Career driven women - If you could quit would you?

LeahCK · October 2013

C12H22O11 said:

I can't imagine myself leaving the workplace. I could right now, but don't. The 3 months I spent on maternity leave were mind numbingly boring. I'm just not cut out to be a SAHM. So much of my identity is tied up in my career and I enjoy the respect I've earned with my coworkers and the professional success I've had. Besides, I didn't go to grad school to bake cookies and knit. This probably sounds harsh, but it's how I feel.

Hi C12,

I feel the same way. I didn't go through all of that schooling to sit around. But I didn't. I made a name for myself and most of my identity is tied up in my career as well. I am proud of the respect I have earned at my age compared to most of my counter parts who are mostly 10 years my senior. So much of my identity is my career that in the middle of my pregnancy I started crying because of it on Sunday morning over coffee with my husband. He is much more grounded in life and reality it seems than I. His career is much more gratifying and exciting and he loves it but if I wanted to keep working he would quit for me. At the end of his day family is much more important.

We discuss geographically where both of our careers will thrive and I truly could get back in a few years making the same as long as I keep my foot in the door, stay up on forever changing regulations and keep in touch.

JJ_13 · October 2013

If balance is what's missing. Don't go to law school. Don't go to law school. I try not to regret things in life, but truly, I regret going to law school. Most of my attorney-friends say they wouldn't go if they could do it over. I went to Tier 1 school, and paid in-state tuition, so comparatively, my loans are not all that bad (I am 5 years out and have ~$40K left). I should have it paid off in the next 5 years.

I practiced at a big firm at first and hated it. Then I practiced at a small firm. I had decent hours, but I still hated the work - until you get to more senior positions, law practice can be very isolating and mundane. Oh, and I hate-hate-hated billing my time in 6 minute increments. It is, IMO, a system which does not reward efficiency. On top of all that, while I made a very good salary at the big firm (but had zero life and was miserable), my salary at the small firm was crappy.

After a lot of reflection, I decided to leave law practice. THis wasn't easy for a number of reasons - in part because I actually really enjoyed law school and did very well. But, I didn't enjoy practice and while it might have been possible to find a practice I enjoyed down the road, I think I would always have been expected to be constantly available to clients and either the work would be boring or the stress level would always be high - it doesn't seem possible to have interesting work but not crazy stressful.

I left to go to a consulting firm that does technology (my undergrad deg was in computer science) consulting to government agencies in highly regulated environments. I got a raise, enjoy my work, have better work-life balance and so far, am really enjoying my new career. That said, the job search took almost a year. I think the "you can do anything with a law degree" is a misnomer - a lot of HR departments won't even look at you if you have a JD - either they think you're overqualified, expect too much money, or will leave quickly.

I have a couple of friends who love their life as a lawyer. I think that's awesome. We need good lawyers who like what they do. But, I don't think the law is for most people and I would never actively encourage someone to go to law school today.

ANyway, yeah, don't go to law school. ESPECIALLY if what you're missing is balance.

AmberDerek · October 2013

I think if you would enjoy staying home then do it! I would prefer to work at least part time as I love the adult interaction and what I do. I currently work 32 hours a week and I love it!

financialdiva · October 2013

If we could live the same lifestyle on just DH's income, I would quit and start my own practice.

Do you think something like that would make you happy?

SoMoNY · October 2013

Never. I would feel like all those years of college and paying my dues were for nothing

Maybe I'll cut back once they are in school but I see myself working till I'm forced to retire

mexicolombiana · October 2013

LeahCK said:

I'm getting the same feedback from other attorneys on here about the current conditions of the legal field. I would LOVE to work 4 days but cannot. I think if I worked slightly less (30-35 hours) with a better commute I would be much happier and less stressed with more time to spend with my son, therefor happier. That is not the case today.

We are also planning on having 2-3 more children. So I know whatever I chose I want to it be better balanced than what I have right now. Maybe law isn't the right choice but I am thinking that if I go that route that I can combine it with what I do today and have a unique background and return to the firm I work for today with no issues. However, I just found out their case load and was astonished to say the least.

