STM+ What are you not telling the FTMs?

jenskurn · October 2013

beautifulstr13 said:

I had a c-section and had the most horrific gas pain. No one ever warned me of that. I could barely hold my son. The ute pushers were also extremely painful. I almost cried when that nurse walked in. They gave me a suppository and that was horribly embarrassing not being able to reach to do it myself. I was in the hospital for 5 days from complications and I literally ate one bowl of broth the whole time I was there. I threw up the first real meal I had.

This. The gas pains were worse than the recovery of the incision for me. And for the first day, they wouldn't allow me to wear the mesh underwear and I had to just bleed on a towel. SO freakin humiliating!

jenskurn · October 2013

k4slr6 said:

Right after you have the baby they push on your uterus every 15 minutes or so and look down your mesh panties to make sure you aren't bleeding too much. Also they say your baby only has the stomach the size of a walnut and will get full off colostrum before your milk comes in, but my babies always acted starving until my milk comes in. I have had to supplement with each until my milk comes in along with the breastfeeding.
I hated the ute pushers. I wanted to kick them in the face.
I grabbed one of their hands on accident. ..I was nervous bc I was post csection. She yelled at me.

I forgot they still push on your ute for the c-section. Man that was painful. Amazing that it was only 18 mos ago and its all so blurry. I guess that is a plus though :-)

zoopsiedaisy · October 2013

I think the beauty of this thread is that it gives you things to discuss with your providers and family/friends. I would rather know these things can happen than be blindsided at one of the most vulnerable times in my life. It's kind of empowering. I think its all in the perspective you take while getting the information. Yeah, it's scary as hell, but I personally would rather know what could be on the horizon so I can prepare. And know that in time it gets better. Thanks for sharing ladies!!

MarcyElizabeth · October 2013

All of this makes me wonder how women managed all those years ago!

At least all the pain will be worth it.

homediva · October 2013

I skipped all the chapters on csection s because I planned a natural birth. I ended up having one anyway and wished I had read up on it! And no one told me that you basically have to fart out all the air that gets into your belly while it is opened up! That part was so hard! You literally have to walk up and down the halls until you pass the gas.

Also you get crazy visions when you get home with the baby - ie if you are walking down the stairs you'll envision falling. It's so real! I had a few friends who this happened to as well so I'm not sure if it happens to everyone - I think it's just your mothering/protective instincts kicking in! If you take the baby for a walk, you'll picture every car that goes by suddenly veering off the sidewalk and smashing into you. It gets better after a bit.

Also people coming to "help" is the most annoying thing in the world! Go away and let our new little family get to know each other!

Sisimama10 · October 2013

homediva said:
I skipped all the chapters on csection s because I planned a natural birth. I ended up having one anyway and wished I had read up on it! And no one told me that you basically have to fart out all the air that gets into your belly while it is opened up! That part was so hard! You literally have to walk up and down the halls until you pass the gas.

Also you get crazy visions when you get home with the baby - ie if you are walking down the stairs you'll envision falling. It's so real! I had a few friends who this happened to as well so I'm not sure if it happens to everyone - I think it's just your mothering/protective instincts kicking in! If you take the baby for a walk, you'll picture every car that goes by suddenly veering off the sidewalk and smashing into you. It gets better after a bit.

Also people coming to "help" is the most annoying thing in the world! Go away and let our new little family get to know each other!

I had the crazy visions too. I forgot all about this! I was scared I would drop my baby off the porch. I also wouldn't answer the door to my apartment with her in my arms in case it was someone bad... Crazyyyy! It was super real like what you were saying. I'm sure it's all the anxiety and fear over being a new mother manifesting in crazy ways!

Marusika · October 2013

lilmama412 said:

Ha....that first month after delivery is pure hell. No one ever told me how horrible the recovery would be. Try crying everytime you have to poop, using a spray bottle on your vag because you can't wipe after you pee, bleeding for a month straight, stitches itching like crazy in your vagina, your boobs hurt like hell, you're STILL fat and can't fit into your regular clothes, and you are major sleep deprived.

