H doesn't agree anymore

Medic99 · September 2013

So we were talking about circumcision and whether or not we would do it if we were blessed with a son. He said he would do whatever I felt was right. After doing research I am now against circumcising if we have a son. I told H tonight and he was not happy. I told him he needed to read the literature and stories that I found. He seemed like his mind was made up no matter what. Now I don't know what to do. I know we have time and this might not even be a boy. I don't know why I am so upset over this. If you and your spouse didn't agree on this subject, what did you do? I need some help. Thank you!

MegJ17 · September 2013

For my 10 year old son it only took a story from a friend who's son got messed up during circumcision to convince us not to do it. My parents were not happy with the decision but I don't think they were very educated on it. I would just give it a rest now and if you find out you are having a boy then talk about it again. I know this is an easy choice for some and a cause for many arguments for others. Good luck!

Rrrrrachel · September 2013

There are videos on you tube of a baby having it done. Those are enough for most people. My husband wanted it until we learned about it in child birth class and now we're on the same page. Plus out insurance didn't cover it and we would've had to pay oop.

KHendy27 · September 2013

I would wait till you know for sure. No need to stress about it now. If he is still adamant, you could compromise and ask him to just wait till the baby is 6 months and go to a urologist to have it done. 1. They're WAY better at it than the ped in the hospital and 2. Baby is old enough for pain meds.

My friend went that route and by 6 months her husband realized it wasn't a big deal and didn't care anymore.

Mandyw75 · September 2013

I told my ex if he could watch the video we could discuss it. He wouldn't watch it. And it never got brought up again. My son is 10 now and this has never been an issue. Nobody feels weird or different.

AcaAwkward · September 2013

I might drop it for now until you know the sex. If it's a boy, I would tell him (in a non-confrontational way) that you will respect his opinion but only if it's a well-researched one. Ask him to sit down with you and research the procedure, just as you would hope he would for any other big decision parents make for their children. If he still doesn't agree after considering the research, y'all will have to hash it out.

(I'd arm myself with stats on how many kids get circumcised now -- I was surprised, when doing my research, how many parents are choosing not to, which really flies in the face of the "I don't want my son to feel different in the locker room" reason.)

It would be much more bothersome to me if my husband just said "I want my son circumcised...just because" than if he had done the research and could still articulate a reasonable explanation why it was important to him to circumcise. If that was the case, I'd be a lot more open to circumcising.

Mandyw75 · September 2013

If he says "I want him to look like me." Say "so you'll be upset if he has blonde hair and you have brown?" I hate hearing that excuse.

SeattleMomma · September 2013

My oldest son is, but my youngest is not. Let me tell you from personal experience. My youngest has had so many diaper rashes and even a bad infection once. It's really hard to keep clean. I clean my sons little birdy often but the smell, lent, etc still gets in there. Not too mention, I feel very uncomfortable having to pull his skin back and clean it.

Sisimama10 · September 2013

I would definitely get my child circumcised if I have a boy.

joyfullyfound · September 2013

When I was pregnant with DD, DH and I disagreed about circumcision as well. DH was for it, and I was against it. After looking into which doctors would perform the procedure in our area, we found out there was only one in the whole city, and that our insurance wouldn't cover it, so it would cost a couple hundred bucks. That changed DH's mind pretty quickly.

Is your DH circumcised? I know that men often feel it's important that their son's penis look like their own. That's why my DH wanted it done. He also said it was cleaner, which I disproved pretty quickly by showing him some online articles. I think the arguement I used that was most helpful was talking about how when my DH was a kid, circumcision was a lot more popular than it is today. Now, it's much more common for kid's to be uncircumcised. When boys go to school, and compare their private parts to their friends while in the bathroom, etc, I want our son to feel like his body was normal. He might even be the only kid in his whole school that's circumcised! That really made my DH think.

Good luck!

