It's unfortunate that some women cannot come on here for advice and support. One simple topic got turned into something huge for no reason and I guess some women have nothing to do but to criticize each other on their keyboards. I'm sure I am going to hear about deleting what I said previously too but it was becoming too much and no I am not afraid or what I said or how I feel about it I just want all this unesscary arguing and rude comments to stop already
You were given advice, very good advice. You chose not to take it and continue to be a whiny "all about me" brat. You are going to look tacky as hell but you can't say you weren't warned. Here's an idea! Spend the money on buying your own crap instead of wasting it so that other people can buy the stuff for you.
I never felt the need to have a shower. Instead, family and friends would voluntarily bring gifts with them when they came to meet the baby or sent a gift card in the mail.
As Prim said, editing your post was pointless. Everything you said was quoted and it will never go away. I this new format.
I'll say this again, we are rude? Darling, look at yourself. "I deserve a party damn it! I need a party damn it! If no one is going to give me a party I will throw one for myself! You can come to the party I am throwing for myself and buy me presents because I am so important and special! I can't live without this party!!" You are a very rude person. Etiquette, sweetheart, learn it.
Can you two say cyber bullies? Geez what is it with those two honestly?? They're still going on and on jumping down everyone's throats, criticizing, and judging everyone who has different opinions they do? No one is even taking the time to respond to them anymore and they're STILL making a bigger deal than this ever was or need to be. Calling themselves a bitch and being proud of it, telling others to grow up while they still pick on everyone else. These so called "women" and possibly mothers are no role models at all. Smh...it's really a shame and an embarrassment to themselves
Lol @cyberbullying. I promise that this is not at all even in same zip code as cyberbullying. Please educate yourself on what that term really means.
Right now you sound like a moron. Strong disagreement & explaining to you hy we feel its wrong to host your own shower is not bullying. You asked,"why shouldn't I do X ,Y, or Z?". We are telling you how it is perceived & why we feel its a bad idea. Don't ask a question if you don't want serious answers.
Um, do you hear yourself? YOU are responding to me. So unless you classify yourself as nobody...
@Savvysweet called us "bitchy for no reason". I simply said that acting like a tactless, rude, give-it-to-me-now, but I deserve this omg twatwaffle is a good reason to be bitchy. I said I own it. Not that I'm proud of it.
Want to know what's even more of an embarrassment? Inviting people you supposedly care about to a gift giving event for yourself. You should be embarrassed about that because it screams,"give me things! I just want your money & stuff stuff stuff for MY baby!". Add to this that you don't even want to OPEN the gifts at the gift giving event for yourself? RUDE & GROSS.
"Hey guys-- I love & respect you so much. Come over to my shower. Give me presents, but I don't care enough about the time, $ or effort/thought you put into selecting a gift. I'm not even going to open them!"
You truly don't understand how awful you sound. I'm embarrassed for you.
Some people just have nothing better in life then to be bitchy towards others for no reason Personally, I think it's just pathetic. Maybe it's because I have more substance in life.
Lol you do realize that a smirky face doesn't make your comment any less passive-aggressive & bitchy right? Pot meet kettle.
Also, you don't know what my life is like. My life has so much substance that I didn't need to throw my own showers. I have dear, devoted friends/family that honored me with four of them. Probably because I don't act like a twatwaffle.
I think it's pathetic to throw your own gift giving event because you don't seem to have friends that WANT to honor you with a shower. What does that say about a person that no one wants to spend time/money on them? Yeah, it says a lot...
Also, my bitchy comes out for a pretty good reason. If someone is acting like an entitled, bratty child then yeah. That's a good reason. Also passive aggressive attempts to call me out are a good reason to bust out the bitch.
I own my bitchiness, cupcake. What about you?
Obviously you didn't actually read my post. I do have a friend helping me with it. I don't have family in the area (they are coming, but they can't throw it). However, I'm not a gushy little girl.Most of my friends are men (not really lining up to throw a baby shower). I hate all the girly crap that showers turn into (and everyone complains about later). I don't want to melt candy into a diaper and guess what it is. I don't want to spend an hour opening gifts that no one really cares about after the first 10 min.
