H doesn't agree anymore

Medic99 · September 2013

Thank you @Andrewsgal!!

Significant · September 2013

FWIW I have nephews that have had them and some that haven't (large family). One nephew was going to have it done regardless but when the doctor came in said that after looking at it in his case it was important for him specifically to have it done based on something about how his skin was formed and it potentially giving him problems later if he didn't. (Sorry, I don't remember the specifics and was confused by it at the time). They had a specialist come in and no problems I know of.
I had another nephew that had it done but while it was by no means "botched" by the doctor he had a problem healing because it "sticking" through age 2 and he had to have it separated or basically yanked up to separate it by his parents and at other times by the doctor because it was stuck badly. Years later he is ok but then there was bleeding and pain. His parents chose to have it done again on his brother though without any later problems.

Ones without it done- no issues at all.

*IMO any medical procedure has benefits and or risks. If there is no medical benefit than you are left with only risk. I don't see any benefit to it and neither does DH. (Uncircumcised and no smelly infected penis that rips - it's quite healthy!) if we have a boy we will not have it done. Everyone is obviously entitled to make their own decision and I don't fault them for that. I do think that in making any medical decision, especially when it's on behalf of someone who can't decide for themselves, you owe it to them to do appropriate research from reliable resources. Good luck op, you guys will figure it out if need be and feel great you've made an important decision together!

mrscrcalli · September 2013

Andrewsgal said:

mrscrcalli said:
DH wants to know why a room of women get to decide what to do with a penis when we don't have one. He said this should be moved to the daddy board. :-t
Please tell me this is a joke. Your DH sounds like a treat. Our marriage is 50/50 on everything. I married my FH because we wanted to raise our kids as a team. In reality the only one who has a real vested interest in my sons penis is his future lovers. Should I wait and let them decide? A man saying something like this is so icky to me.

) you need a nap! He was joking cause there are a room of women talking about chopping penises yet we don't have one. And my DH is a treat, that's why I don't always seem like I have a stick up my ass like you do.. You are always such a raging negative Nancy on every threads lighten up. <:-P

Andrewsgal · September 2013

mrscrcalli said:

Andrewsgal said:

mrscrcalli said:
DH wants to know why a room of women get to decide what to do with a penis when we don't have one. He said this should be moved to the daddy board. :-t
Please tell me this is a joke. Your DH sounds like a treat. Our marriage is 50/50 on everything. I married my FH because we wanted to raise our kids as a team. In reality the only one who has a real vested interest in my sons penis is his future lovers. Should I wait and let them decide? A man saying something like this is so icky to me.
) you need a nap! He was joking cause there are a room of women talking about chopping penises yet we don't have one. And my DH is a treat, that's why I don't always seem like I have a stick up my ass like you do.. You are always such a raging negative Nancy on every threads lighten up. <:-P </p>

Well since we are calling it like we see it you come off and uneducated and not very smart on most threads and I was in no way surprised to see you in particular post something like that.

Like I said I don't care what anyone does with their sons penis but I will call our uneducated facts or ridiculous statements about the topic.

mrscrcalli · September 2013

Andrewsgal said:

mrscrcalli said:

Andrewsgal said:

mrscrcalli said:
DH wants to know why a room of women get to decide what to do with a penis when we don't have one. He said this should be moved to the daddy board. :-t
Please tell me this is a joke. Your DH sounds like a treat. Our marriage is 50/50 on everything. I married my FH because we wanted to raise our kids as a team. In reality the only one who has a real vested interest in my sons penis is his future lovers. Should I wait and let them decide? A man saying something like this is so icky to me.
) you need a nap! He was joking cause there are a room of women talking about chopping penises yet we don't have one. And my DH is a treat, that's why I don't always seem like I have a stick up my ass like you do.. You are always such a raging negative Nancy on every threads lighten up. <:-P </p>
Well since we are calling it like we see it you come off and uneducated and not very smart on most threads and I was in no way surprised to see you in particular post something like that.

Like I said I don't care what anyone does with their sons penis but I will call our uneducated facts or ridiculous statements about the topic.

Ha!!!! Uneducated and not very smart..Oh hell you are insane.. Please go show me thread where that takes place. You need to check yourself lady.

mrscrcalli · September 2013

@andrewsgal what I love is you have no idea what I do for a living which makes your statement overly hilarious.

