Working full-time after baby is born

leslie1112 · October 2013

I am a little bummed that my initial plan of going back to work 24 hours has changed to working 32 hours after my maternity leave. I want to spend as much time as I can with my LO. My mom worked full time after having 5 children and I felt as if she never really bonded with any of us because we never saw her! Is anyone else going back full-time, and are you having a difficult time with the concept also? I spoke with my sister this morning, and she said that 32 hrs is alot... Especially with a newborn.. This is my first child and I am really excited, however not so excited about the work situation.

lmills730 · October 2013

There are a lot of full time working moms on this board, as well as a lot of FTM's who will be working full time. When you say going back full time with a newborn, do you mean right away? Are you taking any kind of a maternity leave?

stellar77 · October 2013

I work 40 hours a week, and have "bonded" just fine with our daughter.

She's now 5.

leslie1112 · October 2013

I am planning on nursing as well. My days off would be Wed., Sat., and Sun.

silentsiren11 · October 2013

I will be going back to my full time job after leave. Of course I would love to be home more, but that's just not in the cards.

Unknown · October 2013

This content has been removed.

cpm1223 · October 2013

I will be going back to work full time after. I might try to work more like 30-34 hours though instead of my normal 40 for a few months at least. IMO, 32 hours is not "a lot" especially since most full time jobs are 40+hours/week.

I don't think that going back to work means that I won't be bonding with my child...there's LOTS of hours in a day/week and I'll be with LO for all of those remaining hours.

Would I rather not work? sure, but it's not in the cards for us at the moment.

leslie1112 · October 2013

I will be taking off at least 6 weeks.. 8 if I have a c-section.

HeartOverMind · October 2013

I'm going back to working full-time, because my department doesn't offer any alternate schedule. It kinda sucks, and I'm freaking out about missing the little things after maternity leave is over. But, that's life and what DH and I decided for our family.

miam4 · October 2013

I will be back to work full time after maternity leave. It is my job that provides us with health insurance, and my pay check is not great but it still better than DH.

I would love to be home and dedicate my life to my family. But that is not my reality.

Don't feel bad... I am going back to 40h/w

sugarland726 · October 2013

Is anyone else going back full-time? Yes

And are you having a difficult time with the concept also? No

I spoke with my sister this morning, and she said that 32 hrs is alot... Not true. Is your sister a SAHM by any chance?

leslie1112 · October 2013

I am glad I am not alone. Thanks everyone! I am sure me being a little emotional doesn't help the situation:) I'm glad I have support from everyone on here!

vstevens · October 2013

leslie1112 said:

I am planning on nursing as well. My days off would be Wed., Sat., and Sun.

I went back FT with DS at 4 months. I was working a 50 hour week, roughly, at that point. I managed to exclusively breastfeed him until 9 months through a combination of nursing and pumping at work.

I now work a 50 - 70 hour week, but do have some flexibility on working from home. Regardless, we have our schedule down to a science and I spend a lot of "quality" time with DS every day, and all weekend. The bond between DS and both DH and I is very strong. I would not jump to too many conclusions before LO gets here - with the right balancing, you can make it work!

leslie1112 · October 2013

My sister works part time since she had her son almost 5 yrs ago.

hurricanekb · October 2013

I currently work around 60-65 hours pwrf week, but will be only working 48-53 once the baby comes and after maternity leave (i will only be working my full time job and not my 2nd partime job). At my job, fulltime positions are scheduled 49 hours per week so I won't have a choice.

My parents both worked full time growing up and they are my best friends now. My dad even worked across the country from me for several years, he flew out every Monday and came back every Friday. You just have to make sure that the time you do spend with them is quality. I never felt deprived of my parents working so much.

sugarland726 · October 2013

leslie1112 said:

My sister works part time since she had her son almost 5 yrs ago.

