Am I being unreasonable? just need insight

momhasamigraine · September 2013

I mostly just read topics here and post from time to time but I need some input. Our daughter started daycare 3 weeks ago and I send pumped milk for her. I've given specific instruction that she is not to have any formula.Well today there was a note on her daily chart that one of the teachers (that teacher had already left for the day) had spilled the container of milk while preparing a bottle mid morning so the had given her bottle of similac for the day. I am livid,this whole incident makes me sick to my stomach after reading the note I fought back tears while collecting all her things before rushing to our car and sobbing. I never wanted my child to have even a single drop of formula and yet she had multiple bottles of it. I can't believe this has happened and I've lost all confidence in the care at this center.I've told dh that I don't want her to go there another day but we have no choice as most centers have waiting list. I just feel incredibly violated that someone has made the decision to give my child something that was foreign to her without my consent. We are very strict about excluding processed foods for our diet and the fact that this teacher gave my baby this artificial filler,chemical filled crap outrages me. How would you handle this,would you send your child back to this daycare?

LJUTCMommy · September 2013

It was formula, not poison. Would you prefer they starve your child?

I think you're overreacting a bit. I agree with the other poster. Possibly look into leaving extra milk just in case.

momhasamigraine · September 2013

I understand it is formula but to me that is right up there with all other processed foods.They may as well had given here a pepsi too:( I am really committed to breastfeeding as I know it is best for her and provides the best nutrients possible. I am not on board at all with pumping my child full of artificial substandard junk. They could've called. Dh.my mil or myself would've picked her up or dropped off more MILK. They had options but decided to take the lazy way out and give that,it wouldn't have taken much effort for them to make a simple phone call.

floridababy3 · September 2013

They really should have called so you could have decided how to handle it.

Critter015 · September 2013

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I would be livid as well. What if your child had a bad reaction to the formula? Some babies have severe allergies to certain kinds of formula. They absolutely should have called you to let you know and allow you to decide what they should have done. I had issues with my daycare too, things like not warming up DD's bottle and her going hungry because of it. You are paying them to care for your child the way that you want them to.

I would probably approach the director with the issue and let them know how you feel about it. See if you can come up with a solution that satisfies you, perhaps leaving some backup milk there, but they absolutely need to call you in this type of situation. How the director handles it would probably determine whether I send my kid back. The owner of DD's daycare was thankfully very involved and took care of most issues I had, and they decreased as she got older but I ultimately decided that I did not want to send another infant there, and luckily am able to stay at home now.

Dahlia813 · September 2013

Im not going to waste your time with my entire life story but Ive learned that life is ALOT easier for everyone involved if your flexible!

You can have your wishes known and then just step back and accept what happens!

When do things in life ever go as planned? I commend you for strictly breast feeding and wish things had worked out for me but they didnt and I had to accept it.

momhasamigraine · September 2013

Dahlia, I am flexible on some things but this is one issue where I have zero flexibility. I am not for formula feeding in any way,shape or form for my child. This isn't a simple oops like they missed a snap on her onesie, this is my child's health that is at stake here. We want to instill healthy eating habits and to start her on something unnatural at this young of an age is disastrous. I can't just step back and let whatever happen.

Bensmom13 · September 2013

I think it's not right that they gave your daughter formula without your consent and I'd probably talk to the director about that seeing as you said you told them not to. They definitely should have called you and let you decide how to handle it.

Although- I have to say.... I don't think giving a bottle of similac is like giving a baby a Pepsi! I think your hatred of formula is a little over the top but to each their own. Not trying to start something but formula is not the devil you're making it out to be, and it's kind of rude to call it 'substandard junk'.

momhasamigraine · September 2013

Bensmom13 said:

I think it's not right that they gave your daughter formula without your consent and I'd probably talk to the director about that seeing as you said you told them not to. They definitely should have called you and let you decide how to handle it. Although- I have to say.... I don't think giving a bottle of similac is like giving a baby a Pepsi! I think your hatred of formula is a little over the top but to each their own. Not trying to start something but formula is not the devil you're making it out to be, and it's kind of rude to call it 'substandard junk'.

