Baby Announcement Etiquette? (PGAL content)

boxerbabylove · September 2013

My husband and I had a "disagreement" or heated debate you might say over etiquette for announcing pregnancy and the arrival of the baby. We have a LOT of out of town family and my husband insists that we send out some kind of snail mail announcement saying we're pregnant when we announce it officially after the 1st trimester. I think we only need to send out an announcement once the baby arrives.

He feels that the family on his side that doesn't really use the computer and/or email won't find out and will feel left out or something. I said word of mouth will have to be enough and we can send out a nice picture and announcement once the baby comes.

This will be our first child if we make it through the pregnancy. I had a late term loss previously which makes me seriously afraid of sending out official announcements. Is this just PGAL brain? Do most couples send out pregnancy announcements? I'd never heard of this...

What say the masses?

rlmanning · September 2013

I never sent out pregnancy announcments with my last and wont with this one. Most was heard word of mouth or a phone call from us announcing this.

Though it is a cute idea and I get where your DH is coming from I completely understand your hesitence because of your previous loss. I would stand my ground if I were you. Maybe you can come to a compromise with him. Would calling the important relatives suffice for him?

P.S. Sorry for your loss! I pray for a sticky baby this time around for you guys!!

Serenla · September 2013

I don't know of any families who send out pregnacy announcements on paper, I find that weird actually. I wouldn't and here is why,

1) As you mentioned pgal brain I get it.
2) Email is quicker.
3) I don't know about you but did you guys send out wedding invites? Wasn't that expensive and so time consuming? I wouldn't spend the money two more times.

BeeBee08 · September 2013

I wouldn't send out a formal pregnancy announcement. I would actually find it a bit obnoxious to receive it in the mail (could be my IF mentality though). I think your idea of an announcement after baby arrives is more the norm.

Praying this is your sticky take home baby that you get to send out beautiful announcements for!

CurlieWhirlie · September 2013

I'm with rlmanning, if he's worried about his relatives not using the computer and feeling left out, why can't he pick up the phone and call them? Way faster, way cheaper. And actually, I think getting a personal phone call is much nicer!

joiedev · September 2013

My husband's cousin and his wife are the only people I know who send out written announcements of pregnancy and will not put it online or talk about it until everyone has received it and responded in some way. It's not my cup of tea but people do it!

jsoubel · September 2013

I have never heard of a pregnancy announcement. I think you need to pull etiquette rank and let him know that it is JUST NOT DONE. Besides, it give your MIL, FIL, or whomever a reason to call everyone and tell them. Parents love that stuff.

samjen2010 · September 2013

BeeBee08 said:

I wouldn't send out a formal pregnancy announcement. I would actually find it a bit obnoxious to receive it in the mail (could be my IF mentality though). I think your idea of an announcement after baby arrives is more the norm.

Praying this is your sticky take home baby that you get to send out beautiful announcements for!

This.

boxerbabylove · September 2013

rlmanning thanks so much

vanvoorhis-101 · September 2013

I agree, make him use the phone if he is so concerned about his family finding out.

AcaAwkward · September 2013

Yeah I've never seen a pregnancy announcement on paper. Although, with DD, one of the photos on our Christmas card was of me pregnant with a little caption that said "baby x coming Feb 2012"...we always include photos of big events we've experienced over the past year on the back of our main card (usually trips) so it didn't feel weird and wasn't like it was the main point of the card. At that point, I was also 7 mo pregnant. Maybe if you send out holiday cards, you could compromise and do something similar?

boxerbabylove · September 2013

Thank you all for your input. When we sent out our wedding save the dates and invitations they all were through the mail. I wanted to do online RSVP but apparently my husband's family is in the dark ages and most of this aunts and uncles don't own computers or have email addresses. There was a lot of confusion with them over wedding stuff because we just included an insert directing them to the website for hotel reservations, attire, and honeymoon registry information. We weren't going to do a traditional registry but some of his family flipped out so we created on just for them.

One his side of the family (apparently) they send out pregnancy announcements. We've gotten a couple over the last 3 years. Maybe this is a Kentucky thing?? I don't know. Seems I'm not actually in the wrong here so I'm going to stick to my gut on this one.

The suggestion of Christmas/Holiday cards with the announcement as part of the card could be ok...I have a co-worker that did that and I found it to be kind of tacky though. I'll toss the idea around a bit and see how I feel about it closer to the holidays.

boxerbabylove · September 2013

BeeBee08 thanks

boxerbabylove · September 2013

AcaAwkward said:

Yeah I've never seen a pregnancy announcement on paper. Although, with DD, one of the photos on our Christmas card was of me pregnant with a little caption that said "baby x coming Feb 2012"...we always include photos of big events we've experienced over the past year on the back of our main card (usually trips) so it didn't feel weird and wasn't like it was the main point of the card. At that point, I was also 7 mo pregnant. Maybe if you send out holiday cards, you could compromise and do something similar?

