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Blended Families
twister22
member
NineOceans Post #2
twister22
member
What is the reason you don't want your child having premarital sex in your home?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NineOceans Post #2
If he had graduated from college and has a serious girlfriend I would let her spend the night, but they would have to be in separate rooms until they are engaged or married. I know that most likely they will do it anyway but out of respect for us, I would expect him to at least be discrete.
Coming from someone who was a teenage parent (and was extremely fortunate to have things turn out well) I will most definitely be having the "wait for sex talk" but will also be getting condoms for DS and probably put DD on birth control as a "just in case".
Flame away, that's fine. But I can tell you that telling kids to not have sex and to wait for marriage doesn't work. Period. If teenagers want to have sex, they're going to. So make a choice: a) encourage open and honest communication with your kids (bio and step) and make them feel like they can come to you even if you aren't going to agree with their choices; or b) drill it into their heads that under no circumstances are they to ever have sex and then prepare yourself to be taking care of their baby while they finish High School. Me personally, I would prefer the kids feel comfortable coming to me so that I can make sure they are being safe and making good choices. If that means getting my DD on birth control at 16 and making sure she's not raising a baby when she should be in college, than so be it.
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SS and DH both had parents who were teenagers and were definitely not ready to become parents. You would think they would be having discussions with him, but they both ignore it. At some point, I won't care what either of them think and will just answer all his questions factually and age appropriately. If she can't handle it and flips out I have no problem taking responsibility. DH and BM are both equally responsible for their actions and aren't doing any sort of prevention or education for SS, which is a damn shame because they are just perpetuating the cycle.
Not sure why this is such an incendiary topic.
I'm planning to have extensive discussions about sex with my kids. If after those discussions and warnings about consequences they still decide to make adult decisions that I do not believe benefit them, then yes I will intervene with outside sources.
For little Jen and others who care so deeply about my parenting style- if you've ever read about systems theory no one lives in a bubble.
Having sex as a teenager is not usually the ONLY issue a child has.
Usually children choose to do things like this because they are having issues with their self esteem, friend group, peer pressure, educational problems, anxiety, depression et cetera et cetera.
The bottom line is their brain is not even developed to the point where they are fully capable of rationalizing and understanding the decisions they make that may negatively impact the rest of their lives- that's why they have parents! With rules!
I think it is wrong to believe kids just experiment with a little pot or sex and it's no big deal...because then you have a baby or an STD or some other situation a CHILD should not be placed in the situation to deal with.
Children deserve to be children until they at least reach 18 and rules and structure help to instill that they are WORTHY of discipline and WORTHY of high expectations.
So how old were you when you got married and were you a virgin?
I just don't get it. Honestly, I'm not trying to be difficult or what have you. I don't get it at all. Maybe I am looking at this too much from my own personal experiences aka anecdotes for the win, but I just don't think this is the huge deal you are making it out to be. Then again, I tend to be very sex positive and am very comfortable with my own sexuality. To say that you would send your kid away for doing something completely natural seems bizarre and unhealthy to me
She said they cannot live at home and have premarital sex. It was not just aimed at minors.
My kids will always know they can come to me with anything. They will be taught how to protect and respect themselves, how serious sexual consequences are, and why I would like them to wait. Teaching them to respect their bodies and value their future will hopefully be enough.
I think the notion of sending a teen (possibly a 17 yo) to inpatient therapy or military camp for having consensual sex is absolutely absurd.
Let's agree to disagree and move on from this wholly unproductive discussion.
I am interested to know if you waited until marriage because I think it is very hypocritical that you would put your SS in a mental hospital if he did exactly what his father did and you likely did. But I also realize that here are some times that people an make horrible mistakes and still want their kids to to get real help if they have a problem. But I just cannot get my head around the extreme punishment you would give. You can call me out all you want for being mean and asking questions but pretty much every single person that responded to these posts said the same thing I did and asked similar questions. New people on this board are often told if everyone is saying the same thing and the poster disagrees they probably need to look long and hard at themself. If you don't want to answer my questions because I am just storing the pot, BTW I did not start the second post, then why not respond to some of the other people like Sunday or any of the othe people? And a really honest question, reading replies like Sunday, does that make you think you were too extreme or that we all do not understand? And I was not the one that asked if you were trying just banish the kid.
Oh and I also don't think LittleJen is a pot stirrer. I get that you're feeling attacked and ganged up on but everyone is saying the same thing. This punishment is extreme.
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:lurking:
HAHAHAHAHHA My DH and I are the "trash". Sorry, I just now read the remaining comments on that particular post.
:butting out now:
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
On my update that the dog was approved by the landlord to live in the house. I understand that we made some rash decisions and shouldn't have but I don't feel that was necessary.
I bet she and everyone that agreed will have an effing cow since they can't keep track of how many kids are in my home that DH and I have been taking care of a little boy for 5 months now with no assistance from his parents. and that most of our children are "legally" ours but not "biologically" ours, mine or DH's. If that makes us trash then so be it.
I was told to call CPS about the little boy, I don't want him in the system, he is already unwanted by his parents and he knows it. We have the means to take care of him so that's what we are doing. He knows he is loved by us. I was thinking of making a post about this but didn't want to get flamed for adding another child to the house but WTH. This is supposed to be a site about children and their best interests.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I DONT KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!