HNRomance · September 2013

When the subject came up my husband said emphatically that if we had a boy, he would be circumcised. I have not done a lot of research into it, however, I think there is something to the thought that a boys penis should look like his fathers. People subconsciously compare themselves to others. I would think that in a child that it might eventually raise some questions or insecurities. Most little boys with a positive male figure want to do and be everything that the other male does. In a locker room it might not be as big of a deal if there is confidence for other reasons. I asked my husband if he would still want to do it if insurance didn't pay for it and he said he would sell something to get the money if we didn't have it. Less sensitivity is not always a bad thing either. Men have very little "say" in a lot of pregnancy or baby decisions. I told him this was his domain and the choice would be up to him.

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

HNRomance said:

When the subject came up my husband said emphatically that if we had a boy, he would be circumcised. I have not done a lot of research into it, however, I think there is something to the thought that a boys penis should look like his fathers. People subconsciously compare themselves to others. I would think that in a child that it might eventually raise some questions or insecurities. Most little boys with a positive male figure want to do and be everything that the other male does. In a locker room it might not be as big of a deal if there is confidence for other reasons. I asked my husband if he would still want to do it if insurance didn't pay for it and he said he would sell something to get the money if we didn't have it. Less sensitivity is not always a bad thing either. Men have very little "say" in a lot of pregnancy or baby decisions. I told him this was his domain and the choice would be up to him.

I don't think it's a big deal for a little boy to look like his dad in this regard. It's a pretty short period that the dad is going to be naked around the kid, and there are other things that are going to look different about it. Unless your husband shaves I guess.

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

I was OK leaving the decision up to DH, but only because I didn't have much of an opinion and he felt more strongly about it. If he or I feel strongly about anything in raising our kids, then it's definitely a 50/50 decision.

Andrewsgal · September 2013

fireflygirl12 said:

HNRomance said:

When the subject came up my husband said emphatically that if we had a boy, he would be circumcised. I have not done a lot of research into it, however, I think there is something to the thought that a boys penis should look like his fathers. People subconsciously compare themselves to others. I would think that in a child that it might eventually raise some questions or insecurities. Most little boys with a positive male figure want to do and be everything that the other male does. In a locker room it might not be as big of a deal if there is confidence for other reasons. I asked my husband if he would still want to do it if insurance didn't pay for it and he said he would sell something to get the money if we didn't have it. Less sensitivity is not always a bad thing either. Men have very little "say" in a lot of pregnancy or baby decisions. I told him this was his domain and the choice would be up to him.

I don't think it's a big deal for a little boy to look like his dad in this regard. It's a pretty short period that the dad is going to be naked around the kid, and there are other things that are going to look different about it. Unless your husband shaves I guess.

I agree my DH is 6 5" totally built with a beard. My 4.5 year old is a skinny little runt with no facial hair yet. DH even showers with DS and even thigh they are both not circumsized their penises look quite different as DS doesn't have hair there either.

katieharpiceland · September 2013

If I have a boy, I guess he's going to be super upset he doesn't have a beard down to the middle of his chest. :-D

deidremaria · September 2013

lilmama412 said:

Andrewsgal said:
@lilmama412 you are ridiculous.the thought that grown men can't keep themselves clean is sad. I don't know what kid of child you married but DH is pretty damn good at bathing as all grown men should be. Oh and I live in Texas the capital of hunting, fishing and dirt biking. That is no excuse. I really don't care if people choose to circ or not but to use the excuse that men can't be expected to know how to clean themselves is sad. I would never have married a man that could not figure out how to shower I a sorry you did.
I never said men can't keep themselves clean! I said they aren't KNOWN for their cleanliness. I never said ALL men are disgusting and never shower or wash their penis.

I also said in my culture men like to do dirty activities like hunt, fish and spend time in the woods, work on cars and be outside 24/7. Hygiene isn't there number one priority although they are perfectly capable of keeping themselves clean. DH loves to be dirty but showers regularly, and is a clean person. He is also circumcised do getting an infection is a nonissue. He is a real manly man. Not a girly prissy one who has to shower 2x a day, get manicures and never done hard labor in his life.

