Never will I ever..

ccip82 · September 2013

growingmybun said:

Never will I ever let my child sit at the table with headphones on, reading a book, or playing video games during meal time. I try hard not to judge the parenting choices of others and I know there are things far worse than reading at the dinner table, but for some reason it drives me crazy to see this out at restaurants.
You may change your mind on this one when you have a kid that runs around a restaurant if they aren't occupied. Perhaps you overestimate the attention span of toddlers.

This. Absolutely this. Often times DD finishes up before us and we need to keep her occupied while we are finishing up and paying the bill. Books and the ipad have made our dinners out more enjoyable and less stressful.

jldubb0626 · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:

Another one I just thought of, and DH is in total agreement:

Allow my kid to have a cell phone or social networking before the age of 16. And I think 16 is generous. No need for all of that nonsense. The only reason she will have a phone at 16 is because she will be legal to drive and I want to keep tabs.

My mom was the same way until my freshman year of high school, so I was 14/15. We had a bomb threat (not long after 9/11) and got evacuated and my mom and dad panicked because they had no way of getting a hold of me to see if I was alright. 2 days later I had a cell phone. It's one thing to not give them an iPhone with all the bells and whistles, but in our society today with lack of public communication and general craziness, a non-smart phone cell phone in my book is practical.

LindsB314 · September 2013

ccip82 said:

growingmybun said:

Mrs.Awesome said:
Never will I ever let my child sit at the table with headphones on, reading a book, or playing video games during meal time.

I try hard not to judge the parenting choices of others and I know there are things far worse than reading at the dinner table, but for some reason it drives me crazy to see this out at restaurants.
You may change your mind on this one when you have a kid that runs around a restaurant if they aren't occupied. Perhaps you overestimate the attention span of toddlers.

This. Absolutely this. Often times DD finishes up before us and we need to keep her occupied while we are finishing up and paying the bill. Books and the ipad have made our dinners out more enjoyable and less stressful.

We do the same thing. Dd can't sit very long so when we're trying to finish up dinner we let her play with kid friendly apps. Right now it's itsy bitsy spider :-)

There are a lot of things I didn't think I would do and they all go out the window! im not talking about dangerous things. I do agree with never leaving a child in the car.

sugarland726 · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:

Another one I just thought of, and DH is in total agreement:

Allow my kid to have a cell phone or social networking before the age of 16. And I think 16 is generous. No need for all of that nonsense. The only reason she will have a phone at 16 is because she will be legal to drive and I want to keep tabs.

Here is an excerpt from a blog that speaks to your statement (link to full blog below):

As bad as you people are, you’re not nearly as horrible as the second type: actual parents with grown children who judge other parents, as if they haven’t been in the exact same situation many times. I had an older guy complain to me recently about babies that cry during church. He said: “Back when our children were babies, you didn’t have this problem.” Interesting. Apparently babies didn’t cry in the 50′s. The whole “crying baby” thing is a new fad, it would seem. These folks who had kids a long time ago seem to have a rather selective memory when it comes to their own days of parenting young kids.

They also tend to dismiss the fact that modern parenting presents unique challenges, some of which didn’t apply several decades ago. I always love the older folks who lecture about how THEIR kids weren’t as “attached to electronics” as kids are nowadays. That’s probably true, but mainly because, well, YOU DIDN’T HAVE ELECTRONICS. You had a toaster and a black and white TV with 2 channels, both of which were pretty easy to regulate. But, sure, congratulations for not letting your kids use things that didn’t exist. On that note, I have a strict “no time machines or hover-boards” policy in my home. It is stringently enforced. I’m thinking of writing a parenting book: “How to Stop Your Child From Becoming Dependent Upon Technology That Isn’t Invented Yet”

::end excerpt::

I'm just saying that the world we live are parenting in today is different than what we grew up in. And that is also different than the world that our children will parent in. So sometimes statements like yours may end up being a bit outdated and not really feasible.

https://themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/

Mommycoley84 · September 2013

I try really hard not to judge the parenting choices of others. I am on baby number four and you will be surprised how your opinions and thoughts change once that little one is in your life. And every little one comes with different challenges and needs. Yes, there are some poor parents out there but I try to think that most parents are just trying to do there best. We don't know everyone's situation. Judge with care and remember we are all trying and love our children.

aessary03 · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:

Another one I just thought of, and DH is in total agreement:

Allow my kid to have a cell phone or social networking before the age of 16. And I think 16 is generous. No need for all of that nonsense. The only reason she will have a phone at 16 is because she will be legal to drive and I want to keep tabs.

