I think this guy is an idiot

sweetsunnyc

https://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

Someone posted this on FB- Let me clarify, I 100% support both WM's and SAHM's. Both are hard, both have major challenges, so this is not about that. I just find this man ridiculous, a traditionalist, and offensive. Plus the fact that he never mentions father's that are doing the same thing- it's wrong.

And holy shit, read the comments- especially by "jenny" WTF

aeh72

"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."

Because working moms don't do all these things too?

Ugh, that's all I have to say about this article. 

BeachBum73

aeh72 said:

"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."

Because working moms don't do all these things too?

Ugh, that's all I have to say about this article. 

I think he was hoping to get a little....

82Sonia

Just another person, well probably two people in this case, who are insecure with the decision to stay home.  I work because I choose to and I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone.  Sounds like Matt is for some reason feeling like he has to justify his and his wife's decision to the world.  Get over yourself dude. 

The comment about staying home being fun sounds pretty inncuous to me.  I'd say that too.  "Oh how fun that you're home with your kids all day." I guess I'm rude, pompous and smug.  Eff me right?

ETA What are you supposed to say?  "Oh god that sounds like so much work?! How awful?"

thedash

So he said it's fine for a mom to choose to keep working and then went on a full paragraph rant about how moms spending every possible moment with their kids is the best thing for the entire world. Ok. It doesn't sound like he thinks either choice is fine.

Nechie122

I found it amusing/rage-inducing how often he insisted that women ESPECIALLY should understand the great importance of being a SAH mother, and then goes on to talk about how "not IDEAL" it is for kids to have working moms.

F. That.

I think women especially understand that we have values and needs and wants and ambitions that go beyond our ability to reproduce. And that actually, no, the body of research suggests that the children of working moms are actually JUST FINE as long as they're in a nurturing environment.

Your wife wants to stay home? That's great. No wants to be on the receiving end of unsolicited judgment. But women ESPECIALLY should understand that they have some sort of special role in society that makes it "not ideal" for a mother to do anything else but domestic work as long as she has children under the age of 18?

No, just no.

Smgrochowski

I know I shouldn't have read the comments, but I did and noticed a woman who said, "Why have children? Why? – If you do not intend on raising them and let others do this?" Aargh! Why would either parent work then? Shouldn't both parents stay home to partake in the "raising" if it only occurs during the work day?

groovygrl

I was just looking at this on FB, it is making the rounds for sure. I was actually shocked this particular friend posted it just b/c she has pretty much zero in common w/ that guy's belief system in general other than the fact that she is a SAHM and so is his wife and I'm kind of surprised she didn't read between the lines on some of his comments. I guess it is one of those things where you pick up on the things that you can relate to and don't always see the inherent insults to the other group...

groovygrl

PrivacyWanted said:

I've read stuff he's written before and agreed with it...this time, I just can't even find the words.

And side note, why is it that when someone says "well I understand some moms work because..." they always lead with the single mom/financially have to? Why not lead with that some want to work?

Because if you had any brain you'd know that the IDEAL is to be spending as many hours as humanly possible w/ your child or society will unravel.
Oh yeah & no pressure on women or moms from the "JUST" paragraph. ??? I wonder what his wife is like...

skibunny59

Smgrochowski said:

I know I shouldn't have read the comments, but I did and noticed a woman who said, "Why have children? Why? – If you do not intend on raising them and let others do this?" Aargh! Why would either parent work then? Shouldn't both parents stay home to partake in the "raising" if it only occurs during the work day?

My mom told me that her sister in law who she has never gotten along with said this to her when she went back to work after she had me.  I was like 4 months old when my mom went back to work.  My mom was a great mom.  She worked her ass off at her job and as a mother.  Anyway, she was incredibly hurt by this ignorant comment that her sister in law made.  I can't believe anyone would actually say this to a mother.

skibunny59

82Sonia said:

Just another person, well probably two people in this case, who are insecure with the decision to stay home.  I work because I choose to and I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone.  Sounds like Matt is for some reason feeling like he has to justify his and his wife's decision to the world.  Get over yourself dude. 