I can tell it was the opposite for me. I had vaginal birth and recovered immediately! I delivered at 7:30 PM and in the morning I was walking on stairs like nothing happened. It didn`t hurt even when I peed for the first time after birth. I had some soreness for 10 days or so when I was sitting, but nothing serious. I had 2 small stitches at the entrance of the vagina because the baby ruptured my vagina a little bit, but now it looks "new" .

The hard part was the labor, that was the worst pain ever...

DemoDoll · October 2013

I'll say three things I didn't know or expect:

1- I never pushed or anything (after 30 hours of labor) and had a c-section. I thought my lady bits would look normal. Nope, they looked like hot dog buns because they were so swollen from 20+ failed vaginal checks.

2- once your water breaks, that's not it, water continues to flow every couple hours so if you want an active labor where you walk the Hals and bounce on a ball, you have to wear those huge post partum pads. One of my nurses said you leak every time the baby pees so it's baby urine coming out. True? Who knows?

3- I did not expect to bleed for 6 weeks. I thought having a c-section gave me this special pass. Nope, heaviest flow ever for the first 4 weeks and you can't wear a tampon until you are cleared at 6 weeks.

Teresa1896 · October 2013

I'll second what some others have said.... Not everyone has an awful time with labor and delivery.my delivery was a bit wonky and I needed an episiotomy and vacuum delivery eventually, the recovery from which wasn't fun. But I did lose all the baby weight within 2 weeks (thank you, BF!). My body doesn't look the same as it did before, but I didn't expect it to after all it has been through!

DemoDoll · October 2013

DemoDoll said:
I'll say three things I didn't know or expect:

1- I never pushed or anything (after 30 hours of labor) and had a c-section. I thought my lady bits would look normal. Nope, they looked like hot dog buns because they were so swollen from 20+ failed vaginal checks.

2- once your water breaks, that's not it, water continues to flow every couple hours so if you want an active labor where you walk the Hals and bounce on a ball, you have to wear those huge post partum pads. One of my nurses said you leak every time the baby pees so it's baby urine coming out. True? Who knows?

3- I did not expect to bleed for 6 weeks. I thought having a c-section gave me this special pass. Nope, heaviest flow ever for the first 4 weeks and you can't wear a tampon until you are cleared at 6 weeks.

ETA: after reading all the horror stories I want to be pineconeys rainbow. My c-section was really easy! I was up walking 12 hours after it, I didn't have crazy farts, I stopped taking pain pills 5 days after. I was making dinner, cleaning all that, never had someone come help me. My kid marathon nursed but I liked the connection. Yeah my vagina was puffy but it didn't hurt that bad and yes you bleed a lot but it's not some horror story, I just looked at it like I missed my period for the whole 9 months, here's all that blood. I had a really easy recovery and can't complain. The only part that truly hurt was when they push on your uterus but it's only last for 10 seconds. Honeslty looking at your previous little baby (actually staring at it for hours, you will do that too) makes you not really think about the pain.

Tferr02 · October 2013

I don't feel like mine was that awful. I did get horribly sick, lost every bit of food in my body and woke up my husband to tell him I had food poisoning. He took me to the hospital and found out I was actually in labor. For my own health problems, labor wasn't an option for me so they stopped it and moved up my c section. In c sections you feel a lot of tugging and pulling! It's very uncomfortable!! Other than that, I had an amazing recovery and I credit walking for that! I walked around the hospital as much as I could!..the bummer for me was 2 months later I had to get my gallbladder out and 2 weeks later my appendix! So all my abdominal surgeries run together

ashcole28 · October 2013

The first poo definitely painful for me! I had to brace myself while it was happening...tmi.. I lost control of my bladder and had no idea when I was peeing lol I loved the peri bottle though, who doesn't like warm water on the vag?! Hahaha

momofmanyinthemitten · October 2013

Referred shoulder pain after delivery, bleeding for 6 weeks, totally ripped up vag that will never look the same EVER, 3 hours+ of pushing, passing out during labor due to dehydration, sleep deprivation and low blood pressure, 2nd degree tear, not being able to sit for 4 weeks, loss of bladder (3 months) and bowel control (2 weeks), constipation causing me to have to disimpact myself, ring of hemorrhoids, sore nipples...

