I posted this in the thread, but wanted it up at the top, because I'm an AW and really need some input...
has anyone gone through any back-to-work depression? I don't think it's post-partum, to be honest, but I'm feeling like I'm really struggling here. I know part of it is not enough sleep, part of it is not being entirely happy with work.. but most of it? all of it? is really wanting to be at home with LO, even though there is no possible way I can. Are you dealing with this, too? I mean, everything at work just feels so trivial and meaningless, to be honest. I never LOVED my job, but I'm pretty good at it, make decent money, and spent a long time (and way too much $) going to school for it. And now? It's like I just don't give a sh*t. Half the reason I'm on the bump all day is because it helps me feel closer to mamahood... and that's just making my work suffer more. I'm having such a hard time finding balance. LO goes to bed at 8. I get home at 6. My H picks him up at daycare at 5 (he WFH, so he has more flexibility than I do... but can't keep LO at home, because he's way too busy with work)... and has played with him for an hour. I get home, change quick into casual clothes, hang out with LO, put him to bed... but it's still only 2 hours. TWO HOURS. And I get about an hour with him in the morning (my husband and I tag team with him in the morning; he's been getting up about 6, and LO and I leave at 7:45 for daycare). So, I spend maybe THREE HOURS with him tops - and that's when I don't have an errand to run after work or something. He spends NINE HOURS at daycare. And THREE with me. I know he knows me and loves me and trusts me, and that I'm making an impact on him and all that stuff, but holyhell... this is not what I expected, y'know? Tips? Commiseration? Promises it will get better with time? I've been back for 6ish weeks. Sigh... My husband told me to expect it to be "Yay! You had a baby. Now get back to work." He wasn't kidding. I really just want to sit and shoot the shit about my kid, but I work with a bunch of BTDT moms and a bunch of bubbly 20somethings w/out kids, for the most part. For them... the novelty of asking (or listening) has really worn off, I'm afraid.
I actually DO have to get some work done, so probably won't check in for a while (or til tonight after LO goes to bed)... but appreciate any words of wisdom that anyone can share. 'Cuz right now, I'm debating therapy... debating it, because it's just one more thing to take me away from LO, which is kind of the last thing I want to do.
Re: **working moms** - follow up post
I do know I need to just give it time, and this is my new reality... it's just... wow. some days are just SO hard. today is one of them. (This week, actually.)
I find my motivation to be very low...
TTC #2:
March - May 2014 - Natural cycles - no luck
June 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
July 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
August 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
September 2014 - Clomid 50mg - Fingers crossed...
**DD1 - 7/9/98**
**DS - 11/9/00**
**DD2 - 4/30/13**
The Daily Nugget
Cycle 12, IUI #1 - 33m post wash 10/15/10 = BFN
Cycle 13, IUI #2 - 15m post wash 11/16/10 = BFP, missed m/c, D&C 1/3/11
Cycle 15 - 18, IUI #3-6 = BFN
Cycle 20, IUI #7 = BFP!, missed m/c 9/14, D&C
DE-IVF Aug. 2012: ER 8/30 11R, 7M, 4F; ET 9/4 returned 2
Beta 9/18 #1-820, #2-1699, #3-7124
10/1 1st u/s measuring right on track, 125 bpm
I leave the house at 6am every morning before LO is awake, commute 90 minutes each way, and get home around 5:30pm (he is usually napping), so I see him from around 6:30pm to 8:30pm at the latest, most of that time he is fussy, it SUCKS!
Not to mention I am getting pressure at work to stay later, cutting into my few precious hours at home with him.. ummm no!
the weekends can not come fast enough. And add in the work travel I do, which I just got done with my first 5 days business trip, and have two more coming up. I am over it!
I am basically working for benefits for my family. I know benefits are important but more and more I am thinking I want to just be with LO. Before I had a corporate job, I was a nanny. Kids/babies love me and I love them. I have always loved watching children, and now I don't get to fully watch my own because we need healthcare. Stinks.