So, yes, a shower is being thrown, but under my terms. And no, it's not to welcome the parents....it's to help life the financial burden off the new parents by gifting all the items needed (before the baby arrives). A Sip and See is to come over and see the baby for the first time (no gifts required). And, if you HAD read my post, you would know I wasn't even referring to you up there....I hadn't even seen you response to me until now. I was referring to people attacking this young woman for no reason (MrsMuq). And no, just because she does things differently then you, is not a reason. But, if you want to label yourself a bitch....go right ahead.
So you're admitting that you're throwing yourself a party because you can't afford your baby? That's really rude and tacky.
We were really broke when DS1 was on the way (I was in grad school and had no income), but we certainly didn't consider throwing a party for ourselves so that people would buy us stuff. You're financially responsible for your own baby. If someone else wants to offer you a shower or a gift, that's their prerogative and you accept graciously and send thank you notes.
If you don't have close girl friends who is going to come to your shower anyway?!
OP, don't throw your own shower. Especially not a $2,000 one. People will still send gifts, I promise. You can have a party a month or so after the baby is born to "welcome" him/her to the world.
I just explained why I am doing this - why should I feel bad about wanting to celebrate my first born? why should I feel bad about throwing it myself instead expecting someone else to throw it for me? Especially when my close friends and family do not have the kind of money to be doing that anyways... we can call it what you like if the word "shower" freaks everyone else out
Nobody here has said you should feel bad about wanting to celebrate your first born.
Having said that, throwing your own baby shower is simply against basic etiquette. If you're okay with people thinking you're tacky and rude for doing so, that's fine. Just own it. If you're not okay with people thinking that, then reconsider.
Some people just have nothing better in life then to be bitchy towards others for no reason Personally, I think it's just pathetic. Maybe it's because I have more substance in life.
Lol you do realize that a smirky face doesn't make your comment any less passive-aggressive & bitchy right? Pot meet kettle.
Also, you don't know what my life is like. My life has so much substance that I didn't need to throw my own showers. I have dear, devoted friends/family that honored me with four of them. Probably because I don't act like a twatwaffle.
I think it's pathetic to throw your own gift giving event because you don't seem to have friends that WANT to honor you with a shower. What does that say about a person that no one wants to spend time/money on them? Yeah, it says a lot...
Also, my bitchy comes out for a pretty good reason. If someone is acting like an entitled, bratty child then yeah. That's a good reason. Also passive aggressive attempts to call me out are a good reason to bust out the bitch.
I own my bitchiness, cupcake. What about you?
Obviously you didn't actually read my post. I do have a friend helping me with it. I don't have family in the area (they are coming, but they can't throw it). However, I'm not a gushy little girl.Most of my friends are men (not really lining up to throw a baby shower). I hate all the girly crap that showers turn into (and everyone complains about later). I don't want to melt candy into a diaper and guess what it is. I don't want to spend an hour opening gifts that no one really cares about after the first 10 min.
So, yes, a shower is being thrown, but under my terms. And no, it's not to welcome the parents....it's to help life the financial burden off the new parents by gifting all the items needed (before the baby arrives). A Sip and See is to come over and see the baby for the first time (no gifts required). And, if you HAD read my post, you would know I wasn't even referring to you up there....I hadn't even seen you response to me until now. I was referring to people attacking this young woman for no reason (MrsMuq). And no, just because she does things differently then you, is not a reason. But, if you want to label yourself a bitch....go right ahead.
So your throwing yourself a party so your friends can help you with your financial burden, how sweet of you. I'm glad I'm not your friend.
Ya don't throw your own shower, that's just bad and you should feel bad. And what you are going for sounds like a colossal waste of money.
I just explained why I am doing this - why should I feel bad about wanting to celebrate my first born? why should I feel bad about throwing it myself instead expecting someone else to throw it for me? Especially when my close friends and family do not have the kind of money to be doing that anyways... we can call it what you like if the word "shower" freaks everyone else out
Have you thought about throwing a sip and see after baby arrives? I don't think it'd be tacky to throw one of those yourself. And that way everyone can coo and aww over baby.
I actually just attended a baby shower thrown by the soon to be mother herself sat night. I thought it was really strange the entire time, especially because she was having 2 others. However one was in a different city and the one that was in this city she didnt want her friends to attend bc didn't like the theme. Anyways, it was weird... I would never throw my own shower. If you want a shower, have your friend that's helping you throw it And just pay for the expenses that way no one knows you threw it for yourself. That's just my opinion.