Laura11786 · September 2013

In the uk it's not common practice to circumcise your sons, I've got a three year old boy and he is healthy, happy and clean just the way it was made! Got to think the foreskin wouldn't be there if it wasn't meant to be but it's a personal and religious choice that you both have to agree on!

cstory316 · September 2013

If I have a boy, he will be circumcised.

Kristy774 · September 2013

My SIL and her husband had this same argument, she didn't want their son to have it done but he did. Well, he ended up winning that argument after sharing with her that he wasn't circumcised and during his 1st time having sex, it ripped and he had to be rushed to the ER and he would never want his son to go through that.

I have 2 boys they have each been circumcised and I will do it again if I have a 3rd boy. I've never had any issues with it and pray that we never do.

Avion22 · September 2013

At this point, I think you should wait until you know if you'll be having a boy or a girl. If it's a girl, then there's no reason to bring it up again. If it's a boy, then you can broach the subject again. I kind of think it's unfair to tell him at first that he can decide, then to change your mind -- but I do think it's fair for you to ask him to read some of the studies before he makes his final decision.

If we have a boy, then I'm happy to let my husband decide. I have read most of the studies and have no strong opinion one way or the other, but my husband feels strongly that he wants our son circumcised, so I'm happy to go with that.

NicoleAnne416 · September 2013

I feel it's a personal decision and one of the many many that you two will have to make together and come to an agreement on. I was lucky enough that we agreed, and we chose to have it done. If this one is a boy, this one will, too.

mrscrcalli · September 2013

DH doesn't want it.. Says I'm stealing our kids sensation and as a man he can't let me so that. Whatever I said as a woman I can't let my dude have a little ant eater. So needles to say we have some taking to do these next 30 weeks.

lilmama412 · September 2013

I have done a lot of research on it and believe that circumcision is better.

Although not getting him circumsized is a good form of birth control, from what I've heard around HS kids, most HS girls are grossed out by an uncircumcised penis.

Jessimax · September 2013

As a geriatric nurse I have seen several cases of "penis rot" from uncircumcised men with poor hygiene. I wanted to circumsise our son but felt it was ultimately my husbands decision since they shared the parts. He chose not to.

maelic · September 2013

I don't want to circumcise, I strongly believe in bodily autonomy and integrity for children. If our kid wants to be circumcised later, when he reaches the age of reason, good for him, I'll support him.

Also, I'm European and see no reason to cut off a perfectly functional body part for aesthetics.

Of course, my husband is a) American, b) has a circumcision scar that might color his perception of the issue (if it worked for me, why not the kid?? etc). I am dreading the conversation, because I really don't want him to feel that I don't appreciate and love him. It's just that I'm not going to pierce my children's ears either. Any bodily modification that is not medically necessary should be their choice.

vanvoorhis-101 · September 2013

I am a RN who works with older people and I got my son circumcised because it is easier to keep clean. I have seen nasty dirty infected and necrotic penises because when men get older or get sick they do not clean themselves there. Also they can use some pain relief for babies, for my son they did a penile block along with a numbing cream. You just have to ask the Drs and find out what they do and tell them your preferences. Our sons was actually done by one of the OBs not the pediatrician.

nikki912 · September 2013

I always assumed I would get it done. My husband thought so to. But when we found out we were having a boy and I was researching natural birth, circumcision came up. I forced myself an my husband to watch a video of it. That combined with all the research that confirmed that it is not unhygienic and many are choosing not to do it- we decided not to circumsise. We haven't ha any problems. I also wanted to share that our pediatrician said pulling back the foreskin before its retractable (around 3 or 4 years) actually can cause more infections and even pain. You are supposed to clean it just as a circumcised penis.
If my child wants to be circumsised at a reasonable age we will help him get it done.

lilmama412 · September 2013

It's a fact that uncircumcised penises are more prone to infection etc. when not cared for properly. Lets be honest men are not known for their cleanliness.