The comment about staying home being fun sounds pretty inncuous to me.  I'd say that too.  "Oh how fun that you're home with your kids all day." I guess I'm rude, pompous and smug.  Eff me right?

ETA What are you supposed to say?  "Oh god that sounds like so much work?! How awful?"

I must also be rude, pompous, and smug because I actually do think it's "fun" to be home with my kid all day.  I'm home with her all summer long (I'm a teacher) and I can tell you right now I think it's way more fun than being at work.

skibunny59

aeh72 said:

"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."

Because working moms don't do all these things too?

Ugh, that's all I have to say about this article. 

This is exactly what I was thinking.  As working moms, we do all of the above AND we go to work everyday to provide for our family.  

skibunny59

My husband and I are being great parents while working at the same time. It’s hard, but we can do it. You think I don’t want to stay at home and see my little girl grow? I do. But I want her to have a better future than I did. I’m working hard enough at a job that once I have enough experience, I can work remotely from home. It’s hard, but it will be worth it in the end. But I seriously get my feelings hurt when people treat me different because I work. I would NEVER ask a SAHM “What do you do all day?” Because I know being a mom is their job. What I’m asking, is do not belittle a working mom. She has to come home from work and do everything a SAHM has to do, but with less energy and less time.

Just read this comment.  I want to hug this woman.

Nechie122

(While I'm on a roll), I don't want to be put on a *pedestal* because I have a kid. I want to be treated like everyone else, man, woman, parent, or not. Does anyone here actually want to be *worshipped* in our roles as mothers? I actually find that sentiment quite patronizing ... maybe because it's been completely twisted and used to discriminate against women for too long.

st.augbride

I didn't actually find it all that offensive since it seems like he's just looking to really kiss up to his wife. That said, and I really don't mean this in an obnoxious way, but once the kids are in school, what DO they do all day???

st.augbride

Oh, and the only other thing that I find pretty dumb about articles like this is that you would think the dad has no role in raising the kids at all!

rubber_chicken

I have a really big problem with the idea that parenting can be reduced to simply spending time in the company of your children. 

Parenting isn't something you can only do when you're in the same room as your children.  No, I'm not the one who changes her diapers during the day and feeds her lunch (though I did pack it).  And I do decide the values she will be raised with, the meals she will eat, the activities she will participate in, the consequences for poor behavior, the books we will read, etc.etc. 

Andplusalso, these people seem to be arguing that there's no role for fathers of SAH wives other than to bring home the bacon and not get in the way of the "real" parenting their wives are doing.  If fathers can work and parent, then so can mothers.  And they can be equally important and do just as fantastic a job.  My husband sure does. 

Is it hard and exhausting to be a SAHM and spend all day with your children? Sure.  That's also true of daycare workers and teachers.  It's true of anyone who spends time with children.  Children are exhausting.  Is this news to anyone?

emberlee3

rubber_chicken said:

I have a really big problem with the idea that parenting can be reduced to simply spending time in the company of your children. 

ITA.

st.augbride

amy052006 said:

st.augbride said:

I didn't actually find it all that offensive since it seems like he's just looking to really kiss up to his wife. That said, and I really don't mean this in an obnoxious way, but once the kids are in school, what DO they do all day???

IDK --parent volunteers are in and out of my kid's school all day, every day. They are also dropping kids off, then doing all the chores and errands everyone else is forced to squeeze at night and on weekends, then they are picking kids up and shuttling them to eight different activities.

Is it really that difficult to imagine how you could easily fill the day?

No, it isn't. I'd be a great volunteer and would cook a lot I suppose.

aeh72

Nechie122 said:

(While I'm on a roll), I don't want to be put on a *pedestal* because I have a kid. I want to be treated like everyone else, man, woman, parent, or not. Does anyone here actually want to be *worshipped* in our roles as mothers? I actually find that sentiment quite patronizing ... maybe because it's been completely twisted and used to discriminate against women for too long.

I totally agree with you.  In fact, while I was reading his ridiculous ramblings I thought to myself, I wonder if his wife ever thinks, "shut the f up already and help me change a diaper." 