Obviously you didn't actually read my post. I do have a friend helping me with it. I don't have family in the area (they are coming, but they can't throw it). However, I'm not a gushy little girl.Most of my friends are men (not really lining up to throw a baby shower). I hate all the girly crap that showers turn into (and everyone complains about later). I don't want to melt candy into a diaper and guess what it is. I don't want to spend an hour opening gifts that no one really cares about after the first 10 min.
So, yes, a shower is being thrown, but under my terms. And no, it's not to welcome the parents....it's to help life the financial burden off the new parents by gifting all the items needed (before the baby arrives). A Sip and See is to come over and see the baby for the first time (no gifts required). And, if you HAD read my post, you would know I wasn't even referring to you up there....I hadn't even seen you response to me until now. I was referring to people attacking this young woman for no reason (MrsMuq). And no, just because she does things differently then you, is not a reason. But, if you want to label yourself a bitch....go right ahead
Some people just have nothing better in life then to be bitchy towards others for no reason Personally, I think it's just pathetic. Maybe it's because I have more substance in life.
Um, no. You're commiting a huge etiquette faux paux. So when your "guests" at your shower side-eye you and complain about how tacky you are behind your back, don't come back here and bitch about how mean everyone is.
Ok. With my first PG my best friend decided to throw me a shower, however she had an infant and two stepchildren of her own. I had to step in and help in all aspects of the planning (and buying). I had no problem with this AT ALL. Where I am from its not abnormal to throw your own shower or at least help with it. Also, if a person was going to talk about me behind my back they wouldn't be someone that would be invited. All of this etiquette nonsense is bourgeoise and ridiculous. We had a similar discussion on the may 14 board about 2nd showers and I say the same thing, if your friends and family are open to it and are willing to share the experience with you then why do you need anyone else's approval?
Beautiful Baby Jackson born 8/25/2010 Met the LOML 11/05/2011 Expecting the LO 5/15/2014 Getting Married 10/19/2014
Some people just have nothing better in life then to be bitchy towards others for no reason Personally, I think it's just pathetic. Maybe it's because I have more substance in life.
Um, no. You're commiting a huge etiquette faux paux. So when your "guests" at your shower side-eye you and complain about how tacky you are behind your back, don't come back here and bitch about how mean everyone is.
Ok. With my first PG my best friend decided to throw me a shower, however she had an infant and two stepchildren of her own. I had to step in and help in all aspects of the planning (and buying). I had no problem with this AT ALL. Where I am from its not abnormal to throw your own shower or at least help with it. Also, if a person was going to talk about me behind my back they wouldn't be someone that would be invited. All of this etiquette nonsense is bourgeoise and ridiculous. We had a similar discussion on the may 14 board about 2nd showers and I say the same thing, if your friends and family are open to it and are willing to share the experience with you then why do you need anyone else's approval?
Etiquette nonsense? Are you fucking kidding me? You're gross. Please raise your child to have some respect and decency.
What a group of sad and hateful women. And of all places, a pregnancy blog. Get a life.
A lot of women are throwing their own parties these days. Woman no longer need to sit around and wait for other people to do things for them. And some women or couples don't have someone who can financially throw them a party. If you can throw yourself a budget friendly gathering to celebrate the most joyful time in your life with family and friends then go for it and screw the outdated opinions all of these miserable, lame witches. Do what's good for you!
Some people just have nothing better in life then to be bitchy towards others for no reason Personally, I think it's just pathetic. Maybe it's because I have more substance in life.
Um, no. You're commiting a huge etiquette faux paux. So when your "guests" at your shower side-eye you and complain about how tacky you are behind your back, don't come back here and bitch about how mean everyone is.
Ok. With my first PG my best friend decided to throw me a shower, however she had an infant and two stepchildren of her own. I had to step in and help in all aspects of the planning (and buying). I had no problem with this AT ALL. Where I am from its not abnormal to throw your own shower or at least help with it. Also, if a person was going to talk about me behind my back they wouldn't be someone that would be invited. All of this etiquette nonsense is bourgeoise and ridiculous. We had a similar discussion on the may 14 board about 2nd showers and I say the same thing, if your friends and family are open to it and are willing to share the experience with you then why do you need anyone else's approval?
Helping with a shower that someone else offered to throw for you is totally different than planning and hosting your own.