I would much rather my son get a circumsized as a baby. Yes, he will be in pain for 10 minutes. But he will forget all about it in 10 minutes and be a happy baby again ,and won't ever remember it again. I would HATE for him to have to deal with that pain and embarrassment as a teenager and adult when he gets an infection in there. Babies recover quickly, men don't. How embarrassed would a man be to have to tell his Gf they can't have sex for a week because his penis is infected??

lilmama412 · September 2013

bethy84 said:

lilmama412 said:

It's a fact that uncircumcised penises are more prone to infection etc. when not cared for properly. Lets be honest men are not known for their cleanliness.

I would much rather my son get a circumsized as a baby. Yes, he will be in pain for 10 minutes. But he will forget all about it in 10 minutes and be a happy baby again ,and won't ever remember it again. I would HATE for him to have to deal with that pain and embarrassment as a teenager and adult when he gets an infection in there. Babies recover quickly, men don't. How embarrassed would a man be to have to tell his Gf they can't have sex for a week because his penis is infected??

But not.

What do you mean but not?? Scroll up and read stories of medical people who see it all the time

MamaFantastic · September 2013

well... to each his/her own. i know i feel very confident in our decision to circumcise our son, and we have never regretted the decision in the least bit. i think watching a video of the procedure is a little strange - i mean, do you watch a video of breast reduction surgery before you have the procedure? or a root canal? or lipo? or a vasectomy? it seems a bit dramatic to watch a video of this particular procedure when i'd venture a guess it's not common practice to do that level of specific "research" into other very common and accepted outpatient medical procedures.

i have no issue with parents who choose to keep their boys uncut. it's a personal decision. it doesn't affect me. and a parent who chooses to have his/her kid's foreskin removed at 2 days old (or whenever - that's when our son's was) isn't making a conscious decision to mutilate his/her kid. it's weighing the risks, benefits and side effects of a medical procedure. it's what good parents do. we all should be aware of both sides and make educated and unified decisions.

so OP, i would put this on ice for the next 13ish weeks until you find out the sex of the baby (are you finding out the sex?) and cross that bridge if you come to it. you don't get to win because you think it's mean and unnecessary. he doesn't get to win because he thinks it's better (for whatever his own personal reasons, which you didn't outline in your post). you both have to agree, and somebody's going to have to concede or come around to the other side if you do end up having a boy. and you both have to approach the discussion with the mindset that your relationship is more important than who "wins" or what the penis eventually looks like. don't let this breed resentment between you two. it's not worth it. figure it out together, take the time you need, do some research into both sides, and make a choice you can both feel good about. trust me - it will be far from the last time you disagree about important kid-related stuff, and you have an opportunity to set a great precedent here!!

LEIGHLOVE09 · September 2013

I prefer to circumcise if we have a boy but ultimately Ill leave it up to my hubby. I don't know why but I just kinda feel like they have a bigger say in this decision.

SeattleMomma · September 2013

My oldest son didn't even cry while they did it. I regret not getting my youngest done, but at that time $500 was something I did not have. If this LO is a boy, it will be circumcised for sure. My bf is not and he said that he wouldn't wish this on any boy. Besides the infections etc. who wants a stinky pee pee?

strawberrytree · September 2013

I would wait until you know it is a boy before bringing it up again. I told my husband he was the one with the penis so he could make the decision, but he needed to do the research and convince me (I do the research with just about every other decision, so he could handle it this time). After reading the studies and watching a video of the procedure, combined with finding out that it is no longer the norm to have it done in our country (throughout Canada, the circumcision rate is about 30% and in our province it is around 10%), thus eliminating the 'but he'll be teased!' argument, he decided to leave our son intact.

If you don't, you need to do research on how to take care of it. The foreskin should NEVER be forcibly retracted. For any other moms planning to leave possible sons intact, I found this really helpful: https://www.drgreene.com/qa-articles/cleaning-penis-intact-foreskin/

nikki912 · September 2013

lilmama412 said:
It's a fact that uncircumcised penises are more prone to infection etc. when not cared for properly. Lets be honest men are not known for their cleanliness.