That's a good idea. The card we got from my co-worker was an ultrasound photo and a coming in XX 2013. It really felt like a pregnancy announcement with some holy edging.

mandiroo · September 2013

I've never received a pregnancy announcement, but I've heard of them. IMO, it seems like a waste of money. Birth announcements are pricey enough on their own. With my DD I called long distance relatives to tell them we were expecting and a couple of my aunts told me how much they appreciated the personal phone call rather than finding out on fb. I understand your reasons for not wanting to announce also. We haven't made any announcements yet and not plan to do so for a long time. I'm sorry for your previous loss.

kateleestar · September 2013

A few things. I'm PgAl too.. Not late term, but still. I'm leery of announcing anything sometimes even thinking how long I can go without telling people. Lol. Sigh. My cousin lost 4 babies.. The first two she announced.. The third she didn't and we (as a large family) didn't know till post-loss. Her 4th? We didn't know till after she gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl. No one knew she was even prego! It was a little like, omg, but.. I agree with her. Too much pain having to relive that over and over.

Send anniuncemts post baby birth! I might eventually put this pregnancy on fb, but not till 20+ weeks.

GL!!

boxerbabylove · September 2013

ColleenSwerb said:

Yea, I don't really get his point. If he's so concerned with his family not finding out, then he can pick up the phone and tell them personally. I had considered mailing a fun photo announcement, but it seems like too much work right now, lol.

Yeah, that would never happen. My husband is not going to be calling any of his family on this one. That will be his parents thing. My husband is Lazy. keep in mind he wanted me to put together and send out the announcements. He didn't want anything to do with them, he just wants them done.

To be fair, my husband and I were not together when I had my loss so he's never experienced anything but happy and joy with pregnancy and doesn't quite get why I'm so "stuck in the past" as he puts it.

AcaAwkward · September 2013

playingonadream said:

AcaAwkward said:

Yeah I've never seen a pregnancy announcement on paper. Although, with DD, one of the photos on our Christmas card was of me pregnant with a little caption that said "baby x coming Feb 2012"...we always include photos of big events we've experienced over the past year on the back of our main card (usually trips) so it didn't feel weird and wasn't like it was the main point of the card. At that point, I was also 7 mo pregnant. Maybe if you send out holiday cards, you could compromise and do something similar?

That's a good idea. The card we got from my co-worker was an ultrasound photo and a coming in XX 2013. It really felt like a pregnancy announcement with some holy edging.

---------------- ETA: Separation

Yeah, that's really creepy. I dont even like seeing u/s photos on FB! This was just a snapshot of us with me visibly pregnant -- super casual, not even an official "belly shot" or anything.

boxerbabylove · September 2013

AcaAwkward said:

That's a good idea. The card we got from my co-worker was an ultrasound photo and a coming in XX 2013. It really felt like a pregnancy announcement with some holy edging.
---------------- ETA: Separation
Yeah, that's really creepy. I dont even like seeing u/s photos on FB! This was just a snapshot of us with me visibly pregnant -- super casual, not even an official "belly shot" or anything.

I'm glad someone else thought it was creepy! people in my office thought I was strange for saying, "really? now I have to hang this couple's ultrasound pic up in my cube with the rest of my cards??"

bsinno · September 2013

I would think it was really odd to receive a formal pregnancy announcement in the mail. A nice compromise might be a photo holiday card where you are noticeably pregnant and maybe sign the card Joe, Jane & Baby Dream

J&NL · September 2013

I've never sent out pregnancy announcements. Just by me telling my immediate family the news, word of mouth and Fb for the rest of the world.

kwolslager · September 2013

jsoubel said:
I have never heard of a pregnancy announcement. I think you need to pull etiquette rank and let him know that it is JUST NOT DONE. Besides, it give your MIL, FIL, or whomever a reason to call everyone and tell them. Parents love that stuff.

I agree with this!! Delegate this to your mom and MIL ! They will have fun telling the news and its less stressful for you!

kyliejoymccoy · September 2013

We sent out pregnancy announcements to older family friends who don't either have FB or email or we don't see very often but they are special people to us. I also sent them to my close girlfriends just because that's how we all work and its not weird for us. We only sent out 20 cards and were selective who we set them to. Mainly because I thoroughly dislike talking on the phone but value these people in our lives. To each their own! I totally get why you wouldn't want to, that would make me hesitant too if I had a past loss.

cfthoct292011 · September 2013

I had the same situation late term loss and not sure how to announce. Well we went and called or told face to face all immediate family. With the rest of the family they'll basically find out from our other family once we give them permission to spread the word. I mean we told those we felt had a right to know parents and siblings and close cousins. The others my big mouth SMIL & MIL or my sisters will be sure to call and inform them. The ones that are here and just dk or we don't speak to will find out at holiday parties. We personally don't use email or FB ourselves. Well mail announcements when baby comes.