And I will do it all again for the joy that my children bring me.

ashcole28 · October 2013

mborn24 said:
Ugh, man someone shoot me now. I don't want to do any of this!!! I see all these kiddos running around so it has to be worth doing. I have seriously feared this since I was old enough to know where babies come from. The day I deliver I'm going to freak the hell out.

You just take it as it comes, everyone's different but it's really not all that bad. If it was we all wouldn't be back for another go around lol you have your ups and downs but once it's over you too will look back and laugh about your net panties or big pads maybe pooping on the table or what ever your story maybe

snowclouds · October 2013

lilmama412 said:

LalaMama81 said:

Ha....that fuirst month after delivery is pure hell. No one ever told me how horrible the recovery would be. Try crying everytime you have to poop, using a spray bottle on your vag because you can't wipe after you pee, bleeding for a month straight, stitches itching like crazy in your vagina, your boobs hurt like hell, you're STILL fat and can't fit into your regular clothes, and you are major sleep deprived.
Eh, not everyone's experience is that bad. Pooping never made me cry, the worst of the bleeding was done by 10 days, I never expected to fit into regular clothes (who does?), etc. I did use the Peri bottle, but I thought it was great.

I totally agree with Lala. It's not as bad as other posters are making it sound... at least not for everyone.
It was that bad for me. But I also had an insanely easy pregnancy, and even into the last weeks I wasn't uncomfortable, hurting or feeling pressure. My pregnancy was a cake walk, but the after math was hell. Everyone's experience is completely different.

Some people have an easier time of it. Also, for the most part, you won't believe us or will forget most of what we say.

The first week is hell. Hormones are no joke. You cry for NO reason and I mean NO reason all the time. Also, bleeding for 10 days is not the norm. The norm is 4-6 weeks of bleeding with a pad on (no tampon or other inserted anything up there even with a c-section). BF is hard and babies act like they're starving on colostrum no matter what all the lactation consultants you see say. Everyone tells you how to do stuff, but doesn't help by cooking you food or cleaning your house. If you want to help a new mama, go cook her a meal or dessert and offer to clean her bathrooms or do some laundry...holding the baby is about as unhelpful as you can get in the first few weeks.

That being said...you'll get through those first few weeks and you'll find your groove. Trust in your mommy instinct. Also, those "horror" stories just get to be your story in the end. I remember thinking it was the end of the world and I was never, ever going to have another one, but eventually you start thinking that it couldn't have been that bad and it was only for a short time.

MegJ17 · October 2013

My freak out was the clots. My dr said to call if you pass three baseball size or larger clots. I didn't think that was possible. Oh it is. My son was re-admitted to the hospital the day after we got discharged for jaundice. I passed the clots there. Not fun!

ckred27 · October 2013

jellysparkles said:

Oh! Assuming your milk comes in well, you'll probably accidentally spray baby... the dog... the tv...

Srsly, I had to carry clorox wipes w. me everywhere or else I would leave a trail of milk in my wake

lilmama412 · October 2013

My urethra was also swollen shut. and I couldn't pee. I had to have a catheter in for a day and a half.

All this stuff sounds awful and scary, and it is to an extent, but it is such a short period of time. Just like you forget all about the horrible first trimester, you forget all about that horrible after birth. Just like in any challenge, the reward at the end is worth every bit of the trials getting there. And we are all doing it again, so it can't be that bad!!

ckred27 · October 2013

lilmama412 said:

Ha....that first month after delivery is pure hell. No one ever told me how horrible the recovery would be. Try crying everytime you have to poop, using a spray bottle on your vag because you can't wipe after you pee, bleeding for a month straight, stitches itching like crazy in your vagina, your boobs hurt like hell, you're STILL fat and can't fit into your regular clothes, and you are major sleep deprived.