Dear LeahCK. Please don't go to law school. UNLESS you plan to be in the top 5-10% of your class and you want to graduate and work at a big firm working 70 hours per week. Then go for it!

I hate to be so cynical but it is just not a good time for attorneys right now. I've been an attorney for 5 years. I have a good job. I work as a bankruptcy attorney and have great hours. I work 9-5 and not a minute more. I get to leave early when I need to and can start late if I need to. That said it comes at a price. I get paid like SHIT. As a bankruptcy attorney all I do is look at people's financial situations and paychecks and budgets. SO many of my clients make more money than I do AND have ZERO STUDENT LOAN DEBT.

Some examples of jobs that I would rather have:

Police officer

Paramedic

Fire Fighter

Nurse

Teacher

Yes I know the above jobs are considered "hard" jobs. But guess what? Being a lawyer is hard. It's a lot of work and you have people's entire lives in your hands in some cases. So the pressure is high and so is the stress but the pay is relatively shitty. AND even if you get paid well (let's say $75K and above) you still have $100K+ in student loan debt so your salary doesn't even go very far.

The job market in most big cities is over-saturated with attorneys. I have many friends who have been unable to find jobs after years of looking.

My husband and I are thankful to have jobs but our pay is low.

I live in Chicago and personally know teachers who make way more than I do with actual benefits like a pension and well priced health insurance AND have several weeks in the summer off.

You really have to consider your starting salary as an attorney, whether you will have benefits (probably not), whether you want to work in the public or private sector, and how you will pay back your loans (if ever).

The legal profession is just not what it used to be. I cannot in good conscience recommend that ANYONE go to law school anymore. I know that's a harsh comment but I sincerely mean it.

Here's a funny flow chart I recently saw on "Deciding to go to Law School"

https://abovethelaw.com/2013/10/deciding-to-go-to-law-school-in-one-epic-flowchart/

itsmevkb · October 2013

I didn't read every response but have you considered teaching at the university level? You need a PhD for a tenure track position but can get adjunct positions with just the practical work experience you have. You could have less work hours and still havea fulfilling career. My husband teaches and has a fairly flexible schedule which is nice with children.

As to your question, no, I would not stop working. I enjoy my career and work not just for the money but for personal satisfaction and fulfillment. I know that I would be a good SAHM if I decided to do that, but, my career doesn't really allow for taking years off. Odds are I would never be able to return to my specific field so I just don't see that as option.

I agree with everyone else on not going to law school, unless you see that perhaps as giving you a leg up in your current field or as an avenue for teaching, just don't do it think thinking you will practice law. The job outlook is horrendous, even for the best of the best.

JJ_13 · October 2013

mexicolombiana said:

LeahCK said:

I'm getting the same feedback from other attorneys on here about the current conditions of the legal field. I would LOVE to work 4 days but cannot. I think if I worked slightly less (30-35 hours) with a better commute I would be much happier and less stressed with more time to spend with my son, therefor happier. That is not the case today.

We are also planning on having 2-3 more children. So I know whatever I chose I want to it be better balanced than what I have right now. Maybe law isn't the right choice but I am thinking that if I go that route that I can combine it with what I do today and have a unique background and return to the firm I work for today with no issues. However, I just found out their case load and was astonished to say the least.

Dear LeahCK. Please don't go to law school. UNLESS you plan to be in the top 5-10% of your class and you want to graduate and work at a big firm working 70 hours per week. Then go for it!
I hate to be so cynical but it is just not a good time for attorneys right now. I've been an attorney for 5 years. I have a good job. I work as a bankruptcy attorney and have great hours. I work 9-5 and not a minute more. I get to leave early when I need to and can start late if I need to. That said it comes at a price. I get paid like SHIT. As a bankruptcy attorney all I do is look at people's financial situations and paychecks and budgets. SO many of my clients make more money than I do AND have ZERO STUDENT LOAN DEBT.