I think you will change your mind when your child starts walking to school or has after school sports before the age of 16. When my child starts middle school and if she has to walk or is involved in stuff after school, she will absolutely have a cell phone for emergencies. It doesn't mean she'll be free to text and call anyone she pleases, but I'd rather have her safe than sorry.

aessary03 · September 2013

MrsGraham06 said:

pennstated912 said:

Allow my child to stand in the basket of a shopping cart. When I was a cashier in college I saw a little kid "surfing" in the cart, he leaned back and the whole thing fell over. He cracked his head on the floor and we had to call an ambulance while one of my managers held his head together. 2nd scariest moment of my life.
That is terrifying and a huge fear of mine. I never understood why parents did this. Is it really too hard for your grown kid to walk through a store?? Also, if my 10 year asks to sit inside the cart, I will flip. There is no reason to do any of this.

Sometimes, it is necessary to have your older child ride in the cart instead of walk through the store. If they get into a "mood", it keeps them from pulling stuff off shelves, getting in people's way, sitting in the middle of the aisle refusing to move...But I don't have a 10-yo, so I don't know how I'll feel about it then.

My daughter hasn't ridden in a cart in a looooooooong time. Before that, she'd "drive" the car carts at the grocery stores. Now she likes to push the carts. I can't imagine having a child older than 2 or 3 riding in the cart ..... Just sayin'.

wedbliss5 · September 2013

aessary03 said:

JmeMichelle said:

Another one I just thought of, and DH is in total agreement:

Allow my kid to have a cell phone or social networking before the age of 16. And I think 16 is generous. No need for all of that nonsense. The only reason she will have a phone at 16 is because she will be legal to drive and I want to keep tabs.

I think you will change your mind when your child starts walking to school or has after school sports before the age of 16. When my child starts middle school and if she has to walk or is involved in stuff after school, she will absolutely have a cell phone for emergencies. It doesn't mean she'll be free to text and call anyone she pleases, but I'd rather have her safe than sorry.

And, a LOT is going to change in the next 16 years. 16 years ago from today, we didn't have much in the way of internet. And cell phones were still not quite main stream. Think about how far from now you are setting limits.

Mrs.Salt&Pepper · September 2013

I don't remember saying too many "never will I ever's" before I got pregnant the first time. However, once I was pregnant with DD1 I had many ideas of how things would look, how I would raise her, how she would behave, what she would wear, etc I think that every single idea of mine before that little girl came into the world has proven to be the exact opposite.

DD1 has taught me to expect the unexpected, and NEVER judge a parent, because you have no idea what trials and triumphs they my be having with their LO.

Mrs.Awesome · September 2013

ccip82 said:

growingmybun said:

Mrs.Awesome said:
Never will I ever let my child sit at the table with headphones on, reading a book, or playing video games during meal time.

I try hard not to judge the parenting choices of others and I know there are things far worse than reading at the dinner table, but for some reason it drives me crazy to see this out at restaurants.
You may change your mind on this one when you have a kid that runs around a restaurant if they aren't occupied. Perhaps you overestimate the attention span of toddlers.

This. Absolutely this. Often times DD finishes up before us and we need to keep her occupied while we are finishing up and paying the bill. Books and the ipad have made our dinners out more enjoyable and less stressful.

I completely agree! I guess I need to clarify- I was speaking of children that are old enough to engage in the conversation (tweens and teens).

Believe me, I am fully aware of the magical capabilities of an iPhone or iPad on a toddler. I think we would have stopped going out to dinner a LONG time ago if not for certain apps. Lol

twobluelines · September 2013

I will never refer to the time my husband spends with our child as him "babysitting". This pisses me off so much when people say "Daddy is babysitting so Mommy can go out". Nope Daddy's just being a parent

AprlShwrs18 · September 2013

Mrs.Awesome said:

ccip82 said:

growingmybun said:

Mrs.Awesome said:
Never will I ever let my child sit at the table with headphones on, reading a book, or playing video games during meal time.

I try hard not to judge the parenting choices of others and I know there are things far worse than reading at the dinner table, but for some reason it drives me crazy to see this out at restaurants.
You may change your mind on this one when you have a kid that runs around a restaurant if they aren't occupied. Perhaps you overestimate the attention span of toddlers.

This. Absolutely this. Often times DD finishes up before us and we need to keep her occupied while we are finishing up and paying the bill. Books and the ipad have made our dinners out more enjoyable and less stressful.

I completely agree! I guess I need to clarify- I was speaking of children that are old enough to engage in the conversation (tweens and teens).

Believe me, I am fully aware of the magical capabilities of an iPhone or iPad on a toddler. I think we would have stopped going out to dinner a LONG time ago if not for certain apps. Lol

This. I use the magic of iPhone right now for dinner with my two year old. When do kids develope the attention spans to make it through dinner? Obviously 9/10, but is it 6? 5? Hrmmm...

pennstated912 · September 2013

KatelynEA90 said:

hopeful808 said:

MrsGraham06 said:

pennstated912 said:

apickett925 said:
Allow my child to stand in the basket of a shopping cart. When I was a cashier in college I saw a little kid "surfing" in the cart, he leaned back and the whole thing fell over. He cracked his head on the floor and we had to call an ambulance while one of my managers held his head together. 2nd scariest moment of my life.
That is terrifying and a huge fear of mine.