Please show me where I said all men are disgusting pigs who can't wash?!? @Andrewsgal

Just because a man showers often doesn't make him a girls girl. It just means he showers often.

deidremaria · September 2013

lilmama412 said:
@Andrewsgal oh so you still couldn't find a quote from me that said all men are incapable of keeping themselves clean? That's what you said I said, I just want to know where I said it. Or where i said my husband was unclean?? You keep bringing up that's what I said, but you can't show me. I didn't play the PTSD or war veteran as a sympathy card, that's my life. I was just trying to tell you that you shouldn't attack people you don't know. Especially when you have no idea where they are coming from. My husband is a clean person who has never had an infection or funk. He has seen and done more then most people can imagine. He fought so your PERFECT husband can take his luxurious showers daily. Don't start judging people until you know their story. And even then don't judge people it's not becoming of you.

Not everyone's showers are "luxurious" so right now you're a little guilty of what you're saying she's done. To be honest I get both your points. I personally think you contradicted yourself a little between when you first joined the discussion and now. But I do agree with the fact that your husband shouldn't be referred to as a child. But you shouldn't refer to everyone else's husbands as girly girls and metrosexual a because they shower often. I don't quite recall anyone saying that their husbands get manicures so that statement was out f line as well. I live in the Caribbean where it's very hot so the men around here shower a lot just like the women do. Does that make them "girly girl metrosexuals" as you put it?

deidremaria · September 2013

mrscrcalli said:
DH wants to know why a room of women get to decide what to do with a penis when we don't have one. He said this should be moved to the daddy board. :-t

I think he's kinda right. That decision is the one I told my bf is entirely up to him because, well... I don't have a penis. Lmao just like if we're having a girl I wouldn't expect him to educate her on hygiene and preparing for mensturation when she's a teen

AcaAwkward · September 2013

For the love, can we stop it with the disertation on male showering habits? An uncircumsised penis will not fall off from rot if it goes unbathed for a few days (or longer)...any more than your vagina will become infected if you go all wilderness woman for a week.

dmosquera4 · September 2013

I leave that decision to my husband if we have a boy. They understand better hiw a man think I would have my son circumcised just by the fact my husband is Jewish and is tradition also I've never been with a man that is uncircumsiced and wouldn't know what to do with one... Honestly if you read about how many things can go wrong there are article everywhere telling you the hundred things that could go wrong by doing things a different way, so in that case you shouldn't go by statistics because at the end they ARE statistics.

They way I see it is if it a boy my husband makes decision and a girl I make what de is ion there is to make with girls because at the end of the day we know what is right for us and they know what is right for them.

deidremaria · September 2013

AcaAwkward said:
For the love, can we stop it with the disertation on male showering habits? An uncircumsised penis will not fall off from rot if it goes unbathed for a few days (or longer)...any more than your vagina will become infected if you go all wilderness woman for a week.

Bless you for this!

HNRomance · September 2013

@Mrscrcalli that's kind of what I was getting at in a 'round about way. We, as women can't fully understand what it's like to grow up as a dude. There is a whole different set of body issues and insecurities. Even if some are similar it may come from a different place. To some of the other ladies that responded to my earlier post, OF COURSE your four year old is unlikely to have a beard or chest hair. That doesn't mean he doesn't emulate or want to imitate his dad or grandpa. If you believe it doesn't matter to little kids just check out videos of kids reaction to men shaving off facial hair that they've always had. How many times do they say something to the effect of "just like daddy's!". I'm not for or against circumcision but DH feels strongly about it and he knows more about dude issues both physically and emotionally than I ever will for obvious reasons. How would you feel if your husband told you that he wanted your young teen daughter to have breast augmentation, reduction or mastectomy because of his opinion on breasts? It could be argued that mastectomy could eliminate the possibility of breast cancer or that an augmentation could be beneficial in making her more attractive to a mate. Either way, he has no clue about this issue and how it ties into deeper development psychology. I know it's extreme as an example so don't jump all over me ladies!

cstory316 · September 2013

pdilly2b said:
Wait, my husband doesn't hunt. Does that make him a metrosexual? He does play ice hockey. Hopefully that counts for something.

(Trying to lighten the mood a little)

Ice hockey is tough!! He's got to be a man!!