I would much rather my son get a circumsized as a baby. Yes, he will be in pain for 10 minutes. But he will forget all about it in 10 minutes and be a happy baby again ,and won't ever remember it again. I would HATE for him to have to deal with that pain and embarrassment as a teenager and adult when he gets an infection in there. Babies recover quickly, men don't. How embarrassed would a man be to have to tell his Gf they can't have sex for a week because his penis is infected??

Probably no more embarrassing then a women having to say no because she has a yeast infection.

We chose to watch the procedure because its an elective surgery being preformed on someone who can't give consent. In our own way we felt like if we could watch it and still felt comfortable letting our son go through it then we would get it done. We couldn't get through it.

It's definitely a personal choice and I think choosing to circumcise is a decision only you and your husband can make.

As for the hygiene issue, yes there are plenty of cases of increased infections. But there are also many men whose penises don't smell and have never been infected because they clean themselves regularly and thoroughly.

I don't have one so I don't really know. We just had to do what felt best for us.

sweetmelissa0707 · September 2013

We had it done with our first son, and will again if this one is a boy. He didn't even cry, and was out off arms for less than half an hour. That being said, DH and I had discussed it and due to his own experience, of being circ'd later on in childhood, and other issues relating to not having it done earlier, we decided it was right for our family. I can see why many would not want to do it though, and it is an important discussion to have. However, I agree with PP, wait until you know , and don't stress too much now.

Kristy774 · September 2013

spasticfantastic said:
well... to each his/her own. i know i feel very confident in our decision to circumcise our son, and we have never regretted the decision in the least bit. i think watching a video of the procedure is a little strange - i mean, do you watch a video of breast reduction surgery before you have the procedure? or a root canal? or lipo? or a vasectomy? it seems a bit dramatic to watch a video of this particular procedure when i'd venture a guess it's not common practice to do that level of specific "research" into other very common and accepted outpatient medical procedures.

I was thinking the same thing about watching videos of it, I wouldn't watch any kind of video on any medical procedure, regardless if I was for it or against it.

nicole mackenzie · September 2013

I'd wait to find out the sex before talking to your DH again.

I think we will circumcise our son if we have a boy as long as pain reduction methods are used.

I've never actually seen an uncircumcised penis...

I know that in this day and age it's easier to keep clean except I imagine in elderly patients as mentioned by those in the health care fields.

My DH brother apparently couldn't pull his foreskin back without intense pain well into childhood when he should have been able to. I imagine this is rare but not pleasant.

Anyone ademently against circumcision that has a dog with a docked tail?

They just cut the tails off... No anesthesia/ no pain control...

Im not ok with doing that to a dog and so if adequate pain control is not met I wouldn't do it to my own child.

KadieA512 · September 2013

One: definitely wait to find out what the baby is and then have the discussion. No need to argue yet. Plus more time to think before discussing!

Two: we aren't circ'ing if its a boy. Luckily we both agree because we both look at evidence and dont just look at the ick factor. One, it's genital mutilation (you wouldn't cut a girls parts off) that came about for religious and not medical reasons. A tiny baby can't give consent and if the kid feels like he really wants it later, then he can decide. My parents treated my ear piercings the same way. As for everyone talking about old unhygienic men, that's absurd. Of course there will be old people with bedsores who can't take care of themselves. That isn't limited to the penis. My aunt got very old and sick and her feet became so bad that one of her TOES fell off in the bath once (a poor aide had to deal with that!) should her parents have cut off all her toes at birth to prevent that? No, that's crazy.

Best of luck with your decision!

KadieA512 · September 2013

mummyofsix said:
None of my sons are. I am super passionate about leaving boys intact, so wont get into it too much. But I assure you that in four sons aged 11, 8, 1 and 1 we have never so much as had a smell, let alone anything like the PP mentioned. We teach them to keep it clean, its really NBD.

Also, for some reason I am kind of offended at the idea that men arent hygienic? Thanks, but my husband knows how to wash his junk.