Mandyw75 · September 2013

I have never seen it before or even birth announcements. I think a phone call is suffice.

I know most of my friends eye roll at Facebook announcements. But I know some people live on status updates and twitter. As the previous poster said to each their own. B-)

CandaceMarie321 · September 2013

I've never heard of sending out pregnancy announcements via snail mail. I'd say go electronic and HE can CALL any members of his family he thinks won't see the electronic message. If you do Christmas cards include some information about how everything is going then. Hope all goes well for you and your rainbow!

Erin2516 · September 2013

playingonadream said:
One his side of the family (apparently) they send out pregnancy announcements. We've gotten a couple over the last 3 years. Maybe this is a Kentucky thing?? I don't know. Seems I'm not actually in the wrong here so I'm going to stick to my gut on this one.

I'm from KY and I've never gotten one either. I agree to wait til the baby arrives. Makes more sense IMO.

closer2home · September 2013

You could compromise? Draw up something simple (on the computer even) and send out a few soft announcements just to family, then post/email/share your news when you're ready to go public. To me that doesn't sound as exhausting or expensive as 2 announcements.

MamaFantastic · September 2013

actual put-a-stamp-on-it announcements for pregnancy... i don't think i've EVER received one (other than ones that were built cleverly into christmas cards). i side with you on this one!! formal birth announcements seem much more common, though perhaps still not universally done. i know we never sent out anything more than a FB photo when our son was born... we were too tired and cheap to be classy like that

AEisens · September 2013

I've actually received several snal mail pregnancy announcements. I think they are more personal than finding out on Facebook along with every person the couple has ever known. Pintrest has some cute ideas and we will probably do one after we reach the 12 week mark.

pdilly2b · September 2013

I would give a major side eye if I received a mail preg announcement. I've only ever gotten phone calls, hear through family, or seen on Facebook for less close friends as far as preg announcements. I do think birth announcements are nice because there is actual info - picture, name, weight, length. Birth is an actual event. A preg announcement feels to me like you would be celebrating formally that you has sex successfully.

pdilly2b · September 2013

I also think its super lame that your husband won't lift a finger to do something is supposedly so important to him. I hope for your sake that he's also not one of those men that thinks changing diapers or tending to the baby is women's work.

boxerbabylove · September 2013

pdilly2b said:

I would give a major side eye if I received a mail preg announcement. I've only ever gotten phone calls, hear through family, or seen on Facebook for less close friends as far as preg announcements. I do think birth announcements are nice because there is actual info - picture, name, weight, length. Birth is an actual event. A preg announcement feels to me like you would be celebrating formally that you has sex successfully.

)

pbandjmom · September 2013

We just got one the other day and I thought it was kind of cute.

On the flip side, most of our good friends just tell us in person or call to tell us, which I think is a bit more normal.

boxerbabylove · September 2013

pdilly2b said:

I also think its super lame that your husband won't lift a finger to do something is supposedly so important to him. I hope for your sake that he's also not one of those men that thinks changing diapers or tending to the baby is women's work.

No, he is really great otherwise. He hates the whole sending cards and announcements on principle or somehting. holiday cards, birthday cards, wedding cards, & thank you cards he hates them all and thinks they are a waste... I have a sneaking suspicion that htis is his mother's doing and not his opinion.

He's been a dream through this pregnancy and pretty much does whatever I want, which is why this turned into such an argument. Usually if he speaks up and makes his opinion known it is important to him and I take that heavily into account. This time despite his insistence I said no way.

It was like pulling teeth too have him help me with out 200+ wedding thank you cards. I wrote them all and he printed the envelopes out with the addresses and put stamps on. And he complained the whole time.

Kelseyl34 · September 2013

If you are comfortable with it I say send out holiday cards with your pic that says "happy holidays from the smiths and a baby on the way!" And be holding your stomach showing off a bump. That way you don't have to send out extra mail if you already were planning on doing a holiday card and you will be far enough along that a loss will be pretty unlikely. Just a thought!

Avion22 · September 2013

News flash: Pregnancy isn't as exciting to everyone else as it is to you. Yes, your parents, siblings, and grandparents will likely be thrilled -- but you usually tell those people in person anyway (or over the phone/skype). I've never received a snail-mail pregnancy announcement, and honestly I would find it a little AW-ish. I find the FB announcements AWish too, but that's kind of the points of FB anyway.