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Working Moms
traveltheworld
member
Thoughts on Private Schools
traveltheworld
member
in Working Moms
Both DH and I went to public schools and we both did well, so we were originally quite adamant that any children we have will attend public school since we believe if you work hard, you can get a good education anywhere. However, as we move higher in the corporate ladder, we've come to realize that a large part of a person's success (in certain professions) depends on networking, and going to a good private school can definitely help build that network. Moreover, our neighbourhood is surrounded by the best private schools in the city; and the public schools in our area aren't the best (around 50th percentile compared to the state average). The best private school in our area is $20K/year, but there are a few very good ones at around $12K/year. We have a healthy retirement fund and putting DS (or any future children) into private schools won't affect our retirement plans; and if all goes well, shouldn't affect DS' college fund either. However, both DH and I had to start our lives together with $0 and we had always thought that it'd be nice to help out our children if we can. So my question for you is this - as an adult, do you think you would have benefited more from going to a great private school or if your parents gave you $100K+ to help with your finances (the payment will only be made if we can be assured that DS is financial responsible).
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Re: Thoughts on Private Schools
But to answer your question I went to a public school that was not very good and I have a professional career so I would personally say the 100,000 would have benefited me more because I would not have student loan debt. But that is me responding based on hindsight. I would never choose that option for my child.
Americans' obsession with comparing schools solely by test scores is a bad one. There is a ton more to a school than how well the kids do on a standardized test (and test scores are closely correlated with students' socio-economic status anyway). I would base my decision on which school offers you what you want for your kids. Go visit them in person and see what they have to offer first.
Maybe sending them to high school would be a better option, or investing the money into their college education - I would think networking opportunities for individuals would happen in college more so than K-12.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I think it's more important for parents to instill love of learning, curiosity, critical thinking, literacy, community involvement etc. at home, rather than obsess over the cache of one school vs. another.
As an adult who graduated with quite a bit of student debt and had that affect my career choice, I personally would have chosen to take the money instead of getting sent to private school. But like I said, we do see the benefits of a great private school and that's why we are torn.
If the public schools are not good, I would send my kids to the private school. Or move into a better school district as pp pointed out. If you are so well off then pay for your child's college education, but don't just hand them a stack of cash, I don't see how that benefits them in the long run, it's better to learn to work hard then just have things handed to you.
Anyway, that's the brutal honesty/cynicism of a couple of beers.
As for us, we both went to magnet schools growing up, which was the best of both worlds. DD is currently zoned for the best public schools in our state so the only private schools we're considering are ones that are academically rigorous (because obviously just because something is "private" doesn't mean it's always better than the top-tier public.)
Also I don't understand giving $100K to your kids. For what? A reasonable amount for a wedding, a car after graduation, some money for a down payment on a house? Yes, that makes sense if you can afford it. But a random huge amount of cash I don't understand.
DH and I both went to public school, and both became successful professionals making very good salaries.
The public elementaryschool and middle school are A schools. The high school is a B. So I feel pretty good about sending my kids to public school. That being said, if once the kids enter the school system and we don't feel it's working for our kids, we have no qualms in sending them to private school. But I don't see the need to send them there from K-8 for networking. High school, maybe. I think a really good private high school could lead to a top college, which could then lead to a successful career. A public school could also lead to a decent college would could lead to a successful career as it did for DH and I.
As for handing them $100k, I think that is ridiculous. Making sure they start life after college debt free would be great. Maybe contributing to a little to their wedding and/or contributing to a down payment on their first home might be a better idea. But even then, I kind of judge my friends who have parents who do this type of stuff for them, mainly bc my parents can't afford to and I'm a little jealous, lol.
I would never hand DS $100K either as a young adult. I would much rather use that money for things I that I valued, such as if one doesn't live in the best school district, pay to send them to a better school. Assist with DS's college tuition. Assist with any emergencies DS may have as an adult, etc...
Where I grew up and still live today, where you went to high school is a big deal, even as an adult. We have some fantastic private schools in this area, and when people ask where you went to school they mean high school, not college. That being said, going to one of those schools is not a requirement for being successful, but there is definitely a network of graduates of certain schools.
I went to one of those schools, and I can tell you the networking has helped me somewhat, but also the education was amazing, as was the close environment at the school. I graduated in a class of only 40 girls and I still keep in touch with a lot of them.
If your choice is sending your LO to a great private school, which you can afford, or sending him to a public school in your area which you say is not so great, I would pick the private school every time. If there are great public schools available to you as well, then I would explore both options.
Finally, at least in this area, each school really has its own personality, so I would not choose strictly based on cost, but I would tour a few and pick the one that seems to be the best fit for your family and child(ren).
My DS is in private school now and likely will be through HS, although the public school in our district has a great reputation. We may tour it just to see if we think it would be a fit, but I am definitely biased toward private due to my experience.