Some examples of jobs that I would rather have:
Police officer
Paramedic
Fire Fighter
Nurse
Teacher

Yes I know the above jobs are considered "hard" jobs. But guess what? Being a lawyer is hard. It's a lot of work and you have people's entire lives in your hands in some cases. So the pressure is high and so is the stress but the pay is relatively shitty. AND even if you get paid well (let's say $75K and above) you still have $100K+ in student loan debt so your salary doesn't even go very far.

The job market in most big cities is over-saturated with attorneys. I have many friends who have been unable to find jobs after years of looking.

My husband and I are thankful to have jobs but our pay is low.

I live in Chicago and personally know teachers who make way more than I do with actual benefits like a pension and well priced health insurance AND have several weeks in the summer off.

You really have to consider your starting salary as an attorney, whether you will have benefits (probably not), whether you want to work in the public or private sector, and how you will pay back your loans (if ever).

The legal profession is just not what it used to be. I cannot in good conscience recommend that ANYONE go to law school anymore. I know that's a harsh comment but I sincerely mean it.

Here's a funny flow chart I recently saw on "Deciding to go to Law School"

https://abovethelaw.com/2013/10/deciding-to-go-to-law-school-in-one-epic-flowchart/

Yep. And, even if you DO graduated in the top 10% of a Tier 1 law school and can go to big law... the work is still boring, stressful, and overtakes your life. And, if you go to a small firm, you are most likely underpaid (compared to what you could be making without a law degree) and the work is still boring and stressful (even if you have achieved balance).

ETA: Sorry, realized we kind of hijacked your post. IN response to your original question, no I would not quit. I would go 3 - 4 days a week if I could, but I enjoy working and while I love my little one more than life itself, I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom.

emberlee3 · October 2013

I just saw you were thinking about changing careers and considering medicine. Here's how that looks in terms of time investment and cost:
1-2 years of premed coursework
1 year of applying and interviewing for medical schools
4 years of medical school, probably 60+ hrs/week of classes and studying, more at times
3-7 years of post-graduate training, typically 80 hrs/week, occasionally a little less
Medical school tuition typically about $50,000/year.
There are plenty of jobs, but most of the full-time attending physicians I know work around 60 hrs/week
I work about 0.8 FTE, so 50 hrs/week, including 1:3 weekends. I would prefer to work 40 hrs/week and 1:4 to 1:6 weekends, I'm currently looking for a new job with those hours. Of course, we also rotate call on holidays; I will be working Christmas this year.
I do think it's feasible to find balance with a career in medicine, but there is a huge time and financial investment on the front end before you are actually practicing medicine..

avh0630 · October 2013

I didn't make the original comment about law school, but I can answer from my perspective. I have what is considered a good law job (in-house) and I still work at least fifty hours a week. I struggle on a routine basis with the small amount of time I get to spend with my kids and wonder about my legacy also, although I've never put it in those exact words. I do have some friends who work part-time, but even they work a great deal and it's not true part-time work. Additionally, to find the good jobs you typically spend a few years working a lot of hours. Good luck with your decision.

rubber_chicken · October 2013

If I could afford it, I would quit my job. But not to stay home. I would start my own business. In this dream world, my business would be an instant success and allow me some flexibility to spend more time at home (so, working 3-4 full days a week).

However, I realize this is an absolute fantasy that has 0% chance of happening in the real world.

APendola · October 2013

I am not interested in being a full-time stay-at-home mom. On the other hand, I would love to have more flexible work options or work part time and spend more time with my little one. I like working, but I find it difficult that I have to get up at 5:45am, leave at 7:15, and come home at 5:30 and only have a little time with DD between dinner and bedtime. I would totally take a lower paying job for some more flex work option or more vacation days.