Agreed, recovery was way worse than actual childbirth. I grew to love that peri bottle and the witch hazel pads on the hooha, it gave a few glorious seconds of pain free vag. On the up side, a couple months later...totally forget all the bad stuff.

rlmanning · October 2013

No one told me that the pressure I would feel during labor was going to be on my butt. I kept telling the nurses I am feeling so much pressure on my butt. It felt like the baby was decending down my colon. LOL. I guess I just assumed I would feel it all in my crotch.

After birth, the Perri bottle was horrible. Picture this... You have to pee in the middle of the night. You really dont have much bladder control as it is, but you have to wait for the water to warm up to put in the perri bottle because squirting cold water on your vag in the middle of the night is no bueno. I live in California it only takes a minute or 2 for the water to warm up. I cant imagine how long you ladies will have to wait who live in the super cold states. But waiting for the water to warm with no bladder control I had manny accidents on my bathroom floor... $:\$ ">

Be sure you get your "After Vag Care" before delivery. A soft gel ice pack to sit on, hemroid cream, tux pads, durmo blast spray. That is all I can think of right now.

And by all means... no matter how currious you are.... do not look at teh Vag after delivery.....

bingbongsmama · October 2013

One time I fell asleep while nursing DD. I jolted awake just as I was about to drop her and it freaked me out. After that I went to pumping and bottles at night. The sleep deprivation was no joke

pearlinprogress · October 2013

By far the thing I dread the most is the deflated balloon feeling you have in the first weeks postpartum. Your stomach is saggy and squishy and you feel the exact opposite of glamorous. It would be awesome to feel like once the baby is out, you get a little bit of your body back. Nope!

DemoDoll · October 2013

ckred27 said:

jellysparkles said:

Oh! Assuming your milk comes in well, you'll probably accidentally spray baby... the dog... the tv...

Srsly, I had to carry clorox wipes w. me everywhere or else I would leave a trail of milk in my wake

Really? That never happened to me and I had a fast let down.

MelBee12 · October 2013

if you get an epidural...make sure the nurse puts a foley catheter in you!!! Mine didn't and while pushing, I felt a gush of water and I said "did my water break again?"...my doc said "nope...you just peed everywhere" LOL!!! Thank god I missed him...he wasn't in sterile scrubs yet bc everything happened so fast.

Did anyone else hear phantom baby cries? I was so sleep deprived, every door squeak or even the TV...I thought it was my baby crying and I would jump out of bed and check on him relentlessly...when your baby cries it illicits this reaction in you that is hard to explain...it like kicks you in the gut. Some sleep finally cured that but I thought I was going crazy!!!

nikki912 · October 2013

ZebNMichelle said:

I pood on the delivery table. Most people do. And they tell you not to worry about it because you won't even know... well, I knew. I just didn't give a flying fuck at that point.

I didn't tear or anything during delivery, so my nether regions weren't too bad after the initial swelling went down. Ice packs are your friend. I just remember how awful it was when my milk came in and my breasts were totally engorged... so uncomfortable! I was so glad to have a nursing baby to relieve the pressure... can't imagine how painful it would be if you were choosing not to BF for some reason :-S

After pooping I replyed with " good thing I didn't eat corn" My dr said Michelle you're pushing and still cracking jokes lol. My mom " that's my girl" I did it in the bathtub. They had a little fish net ready to scoop it out. I was aware enough to be humiliated and swore my husband to secrecy. I made them drain and refill the bathtub. It was just awesome.

christinanoelle · October 2013

I am thankful for all the tips..but I won't lie, I kind of regret opening this post! I just can't look away though. I keep telling myself the more you know, the more prepared you can be. Although, judging from these posts, I don't think anyone is ever really prepared.