Netty_3

I was thinking...she does what I do on the weekends and after work. I'm totally jealous...and then not because I know if go nuts at home with no adult interaction.

aeh72 said:

"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."

Because working moms don't do all these things too?

Ugh, that's all I have to say about this article. 

emberlee3

Ugh.  I am getting more annoyed the more I think about it.  What about fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, teachers, coaches, friends--and yes, even DCPs, nannies, babysitters?  A mother is not the sole person responsible for raising children. 

kristennd

Nechie122 said:

(While I'm on a roll), I don't want to be put on a *pedestal* because I have a kid. I want to be treated like everyone else, man, woman, parent, or not. Does anyone here actually want to be *worshipped* in our roles as mothers? I actually find that sentiment quite patronizing ... maybe because it's been completely twisted and used to discriminate against women for too long.

It drives me crazy too, but yes, I see some women I know posting those ecards with 'being a mommy is the most important thing anyone can ever do for society' type statements. And getting likes.

EastCoastBride

I agree- he's trying to get laid.

The 2 examples he started out with?  The first one:

“Oh fun! That must be nice!”

“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”

Dude- the woman was just trying to make conversation!  She doesn't need to put your wife on a pedestal.  I work.  I don't want to be a full time SAHM.  BUT as I don't want to work full time either- yea, I might be like "Oh- that must be nice" to someone who is able to SAH.  I'm not trying to demoralize or minimize their job.  I'm just saying that from MY perspective - it would be nice to have the option to SAH!  I like spending time w/ my son.  If I could get more time w/ him, it would be nice. 

He needs to stop being so defensive!

ASmallWonder

christel811 said:

It takes a village and I think my village is awesome.

I agree with @BeachBum73 and @st.augbride, I think this guy was just trying to get laid.  Sounds like his wife put it on lockdown and he was trying to get back in.  Even his wife thinks he's an idiot.

I love this.  My kids have a lot of people who love them and are watching out for them and shaping them.  If being at home was the answer to "how do we raise them right?" it would be pretty easy to categorize trouble maker kids, kids who struggle in school, criminals, etc. 

mae0111

st.augbride said:

I didn't actually find it all that offensive since it seems like he's just looking to really kiss up to his wife. That said, and I really don't mean this in an obnoxious way, but once the kids are in school, what DO they do all day???

My sister is a SAHM.  She has 4 kids (ages 13 to 6) in 3 different schools.  Her DH works a lot (runs his own business) and just finished an intensive graduate program that took him away for 3 days/nights every other week.

She drops kids off, volunteers, runs all the errands for the household - groceries, dry cleaners, birthday gifts, sports equipment, etc.  Once school is out, she shuttles them all over creation for sports, art, tutors, lessons.  Weekends are jam packed - two of the kids are tremendous athletes, so they play a lot of sports on the weekends on several different teams.

She cooks, cleans, keeps up with laundry for the entire house (remember the athletes?  the laundry they generate with daily practices and uniforms on game days is staggering).  My BIL is a great guy, but not super helpful around the house normally.  Not a shot at him - he works constantly.  And he worked like that when my sister worked part time.  It's not a money thing - he just likes to work all the time.

It works for them.

sillygirlio

Huh, I actually agree with everything this guy said!  Yea, he didn't mention the rest of the "village", but that's not what the article was about.

financialdiva

emberlee3 said:

rubber_chicken said:

I have a really big problem with the idea that parenting can be reduced to simply spending time in the company of your children. 

ITA.


Plus one.

EastCoastBride

mae0111 said:

st.augbride said:

I didn't actually find it all that offensive since it seems like he's just looking to really kiss up to his wife. That said, and I really don't mean this in an obnoxious way, but once the kids are in school, what DO they do all day???

My sister is a SAHM.  She has 4 kids (ages 13 to 6) in 3 different schools.  Her DH works a lot (runs his own business) and just finished an intensive graduate program that took him away for 3 days/nights every other week.

She drops kids off, volunteers, runs all the errands for the household - groceries, dry cleaners, birthday gifts, sports equipment, etc.  Once school is out, she shuttles them all over creation for sports, art, tutors, lessons.  Weekends are jam packed - two of the kids are tremendous athletes, so they play a lot of sports on the weekends on several different teams.