I went to private Catholic school from 1-12th grade and actually feel like I had less opportunities than if I had gone to public school. My school was small and so we had less opportunities for AP classes and leadership opportunities. My siblings go to public high school and have the option to take college courses while in high school and have done many leadership programs within the community.
For DH and I, we are choosing to pay for our kids college rather than putting them in Catholic school. Based on our own experiences, we feel as though this will put them in a better professional and financial place.
To answer your question I would definitely trade my private education for 100k....then my house would be paid for. ; )
Some of the responses to this post make me laugh. It was a simple question..pick one and move on. I went to private catholic school my whole life and loved every second of it. DH went to public school and has student loans to pay off (tho we are basically done). We both have great jobs and the networking really took place at the college level because we went to an excellent university which I am sorry, matters. It doesnt mean you cant find a lucrative career at a middle of the road school, you absolutely can...just more "falls into your lap" at a better school because of the alumni network connections, etc.
We have decided to move to a district where public schools are very good, so we have that option., We will be using public school until 8th grade as of now but will consider private catholic high school if thats what our children want to do. I want to make sure my kids college is all paid for so they dont come out with debt. If i am ensuring that, and when they get to high school age we decide the public schools are just as good as the private schools, then I would put the money aside in some type of trust for them to use as an adult responsibly. THere are a million ways to structure the gifting of that money so that it cant be spent haphazardly, but I think there is nothing wrong with giving your children money to make life a little bit easier, esp here in the northeast where everything is so darn expensive nad property taxes are more than some people make in a year. If your public schools are very good-use them. If they are mediocre at best...I think your kids will benefit from a private high school to pave the way for a better college and life beyond. Some high schools just dont have the resources that others do and its unfortunate, but it makes a difference.
It is a good problem to have tho!! Good luck with whatever you choose!
We will be sending DS to private school, most likely a Catholic School, although we are open to other private schools. The school district in our area is terrible.
If you have money left over to pass on to your child, I would suggest looking into a Trust of sorts so that there is control over when and how they use it. I wouldn't just give a 21 year old a lump sum of $100,000, but helping them with things like a down payment on a house/condo, paying for education, funding a year abroad isn't such a bad idea.
What? Who in the world would give their child $100,000?
I always attended private schools and believe I received a good education and better than I would have had I attended the public school in our neighborhood. Do I think it gave me some huge leg up? No. Did it help me network? No. But, I also think there's a big difference between average middle class families sending their kids to private Catholic schools and what you seem to be talking about which is rich people sending their children to elite, private schools.
We scrimp to send our kids to private school because the public school alternative is pretty bad in our city and we would like our kids to receive a religious education. It doesn't have anything to do with networking or having an impressive school name to write down on college applications.
In your situation, I might send my child to the private school but at the same time I'd still expect my child to work once they are in high-school and no child of mine will ever have their college completely paid for, even if we have the means to do so. I just believe they need to work for at least some of it.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
DS born Dec 10, 2013
Private school is so much more than networking with the right families and setting up for your future. The better education is not just access to harder classes, but my private school taught me how to think critically and solve problems. I also had some of the most amazing teachers that really inspired me. I like that they were teaching you to learn not just pass a test. No matter if you are zoned to the best public school, the teachers/administrators are still constrained to prescripted standards and your class will always have to be taught to the lowest common denominator. So truly bright children will get bored.
I'm sure this is a controversial book, but I really enjoyed "Real Education" by the same author of "The Bell Curve". It really opened my eyes on the disaster our public education system has become. I think back when we were in school, public schools were fine. My husband went to some of the highest ranked public schools in the nation and has done well. But it's getting worse. His own mother was a public teacher and says the same thing.
Punchline for us, private school for our girls. Some might think waste of money but I like having more control of what they learn, who they learn with, and the discipline in the school.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
Thanks everyone. A few other points - the private schools we are thinking about basically require you to enter at the Kindergarten level. They have 5 - 10 spots open at the high school level so it's very difficult to get in at that point.
The reason we are struggling with the decision so much is because both DH and I went to "ok" public schools, whereas most of our friends and colleagues went to prestige private schools; and we don't think it made a difference in our education. However, in the past few years, we are starting to notice that the alumni network from high schools do make a difference. I am on the hiring committee for our law firm and I see applicants with awesome internships - and as much as I don't want to put any weight on these (knowing that those probably came as a result of mommy and daddy's connections), it does make a difference when you are hiring a dozen people out of 800 applicants. Of course, a person can be successful regardless of background; but as parents, we would like to give DS the best leg up.