I never understood why parents did this. Is it really too hard for your grown kid to walk through a store?? Also, if my 10 year asks to sit inside the cart, I will flip. There is no reason to do any of this.

Sometimes, it is necessary to have your older child ride in the cart instead of walk through the store. If they get into a "mood", it keeps them from pulling stuff off shelves, getting in people's way, sitting in the middle of the aisle refusing to move...But I don't have a 10-yo, so I don't know how I'll feel about it then.

It's not necessary you can choose to leave the store instead of continuing to shop. My mom has quite a number of stories about leaving stores even with carts full of groceries because my sister/I weren't behaving well enough to walk in the store. We have ADHD so self control and emotional regulation was a big issue growing up. By allowing them into the cart you are rewarding their bad behavior by getting to ride in the cart especially if that is not typically allowed.

I disagree.
My nephew sees riding in the cart as a punishment because he isn't walking like the other big kids(he is 3). Also, leaving doesn't work for all situations. What are you doing to do if your toddler is screaming because she wants to go back outside? Taking her outside would be exactly what she wants and certainly isn't teaching her how to behave in a store.

MY COMMENT: I agree to a certain a degree. I agree that with much younger children it is okay for them to be in the cart. I worked retail for four years and have seen almost everything possible (children riding on the ends of carts, UNDERNEATH them - superman-style, and inside the cart). Under no circumstances, for safety reasons, should a child be underneath or on the end of a cart.

As for inside the cart, if a child is 7 or older and knows that their behavior is unacceptable or if they are throwing a tantrum to be riding inside the cart is unnecessary. I would much rather you leave the full cart or immediately head to check out that having them be inside a cart.

After a certain point, this is something I can say with certainty that it will never do.

dempseyjosh · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:
I'll concede to the changing times argument, because who knows what marvels technology will come out with between now and 16 years from now, but my kid will NOT be walking to school. I never did, my husband never did, and she certainly won't either. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it at all. I was involved in a lot of after school activities and always had a ride, it will be the same for her. I don't think I was ever in a school function or situation where a phone wasn't available should I need to contact my parents. So I don't think that particular situation will be changing any minds in this household.

I'm just curious as to why you aren't comfortable with this? Especially once a child is into their teens. Do you live too far from school where it really isn't reasonable, and the child will be bussed to school? That I understand.

I grew up too close to school to be bussed in. I walked to school or rode my bike almost always(not sure when I started alone, but probably 2nd or 3rd grade). I wanted to do it. I lived one block from elementary school, less than a quarter mile (~5min walk). And 0.9 miles from middle school and 1 mile from high school(both ~20min walk). You had to live more than a mile away for the school to put you on a bus. The walks were through safe/normal neighborhoods.

cyndilouwho77 · September 2013

I really have to talk about the cell phone issue. My DD whom is now 13 had a phone starting at the age of 7, and thank GOD! My DD spends more time out of my sight than in it, she is active in her school ASB, Marching Band, and Dance Team. It is all about safety these days and I don't plan on risking her not having a way to get a hold of me any time she needs me. I can tell you a million different stories about times she has needed to call me, but the top few are breaking down after an event and the parent she was with had a dead cell phone, it was late at night and I was worried sick. DD called and I was able to go to them and call AAA. Just last week she got out of school early and she was able to contact me so that she could be picked up versus waiting for me out front, she even got to call me from class last week to ask about staying later for some volunteer hours for ASB. Two weeks ago after a football game a fight broke out and she was able to call me and tell me not to pick her up out front (where the fight was) but to pick her up at a safer location, that cell phone has been a blessing.

Of course she texts her friends and plays games on her iPhone, but she also can check her grades online and email her teachers. She can keep her crazy schedule detailed and easy to access. We also have family apps that can track where we all are, so she can look and see if I am on my way to her and I can make sure she is where she said she would be. I can honestly say I can not name a friend of hers that does not have a cell phone.

Now with that being said, I have a 10yr old DD that has a cell phone that she never uses....ever! That's just because she really has no need to yet, her schedule usually fits right into mine and I am almost always with her. However after this LO arrives that will entirely change because it wont be so easy for me to stay at dance or cheer practice and I will want her to have a way to get in touch with me. She is just not as ready for it as my oldest.