She cooks, cleans, keeps up with laundry for the entire house (remember the athletes?  the laundry they generate with daily practices and uniforms on game days is staggering).  My BIL is a great guy, but not super helpful around the house normally.  Not a shot at him - he works constantly.  And he worked like that when my sister worked part time.  It's not a money thing - he just likes to work all the time.

It works for them.

Just knowing how busy I am with just ONE kid, I'm actually amazed at a couple friends of mine how have 3 kids and still work.  I really am like "HOW do they do it?!?!".  I can absolutely see how your sister stays VERY busy w/ 4 kids in school. 

sugarbear0524

skibunny59 said:

What I’m asking, is do not belittle a working mom. She has to come home from work and do everything a SAHM has to do, but with less energy and less time.

This is so right on. I think some SAHMs think all working moms come home to a clean house, dinner done, and chores completed. Not all working moms have outside help--I don't. I come home and do all the SAHM stuff after working a full day at my job. 

itsmevkb

Someone posted a link to this crap on my facebook feed and added in a comment that said "my job doesn't end at 5pm and I never get a break, I don't get to drive to work in silence and I don't get to pee alone."  Oh really?  Whose day ends at 5pm? I come home from work to 4 kids.  Last time I checked parenting is pretty much a 24/7 job, for moms and for dads, working outside the home and for those who stay at home.  So, not only did I find the blog posting offensive to working parents and very sexist, but I found her comment annoying as well.

I wonder what he sees his role as a father as since clearly he doesn't think he plays any role in raising his children since that job seems to fall solely to to the mother who should spend every waking moment with her children.  I sure hope he doesn't raise his own daughters to think that their only value to society is as a stay at home mom.

The only part I agreed with was when he acknowledged that his wife did get breaks at home.  That always bothers me when, like the person who posted this on facebook, claims they never get a break.  Can't go to the bathroom alone?  I suggest closing the door.  Your kids nap, those are breaks from your kids.  I see your facebook posts about your mom babysitting and you heading off for a pedicure so yes, you do get breaks.  Stop playing the martyr and looking to everyone else for validation. 

We all work hard, at our paying jobs if we have them and at the job of parenting.  Why isn't that enough?

skibunny59

 

itsmevkb said:

Someone posted a link to this crap on my facebook feed and added in a comment that said "my job doesn't end at 5pm and I never get a break, I don't get to drive to work in silence and I don't get to pee alone."  Oh really?  Whose day ends at 5pm? I come home from work to 4 kids.  Last time I checked parenting is pretty much a 24/7 job, for moms and for dads, working outside the home and for those who stay at home.  So, not only did I find the blog posting offensive to working parents and very sexist, but I found her comment annoying as well.

I wonder what he sees his role as a father as since clearly he doesn't think he plays any role in raising his children since that job seems to fall solely to to the mother who should spend every waking moment with her children.  I sure hope he doesn't raise his own daughters to think that their only value to society is as a stay at home mom.

The only part I agreed with was when he acknowledged that his wife did get breaks at home.  That always bothers me when, like the person who posted this on facebook, claims they never get a break.  Can't go to the bathroom alone?  I suggest closing the door.  Your kids nap, those are breaks from your kids.  I see your facebook posts about your mom babysitting and you heading off for a pedicure so yes, you do get breaks.  Stop playing the martyr and looking to everyone else for validation. 

We all work hard, at our paying jobs if we have them and at the job of parenting.  Why isn't that enough?

I agree with you that if you SAH and your child still naps then you most definitely get a break.  I know some moms (not all ) whose child takes a 3 hour nap.  3 hours is WAY more free time than what I get at work.

skibunny59

Honestly though I found the comments to be much more offensive than this guy's actual blog.

Fullcircle06

sugarbear0524 said:

skibunny59 said:

What I’m asking, is do not belittle a working mom. She has to come home from work and do everything a SAHM has to do, but with less energy and less time.

This is so right on. I think some SAHMs think all working moms come home to a clean house, dinner done, and chores completed. Not all working moms have outside help--I don't. I come home and do all the SAHM stuff after working a full day at my job. 