Also, all you BTDT mom's have survived and are doing it again so the end result must be worth it!

Mamaengen · October 2013

Third-degree episiotomies are pure Hell on Earth! That novacaine spray was the best thing ever for weeks after when I could barely walk. You'll need help to get into/out of the bathtub and possibly to the toilet. Someone will need to bring baby to you (if it's like it was for me). Don't bother with maternity pads. Buy the Always infinity ones that are the thickest (I think they're overnights). Work way better.

ckred27 · October 2013

DemoDoll said:

jellysparkles said:

Oh! Assuming your milk comes in well, you'll probably accidentally spray baby... the dog... the tv...
Srsly, I had to carry clorox wipes w. me everywhere or else I would leave a trail of milk in my wake
Really? That never happened to me and I had a fast let down.

Yeah it was so gross, I had a laptop I would use to keep myself busy when I was pumping, and we had to get rid of it after because before I would hook myself up, I would leak/spray and it was like in the keyboard all dried up and gross, it was ridicluous. Sorry if TMI

DemoDoll · October 2013

christinanoelle said:
I am thankful for all the tips..but I won't lie, I kind of regret opening this post! I just can't look away though. I keep telling myself the more you know, the more prepared you can be. Although, judging from these posts, I don't think anyone is ever really prepared.

Also, all you BTDT mom's have survived and are doing it again so the end result must be worth it!

Omg it's so worth it! You go through a day or two of labor pain, then 1-2 weeks of pain (some might be more). But you will get a lifetime of love! DH and I barely watch TV anymore at night, we just laugh hysterically at our daughter, she is 13 months and seriously the funniest thing ever. And when they walk up to you and give you a big open mouth kiss? Your heart melts and you insist on having a million more....or just one more.

ckred27 · October 2013

OH there was one glorious feeling, when you have the baby and all your organs pop back into place, OMG, its like you just took off the tightest corset ever and you can breath again. This is a great visual. love this link

https://www.msichicago.org/whats-here/exhibits/you/the-exhibit/your-beginning/make-room-for-baby/interactive/

lyndsey774 · October 2013

OK so I went med free and every med free book I read said that the minute baby is born the terrible pain is over...um..not so much! No one tells you the nurse is going to come in and practically take a running leap onto your stomach!! She pushed on me so hard I swear her feat came off the floor and my belly button touched my spine. I actually cried out in agony because it hurt as much as labor... I guess they have to do it to get the blood out and placenta?? But I could have really done without that nonsense...especially since I just pushed a 9 pounder outa me like a freaking rockstar

Mamaengen · October 2013

And make sure they drain your bladder before making you push! I had never been through labor and they asked me to give a light push before my water was broken. I did. So then I covered the nurse in pee. Covered. Hair and all. She was sitting at my crotch. And because i've never done that before, I thought it was my water until I was told otherwise. Lol. Oops...

abbeylanecb · October 2013

I am going to be honest and say both of my deliveres weren't that bad! I actually enjoyed L&D. The after parts were gross but it doesn't matter because you are so excited about the new baby!

KarynR25 · October 2013

LalaMama81 said:

Ha....that fuirst month after delivery is pure hell. No one ever told me how horrible the recovery would be. Try crying everytime you have to poop, using a spray bottle on your vag because you can't wipe after you pee, bleeding for a month straight, stitches itching like crazy in your vagina, your boobs hurt like hell, you're STILL fat and can't fit into your regular clothes, and you are major sleep deprived.
Eh, not everyone's experience is that bad. Pooping never made me cry, the worst of the bleeding was done by 10 days, I never expected to fit into regular clothes (who does?), etc. I did use the Peri bottle, but I thought it was great.

This!^^ Everybody's experience is SO different! I had a lot of stitches and tearing BUT Pooping wasn't too bad. And I loved the peri bottle....felt soothing on sore bits! Don't get me wrong...I didn't feel well enough to go for a jog...but it wasn't the hell that some describe. Sleep deprivation though...YUP!