Maybe 32 hours was too much for her, but it sounds like she is trying to make you feel guilty. 32 hours definitely isn't a lot or too much for most moms, but I can't answer if that will be true for you.

leslie1112 · October 2013

Not going back to work is definitely not an option for me. My husband is in construction and sometimes risks getting laid off from time to time. He also does not get any vacation time, so of I go down to part time I lose my paid vacation, which isn't worth it to me seeing that I have been with the same company for almost 10 years. My sister works about 20-24 hrs a week. I told her she should be thankful that she had that opportunity. A lot of our financial situations do not allow other mom's to do so.

gina0485 · October 2013

Hi Leslie,

I am going to be returning to work full time 40-42 hrs/week. I am somewhat nervous as I am a FTM and I love to plan things to death, so in dealing with how to provide love and comfort to a newborn while being away for some of the time, I will admit I have struggled with the concept. Thinking of breastfeeding and daycare are sometimes overwhelming. However, working is a necessity for our family, and for myself as an individual. I value what I do for a living, and I want my son to see the purpose my career gives me and how important it is to give your talents back to the world for others to benefit from. I think the transition will be tough on many of us, but we have each other to lean on for support and at the end of the day, we will still come home and be the best mommies we can be. It's my hope that my work schedule will not affect the love or the support I give my little baby. My mom worked full time when we were children and I still think she is super woman for all the love and care she provided with us while growing up.

When you feel upset or anxious, just try to think of a positive to balance out every negative thought. For example, by going to work, you are providing financially for your child; you are showing them how to give back; you are showing them hard work and dedication; the time you do spend together is going to be quality time; it will give you a break and allow you to have some adult time, etc.

leslie1112 · October 2013

Well said Gina...and thank you!

gracete · October 2013

I understand your concerns because I too will be going back to work. Full time 40-45 hours a week after my 12 week maternity leave. I am kind of bummed about it but I am fortunate that my mom will be able to watch the baby at my house while I'm at work and my job will provide a private room for me to pump throughout the day as needed.

Arrgcr · October 2013

I'm a SAHM now, but with DS I went back to 40 hr weeks (after my 28 day maternity leave) and eventually got a second job racking my hours to 60+ hrs a week. We have had NO bonding issues. He is a total Mommy's boy and is a total joy to my life. We also BF until he got acid reflux and I had to pump.

Some people just don't bond that well. Saying that someone doesn't get to bond because they have to work full time is redonkulous. (Though the fact I just used that ridiculous word is beyond me.) It's up to the person, not the situation they find themselves in that is the factor in bonding.

ETA: it is very overwhelming when you go back. And you will worry a bit at first. But when you come home/pick up that smiling, loving baby of yours, you will know you wont have to worry about bonding issues.

angiek1 · October 2013

As a STM - and a person who works 50+ hours a week I'd say your sister clearly has a slighted sense of reality. I have more than enough time to work, run a charity, and bond with my DD and husband.

It sucks that you have the worries you do since it seems like your mom was stretched too thin. I don't think I could work full time and have 5 kids w/o some sort of a nanny or help. This is why I won't have 5 kids - I know I couldn't give each kid the attention they would need.

You'll be fine; you'll just have to make sure you prioritize the important things and let the other things go.

mommabird77 · October 2013

I work 40 hrs a week, and my son and I have bonded very well. I don not think working full time has anything to do with bonding with your child. I took 6 weeks maternity leave. Same will most likely happen this time.

pennstated912 · October 2013

I get 6 weeks maternity leave and will be going back full-time to working 40-45 hours a week. I would kill to work only 32 hours a week.

mrsjenni · October 2013

32 hours/week =/= full time.

There are a lot of working moms on this board and your post is somewhat insulting, IMO. I work full time (40+ hours/week) and I have 3 kids at home and have bonded with them just fine. It's not the quantity of time you spend with your kids that matters, but the quality of time you have with them. You may not have meant the post to be insulting and I'm sure you're just upset you have to work an extra day (than you are now) but it's not "a lot" by any means. You'll be fine and guess what? So will your kid.

litzo27 · October 2013

I'm with PP - there are A LOT of us either working full time mothers or FTM planning to work. Just check out the Working Moms board. I may be hormonal but I find the suggestion that I don't bond with my children because I work downright insulting. I bond with my kids plenty - in fact according to DH they are total mama's boys.