Seriously my husband is way cleaner than I am! Haha, I'm like "Day 3, guess its time to wash my hair." He thinks I'm crazy.

homediva · September 2013

Wow this board seems to be very pro-circumcision! We did not with our son and have never add any cleanliness or smell issues!!! There is no medical reason to circumcise according to all current literature. Any small population of increased stds or issues is in reference to parts of the world that do not have access to clean water.

My husband is an MD and I let him take the lead on this one and the result is a little boy who had not been snipped (despite my Jewish heritage, I'm not practicing and didn't see any reason to do the procedure).

Mandyw75 · September 2013

mummyofsix said:
None of my sons are. I am super passionate about leaving boys intact, so wont get into it too much. But I assure you that in four sons aged 11, 8, 1 and 1 we have never so much as had a smell, let alone anything like the PP mentioned. We teach them to keep it clean, its really NBD.

Also, for some reason I am kind of offended at the idea that men arent hygienic? Thanks, but my husband knows how to wash his junk.

Lol. Yes I'm sure my un-circ dad knows how to keep clean too

I have never once pulled back my sons skin and he has never had any problems. He plays rep hockey and works up a sweat I'm sure.

Edit: this part was missing. I'm hating the ipad.

My current bf is cut and he is also clean and comfortable and not upset about being cut.

I think the problem I have with a unnecessary surgery is that something "could" go wrong. The reason I chose not too when my son was born was I'd read a story about a BC baby dying from the anesthetic.

I'm sure that's not a common thing so I don't get too bent out of shape about the subject. Everyone must do what's best for their child.

katieharpiceland · September 2013

Oops, posted twice. Deleted one :-)

katieharpiceland · September 2013

Ahhh, heated debates :-) its really a cultural thing and interesting the perspectives. Definitely on the not side and I personally find it a bit weird. We might as well take out the tonsils and appendix while we're at it? :-) To each his own though.

pdilly2b · September 2013

We did with DS and will again with another boy, though I'm kinda hoping for a girl so it's a nonissue. It was definitely more traumatic for me than DS.

There are medical benefits in regards to penile cancer, cleanliness, and STDs, it's just that all of the medical benefits aren't individually very compelling because they are small absolute risks or mitigated in other ways (proper cleaning, condoms). Still, they are there.

I was worried about a botched procudure and spent a lot of time looking into the various ways of doing it. An OB associated with my midwife office did it and I was comfortable with the procedure he was trained in and used. The worst part was having to delay starting cloth diapers for 3 days while we were putting vasoline on it. I would not consent to the type of procudure where they leave the clamp on for an extended period until the foreskin falls off. Botched ones seem to come from that method mostly as far as I could tell.

In terms of sensitivity, I think most if the circumcised men we all know would argue that sex feels pretty good to them and orgasm isn't a problem.

Basically it seems like a big deal when you have to make a decision, but most parents, and prob most men, seem to be fairly happy with what they chose, or was chosen for them.

Kristen92105 · September 2013

My son is circumsized. If we have another, we'll do the same. I think the benefits outweigh the risks as long as it's done by a qualified professional. (DH's was botched but he never had it fixed but that was 30 years ago) There is a circ clinic at my hospital so that's all they do. We lucked out with #1. Our OB did it and several drs have made comments about how it's one of the best they've seen. To each their own. I understand where both sides come from.

Rrrrrachel · September 2013

There's a lot of misinformation on this thread. Uncircumcised men, in general, don't get more infections than circumcised men. That is a fact. It's also quite normal to not be able to retract the foreskin well into childhood, or even puberty. Even doctors give out a lot of misinformation about intact penises. If you leave your son intact it's important to be well informed about what's safe and normal in terms of retraction and care. Cleaning an uncircumsized penis is just like cleaning a finger.

Rrrrrachel · September 2013

Here's some good info debunking common myths about circumcision. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201109/more-circumcision-myths-you-may-believe-hygiene-and-stds

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