KarynR25 · October 2013

But OH...the thing I had never read about was the intense contractions I felt every time my DD nursed for about 5 days to a week after delivery! Omg...I felt like I was going through it all again...its just your Ute shrinking back to size.

myschlove · October 2013

I had a C-section. It helped tremendously that my family was there to help me in that first week! One week makes a big difference in your recovery. I will say the first time you have to get out of bed was extremely painful you don't realize how many muscles you really used to sit up but each time you get up it gets better!

One nurse told me that while obviously you shouldn't smoke especially with the newborn it was her smoking patients who recovered quicker from C-sections because they were constantly getting up to walk outside. So I was determined to get up and walk around the hallway as much as I could and that helped speed up my C-section recovery!!

If you take Colace every day it really helps with your "bonus baby "poop. Birth shocks your bowels and they kind of freeze up and that's why you have a huge constipated poop after a few days- a week. (I didn't do that but I definitely will this time)

Smores730 · October 2013

A few things from me that I didn't know:

1. Once the epidural takes effect, farts can literally fall out of your butt. It was funny to me.
2. My water breaking (while in bed) came out as a small gush, rather than a huge amount. It then trickled out little by little as I moved around. The nurses kept rolling their eyes at me telling me it was urine until they tested it. Bishes.
3. After my c/s with #2, they brought the baby to the nursery to clean him up and therefore everyone there at the hospital got to see the baby for the 1st time without me there.. including his sister. Eff that. I never read up on c/s, I had no idea I had to lay on a table completely naked in front of numerous people lol. I threw up during the procedure which is super fun to do while laying down. Turn your head and barf. I was told it was pretty commonplace. The medicine from the c/s made me itch uncontrollably for many hours and it was not considered an allergic reaction.
4. I haven't seen ice diapers mentioned. Cut a slit in a diaper, fill it with ice, put some tape on the slit and the diaper will absorb the melted water while your lady bits smile.
5. If anyone offers help after the baby, ask them to make you or pick up food. It is soooo nice to have premade stuff even if it's a sandwich or a salad.
6. Fiber, laxatives, and more fiber. The pain meds make your poop rock-like and harder to pass. Not cool.
7. Know that your birthing experience may not go as planned and sometimes the only thing you really have control over is your attitude.
8. Bring your baby book to the hospital and most nice nurses will do ink footprints in the book while they make the official footprints.

ksr53777 · October 2013

I'm agreeing with some of the others - the most surprising thing to me the first go round was how uncomfortable (painful) delivering the placenta was. Obviously not as bad as the baby coming out, but still quite painful with all the pushing on the uterus. All the while your baby is over with the nurses or your DH and you really just want them to be done with you so you can hold your newborn!!!!

beautifulstr13 · October 2013

Tferr02 said:

I don't feel like mine was that awful. I did get horribly sick, lost every bit of food in my body and woke up my husband to tell him I had food poisoning. He took me to the hospital and found out I was actually in labor. For my own health problems, labor wasn't an option for me so they stopped it and moved up my c section. In c sections you feel a lot of tugging and pulling! It's very uncomfortable!! Other than that, I had an amazing recovery and I credit walking for that! I walked around the hospital as much as I could!..the bummer for me was 2 months later I had to get my gallbladder out and 2 weeks later my appendix! So all my abdominal surgeries run together

My plan for this one is to get up and out of bed asap. I lost too much blood and crashed about an hour after my surgery so they ordered me to stay in bed until they could get me more blood. That wasn't until the next day. So I pretty much stayed in bed without moving for 24 hours. That was why my gas pain was so horrible.

b-ruth · October 2013

I had to take a break from pushing to vomit. That was fun! Also about 5 days after giving birth it felt like I was having horrible contractions all over again. They said it was everything going back into place but man it hurt almost as much as labor.

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