and a half year olds, so people automatically assume I'm taking this in stride.  I think that having children helps take my mind off of the loss sometimes, but I wanted and loved this baby, too.  Sometimes I feel incredibly selfish for hurting so much, but at the same time, I'm allowed to grieve for my lost little, too.  I just hate feeling like this and while I'm not rushing the grieving process, I can't wait to feel better, if that makes sense. 

    Having been through a loss prior to the twins, I was def more aware when I was pregnant. 


    I think it can't help you but be more cognizant after going through this.  Definitely allow yourself to grieve through this.  Every one is so different.  I have days where I feel like I'm hitting a new normal, but at the same time I wind up crying like I did yesterday and asking if/when I'll every feel ok again... A loss is a loss no matter if you have a living sweet pea or not... at least I would think so... This would have been our first so I have no comparison, but I'm thinking this would be the case.  We're all allowed our grieving.  

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  •  

    MommaInNC said:

     Oh I'm so sorry you had to go through that, its the worst :(  I have two two and a half year olds, so people automatically assume I'm taking this in stride.  I think that having children helps take my mind off of the loss sometimes, but I wanted and loved this baby, too.  Sometimes I feel incredibly selfish for hurting so much, but at the same time, I'm allowed to grieve for my lost little, too.  I just hate feeling like this and while I'm not rushing the grieving process, I can't wait to feel better, if that makes sense. 

    Having been through a loss prior to the twins, I was def more aware when I was pregnant. 


    I think it can't help you but be more cognizant after going through this.  Definitely allow yourself to grieve through this.  Every one is so different.  I have days where I feel like I'm hitting a new normal, but at the same time I wind up crying like I did yesterday and asking if/when I'll every feel ok again... A loss is a loss no matter if you have a living sweet pea or not... at least I would think so... This would have been our first so I have no comparison, but I'm thinking this would be the case.  We're all allowed our grieving.  
    I'm very sorry for your loss.  Having been there, I can tell you it does get better.  Big hugs to you. 
    B/G twins born 3.22.11
    TTC #3
    M/C 10.26.13 @ 6w2d
     
    image


     



     

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