Every kid is different and with the changing times I really do feel that those that say my kid will never have a cell phone will be changing their tunes. The world is a scary place no matter where you live........I made my first decision to allow my daughter to have a phone after the bridge collapse in MN many many years ago, it was children on the bus with cell phones that made the first calls into 911.

aessary03 · September 2013

AprlShwrs18 said:

Mrs.Awesome said:

ccip82 said:

growingmybun said:

Mrs.Awesome said:
Never will I ever let my child sit at the table with headphones on, reading a book, or playing video games during meal time.

I try hard not to judge the parenting choices of others and I know there are things far worse than reading at the dinner table, but for some reason it drives me crazy to see this out at restaurants.
You may change your mind on this one when you have a kid that runs around a restaurant if they aren't occupied. Perhaps you overestimate the attention span of toddlers.

This. Absolutely this. Often times DD finishes up before us and we need to keep her occupied while we are finishing up and paying the bill. Books and the ipad have made our dinners out more enjoyable and less stressful.

I completely agree! I guess I need to clarify- I was speaking of children that are old enough to engage in the conversation (tweens and teens).

Believe me, I am fully aware of the magical capabilities of an iPhone or iPad on a toddler. I think we would have stopped going out to dinner a LONG time ago if not for certain apps. Lol

This. I use the magic of iPhone right now for dinner with my two year old. When do kids develope the attention spans to make it through dinner? Obviously 9/10, but is it 6? 5? Hrmmm...

Ha ha not even 9-10. I still give my almost 10 yo my phone to play with when she's finished with dinner.

aessary03 · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:

aessary03 said:

JmeMichelle said:

Another one I just thought of, and DH is in total agreement:

Allow my kid to have a cell phone or social networking before the age of 16. And I think 16 is generous. No need for all of that nonsense. The only reason she will have a phone at 16 is because she will be legal to drive and I want to keep tabs.

I think you will change your mind when your child starts walking to school or has after school sports before the age of 16. When my child starts middle school and if she has to walk or is involved in stuff after school, she will absolutely have a cell phone for emergencies. It doesn't mean she'll be free to text and call anyone she pleases, but I'd rather have her safe than sorry.

I'll concede to the changing times argument, because who knows what marvels technology will come out with between now and 16 years from now, but my kid will NOT be walking to school. I never did, my husband never did, and she certainly won't either. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it at all. I was involved in a lot of after school activities and always had a ride, it will be the same for her. I don't think I was ever in a school function or situation where a phone wasn't available should I need to contact my parents. So I don't think that particular situation will be changing any minds in this household.

Congratulations on not having had to walk to school. I don't think there's anything wrong with it if you don't live too far away. Unfortunately those of us who work and can't make it before 5, we don't have this luxury unless another parent is willing. I'm not going to let my daughter be in a bad situation, but I'm not going to let someone make me feel guilty for letting my daughter walk back and forth to school a couple blocks and for giving her a cell phone for emergencies.

dempseyjosh · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:

@dempseyjosh I didn't walk or bus because I went to a school that didn't have a bussing system and was 20 mins away from my house. We also didn't live in a good part of town, so walking to friends houses and whatnot wasn't really an option. My lack of experience with it is what makes me uncomfortable with it. As for my kid, we are a military family and will change bases every couple years. Unfamiliar cities all the time, so I won't feel completely relaxed with my kid walking around. And areas immediately surrounding military bases tend to be kinda sketchy! But, like I said, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, just that in this particular situation I'll be driving my kid where she needs to be if we were living in a nice town, that'd be a whole different story!

OK, I get it, and understand going along with things that are familiar to you. At first I was thinking that if where you live was that bad, you should consider moving, but if the military is dictating where you live, then that isn't as easy of an option. I would tend to think though, that if you are living on base, it would be a little easier to consider the area safe.
I actually grew up in a military town, and the area was not bad at all. But I did not move around to see other areas, so I wouldn't know.

aessary03 · September 2013

JmeMichelle said:

@aessary03 nobody is making you feel guilty. I believe I even said there is nothing wrong with children walking, just that I never did it therefore it made me uncomfortable. Cool your jets, no need to get uppity. If you'd like to take a few seconds to calm yourself and look at the logic behind my individual situation, feel free to read below. @dempseyjosh I didn't walk or bus because I went to a school that didn't have a bussing system and was 20 mins away from my house. We also didn't live in a good part of town, so walking to friends houses and whatnot wasn't really an option. My lack of experience with it is what makes me uncomfortable with it. As for my kid, we are a military family and will change bases every couple years. Unfamiliar cities all the time, so I won't feel completely relaxed with my kid walking around. And areas immediately surrounding military bases tend to be kinda sketchy! But, like I said, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, just that in this particular situation I'll be driving my kid where she needs to be if we were living in a nice town, that'd be a whole different story!

@JmeMichelle, apologies for getting snippy. The way you wrote it made it sound like you were being uppety about it. Again, I apologize for the tone back.

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