ac1259 · October 2013

Yeah...I SAH now but when DD was born I had 12 weeks off then went back to work, working between 36 and 48 hours a week. Because I worked 12 hour shifts I was still home with her 3-4 days a week- we had absolutely no trouble bonding when I was working. My DH and I just didn't love the schedule we were keeping and it was an option for us to have me SAH. But my own mother worked at least 40 hours a week all throughout my childhood and we never had any trouble bonding, I was totally attached to my mom when I was a kid. It's hard going back to work with a new baby but if you need the money 32 hours is definitely not a crazy week. I felt blessed that I was only working 3-4 days a week with my job when I was working because a lot of mommy's don't have that luxury. It'll suck at first but you'll be ok.

growingmybun · October 2013

I think that 32 hours is really ideal. You can do mom tot stuff on Wednesdays, but still have the perks of working. I also want to add the perspective that working moms can be a nice role model for kids.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

I'm planning to go back to work after 8 to 12 weeks after birth, haven't decided and depends when LO is born. I have a pretty demanding job and I'm always on call. On average, I do anywhere from 45-55 hours a week. I am able to come home for lunch because my office is conveniently situated 5 min from my home. I imagine it will be hard in the beginning, but we will call into a routine. My parents both worked growing up and so did my sister with all three kids. I think it will give me a sense of purpose and I will make sure to take advantage of every waking moment with my little one on the weekends and at nighttime. I don't think it will take away from my bonding with the child and will not make me any less of a mother.

MrsGraham06 · October 2013

I was in school and working part time when I had both of my boys. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it right? Yes. When I had DD, I went back to work 40 hrs/wk after my 6 weeks mat. leave.

I am also expecting #4, and I will be going back to work after 6 weeks.

I am close to all my kids, and they notice right away when something is wrong with me. We've never had any bonding issues.

OSUWifey09 · October 2013

I work full time - 40 hours a week; 45 hours if you include the one hour lunch break I get that I still spend away from DS - and will go back after 6-8 weeks [haven't decide which yet...will take at least 6, but trying to swing 8]. Yes, going back to work is hard, but once a routine is established, it gets easier. I just make it a point to spend as much time with DS as possible once I'm off work; the electronics go off and go up until he is in bed, and we try to do random activities at night to get the bonding in. We also try to take full advantage of weekends.

I enjoy working and love my job, and I also love being a mom. It's a little hard at times to balance work and parenthood, but I'm fortunate to work at a job that is pretty low maintenance and flexible with my personal life. I have, and still am, considering staying home once we move this summer, but I'm not sure about that yet. I feel like I am still a rockstar mom, even though I work full time. DS and I are still very close, too, even though I work.

HappyDoc · October 2013

I am self-employed, so any time I take off for maternity leave will be unpaid. Due to this, I am only planning on taking off 4 weeks, but will take a a total of 6 if I need it. I work three days a week 12-hour days. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will not see LO much on those three days, but then I will have 4 full days a week to spend with her. I don't think this will interfere with my ability to bond with her, just as I don't think that other parents who work full-time jobs have difficulty bonding with their children.

luvdelilah · October 2013

I work 40 hours a week now and will be going back to work full time once my maternity leave is up. I'd prefer a 32-35 hours but that's mostly because it would help my commuting times.

FWIW, I didn't work at all when I had my first. I've always felt that we had trouble bonding, even though I was spending every minute of every day with him. I was a miserable SAHM and that had a bigger effect on our bonding than the quantity of time we spent together. I love my son and I love my job and both make me happy - being happy makes me a better mother.

OnBabymaking226 · October 2013

I go back and forth on how I feel about working FT once LO is here. I have always anticipated being a working mother, and being a SAHM is not something I'm sure I'd excel at. However, my husband will be home w/ this LO 1 full day and 2 half days a week, and that is something that really depresses me. I know I should be happy about it, and I am, but I get jealous that he is going to get so much one-on-one time with her, and I won't. I do feel very grateful that our LO will be watched exclusively by family members for the first year at aleast, which is a financial benefit to us as well as giving them the opportunity to bond with her - something I never had as a child with my grandparents.