Etiquette is not nonsense. It's how human beings learn to get along in societies.
Not once did i think about throwing my own baby shower. My family and friends already offered from the time i told them i was expecting. and if they hadn't offered, then i would purchase what my baby needed little by little. My "celebration" would consist of me seeing my baby for the first time! i don't need a party for that. I've also never heard of someone throwing their own bridal showers either! Some of my friends don't have funds to have an extravagant baby shower for me, but they've offered and i'm going to enjoy what they do for me, as a gift! I have no problem helping out if need be but i'm a simple person and if just a few of us at someones house eating finger foods and socializing, it's enough for me because i'm just honored they would think enough of me to do that.
off topic: i wanted to throw myself a big 30th bday party on a boat, but it was going to cost $$40/head. someone suggested having people pay their own way, and i refused because that is tacky to me. why should you pay to come celebrate at my event? so guess what, i didn't have that big 30th bday party! life goes on and i'm just fine. point being, you can certainly enjoy motherhood without a big ass celebration.
OP, you can throw a party to celebrate the baby. After the baby comes. It's called a christening or if your not religious a sip and see. Obviously you are going to do whatever you want to do no matter what we say. I'm glad that you live in your bubble where you wouldn't invite people that side eye you. Just don't come back here crying to us because some guests didn't show, or don't buy things off your registry. I feel very sad for new mommy's that don't get a shower, honestly, and I'm sorry that your friends and family aren't in a position to do that for you but it is rude to throw your own. I can even get behind a second shower because if it's THROWN BY SOMEONE ELSE it's a GIFT. And although I understand why people disagree, in my social circle it's more rude to decline a thoughtful gift. I think it's a little narrow minded to think ALL of us women that all happen to disagree with you are "rude and mean". Yes it makes complete sense that we are ALL wrong and you and ONE other are in the right. :-??
What a group of sad and hateful women. And of all places, a pregnancy blog. Get a life.
A lot of women are throwing their own parties these days. Woman no longer need to sit around and wait for other people to do things for them. And some women or couples don't have someone who can financially throw them a party. If you can throw yourself a budget friendly gathering to celebrate the most joyful time in your life with family and friends then go for it and screw the outdated opinions all of these miserable, lame witches. Do what's good for you!
Again with the "do what works for you" selfishness. You wonder why no one wants to throw a party for you? It seems like all these type of posters think about is themselves & what they think they deserve.
All I hear with posts like this is,"wah wah, I am a selfish, materialistic brat that expects others to provide for my offspring. Wah wah don't these people know its all about ME and MY wants! Who cares if I'm milking my friends of their money & time. Who cares as long as I get what I want!"
I have had a hard time finding a place to have the baby shower! She is due Feb 3rd so we are going to have it early January. We considered having it before the holidays but unfortunately my poor mommy is ill and will be having open heart surgery soon so I definitely don't want it around then...we could always have it outside with tents and heaters but I'm afraid it may rain and lots of recreation centers charge so much just to rent a room! We're talking $1000-$2000 now my bf and I will be paying the majority if everything ourselves my mother and father and siblings offered to help but they are also wanting to pay for the crib etc and we're all on budgets so I definitely wouldn't feel right accepting so much from them especially my mom and dad who will be paying for my mothers surgery too...we are considering having it in a banquet room at a nice restaurant where we would pay per person which limits us on who we can invite! Thank goodness a close coworker of mine is going to throw me one for work friends but I notice its a chain reaction with who I invite to mine too! It's like if I invite her I need to invite her husband or if I invite her I need to invite our other friend etc how do you recommend I deal with the ppl including some family members who would definitely like to go but I can't afford to invite them??
So wait... Your family DID offer to throw the party for you. But you refuse it on account of they want to buy cribs and other stuff, right? Wouldn't it make more sense then to decline their gifts in lieu of them throwing the party, and then you can buy the crib etc for yourself?
DH and I decided right off the bat that we wanted to purchase Kiernan's crib for him as a first gift from mommy and daddy. By purchasing the larger things we have budgeted for, it reduces the burden on our Loved Ones who have offered to throw a shower for us. It's also allowed us to pick exactly the crib/dresses/larger items we want without causing issue.
I just don't understand, I guess, why you would rather them buy you stuff and you throw the shower, rather than the other way around.