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

HNRomance said:

@Mrscrcalli that's kind of what I was getting at in a 'round about way. We, as women can't fully understand what it's like to grow up as a dude. There is a whole different set of body issues and insecurities. Even if some are similar it may come from a different place. To some of the other ladies that responded to my earlier post, OF COURSE your four year old is unlikely to have a beard or chest hair. That doesn't mean he doesn't emulate or want to imitate his dad or grandpa. If you believe it doesn't matter to little kids just check out videos of kids reaction to men shaving off facial hair that they've always had. How many times do they say something to the effect of "just like daddy's!". I'm not for or against circumcision but DH feels strongly about it and he knows more about dude issues both physically and emotionally than I ever will for obvious reasons. How would you feel if your husband told you that he wanted your young teen daughter to have breast augmentation, reduction or mastectomy because of his opinion on breasts? It could be argued that mastectomy could eliminate the possibility of breast cancer or that an augmentation could be beneficial in making her more attractive to a mate. Either way, he has no clue about this issue and how it ties into deeper development psychology. I know it's extreme as an example so don't jump all over me ladies!

This is a horrible comparison to use. One of the reasons being that everybody can see your breasts, and very few people will ever see DS's peen.

As a mom, I have just as much a right to make decisions about my son, including things that have to do with his man business. My husband knows what it's like to have a circumcised penis, but I doubt that he's ever done much research on the pros/cons of it. Being familiar with one way does not make you more educated on the topic as a whole. Do you really think he knows much about the procedure or statistics about it just because he has a penis? Besides, when DH was growing up, it was super common to get it done in the U.S. and now it's not. So being "normal" or like everybody else was different for him then it will be for DS.

Should my DH have no say whether our future teen daughter goes on birth control if she decides to be sexually active since he never went on birth control and can't possibly understand? Or if she can get her ears pierced or color her hair? Because I'm pretty sure he'll have an opinion on those things and not just leave it up to me to decide since I'm the girl.

ksr53777 · September 2013

Rrrrrachel said:

If you're retracting and cleaning an infant or toddlers foreskin you're probably causing infections.

Just strongly agreeing with this!!!!! You are NOT to be retracting the skin!!!

HNRomance · September 2013

I never said that parents shouldn't be 50/50. I also don't know how you can say breast surgery is such a bad comparison, although extreme maybe (as I noted). It is an unnecessary (with the possible exception of cancer) procedure based on preference to a physical appearance. Can anyone honestly say that the majority of men feel just because the penis is usually less noticeable in clothing that they are less concerned about it's appearance, shape, size, color, etc? If the breast comparison bothers you so much then it's possible that some hubbys would feel the same about their (or their son's as an extension of their own....weird but sometimes true) penis? I'm saying there is more to it than hygiene, popularity or what's "normal" for you culturally. Most women will never understand what it's like to have a penis or the mental baggage that comes with. I feel that we should keep that in mind while we are so busy making opinions that cause arguments with our men. The problem isn't whether or not to circumcise, it's how to make that decision with your significant other.

Rrrrrachel · September 2013

Sure. WITH them. Not just turning the decision over to them because they have the family penis.

Andrewsgal · September 2013

The problem isn't whether or not to circumcise, it's how to make that decision with your significant other. Yes how to make it WITH your spouse. Turning it over to your spouse is not making a joint decision.

Mishababe · September 2013

I would never let my husband make any of these decisions he's not smart about kids.. He's a man! Hahaha

2010weddinggal · September 2013

Op please leave the debate till you know what you are having, if it is a boy you and your husband needs to do the research. Only you two are going to be able to decide what is best for your child.

All you arguing over yes do it no do not are being silly, do you honestly care what anther couple decides what is best for their child, would it not make you angry someone is trying to sway your opinion on your choice? Everyone is going to do what is best for their child, there is no need to bring up penis rot, men not being clean, military etc. This board brings lots of laughs because you guys who have not had children are new to this and it is still early. You all are getting yourselves worked up over something only you have control over. Post like these are super sensitive because no one will ever agree on the right way to do it. But you as a couple as parents need to decide and no one else.... And screw everyone elses opinions they have a saying, opinions and assholes everyone has one.

Andrewsgal · September 2013

Opinions are fine. Uneducated untruthful statements are not. Unfortunately people will use this board to make this decision we can at least keep the facts accurate. Stuff like men are dirty and will get infections is not a fact. Like I said I don't care what people do with their kids, but at least make an educated decision.

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

2010weddinggal said:

Op please leave the debate till you know what you are having, if it is a boy you and your husband needs to do the research. Only you two are going to be able to decide what is best for your child.