Our priority in raising DS is to ensure that he is a kind, generous and hard-working individual. I think that if you do it right, sending him to private school and/or giving him a large sum of money (or setting up a trust) would not negatively affect that. My best friend is the single child of very wealth parents, and she would never have to work a day in her life if she didn't want to. But her parents gave her good work ethics and good values, and she is hard-working, humble, considerate and all-around great person. That said, her trust fund did allow her to take 2 years between getting her Masters and her PhD to do unpaid work for the UN, and gives her the financial freedom to pursue her dream (immigration policy work at a prestige think tank). And THAT is the type of choice that I want to give DS with the money.
I guess I'm an oddball here, but unless the public schools were bad, I would not consider private school. I am a product of public schools; my DH is a product of private schools. I have been way more successful than he in terms of academic achievements and degrees. We have equally successful careers.
I believe- and my DH does now too - that the experiences of diversity and societal awareness that one gets in public schools are invaluable. I am who I am today because I was exposed to a variety of economic classes in public schools. My parents were super involved and made sure I still got a good education. Obviously if safety were a factor or I really felt that LO couldn't get a decent education, then I would reconsider, but just b/c a private school might be what most people think of as "better" would not be enough to prompt me to go to private school.
I also think, however, that handing a kid $100K is insane. Starting out with very little is important to me.
What my parents have done which I have very much appreciated is give me a certain amount of cash each year since I turned 25 (so going on 10 years now) - between $5 and $10K depending on their own finances. I think this has been great - it's enough for me to do something special - pay off some of my grad school loans, do a minor kitchen reno, etc, but it's not so much that I did anything irresponsible.
That said, considering OP's original question, and follow up, I'd save the extra money and give it to the child later - but not as one lump sum.
That allowed me to take a few months to find a job in my field (the arts) while working 30hrs a week at Starbucks. It was the leg up to every job I've had since; the ability to take unpaid internships is the difference between building a resume in my field and leaving the arts. There are loads of fields these days that expect unpaid internships so if your kid wants a career in nonprofits, entertainment, or public service, having the money later will make that much easier.
My H had no help from his folks (they just don't have the money), and as a result, took longer to get through college, and has huge huge student loans. We struggle under those payments and won't be able to buy a home on our own. My parents said a couple years ago that they'd pay our down payment, again with money they saved not sending me or my brother to private schools. (And they supported him through law school so his loans are minimal)
Anyway, tl;dr. I think the question is about when to provide opportunity, right? You have the means to give your kid a leg up. That's awesome. Should you do it early to launch them on a path alongside others in a higher socioeconomic pool? Or wait till s/he is an adult so you know exactly what they need?
My vote is go with public schools and save for later. You can probably spend on tutors and extracurriculars to shore up the public school experience, if it's not totally up to par, and still not spend as much as private school tuition. Keep the money to allow your kid all they need to launch as an adult: no school debt, unpaid internships, international travel, maybe even rent help if their field is in an urban center.
I haven't read through all of the responses, but if you're thinking of "gifting" your child $100K I think you should be talking to an estate attorney. Rather than gifting the money in a lump sum, which can have tax implications and gift tax exemptions can vary year to year and by who's in office, I'd look into setting up a trust. Protects the assets and puts limitations on how the money can be spent (and you can be the trustee if you want to retain control).
I'm also a big proponent of public schools. I went to a mediocre public school while DH went to a top notch boarding school. We both now live 1500+ miles away from where we went to high school and college, but neither one of us have strong "connections" from school (beyond socially).
We are not talking about handing over $100K to DS. We are thinking of helping with a down-payment, college fund for his kids, presents here and there, etc.; all contingent on the fact that he would be a fiscally responsible and productive member of society.
I appreciate the point about moving away from your home city. I hadn't thought about that - which is weird, since I moved away from my home city.
I would send my kids to the best schools I could afford. I would never send my child to mediocre public schools if I could afford private. My family is a product of private and boarding schools. We live in an area with excellent public schools but will consider private. What we can afford and what is best for our LO to succeed is the most important thing. DH went to a so-so public high school and there was a huge difference with him on college counseling (none-he had no idea about when to take the SAT or financial aid deadlines), academic rigor, etc. than what I was offered at private HS.
I also find it important to make sure college is paid for and DH and I are taking steps to insure our children can get through undergraduate studies with no student loan debt.
Finally, I do think that going to a lesser school to be a big fish is not a good strategy. People judge where you went to college and HS and make assumptions about you based on those things. It is unfortunate but it is also true.
I kept my high school on my resume for more than 10 years after I graduated college. I got a number of interviews because of it. It was always an ice breaker, because someone knew someone who went to that school or one in the same league. The networking from some private schools is very real.
My high school was $9K when I went there (early 90's). My mom worked there part time to subsidize the tuition. It just showed up on the top 50 most expensive schools in the country. My kids aren't going there because I don't think that the $47K tuition is going to give them that much of an advantage over the $17K tuition to the local Catholic high school.
We looked at better districts, but moving to those towns would have tacked on at least 45 mins to our commute, each way. We already commute an hour. We'd rather have more time with our kids.