“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.” — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
You work 2 jobs? Now it makes sense. Sorry to hear.
Lol please to be explaining this precious comment. You sound like a real TREAT for family. I would include friends in that but given your level of anger/nastiness evident in your posts I wonder if you really have any...
1. Feminism is not an excuse to be rude and etiquette and social norms. Just because woman can do a lot for themselves these days doesn't mean we need to throw ourselves parties so that people bring us gifts or even just come to tell us how wonderful we are for getting knocked up. Why not just have a dinner that you cook and invite whomever you want. No invitations necessary, just a get together. Enjoy each others' company instead of making it all about you.
2. Would you throw your own bridal shower? or Bachelorette?
3. If you think someone's party that they are paying for and throwing for you is tacky or hate the "theme", and therefore are throwing your own, I can't even imagine a more selfish attitude than this. If I was throwing you that party, I would be so hurt by your actions I would most likely cut you out of my life. If you feel that strongly, feel free to make some suggestions at the beginning, but please note that the party itself is a GIFT.
Maybe it was where or how I was raised, but being polite is not about out dated rules or "society" or bourgeois as someone mentioned. It was about being kind and considerate to the people you love the most. It was about honoring the differences we all have as human beings and trying to dress appropriately, and have fresh towels out so guest felt welcomed in your home, etc.
I'm not for/against throwing your own shower.. People are going to do what they want. We can just give ADVICE... I don't know why everyone is getting offended on either side of the fence.
but irregardless... If you do not get thrown a "formal" shower by anyone, I would say to still do a registry in case people still want to get you gifts. If people really want to give you gifts, they will give them to you if you have a shower or not. If they don't get you a gift, then perhaps they were not going to go to the shower anyways? But you can't be upset if no one gets you anything. Some people may have shown up to the shower w/o a gift. It happens at weddings, I imagine it happens at these things too..
I don't know, that's just how I feel... If people care, they will show it.
Blahhhhh, how many times do we have to see these types of posts?! "Oh, I want to throw my own shower because I don't expect anyone else to and I don't even want any gifts!" Get the hell out of here. You aren't fooling anyone with your loads of bullshit. L-)
I am finding on this board more and more that there are some young mothers-to-be (like the OP) who lack life experience and need some guidance. So let me give you some suggestions:
1. If you want to throw a dinner for yourself and family - fine. Call it a "dinner" and put on the invite "no gifts" That way there are no expectations.
2. If you don't want gifts, DO NOT call it a shower. As everyone has stated, this is a big faux pas, and people will be turned off by this. A shower by definition is: "when an expectant mother is "showered" with gifts." Etiquette is important, especially since you are going to be a mom. And I'm sorry, but throwing your own shower is just plain tacky.
3. Lastly, baby showers don't have to be expensive at all. Someone opens up their house. A couple of people bring finger foods. You can have a "drop in" baby shower where people can come and go as they need to (and there is etiquette with this as well) And someone bakes a cake. It's not rocket science. I question whether your friends and family have actually verbalized they can't afford a shower or you are just assuming. Like some other posters have stated, I would rethink spending $2000 on a dinner. In my opinion that is not wise, and it tells me you might not fully comprehend how much a baby costs. I know people on here can be rude, but if you can ignore that, there is some good advice on here you shouldn't ignore.
Everyone knows you don't give yourself a shower but why are you women getting so upset?? I mean is there nothing else going on in your life than for you to get SO worked up about this? It makes me laugh sorta.
Everyone knows you don't give yourself a shower but why are you women getting so upset?? I mean is there nothing else going on in your life than for you to get SO worked up about this? It makes me laugh sorta.
Forgive us for trying to make someone look less like an idiot. If we were all rude bitches like some of you say we would have laughed and let them look like an ass, instead we tried to help.
All this talk about etiquette and it seems like no one has a bit of class.. Hmm.. Calling people "gross" and of little intelligence for expressing a differing point of view is very childish and pedestrian. OP good luck with your shower, whether you throw it yourself or not.
Beautiful Baby Jackson born 8/25/2010 Met the LOML 11/05/2011 Expecting the LO 5/15/2014 Getting Married 10/19/2014
Um..wow. OP and to all those who agree with her, throwing your own shower is tacky. Don't do it.You will be side-eyed it won't look good and it's just plain selfish.