Formula is substandard and highly inadequate when compared to mother's milk. And as far as referring to it as junk, I do consider it as all other processed food to be in the junk food category. The fact that I'm taking the time, consideration and effort when it comes to feeding my child just to have daycare undo all of that is not over the top at all.

trudibell · September 2013

They probably should have tried to contact you, but yes you are being a bit unreasonable. Formula isn't poison and isn't going to harm your child. A lot of us don't have a choice in supplementing and it's this attitude that makes us feel really, really guilty. What would you have done if you found out your child had not eaten in 6+ hours? Mistakes happen.

momhasamigraine · September 2013

I personally do not see any reason why my child should have formula, if necessary I would seek the option of donor milk. There is also no reason why my dd should have gone 6 hours w/o eating,they could've called and we would've brought her milk from my stash. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty, but I'm not going to feel guilty for wanting the best for my child either.

Bensmom13 · September 2013

I agree with you that breast milk is better. I wouldn't EP if I didn't feel that way but to describe formula that way is harsh and makes moms who FF feel like crap. (Not trying to speak for you FF mommies, but I'm assuming here) and I think really enforces the culture of making formula feeding moms feel guilty.

Breastfeeding worked for you. That's really great and I'm truly happy for you but it doesn't work for everyone, myself included, and sometimes formula is the only option. It's not poison. It's nourishing babies and in the long run isn't that all that matters?

And seriously.... one or two bottles of formula is not going to undo all your hard work of breastfeeding. Move on and try not to think about it.

ilovemarfa · September 2013

I exclusively feed breast milk to my baby, as I did with my 2 year old but I think that you are being extremely rude by bashing formula the way you did. Yes, breastmilk is considered to be better than formula as it contains different antibodies and white blood cells but formula is a good alternative. My husband and father were formula fed babies and both are extremely healthy, not to mention intelligent. There are some women who cannot breast feed for different reasons and it is very insensitive and disrespectful to come on here and act holier than thou because your child gets breast milk.

momhasamigraine · September 2013

I didn't start this post to bash formula. I have to say formula is not the "only option" there is the choice of donor milk. I stand behind what I have said, in our family formula is not an option. Also I'm not just going to get over it or move on.

CBiggs85 · September 2013

Wow...do you really need to ask?

Bensmom13 · September 2013

momhasamigraine said:
I didn't start this post to bash formula. I have to say formula is not the "only option" there is the choice of donor milk. I stand behind what I have said, in our family formula is not an option. Also I'm not just going to get over it or move on.

Well if you're not going to get over it or more on I'm not sure what you want to do then. If you're really that pissed- find a new daycare. In the meantime take them some frozen milk and talk to the director. Stewing over this isn't going to do anything.

Cricket81 · September 2013

Yes.

jessalynn521 · September 2013

I think that you can't be angry in the end that the DC FED your baby. I can see being upset, but I am sure they didn't spill your sent milk on purpose! Would you have rather had her go hungry? They let you know, as is their obligation, but I don't see what they should have done if not feed her in the end.

millieb0623 · September 2013

I agree that they should have called you before making that decision. It is your baby and they should not have given your child anything without your consent. I also agree that breast is best . . . . HOWEVER as a FORMULA FEEDING mother I do not appreciate the fact that you refer to formula like it is poison. I made every effort to breastfeed my child and like many mothers out there it did not work for me. I wish it did but it did not. Now you say you did not post this with the intent of "bashing formula" but that is exactly what you have done. As if it does not make mothers like myself feel bad enough without people referring to what we are feeding our children as poison. To those of you ladies who defended formula I say thank you

I would have given anything to breastfeed but like does not always do what we want it to

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

momhasamigraine said:
I didn't start this post to bash formula. I have to say formula is not the "only option" there is the choice of donor milk. I stand behind what I have said, in our family formula is not an option. Also I'm not just going to get over it or move on.

