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Working Moms
sweetsunnyc
member
I think this guy is an idiot
sweetsunnyc
member
in Working Moms
https://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
Someone posted this on FB- Let me clarify, I 100% support both WM's and SAHM's. Both are hard, both have major challenges, so this is not about that. I just find this man ridiculous, a traditionalist, and offensive. Plus the fact that he never mentions father's that are doing the same thing- it's wrong.
And holy shit, read the comments- especially by "jenny" WTF
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think this guy is an idiot
"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."
Because working moms don't do all these things too?
Ugh, that's all I have to say about this article.
Just another person, well probably two people in this case, who are insecure with the decision to stay home. I work because I choose to and I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone. Sounds like Matt is for some reason feeling like he has to justify his and his wife's decision to the world. Get over yourself dude.
The comment about staying home being fun sounds pretty inncuous to me. I'd say that too. "Oh how fun that you're home with your kids all day." I guess I'm rude, pompous and smug. Eff me right?
ETA What are you supposed to say? "Oh god that sounds like so much work?! How awful?"
F. That.
I think women especially understand that we have values and needs and wants and ambitions that go beyond our ability to reproduce. And that actually, no, the body of research suggests that the children of working moms are actually JUST FINE as long as they're in a nurturing environment.
Your wife wants to stay home? That's great. No wants to be on the receiving end of unsolicited judgment. But women ESPECIALLY should understand that they have some sort of special role in society that makes it "not ideal" for a mother to do anything else but domestic work as long as she has children under the age of 18?
No, just no.
Oh yeah & no pressure on women or moms from the "JUST" paragraph. ??? I wonder what his wife is like...
Parenting isn't something you can only do when you're in the same room as your children. No, I'm not the one who changes her diapers during the day and feeds her lunch (though I did pack it). And I do decide the values she will be raised with, the meals she will eat, the activities she will participate in, the consequences for poor behavior, the books we will read, etc.etc.
Andplusalso, these people seem to be arguing that there's no role for fathers of SAH wives other than to bring home the bacon and not get in the way of the "real" parenting their wives are doing. If fathers can work and parent, then so can mothers. And they can be equally important and do just as fantastic a job. My husband sure does.
Is it hard and exhausting to be a SAHM and spend all day with your children? Sure. That's also true of daycare workers and teachers. It's true of anyone who spends time with children. Children are exhausting. Is this news to anyone?
The 2 examples he started out with? The first one:
“Oh fun! That must be nice!”
“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”
Dude- the woman was just trying to make conversation! She doesn't need to put your wife on a pedestal. I work. I don't want to be a full time SAHM. BUT as I don't want to work full time either- yea, I might be like "Oh- that must be nice" to someone who is able to SAH. I'm not trying to demoralize or minimize their job. I'm just saying that from MY perspective - it would be nice to have the option to SAH! I like spending time w/ my son. If I could get more time w/ him, it would be nice.He needs to stop being so defensive!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
She drops kids off, volunteers, runs all the errands for the household - groceries, dry cleaners, birthday gifts, sports equipment, etc. Once school is out, she shuttles them all over creation for sports, art, tutors, lessons. Weekends are jam packed - two of the kids are tremendous athletes, so they play a lot of sports on the weekends on several different teams.
She cooks, cleans, keeps up with laundry for the entire house (remember the athletes? the laundry they generate with daily practices and uniforms on game days is staggering). My BIL is a great guy, but not super helpful around the house normally. Not a shot at him - he works constantly. And he worked like that when my sister worked part time. It's not a money thing - he just likes to work all the time.
It works for them.
Plus one.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I wonder what he sees his role as a father as since clearly he doesn't think he plays any role in raising his children since that job seems to fall solely to to the mother who should spend every waking moment with her children. I sure hope he doesn't raise his own daughters to think that their only value to society is as a stay at home mom.
The only part I agreed with was when he acknowledged that his wife did get breaks at home. That always bothers me when, like the person who posted this on facebook, claims they never get a break. Can't go to the bathroom alone? I suggest closing the door. Your kids nap, those are breaks from your kids. I see your facebook posts about your mom babysitting and you heading off for a pedicure so yes, you do get breaks. Stop playing the martyr and looking to everyone else for validation.
We all work hard, at our paying jobs if we have them and at the job of parenting. Why isn't that enough?
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I agree with you that if you SAH and your child still naps then you most definitely get a break. I know some moms (not all ) whose child takes a 3 hour nap. 3 hours is WAY more free time than what I get at work.
I am home 2 days/week while my DS is in school. There are 7 hours between drop off and pick up and I can easily fill those with chores, errands, prepping dinner, etc. Just trying to get things done so we are not cramming everything into the weekend. I do openly admit, though, that I also have time to go to the gym, or hit the trail with the dog, or catch up on my Tivo while I fold laundry, or go shopping. My friends who have multiple kids and SAH have more to fill their day - I have it pretty easy on my non-working days.
But don't forget there are also lots of days off of school, summer vacation, sick days, etc. Next week my DS only has school for three days, so my two days off will be spent with him.
My issue with working FT is that my DH travels, so when I had my old 5 day a week job that got me home at 6-ish, I was on my own in trying to get homework done, get DS fed and off to sports, etc. and never had time to even take a breath. My SAHM friends are generally in the same boat - by the time their DH's get home, it is already dinner time, or past the time that practice starts, or whatever. Unless you have a flexible schedule, it is hard to find a job (IMO) that allows you to juggle everything in the evening once the kids have school and after school activities.
This is our way of making it work, and for the most part it does. I can see why people choose both working and SAH for their families, and I think the way this guy comes off is as if SAH way is the only way and that is what I don't like about what he wrote.
A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being someone who has a job. I’m being real.
OK I this the article is stupid also but I don't want to repeat what others have said so I am pointing out something else stupid he said.
I hate how he talks about work. There are jobs that are empowering, if you are doing something that you love or you are helping people it can be, just because he seems to hate his job doesn't mean it is like that for everyone. And not everyone is expendable, if you run your own business, and just stop working, it will fall apart. It just bugs me that he seems to hate working as much as he hates moms that work.
But more than that, a job is so much more than a paycheck. I do agree Americans have some uniquely unhealthy attitudes about work and letting it consume us -- coupled with relatively few protections that make us "expendable."
But as many of my friends and I have watched our moms struggle with death, divorce or a DH's career that fell apart, being able to support yourself IS plenty empowering when the other choice is selling your house and relying on the generosity of relatives. It's not a small thing to gloss over.
But why advocate for more protections in the workplace when you believe that what's "ideal" is women spending as much time with their children as possible?