LeahCK · October 2013

No one high jacked my post. I have enjoyed it and laughed a few times. I would get a law degree to add on to the work that I do now and return to my firm with the specialized work that I do now. Just better equipped and higher paid. But after reading all of these posts I don't think ill do that. Through all of this talk with all of you wonderful dedicated women I have figured its balance that's missing. I have spoke with a few colleagues and some extreme execs took a few years off and came back. With networking and staying up on regulation changes I am now confident I will be fine. One even said that they'd hire me back in a heartbeat. That was nice to hear!!

virginiagirl11 · October 2013

If we could afford for me to quit my job, I think I would, at least just until my kids start school. I don't see myself as a career SAHM because I really do like my job, but I think I would really prefer to be home with my kids right now while they are so young (2.5 and 5 months). DH and I are both so exhausted and strung out at the end of the day that the time we get to spend with our kids feels low-quality and rushed. I hate it.

I'm just not happy with either of their care situations right now and feel that I could definitely do a better job. If I didn't have to worry about work each day and prepping for it, etc., I think I would use that time to create loose schedules for the kids and me and put together little learning units, field trips, and play dates.

KL777 · October 2013

I did resign, but with the intention of returning within a few years. I say if you're going to resign, keep in contact with your career contacts, and at some point in time, start doing something in your field part-time, so that it will be easier to come back.

jetgrrrl · October 2013

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to work less. But given the choice between working full time and staying home - I'll taking working full time six days a week and twice on Sunday.

Not only because I like my job and really think I'd go insane at home, but also because my DH and I have a really good balance. He does the cooking and grocery shopping, I do more of the "man" stuff around the house, plus laundry. DH is a terrific hands-on dad, better at many child-care tasks than I am, because I work. This would most definitely not be the case if I had stayed home.

That said, DS2 is sleeping until I wake him up for DC in the morning and I basically see him an hour a day...DS1 isn't napping at Pre-K and is miserable in the evening...I definitely wish I had more balance, but part-time really isn't an option in my job.

jetgrrrl · October 2013

RibitGrl930: just because we want and need to work doesn't mean we love our families less.

Katelobster · October 2013

I'd quit.

I had every intention of being a FT working mom, but when it actually happened, I was miserable. I hated putting my tiny baby in daycare for more hours per week than she saw me, and I felt like our lives were falling apart because my DH works 60+ hours a week and travels extensively. I work 3 days a week now and I LOVE hanging out with my kid, going to story time at the library, and playdates at the playground. It would be different if my work was fulfilling, but it's not and I find it hard to care anymore.

To speak to the 'legacy' aspect, I did not have a SAHM but my mom was a teacher, and she was my world as a kid and we are still very close. I loved hanging out with her every day all summer. For me, time with my kids is so much more important than my current career. I'm considering quitting when we have #2 in a couple years and slowly working toward a nursing degree while SAH most of the time. I really want a career where I have a flexible schedule and opportunities to work PT, but can also can continue to grow into ( by earning an MSN or additional certifications) when my kids are older.

bree2020 · October 2013

I would quit if able. I love my coworkers, but my job is stressful at times. We could make it off my hubby's income, but I'm terrified something would happen to him and I would be stuck with no income. My grandfather passed unexpectedly at 45 leaving my grandmother to raise three kids. She worked so she did have another income.

LeahCK · October 2013

These are all phenomenal points. I can't thank you all enough for sharing. It is wonderful to know that there are woman in various points in their life right now. I for one was a die hard "will keep working" but it just hasn't been as fulfilling as I expected it to be. It's changed. I've Changed. I will post on the day that I make the decision.

lizok22 · October 2013

yes in a heartbeat

KayteeGee · October 2013

Nope. No chance. We could do it, but I love my job and I love everything our extra income allows us to do - travel, shop, give back. I also get a lot of satisfaction from being independent.

AND... I'm pretty sure that DS is better for being in daycare.

LeahCK · October 2013

I would totally work part-time. I doubt that there's any way that would happen. Working remotely, sure, part time, I highly doubt it.

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