Some people just have nothing better in life then to be bitchy towards others for no reason Personally, I think it's just pathetic. Maybe it's because I have more substance in life.
Lol you do realize that a smirky face doesn't make your comment any less passive-aggressive & bitchy right? Pot meet kettle.
Also, you don't know what my life is like. My life has so much substance that I didn't need to throw my own showers. I have dear, devoted friends/family that honored me with four of them. Probably because I don't act like a twatwaffle.
I think it's pathetic to throw your own gift giving event because you don't seem to have friends that WANT to honor you with a shower. What does that say about a person that no one wants to spend time/money on them? Yeah, it says a lot...
Also, my bitchy comes out for a pretty good reason. If someone is acting like an entitled, bratty child then yeah. That's a good reason. Also passive aggressive attempts to call me out are a good reason to bust out the bitch.
I own my bitchiness, cupcake. What about you?
Obviously you didn't actually read my post. I do have a friend helping me with it. I don't have family in the area (they are coming, but they can't throw it). However, I'm not a gushy little girl.Most of my friends are men (not really lining up to throw a baby shower). I hate all the girly crap that showers turn into (and everyone complains about later). I don't want to melt candy into a diaper and guess what it is. I don't want to spend an hour opening gifts that no one really cares about after the first 10 min.
So, yes, a shower is being thrown, but under my terms. And no, it's not to welcome the parents....it's to help life the financial burden off the new parents by gifting all the items needed (before the baby arrives). A Sip and See is to come over and see the baby for the first time (no gifts required). And, if you HAD read my post, you would know I wasn't even referring to you up there....I hadn't even seen you response to me until now. I was referring to people attacking this young woman for no reason (MrsMuq). And no, just because she does things differently then you, is not a reason. But, if you want to label yourself a bitch....go right ahead.
No, no, NO! Lift the financial burden?? Are you fucking serious?? So you expect your friends and family to pay all for the things you need for your child? Getting pregnant was your decision, so you foot the bill. No one else should have to pay for the choices you make. If you can't/don't want to pony up the dough, then don't have a kid. Simple as that.
Lol, I wonder how most of you even have friends to throw you a shower. I can barely stand you on this damn forum. Get yourselves together, ladies.
I've had 8 between my two kids. All thrown by different people who luuuuuurve me just the way I am. You don't have to like me. I've got tons of wonderful family & friends for that.
I would suggest you get yourself together. You are taking time to get your panties in a twist over our adherence to etiquette. We care about our guests, their comfort & respect their time/money. That's what etiquette is about.
Those that throw their own showers are looking out only for their need to be the center of attention, material things & feed their self involvement. It's opposite side of the spectrum.
"I need a bunch of presents to lift the financial burden of a baby so I'm going to spend the money to throw a funrais---err----I mean, a shower for myself and tell people NOT to bring me presents!"
Moral of the story:
with a dose of: "Listen, no one needs an invitation to a specific event in order to celebrate with you, love you, be happy for you or give you presents."
What a shame...looks like the common sense fairy fly right over someone's house, no?
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
For all the people saying that throwing your own shower is a difference of opinion and we're all being close-minded, how would you feel if someone just decided they weren't going to say please and thank you anymore. As in, it's such an old-fashioned concept that we really don't need to abide by it anymore, and it's such a waste of time to have to utter an additional phrase when asking for or receiving something. Would you think "yeah things change, that's okay now!" Or would you think "what a rude clueless ass"?
To all you bitches bitching about this ridiculousness. Why in the HELL do You care so much about what others do? Who made up the shower etiquette? Probably a woman who doesn't believe you should throw your own shower. People are under different circumstances for different reasons and there is no degree in whether or not to throw yourself a shower. Just shut up. Enjoy the shower you're getting and leave others alone when they decide to throw their own.
To all you bitches bitching about this ridiculousness. Why in the HELL do
You care so much about what others do? Who made up the shower etiquette? Probably a woman who doesn't believe you should throw your own shower. People are under different circumstances for different reasons and there is no degree in whether or not to throw yourself a shower. Just shut up. Enjoy the shower you're getting and leave others alone when they decide to throw their own.
Re: It's unfortunate...
That's not true. Posts were women are being greedy little snobs don't go over well.