However, I do want to note that I don't think working or not working determines your connection w/ your children. I am VERY close w/ my mother, who is/was an attorney. I probably saw her a total of 4 hours during the week, maybe 6-8 on a lighter week for her. But she made a huge effort to connect with me on the weekends, and her work ethic inspires me. I know people who had SAHMs who are no where near as close w/ their mothers as I am with mine. It's really depends on the effort you put in and a natural connection, in my opinion.

ksonne · October 2013

I love being a working mom. I work FT as a physician assistant, a variation of days, nights, and weekends. I love my job and I love being a mom. Honestly, it makes me appreciate my time with DS and my time at work more. And FWIW, DS self weaned at 14 months. He nursed when I was home and I pumped at work. I'm really lucky that I love working bc DH is a full time graduate student and I'm the sole breadwinner. Sounds like you either need a new job, re evaluate your finances to be a SAHM, or just suck it up.

vstevens · October 2013

OnBabymaking226 said:

However, I do want to note that I don't think working or not working determines your connection w/ your children. I am VERY close w/ my mother, who is/was an attorney. I probably saw her a total of 4 hours during the week, maybe 6-8 on a lighter week for her. But she made a huge effort to connect with me on the weekends, and her work ethic inspires me. I know people who had SAHMs who are no where near as close w/ their mothers as I am with mine. It's really depends on the effort you put in and a natural connection, in my opinion.

You know, this is such an important point. My friend who is a SAHM is not particularly bonded to her son, and she always wonders aloud about how close I am to DS compared to her and her son. I just shrug, but I know it's because the 2-3 hours DS and I spend together each day during the work week are totally focused - there are no phones / no distractions, and we're playing together, so I know he feels secure in my attention when I'm there.

cja06 · October 2013

I'd love to be able to do just 32 hours. I am a career-loving mom, and get a lot of joy from my work. I went back to work full-time after both of my kids and have zero regrets. I took 12-16 weeks of leave with both. I'm going to change positions but hopefully stay with the company once the baby comes so I am not in a travel position. My perfect scenario would be something that is 24-32 hours a week, so I can both work and be home when my oldest comes home from school each day, but I would certainly make a full-time position work. I think it all depends on whether you like what you are doing. I am lucky enough to like what I am doing and get paid well for it, plus I technically do not have to work (we'd have to cut back a lot if that were the case, but it would be do-able), but being a SAHM is not for me. It's a personal choice. My bond with my kids has been great.

tahloulah10 · October 2013

I am a FTM going back to working 40-50 hours a week 8 weeks after giving birth. 8 weeks on maternity leave will truly be stretching it for our budget, but we'll do the best we can, trying to stretch out my time at home.

I think routine is everything and not worrying so much about what others do. Your child will be fine. Both of my parents worked full time as I grew up and we are very close.

suupercute · October 2013

I am a FTM and planning on going back to work full time after taking a 4 months (possibly 6 months with no pay for 2 months) maternity leave. I have a good job that pays me well doing something that I like. I am lucky that my commute is less than 15 minutes away, I have the flexibility to work from home on some days and I usually don't have to work over 40 hours a week.

We have a mortgage and with the LO on the way, will have more expenses and cannot afford to sustain our lifestyle on one income. I'd also be concerned about the possibility that my husband could get laid off. Also, it would be tough to get back into the work force if I were to stay at home for a few years until LO goes to school. I would not give up my job to be a stay at home mom unless I won the lottery and can afford to retire. As for bonding with my child, I think it's all about having the proper work life balance. And I rather work and be able to afford luxuries for my child then be struggling to pay bills.

leslie1112 · October 2013

Sorry for anyone who thought that my post was insulting. By no means was that my intent.

aessary03 · October 2013

Sorry you felt that way about your own mother, but working ft doesn't mean you won't bond with your child. I've worked full time since my daughter was born and I'm pretty sure she'd tell you we're pretty close. And she's ten (well, in 11 days). With that said, after my maternity leave, I'm going down to 34-35 hours/week versus my 40 hours or more a week.

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