All you arguing over yes do it no do not are being silly, do you honestly care what anther couple decides what is best for their child, would it not make you angry someone is trying to sway your opinion on your choice? Everyone is going to do what is best for their child, there is no need to bring up penis rot, men not being clean, military etc. This board brings lots of laughs because you guys who have not had children are new to this and it is still early. You all are getting yourselves worked up over something only you have control over. Post like these are super sensitive because no one will ever agree on the right way to do it. But you as a couple as parents need to decide and no one else.... And screw everyone elses opinions they have a saying, opinions and assholes everyone has one.

Thanks for your opinions on how we need to run discussions on our A14 board and what we should/should not be bringing up. I'm sure that nothing gets unnecessarily debated on your BMB. Since we are all first time moms and new to the Bump, we really had no idea. Except that a bunch of us do have kids already and have been around the Bump for awhile.

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

Rrrrrachel said:

Sure. WITH them. Not just turning the decision over to them because they have the family penis.

This. I understand that DH might have more of an opinion on the matter, but there is no way that discounts my say as a mother/wife.

sarahbeth27 · September 2013

This is a very personal decision; however is one you and your spouse need to agree on. I would shelf the conversation until you know what you are having (assuming you will not be team green). Then, if it's a boy you and DH should both sit down and share why you want to circumcise/to not circumcise.

One thing I would urge you to consider, most men are most comfortable doing whatever they have - b/c it's what they know. While that may not seem important, it may be in reality.

GL.

maelic · September 2013

What I've learned from this thread:

1) European men are either collectively unmanly or walking around with festering penises.

2) Metrosexual men are bad because they shower twice a day.

3) Women who have an opinion are hormonal.

4) Women should defer to penis-bearers for any decisions about circumcision, despite the fact that said penis-bearers never apparently learned how to wash their junk once in a while.

Hmmm.

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

maelic said:

What I've learned from this thread:

1) European men are either collectively unmanly or walking around with festering penises.
2) Metrosexual men are bad because they shower twice a day.
3) Women who have an opinion are hormonal.
4) Women should defer to penis-bearers for any decisions about circumcision, despite the fact that said penis-bearers never apparently learned how to wash their junk once in a while.

Hmmm.

And teenage boob jobs are about the same thing as babies getting circumcised.

HNRomance · September 2013

my opinion is that I will not ever fully understand all it means to grow up as a little boy. My husband does. Since it's not necessary and I would love my child with or without extra skin and it was important to my DH, we will circumcise. I would say that is a joint decision lol. And yes, if we had a daughter, I would expect him to defer a little to my experience when it comes to female sexuality and surrounding issues. Not that he gets no say, but he's open-minded enough to understand that his opinion may just lack some important female perspective...ya know, because he's a GUY

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

HNRomance said:
my opinion is that I will not ever fully understand all it means to grow up as a little boy. My husband does. Since it's not necessary and I would love my child with or without extra skin and it was important to my DH, we will circumcise. I would say that is a joint decision lol. And yes, if we had a daughter, I would expect him to defer a little to my experience when it comes to female sexuality and surrounding issues. Not that he gets no say, but he's open-minded enough to understand that his opinion may just lack some important female perspective...ya know, because he's a GUY

Being open minded to each other's experiences or knowledge is one thing, but basically saying he has more of a right since he has the penis is different. In your OP you noted that men have very little say in most pregnancy and baby related stuff, which is not the case for us. My DH has equal say in the whole process. I am in a similar situation where I didn't care as much and DH had more of an opinion, so I let him decide. But it's not because I feel like I'm incapable of relating to a boy and shouldn't have any say in those types of decisions.

Rrrrrachel · September 2013

Frankly, I will never consent to any child of mine being routinely circumcised. Ever ever ever. I don't care what my penis bearer thinks. Fortunately he agrees with me.

Serenla · September 2013

Do you think we can reach 13 pages on this one as well?

Andrewsgal · September 2013

Serenla said:

Do you think we can reach 13 pages on this one as well?

only if we can get the crazy @lilmama412 back.

fireflygirl12 · September 2013

Serenla said:
Do you think we can reach 13 pages on this one as well?

I wonder if we've been XP'd yet.

maelic · September 2013

We have, on March14. Lol.

Rrrrrachel · September 2013

It took them long enough!

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