Bull shit you didn't start this post to "bash" yet you referred to formula as "chemicals"? You know there are lots of ladies that HAVE to give their child formula right? Yea, OK you didn't start this post to bash.

I think you're overreacting. I guess you expected your child to go hungry.

ilovemarfa · September 2013

momhasamigraine said:
I didn't start this post to bash formula. I have to say formula is not the "only option" there is the choice of donor milk. I stand behind what I have said, in our family formula is not an option. Also I'm not just going to get over it or move on.

If you didn't start this to cause trouble, you could have easily told your story and omitted your rant about how inferior formula is and how it is chemical laden. The majority of your post was ranting about how nasty and vile formula is. I hope karma doesn't come to get you and you end up drying up prematurely and have no choice but to formula feed.

Maelara · September 2013

millieb0623 said:

I agree that they should have called you before making that decision. It is your baby and they should not have given your child anything without your consent. I also agree that breast is best . . . . HOWEVER as a FORMULA FEEDING mother I do not appreciate the fact that you refer to formula like it is poison. I made every effort to breastfeed my child and like many mothers out there it did not work for me. I wish it did but it did not. Now you say you did not post this with the intent of "bashing formula" but that is exactly what you have done. As if it does not make mothers like myself feel bad enough without people referring to what we are feeding our children as poison. To those of you ladies who defended formula I say thank you I would have given anything to breastfeed but like does not always do what we want it to

You said this very well. I also FF NOT by choice. I don't need some holier than thou person showing up and making me feel even worse about my situation. Donor milk isn't always an option o.0

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

momhasamigraine said:
I .They may as well had given here a pepsi too:( I am really committed to breastfeeding as I know it is best for her and provides the best nutrients possible. I am not on board at all with pumping my child full of artificial substandard junk. .

Yet you aren't trying to "bash FF". Uh I seriously cannot stand people like you. Choosing BM is one thing but to bash others that chose something else is totally different.

Really? Pepsi is equivalent to formula? Wow.

thatoneredhead · September 2013

this artificial filler,chemical filled crap outrages me

Judgey wudgey was a BEAR! OP, look up "Sanctimommy" on facebook, because you might just make the front page, dearie.

E(very rage-ily)TA Yes you are being unreasonable and yes you could really use some insight. Most FF arent by choice.

megaroo64 · September 2013

It seems you have already decided that you are not being unreasonable about this, so why even ask?

FWIW, I think you are being unreasonable. I EBF but if this had happened to me, it wouldn't have been a show stopper. I may have asked that in the future they call me first, but stuff happens. And unlike your insensitive assertions about formula, it is not poison, or a Pepsi and will not undo all of the good you have done by providing only BM to your child.

flkong · September 2013

You are the face of a sanctimommy like pp said. I EBF but I wouldn't make another mom feel guilty about FF their kid. Your rant about how substandard & inadequate formula is is actually embarrassing and so unnecessary. Some things need to be kept to yourself. You're on a public forum for moms so you're well aware that a good portion here use formula. Why shove your overzealous views in people's face? You're lacking humility. Because of this, you're very unreasonable (to answer your question). Otherwise, I agree that they should've called you.

MagickalNarwhal · September 2013

This HAS to be MUD. Even the most sanctimonious sanctimommies aren't this dickish. With a recent join date, yeah, I'm calling MUD.

trudibell · September 2013

MagickalNarwhal said:

This HAS to be MUD. Even the most sanctimonious sanctimommies aren't this dickish. With a recent join date, yeah, I'm calling MUD.

After replying and rereading it I figured it had to be MUD/trolling too. Who really says that stuff about formula especially right above a post that says "heartbroken about not being able to breastfeed"? How totally heartless can you be?

costa2011 · September 2013

1. You're over-reacting.

2. I guess my child is going to die of chemical poisoning b/c according to your statement I'm feeding her chemicals.

3. I can't believe I actually have to point this out AGAIN...not everyone can breastfeed. For various reasons and sometimes that reason is for their sanity.