You were given advice, very good advice. You chose not to take it and continue to be a whiny "all about me" brat. You are going to look tacky as hell but you can't say you weren't warned. Here's an idea! Spend the money on buying your own crap instead of wasting it so that other people can buy the stuff for you.
I never felt the need to have a shower. Instead, family and friends would voluntarily bring gifts with them when they came to meet the baby or sent a gift card in the mail.
As Prim said, editing your post was pointless. Everything you said was quoted and it will never go away. I
this new format.
I'll say this again, we are rude? Darling, look at yourself. "I deserve a party damn it! I need a party damn it! If no one is going to give me a party I will throw one for myself! You can come to the party I am throwing for myself and buy me presents because I am so important and special! I can't live without this party!!" You are a very rude person. Etiquette, sweetheart, learn it.
Right now you sound like a moron. Strong disagreement & explaining to you hy we feel its wrong to host your own shower is not bullying. You asked,"why shouldn't I do X ,Y, or Z?". We are telling you how it is perceived & why we feel its a bad idea. Don't ask a question if you don't want serious answers.
Um, do you hear yourself? YOU are responding to me. So unless you classify yourself as nobody...
@Savvysweet called us "bitchy for no reason". I simply said that acting like a tactless, rude, give-it-to-me-now, but I deserve this omg twatwaffle is a good reason to be bitchy. I said I own it. Not that I'm proud of it.
Want to know what's even more of an embarrassment? Inviting people you supposedly care about to a gift giving event for yourself. You should be embarrassed about that because it screams,"give me things! I just want your money & stuff stuff stuff for MY baby!". Add to this that you don't even want to OPEN the gifts at the gift giving event for yourself? RUDE & GROSS.
"Hey guys-- I love & respect you so much. Come over to my shower. Give me presents, but I don't care enough about the time, $ or effort/thought you put into selecting a gift. I'm not even going to open them!"
You truly don't understand how awful you sound. I'm embarrassed for you.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Nobody here has said you should feel bad about wanting to celebrate your first born.
Having said that, throwing your own baby shower is simply against basic etiquette. If you're okay with people thinking you're tacky and rude for doing so, that's fine. Just own it. If you're not okay with people thinking that, then reconsider.
yourself a bitch....go right ahead.
So your throwing yourself a party so your friends can help you with your financial burden, how sweet of you. I'm glad I'm not your friend.
I just explained why I am doing this - why should I feel bad about wanting to celebrate my first born? why should I feel bad about throwing it myself instead expecting someone else to throw it for me? Especially when my close friends and family do not have the kind of money to be doing that anyways... we can call it what you like if the word "shower" freaks everyone else out
Have you thought about throwing a sip and see after baby arrives? I don't think it'd be tacky to throw one of those yourself. And that way everyone can coo and aww over baby.
Obviously you didn't actually read my post. I do have a friend helping me with it. I don't have family in the area (they are coming, but they can't throw it). However, I'm not a gushy little girl.Most of my friends are men (not really lining up to throw a baby shower). I hate all the girly crap that showers turn into (and everyone complains about later). I don't want to melt candy into a diaper and guess what it is. I don't want to spend an hour opening gifts that no one really cares about after the first 10 min.
Ok. With my first PG my best friend decided to throw me a shower, however she had an infant and two stepchildren of her own. I had to step in and help in all aspects of the planning (and buying). I had no problem with this AT ALL. Where I am from its not abnormal to throw your own shower or at least help with it. Also, if a person was going to talk about me behind my back they wouldn't be someone that would be invited. All of this etiquette nonsense is bourgeoise and ridiculous. We had a similar discussion on the may 14 board about 2nd showers and I say the same thing, if your friends and family are open to it and are willing to share the experience with you then why do you need anyone else's approval?
Beautiful Baby Jackson born 8/25/2010
Met the LOML 11/05/2011
Expecting the LO 5/15/2014
Getting Married 10/19/2014
Ok. With my first PG my best friend decided to throw me a shower, however she had an infant and two stepchildren of her own. I had to step in and help in all aspects of the planning (and buying). I had no problem with this AT ALL. Where I am from its not abnormal to throw your own shower or at least help with it. Also, if a person was going to talk about me behind my back they wouldn't be someone that would be invited. All of this etiquette nonsense is bourgeoise and ridiculous. We had a similar discussion on the may 14 board about 2nd showers and I say the same thing, if your friends and family are open to it and are willing to share the experience with you then why do you need anyone else's approval?