Exactly. Same here.

*sparky*

st.augbride said:

I didn't actually find it all that offensive since it seems like he's just looking to really kiss up to his wife. That said, and I really don't mean this in an obnoxious way, but once the kids are in school, what DO they do all day???

I am home 2 days/week while my DS is in school.  There are 7 hours between drop off and pick up and I can easily fill those with chores, errands, prepping dinner, etc.  Just trying to get things done so we are not cramming everything into the weekend.  I do openly admit, though, that I also have time to go to the gym, or hit the trail with the dog, or catch up on my Tivo while I fold laundry, or go shopping.  My friends who have multiple kids and SAH have more to fill their day - I have it pretty easy on my non-working days. 

But don't forget there are also lots of days off of school, summer vacation, sick days, etc.  Next week my DS only has school for three days, so my two days off will be spent with him.

My issue with working FT is that my DH travels, so when I had my old 5 day a week job that got me home at 6-ish, I was on my own in trying to get homework done, get DS fed and off to sports, etc. and never had time to even take a breath.  My SAHM friends are generally in the same boat - by the time their DH's get home, it is already dinner time, or past the time that practice starts, or whatever.  Unless you have a flexible schedule, it is hard to find a job (IMO) that allows you to juggle everything in the evening once the kids have school and after school activities.

This is our way of making it work, and for the most part it does.  I can see why people choose both working and SAH for their families, and I think the way this guy comes off is as if SAH way is the only way and that is what I don't like about what he wrote.

kristennd

I will never understand the peeing alone thing. Neither DH (SAHD) nor I has ever taken LO into the bathroom with us.

Snufflyfluffy

A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being someone who has a job. I’m being real.

OK I this the article is stupid also but I don't want to repeat what others have said so I am pointing out something else stupid he said.

I hate how he talks about work.  There are jobs that are empowering, if you are doing something that you love or you are helping people it can be, just because he seems to hate his job doesn't mean it is like that for everyone.  And not everyone is expendable, if you run your own business, and just stop working, it will fall apart. It just bugs me that he seems to hate working as much as he hates moms that work.

Nechie122

Snufflyfluffy said:

A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being someone who has a job. I’m being real.

OK I this the article is stupid also but I don't want to repeat what others have said so I am pointing out something else stupid he said.

I hate how he talks about work.  There are jobs that are empowering, if you are doing something that you love or you are helping people it can be, just because he seems to hate his job doesn't mean it is like that for everyone.  And not everyone is expendable, if you run your own business, and just stop working, it will fall apart. It just bugs me that he seems to hate working as much as he hates moms that work.

Well, yeah. I mean, more women than men now earn college degrees, more women than men graduate from medical school, women are now the breadwinners in more than half of families.

But more than that, a job is so much more than a paycheck. I do agree Americans have some uniquely unhealthy attitudes about work and letting it consume us -- coupled with relatively few protections that make us "expendable."

But as many of my friends and I have watched our moms struggle with death, divorce or a DH's career that fell apart, being able to support yourself IS plenty empowering when the other choice is selling your house and relying on the generosity of relatives. It's not a small thing to gloss over.

But why advocate for more protections in the workplace when you believe that what's "ideal" is women spending as much time with their children as possible?

ebp913

Stay away from the comments section.  It has devolved into HORRIBLENESS that I spent half my day today reading.  

laurakaz13

ClaryPax said:

Why is it all about mommy? Why are there mommy wars? What about daddy? No one had wars about whether dad works or SAH. SAH and working wars are stupid. Fact- over 50 percent of moms work for various reasons at various times in their child's life. Fact- both mom and dad raise kids not just mom. Fact- the majority of kids go to school eventually Opinion- what other families do is none of my business. Whatever works for them Opinion- raising kids is both hard and fun whether you work or SAH Opinion- it takes a village people. FFS the mom is not the only person in the child's life and shouldn't be Opinion- raising a child is a lot more that spending time. What about all of those parenting decisions? Where to live, who you married, where to send your kids to school, etc etc etc

Yes!!!!!

PunkyBooster

He's getting bashed on GOMI in case you would like to read there too!!