Don't worry though, I'm not offended by your comments. I don't need validation from anyone to know I'm doing what's best for my family. My daughter is beautiful, healthy, and vibrant...probably not symptoms of chemical poisoning...and her pediatrician agrees.

Ballet513 · September 2013

I think this is MUD. You are trying to start drama. I doubt a daycare would feed a baby formula w out asking a parent first. Many babies have allergies and issues w certain formulas and I'm sure they know this and wouldn't put a baby at risk, they would call first and ask. If this is real then I guess its your fault for not sending in a backup stash and its a learning experience for you. As for saying that FF moms are feeding their children poison thats ridiculous. That would be like me saying that you are a bad mother for sending your child to daycare instead of staying home with her.

Greywolf12 · September 2013

Yes you are being unreasonable and very ignorant. Seriously, what do you think is going to happen now that your child has had formula? I hate to tell you, there are going to be a ton of things that don't go according to your perfect little plan throughout this kid's life. You better develop some coping skills!

redhead610 · September 2013

I ebf our son, but you are being rude and ridiculous. If needed I would switch to ff in a second if it meant my baby ate. Formula has been specially developed to feed babies - you really think it's poison? You should be happy they didn't starve your child. If you are so against it, just tell them to give Pepsi next time - it would be a heck of a lot cheaper than formula.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

Did they handle it incorrectly? Yes. But you are bordering on hysterical and have both feet firmly inside the circle of douchebag.

amandarins · September 2013

What did you want them to do? Not feed her at all? Btw formula is not poison, and lots of us give it to our healthy thriving babies.

pantsarella · September 2013

You have the right to be upset, they should have called you and asked what you would like them to do in that situation. I agree, your child could have had an allergic reaction and it's not ok that they took that risk. Or that they just didn't follow your wishes.

That said...

You're an asshat. Back up off the formula. As many others have said, lots of moms have to formula feed and we don't need anyone else making us feel guilty about it. GUESS WHAT we feel guilty enough on our own. It's not like giving your kid a Pepsi and it's not setting them up to be a failure in life. But maybe you're right. I should have just let my kid starve to death instead of feeding them that chemical filled crap.

nikel13 · September 2013

As a mother, I would be upset that no one talked to me. However, as a lucky mom who has gotten to BF, I would never make any other mother feel badly about FF. They are feeding their children just like I am feeding mine. You may have not intended to bash FF moms (*cough* whatever!), but you did. How you feed your baby is a decision that you have to make and feel comfortable with, AND, just like with any other decision made for baby, is incredibly personal and different for each family. You being a judgemental a$$ does not make you better than anyone. It makes you sound ignorant! If you don't want formula, that's fine, but keep that idea that it is poison or whatever to yourself!

Oh, and you are overreacting! Your baby was fed. Enough said. My DD got formula within the first 4 hours of birth because I under sedation and she was in the NICU needing to be fed. Am I angry about that? No. She got what she needed!

cynthia071173 · September 2013

In case you don't know what a chemical/poison/pepsi fed child looks like, here is a photo! By the way, like many other mothers who FF, I tried BFing without success and I don't think that in any way makes me a bad mother. In fact, at every doctor's visit, we are repeatedly told that we are doing WONDERFULLY! Pediatricians (yes, more than one even), nurses, and lactation consultants (again, more than one) have all told us that nowadays formula is a GREAT way to provide nutrition for our baby when BFing is not successful and that I should not feel guilty or feel like I have done wrong by my daughter in any way. I agree that your daycare should have contacted you but I do not agree with your ideas about formula or how you make others who cannot BF feel.

shadypines · September 2013

I need a good laugh..... Thank you!

iHeartVan · September 2013

I understand you are upset over the incident, but you really make me feel like crap for formula feeding my son. How many babies are fed formula and grow up healthy? Plenty. Like I said, I understand but I do think you are overreacting. You have to go with the flow sometimes. Sucks your child has to be in daycare where you can't watch his every move and do everything for him. I wanted to breastfeed but my son was in the nicu and it just didn't work it for us. Be thankful you can exclusively give your baby breast milk. I wish I could.