Etiquette nonsense? Are you fucking kidding me? You're gross. Please raise your child to have some respect and decency.
After the baby comes. It's called a christening or if your not religious a sip and see.
Obviously you are going to do whatever you want to do no matter what we say. I'm glad that you live in your bubble where you wouldn't invite people that side eye you.
Just don't come back here crying to us because some guests didn't show, or don't buy things off your registry.
I feel very sad for new mommy's that don't get a shower, honestly, and I'm sorry that your friends and family aren't in a position to do that for you but it is rude to throw your own.
I can even get behind a second shower because if it's THROWN BY SOMEONE ELSE it's a GIFT. And although I understand why people disagree, in my social circle it's more rude to decline a thoughtful gift.
I think it's a little narrow minded to think ALL of us women that all happen to disagree with you are "rude and mean". Yes it makes complete sense that we are ALL wrong and you and ONE other are in the right.
:-??
All I hear with posts like this is,"wah wah, I am a selfish, materialistic brat that expects others to provide for my offspring. Wah wah don't these people know its all about ME and MY wants! Who cares if I'm milking my friends of their money & time. Who cares as long as I get what I want!"
It's kind of disgusting.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I have had a hard time finding a place to have the baby shower! She is due Feb 3rd so we are going to have it early January. We considered having it before the holidays but unfortunately my poor mommy is ill and will be having open heart surgery soon so I definitely don't want it around then...we could always have it outside with tents and heaters but I'm afraid it may rain and lots of recreation centers charge so much just to rent a room! We're talking $1000-$2000 now my bf and I will be paying the majority if everything ourselves my mother and father and siblings offered to help but they are also wanting to pay for the crib etc and we're all on budgets so I definitely wouldn't feel right accepting so much from them especially my mom and dad who will be paying for my mothers surgery too...we are considering having it in a banquet room at a nice restaurant where we would pay per person which limits us on who we can invite! Thank goodness a close coworker of mine is going to throw me one for work friends but I notice its a chain reaction with who I invite to mine too! It's like if I invite her I need to invite her husband or if I invite her I need to invite our other friend etc how do you recommend I deal with the ppl including some family members who would definitely like to go but I can't afford to invite them??
So wait... Your family DID offer to throw the party for you. But you refuse it on account of they want to buy cribs and other stuff, right? Wouldn't it make more sense then to decline their gifts in lieu of them throwing the party, and then you can buy the crib etc for yourself?
DH and I decided right off the bat that we wanted to purchase Kiernan's crib for him as a first gift from mommy and daddy. By purchasing the larger things we have budgeted for, it reduces the burden on our Loved Ones who have offered to throw a shower for us. It's also allowed us to pick exactly the crib/dresses/larger items we want without causing issue.
I just don't understand, I guess, why you would rather them buy you stuff and you throw the shower, rather than the other way around.
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
You're absolutely correct. A lot of people do a lot of rude/tacky things these days.
Baby GIRL due 12/26
but irregardless... If you do not get thrown a "formal" shower by anyone, I would say to still do a registry in case people still want to get you gifts. If people really want to give you gifts, they will give them to you if you have a shower or not. If they don't get you a gift, then perhaps they were not going to go to the shower anyways? But you can't be upset if no one gets you anything. Some people may have shown up to the shower w/o a gift. It happens at weddings, I imagine it happens at these things too..
I don't know, that's just how I feel... If people care, they will show it.
Beautiful Baby Jackson born 8/25/2010
Met the LOML 11/05/2011
Expecting the LO 5/15/2014
Getting Married 10/19/2014
I would suggest you get yourself together. You are taking time to get your panties in a twist over our adherence to etiquette. We care about our guests, their comfort & respect their time/money. That's what etiquette is about.
Those that throw their own showers are looking out only for their need to be the center of attention, material things & feed their self involvement. It's opposite side of the spectrum.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
What a shame...looks like the common sense fairy fly right over someone's house, no?
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
You care so much about what others do? Who made up the shower etiquette? Probably a woman who doesn't believe you should throw your own shower. People are under different circumstances for different reasons and there is no degree in whether or not to throw yourself a shower. Just shut up. Enjoy the shower you're getting and leave others alone when they decide to throw their own.